Heartless Savage by Ivy Blake
Chapter Twenty Two
Austin
I woke up and rubbed my eyes, slightly disoriented by my surroundings until I heard a light snoring coming from beside me. I looked over at Megan as she slept peacefully, her nostrils flaring in a really cute way as she breathed in and out. I stroked her hair and marvelled at the girl who I now realised I was in love with.
The look on her face when we’d arrived at the hotel had been priceless and would be tattooed in my memory along with the various faces she makes when I’m fucking her of course. Last minute, I’d managed to get a booking and had been so nervous going back to my old street to go and surprise her at her house. Megan’s mom had been easy to convince, I could turn my charms on when I needed them most and they were still yet to fail me.
I was so glad that Nate had let me borrow his car, it had made the whole process much smoother. My god had it been an amazing night. It wasn’t even my birthday, but I’d had the time of my life. All night, Megan and I had stayed up talking, laughing, cuddling, having sex before cuddling some more before going for more rounds. All the nights I’d stayed up talking to her, wishing that I could fall asleep with her in my arms had finally come true.
Spending the night with Megan had allowed me to forget all the shit that was happening and focus entirely on her. I knew that I liked spending time with her and that the more time we spent talking to each other outside of tutoring, the more I’d began to fall for her. It was only when I was in the shower with her- something I’d never done with anyone- that the words had just flown out of my mouth without my consent. I love you.
Who would have thought? Me, Austin Hunter, in love? And what’s more, Megan had said it back and if I wasn’t mistaken, she seemed like she actually meant it. I’d replayed the moment over and over in my head as we’d gotten ready for bed last night and I still couldn’t believe it.
“You gonna keep staring at me?” Megan said in a sleepy voice, her eyes fluttering open.
“I like to appreciate beauty when I see it,” I said, kissing her hand. “How was your sleep?”
“Fucking fantastic, I slept like a baby,” she said.
“Good,” I said.“Happy Birthday, by the way.”
“Thank you. But don’t you dare sing,” Megan said, pointing her finger at me in warning. I hadn’t been planning on it, but now that she’d explicitly told me no, I simply just had to.
“Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday, dear-”before I could sing her name, Megan had tackled me and pinned me to the bed while she straddled me.
“I said no singing,” she said with a smirk.
“Oh, I heard you,” I said coolly. She leaned down and kissed my mouth.
“You hungry?” I asked.
“I could eat.”
“We can get room service, pick anything you like off that menu.” I gestured to the menu resting on the bedside table. Megan’s eyes lit up and she made way to climb off of me.
“Nope, didn’t say you could get off yet,” I said, squeezing her thighs.
Megan giggled, but stayed in her position, stretching out her arms for the menu. I watched and laughed as she struggled to get it, congratulating her once it was in her possession.
* * *Breakfast was amazing as expected and after we’d stuffed ourselves full we lay in bed and cuddled some more. Even though check out wasn’t for another few hours, Megan’s mom messaged to see if she was home yet.
“You could just lie and tell her you are,” I said with a shrug. “She’s at work right?”
“She is, but I’m not gonna risk it. I better get ready. Rhis has been amazing though, Austin, really.”
Megan gave me another hug before jumping in the shower. I went on my phone as I waited for her to come out so I that I could take my turn. A text came through, making me sit up in bed. It was from Nate’s dad, David.
We’ve found a good lawyer to represent you. He’s never lost a case.
My mind was filled again with memories of Steven, my temporary respite drawn quickly to a halt. We’d been searching for ages to find a trustworthy lawyer, but so many of them had links to Steve or weren’t willing to go up against him. I sent David a text to tell him I’d see him soon and we could talk more then. I hoped that this guy was legit and that he could actually help us get real justice. Steven had walked away with barely a mark on his record, but he needed to pay for all the shit he’d done to my mom.
