Luna Rising by Sloane Murphy
Chapter Twenty
Imake it back to the compound within a few hours after I shift back. It turns out that without taking the proper care of my body, I hadn’t managed to make it that far from the compound in the last few days. My body screams its exhaustion as I climb the stairs to the second story of the house, and my feet carry me on autopilot to my room. I collapse into bed, trying not to cry over just how badly I’ve fucked up my entire world with one small kiss.
“Luna, is that you?”
I lift my head in time to see my door opening followed by my mom rushing into the room. “Hi, Mom,” I manage to say as she hugs me so tight to her chest that I can barely breathe.
“I’ve been so worried about you,” she gushes as she runs trembling hands through my tangled mess of hair. She clutches me even tighter to her chest, and my breath catches in my throat with the unspoken emotion she’s channeling into the embrace. “It’s been five days, Luna. Five days! I never want to go that long without hearing from you ever again, you hear me?”
“Yes, Mom,” I manage to squeak out, though the force of her hug is squeezing the air from my lungs. “Can’t breathe.”
She lets go of me, and I sag backward against my pillows. Her eyebrows furrow as her eyes slide from my bed to the darkened threshold of my attached bathroom. After a moment, she asks, “Where is Maddox? If it wasn’t for him going after you, I’d have been totally out of my mind.”
“Mom,” I croak, and the tears start all over again.
Concern flashes in her eyes, and I tell her everything. I tell her about Jackson appearing at the cafe with another woman and telling me to get over him. My breath escapes in short puffs of pained air as I tell her what happened with Maddox in the woods. I wish I could say I managed to keep my composure while I tell her everything, but I break when waves of self-hatred crash into me with the realization of just how goddamn I was with him. “What if I’ve broken him too, Mom?”
“Oh, sweetheart.” She looks like she might cry too, which only makes my sobs come that much harder. She pulls me in for a hug again, and I’ve never felt more like a little kid than I do right now. I don’t think I’ve ever fucked up quite this badly before either. I’ve always been the sensible, mature one, so of course when I trip and fall, I fly off a goddamn cliff of stupid. “I’m sure this feels like the end of the world right now, but I promise you it isn’t. Maddox might need to lick his own wounds for a while, just like you’ve needed to, but you’re both too good of friends to let this come between you. Just give him some time.”
“I think I might need some time myself, Mom. I don’t think I can heal here, not properly. Especially if Jackson is here. I don’t even blame him for rejecting me anymore, not after what he told me. It wouldn’t be fair to displace him, but I’m just not sure I can find myself with this thing between us.”
“Take some time and see how things go. If you’re not feeling better about it in a few weeks, we’ll revisit this, okay? But you have so much to look forward to here, and we only just got you back. Not to mention, I’m not sure your father will be thrilled with the idea of you going out into the world with a potential threat out there still.” I take a deep breath and nod. She’s not wrong about the threat, it was stupid enough of me to go off like I did. I probably put myself and Maddox in a ton of danger.
I am such a selfish fucking idiot.
“Okay, I can do that,” I manage between soft, hiccuping sobs. I squeeze her just a little tighter around the middle. “Thank you for being the best mom ever.”
“Oh, sweetheart, I am far from the best,” she laughs, shaking her head, “but I try my best, and that’s what counts. You should remember that. Trying your best is all anyone can ask.”
She gently pulls herself from my embrace, running her fingers through my hair gently one last time, before handing me my phone and leaving my room. I can just make out the sounds of her telling Dad everything in whispers outside of my door before I hear their footsteps head downstairs. It’s the middle of the night, and I hate myself a little more for what I’ve put them through.
I refuse to keep being this girl. I will not let my pain rule my actions anymore. No matter how much it hurts now, it only ends up hurting so much worse when I give into impulse.
I check my phone, scrolling through the dozen or so messages from Nova and the few from my parents. Like a coward, I don’t read the thread from Maddox until last.
Maddox: Don’t leave. I’m on my way
Maddox: You already left didn’t you. Fuck sake, Luna.
Then one from an hour ago.
Maddox: You will always be my person. Fated or not.
I curse the Fates again for putting us all through this, but I make a vow to be a better friend and a better daughter.
Me: You will always be my person too. Fated or not. I’d be lost without you. I’m sorry.
He responds almost instantly.
Maddox: I am not, nor will I ever be sorry. Are you still coming to my birthday dinner?
I suck in a deep breath at his response. I don’t even know how to approach the first half of his response, so I focus on the second instead.
Me: I wouldn’t miss it for the world.
* * *
I can’t recall a time in my life that I’ve felt more nervous than I do right now standing on the front porch of the Bennett Manor, trying to suck up the courage to knock on the goddamn door.
This is Maddox. He’s my oldest friend. We’ve been through the thick of life together, and I know without a doubt that he’ll always be my friend. At least he better be. Okay, maybe there’s an inkling of doubt wriggling its way through my brain.
I feel so weird after everything that happened despite his nonchalant attitude toward it over text the past few days. I really wish I could be as chill about everything as he seems to be.