I checked the last messages sent between me and my mom. Still no response. Nate’s parents hadn’t hear anything either, but they continued to reassure me that she was probably fine and just in shock at the moment but that she’d come back when she was ready. I really hoped so. They told me that there was no use filing a missing person’s report yet which made me think that they knew where she was but that she didn’t want to see me, for reasons I couldn’t quite comprehend.
Megan’s sweet voice seeped out of the bathroom and into my ears, a lovely soothing sound. I wondered if she’d ever get to meet my mom or if I was being far too optimistic. How would Mom even respond to someone like Megan, someone from a family and background completely different to ours?
Mommy doesn’t love you.Steven’s voice echoed in my head again and I tried my best to push it out. Of course she loved me, she was just going through a really difficult time. But so are you my conscience reminded me, she could at least answer one of your messages. I fought with the negative voices in my head, but it was no use, their messages were loud and clear. The person who had brought me into this world and was supposed to love me most had disappeared on me, left without a trace. Mothers weren’t supposed to do that, everybody knew that. So if my mom had left me, did that mean there was something wrong with me? Had I done something to drive her away?
My breathe caught in my throat as tried to process my contradicting and confusing thoughts. Was there a possibility that Steve was right? Maybe she didn’t love me, I mean how could she if she could go this long without talking to me or even checking to see if I was okay?
“Hey, I’m finished if you want to use the shower,” Megan’s voice cut through my thoughts.
“Thanks,” I said, more snappy than I intended. She raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything as I grabbed a towel and slipped into the bathroom behind her. As I turned on the shower and let the hot water run over my body I couldn’t help but feel like I was being pulled in multiple directions.
One part of me wanted to go and chase down my mom while another part knew that I had to focus and make sure that I kept my grades at the same level at school so that I could actually get that scholarship. Taking time off meant I had loads to catch up on and while I felt more confident with Megan’s help, it didn’t lighten the workload at all, and senior year was proving to be more challenging than I’d expected.
Then there was Megan, who was nothing but nice to me. Every time she looked at me or touched me I felt an instant rush of goodness, of love, that I’d never felt before. And I wanted to believe her, I wanted to believe that her feelings and words were true but Steven’s stupid fucking voice kept lurking in my mind, making me not want to give myself over fully.
Fucking Steven. The man who’d made my life hell was still walking free while I was having to deal with all the shit he did to me and Mom for the past few years all on my own. While Nate and his family could help on a practical basis, they didn’t know the full ins and outs of Steven’s cruelty. They could help patch up the physical wounds but not the mental ones, which I realised were the ones hardest to deal with. They simply didn’t want to go away.
Sometimes when I got overwhelmed by these thoughts, I truly felt broken. And while time with Megan was amazing, I appreciated it even more because she was a distraction, a distraction from all the darkness in my brain that made me feel hopeless and like I wanted to end it all. I couldn’t even tell her everything that I was thinking and feeling because I just knew that she would look at me different, even if she promised that she wouldn’t. and I couldn’t blame her, I was a mess. I was just used to containing it so well. But while things were going well with Megan, my life was falling apart around me. Even though I had a place at Nate’s, it wasn’t my home and until I moved out, I’d always feel slightly unsettled. The situation with Steven was on rocky ground and had the potential to have a very disappointing ending, which I couldn’t deal with, for both my own sake and Mom’s.
“You better not be trying to drown yourself in there,” Megan called from the bedroom, her voice laced with a teasing tone.
“I’m fine,” I called back, even though that couldn’t be further from the truth. I had a sudden desire to isolate myself. I wanted to be alone, but I knew I couldn’t tell Megan that or she’d think she’d done something wrong. I had to get her back home before I brought her down too, which was the last thing I wanted to do on her birthday.
* * *Megan
When Austin came out of the shower, I could tell that his mood had taken a drastic shift.
“You okay?” I asked him, even though I could tell he definitely wasn’t.
“I’m fine,” he said as he dried his hair.
“You sure?”
“Yeah. We should probably pack our stuff and get going by the way,” Austin added, turning his back to me.
“Right,” I said, forcing myself to drop the conversation out of fear of starting an argument.
What had happened while I’d been in the bathroom? The light hit the bed and I saw a glimmer of his smartphone. Maybe he’d received an upsetting text, and that’s what had set him off. While my brain looked for possible solutions to Austin’s mood, I made myself pack up my things as I savoured the remaining time I had in the hotel.
Last night had been one of the best birthday presents- if not the best- that I’d ever had, and I was still so shocked waking up in such an amazing bed with a beautiful scene just out of the window. Sleeping next to Austin had been better than I could have hoped for. I’d felt so small and safe wrapped up in his big arms as he spooned me last night. If only we could do it every night. I sighed as I finished packing my things and turned to Austin, who was now fully dressed, a faraway expression on his face.
“I’m ready if you are,” I said cheerfully, in an attempt to counteract whatever sadness had taken over him.
“Let’s check out then,” said Austin with a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
The drive home was fairly quiet despite my attempts to make conversation. Austin would respond unenthusiastically, and I felt bad for trying so hard to cheer him up. I decided to give up, realising that I was probably getting on his nerves and decided to be quiet instead. To my surprise, Austin noticed this and turned his gaze to me.
“I’m sorry, I’m just really tired,” he said quietly, sounding genuinely apologetic. “I have a lot on my mind and I don’t think I slept as well as I thought.”
“Do you think talking about it would help?” I asked as we pulled up outside my house. I was glad that he was finally being honest and engaging in actual conversation, but I knew that Austin had a tendency to shut down just as quickly. He thought for a moment as the engine continued running.
“No, it’s okay, I think I can figure it out by myself,” he said finally.
“Remember, you don’t have to,” I said, resting a hand on his arm. “I’m always here to talk or listen.”
“I appreciate that,” said Austin, that distant expression consuming his face once again. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do more for your birthday,” he added.
“Shut up, you did so much! Thank you for everything, Austin,” I said as I threw my arms around him. Austin hugged me back, but I noticed that it was significantly less tighter than his other hugs had been. Damn, whatever was going on in his head was really having a toll on him.
“It’s my pleasure, Megan,” he said with a smile.
I realised that it was time to go and the thought of being without him suddenly sent worry through me. Last night had been the first in a long time where I hadn’t had nightmares about my stalker. While it might have been selfish to think about, especially in these circumstances, the idea of sleeping alone without Austin in my bed to stave away the bad dreams was not appealing at all. He could tell that I was stalling leaving the car.
“You okay, Meg?” he asked, concern in his eyes. I took a deep breath and decided to tell him the truth. At this point, I was doing more harm than good keeping it to myself.
“If I tell you this thing, you can’t freak out, okay?” I said slowly, bracing myself for his reaction. If he could go apeshit on Max, someone he’s known for years for simply talking to me, then I couldn’t begin to imagine how he’d react to finding out that I had a stalker.
“What is it?” Austin’s eyes narrowed and I grew more nervous. Could I have picked a better time? My knee was restless as I tried to collect my words. “Megan, what’s going on?” Austin said, raising his voice. I was startled by the sudden change in his tone and without thinking it through, my words came out in a jumble.
“Someone’s been stalking me since I moved here and I have no clue who he is. Me and Sophie went to the cops the other day but they basically said they couldn’t do anything, and it’s been really freaking me out but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it in case it was nothing or I was seeing things-“
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?” Austin hit the dashboard with his fist, his breathing becoming heavy.
“I didn’t think-“
“You never seem to think about your safety do you?” Austin snapped, making me shrink back in his seat. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths before turning to me.
“I’m sorry for yelling, I just get worried about you,” he said in a much calmer voice, but the tendons in his neck showed that he was still very tense.
“I didn’t want to make you worry anymore,” I squeaked, feeling a weird sense of embarrassment about admitting the truth about my stalker situation.
“Tell me everything about this bastard, I need to know what’s going on.” I recounted the same details I’d told Sophie and the cop, realising that there was no point in leaving shit out if there was a possibility that Austin had seen something whilst we’d been living on the same street.