I smooth down my top again, willing my nerves to fuck off long enough for me to knock on the door.
“You going to stand there all night?” I jump, letting out a small squeal at the sound of Maddox’s voice. I turn to find him leaning against the Comet, grinning at me.
“Exactly how long have you been standing there?”
“Longer than I probably should’ve been. You really need to work on paying attention to your surroundings, you know. Mom should be doing a better job with her training.” His shit-eating grin makes me laugh, and I feel more relaxed almost instantly.
“Happy Birthday,” I say, holding out his present. I still feel a smidge awkward, but if he can be chill about what happened, I can try to be too. The only reason this won’t work is if I make it not work.
“You didn’t have to get me anything,” he laughs but takes the bag from my fingers anyway. I feel almost nervous giving it to him, but I have the comfort of knowing he won’t open it just yet because of Remy’s strict set of rules about gifts.
“To repeat your own words back to you, shut up.”
He laughs harder as he pulls me in for a hug. “Thank you for coming.”
I hug him back but pull away a little quicker than I might normally, but… baby steps, ya know? “I told you I wouldn’t miss it. You’re my person. We got matching tattoos on my birthday, there was no way I was going to miss yours.”
“Damn straight. I hope you’re ready for the feast Nonnie put together for us. I’ve been feeling Mexican food, which means there are so many variants in there for us, you wouldn’t believe it. Apparently Mom had a thing for Mexican when I was a kid, so Nonnie has all this super random Mexican food know-how.” My stomach rumbles at his words, making him laugh again. He throws an arm around my shoulders and leads me into the house. Everybody is already here, including Fallon—Remy’s bestie and faux aunt to Maddox—Colt Senior, Deacon, her bonded, and their daughter Silva.
I jump right into the chaos, and after a few minutes, it’s easy to pretend like nothing awkward at all happened between Maddox and I over the last few months. They all treat me exactly as they always have, and I realize I’ve been a giant fucking idiot about being so worried.
These people are my family. Maddox is my family. A few fuck ups isn’t going to change that.
“Food’s ready!” Nonnie announces, and everyone piles into the kitchen. My eyes go wide when I take in the sheer amount of food she’s prepared. She never ceases to amaze me with her culinary wonders. There are tacos, enchiladas, quesadillas, fajitas, churros, and so much more that I don’t even recognize laid out around the counters of the kitchen.
Everyone digs in, and I’m awed once more by how close they all are despite the fact the room is a melting pot of factions. Angels, Demons, Lycan, and Dracul—all one big happy family.
If you’d have told someone about this fifty years ago, they’d have called you a damn liar.
It’s amazing how one very small group of people has progressed our entire society further along in two decades than it had gone in two millennia.
“You okay?” Remy asks as she slides up beside me, taking advantage of the chaos of feeding time to lean into me surreptitiously. “You look a little out of your depth, kid.”
“I’m good, just taking a step back and being thankful for all the good things in my life.” I smile at her, and she hugs me to her side.
“Glad to hear it. I know shit has been rough for you lately. Just know that whether it involves my kids or not, I’m always here to be an ear for you. Or a sword. Or some fists. I’ve got your back, okay?” I grin up at her as she squeezes me.
“Thanks, Remy.”
“Anytime, sweet pea. Same goes for these brutes of mine. We’re your family, so if you need us, we’ll be there without hesitation. And don’t forget the present I got you either. Morgan is family too, so it extends to her. She’s not here to agree, but I promise she totally would.” My eyes go wide at the thought. I know that these guys are ridiculously close to the Shadow Queen, but I’ve never met her. As much as I admire her for being the total badass she is, she also kind of terrifies me. The stories I’ve heard are enough to make me know that I’d likely pee my pants if I met her. “Now get tucked in. If you stand here all night, these animals will eat me out of house or home, and you won’t get a crumb.”
She urges me forward until I grab a plate and load myself up a ton of food. It’s probably more than I’ll be able to eat, but it all looks and smells so good that I’m planning to give it a damn good shot.
The night passes in fits of laughter. Some of it is at my expense, though most of it is at Maddox’s. In true Maddox fashion, he takes it all in his stride.
Once Fallon and her family leave to go back to the Shadow Realm, I say my goodbyes. Remy offers me one last hug before Maddox walks me back out to my car. We’re almost back to the Comet when I realize we never made it to gifts. Everyone was too caught up in simply being with one another. Which is amazing, but still.
“You never opened your gift!”
He grins at me and swings the bag in my direction before pulling it back toward his chest and peering at the tufts of tissue paper sticking out from the top of the bag. “Want me to open it now or wait till you’ve gone?”
“Shithead,” I scoff. He’s such an asshole. More than anyone, he knows how weird I am about gift giving. “You can open it.”
He reaches past the tissue paper and into the bag, spilling the crinkled paper onto the ground as he pulls out the little black box. Maddow narrows his eyes at me before he lifts the lid on the velvet box. I swear my heart nearly stops as he lifts out the leather necklace from the box.