“Right, so he could literally be anyone,” he growled to himself, I could tell from his expression that his mind was working a mile a minute. “Fucking useless cops, they never do anything right.” By the tone of his voice I could tell that he’d had clearly had a few unsuccessful encounters with the police, which I assumed had something to do with his abusive stepdad.
“They’re the worst,” I agreed, feeling a weight lifted now that I’d told Austin the truth. “I should probably go, I imagined you’ve got stuff to do.” I said after a moment.
“You think I’m just going to let you go after you’ve told me you’re being stalked?” Austin exclaimed, he looked at me like I was crazy.
“There’s nothing else that we can do,” I said. Austin sat back in his seat with a sigh and banged his head against the headrest of his chair.
“Fuck this fucking shit!” He said, slamming his hands down on the steering wheel with each syllable.
“It’s okay,” I said, placing my hand on his thigh.
“Come and live with me,” said Austin suddenly. My eyes nearly popped out of my head.
“Are you crazy? I can’t do that!”
“Why not?” said Austin, as if his solution made all the sense in the world.
I laughed bitterly. “My mom barely let me out last night, there’s no way in hell she’d let me move out, especially not to Nate’s. Unless you were planning to kidnap me-”
“That doesn’t sound like the worst idea,” Austin said, his eyebrows wagging. I hit him on the arm playfully.
“I’m being serious. There’s nothing we can do but just hope he doesn’t try anything else and gets bored.”
“You realise it’s you we’re talking about here right?” said Austin. “There is no way in hell he’s going to get bored with you.”
“While that’s very flattering, that’s not helping me feel any safer, Austin,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“You’re right,” he said after a moment. “Look, just call me whenever. If you’re by yourself, if you’re out walking, if you can’t sleep. Hell, if you see the bastard, call me and I’ll be right here, okay?” Austin held my hand in his and looked into my eyes, the concern even more apparent.
“Okay,” I said, feeling gratified that he’d be willing to lose sleep and drop everything to make sure I was safe.
“Promise me,” Austin said, squeezing my hand, his voice urgent.
“I promise.”
“Good girl,” he said as he drew me in for a hug, planting a light kiss on my head. “Now you go and enjoy the rest of your birthday, okay?”
“Yes, sir,” I said lightly, giving him a kiss before I climbed out of the car. I stood on the pavement and watched as he drove away, my heart sinking at the fact that we couldn’t spend more time together.
I went inside, took off my shoes and found Lola watching TV while scrolling through her phone. I was glad that Mom had started work early today and that I wouldn’t have to answer her flurry of questions until she returned in the evening, and by then she’d be too tired to press me too much.
“Hey,” I called to Lola as I started walking up the stairs.
“Hey yourself,” she said. “Happy Birthday, by the way!”
“Thanks.” I took another step.
“How was last night?” Lola was standing at the bottom of the stairs in her pyjamas, looking up at me.
I told Lola all about the hotel and its various amenities, the amazing breakfast and gorgeous shower. I made sure to leave out all the gratuitous details even though she tried to get them out of me. There were some things that I simply did not need to tell my little sister. She gave me a card from her and Mom that had a gift voucher in it for my favourite book store before I went upstairs to my room.
I spent the rest of the day replying to birthday messages from old friends and calls from family that I didn’t speak to except for on birthdays and Christmas. After attending to my duties as the birthday girl, I decided to spend my birthday exactly how I’d initially planned. I cut a slice of birthday cake, got into my comfy clothes, jumped into bed and watched Gossip Girl. The only thing that would have made it better would have been having Austin’s head in my lap. It was a shame that he was in such a bad mood and that he had so much going on in his life that I couldn’t help with. I would give anything to be able to take away his suffering at the click of a button.
Despite missing him already, I allowed myself to think back to our lovely hotel getaway and to those words that Austin had uttered whilst we were in the shower. I love you. And for the first time in a while, I didn’t have to skip past all the passionate kissing scenes because I wasn’t feeling jealous or lonely, I had Austin.