“Luna…”
I swear to god if he keeps looking at me like I hang the moon, I’m going to cry. “I thought you needed this more than I do right now.”
He finishes pulling it from the box and slips the leather around his neck, and picks up the little wolf he carved me out of moonstone so very many years ago. A protector for me when my nightmares wouldn’t stop. A wolf to watch over me and take my pain and fear. A friend to keep close so I wasn’t so alone when he wasn’t with me.
“This way I’ll be with you even when I’m not.” He pulls me in for a hug, and this time, I hold on until he’s the first to let go.
“Thank you, Luna,” he says, looking down at me, and my heart squeezes with the emotion on his face. So I step back and climb into the car.
“I’ll see you soon?”
He leans down to the open window and grins at me, but I can see the emotion he’s trying to mask in his eyes. It fucking kills me that we’re here, but we can’t cross the line. I wasn’t lying when I told him that I won’t ever put someone else through this pain if I can help it, and I’ll think about his future mate enough for the both of us if he can’t be bothered to right now. “You know you can’t get rid of me that easily.”
* * *
It’s been a week since Maddox’s birthday, and life has regained a sense of normalcy. Well I mean, normal is really a relative term for my life, but it’s as normal as it’s been since my birthday. Getting back to my everyday life of helping with construction, working my shifts at the cafe, and training have been just about doable, but I also haven’t seen Jackson since my near-fatal run.
I’m pretty sure he’s actively avoiding me, but up until today, my training has been with Remy, not with the enforcers. I’m sure it’s easy to avoid someone who’s not really around. I push the bitter thought away and think back to the training I’ve been doing at the Manor. I’ve been working my ass off with Remy, and I’m proud to announce that she thinks I’m getting there. At least I’m much more aware of my surroundings than I have been in the past. Granted, being blindfolded and shoved into an unknown space would help anyone with that.
I even managed not to freak out, so yay me.
I pull on my leggings and sports bra before dragging my hair into a high ponytail. It swings across my back as I jog to the enforcers' training field. I’m half hoping Thatch is planning on Nova and me doing more weapons training today, but when I reach the field, I can tell I won’t be that lucky.
The bond in my chest goes haywire at the sight of Jackson, but I stomp it down and try to wrangle my raging emotions to a controllable level. I take a deep breath and jog toward Thatch, who looks pissed as hell.
“You’re late,” he snaps, and I startle a little.
“Did you change the start time? I’m here at the same time I always am.”
“I said you’re fucking late, and you don’t get to question me about it. One hundred burpees, now. Then I’ll get you paired up.”
I don’t bother arguing back. It won’t get me anywhere. Something obviously crawled up his ass this morning and put him in this mood. Thatch isn’t the kind of guy who easily lets go of his anger. Since Dad didn’t mention anything, I have no idea what’s going on with him. I swallow my groan and drop to start the burpees, cursing him out in my head with each one before I even reach the halfway mark.
I fucking hate burpees, and he knows it.
Asshole.
I’m a panting mess by the time I’m done, but I just suck down a few lungfuls of air and hope that he doesn’t see just how badly it fucked me up.
“I’m pairing you with Jackson. He was late too,” Thatch barks, and I’ve never felt more stabby in my fucking life. If this is part of him becoming the official Beta, it’s made him more of a jackass, and I’m going to need to have words with Dad. Fuck no. This isn’t cool.
I glance over at Nova, who looks as shocked as I feel. I try not to stomp too obviously across the field to where Jackson is glaring daggers over at Thatch.
Glad to see he’s as happy about this as I am.
I clench my jaw against the feeling of my bond going crazy inside my chest over just how close we are. Traitorous fucking bond. Taking a deep breath, I shut everything out just the way Remy taught me until I don’t feel anything at all.
I can totally do this.
“Ready to spar?” I ask as I reach him, and he nods once. It’s all that’s needed, and we fall into the basic combinations of sparring. I could probably do these combos in my sleep at this point. That is until I get distracted as Nova hits the ground and Jackson whacks me upside the head.
“Hey!” I growl, pissed as hell that he didn’t at least pull the punch when he realized I was distracted.
“Focus then,” he grunts back before throwing another fist at me.
My eyes narrow to slits as I watch him. Despite my wolf chanting “mine” over and over again in my head, I manage to focus and pull on everything Remy has taught me up to this point. I grab his wrist, ignoring the way my skin practically fucking crackles at the contact with his, twist around, and pull until he’s on his knees. I’m not sure if it’s me or my wolf that’s more pleased to have him at my mercy
“Don’t tell me to focus when my friend is hurt. I’m plenty focused,” I snark before shoving his fist at him and stalking over to where Nova is.
“Man, you owned that shit just then,” she says from where she’s sitting on the ground, elbows on her bent knees with her arms dangling between her legs. Even from her spot on the ground, I can tell that she’s practically buzzing with excitement. I can’t help but laugh.
“Are you okay?”
“Course, I’m fine. Jared, here, apparently doesn't know how hard his fist is.”
“Sorry again, Nova,” the new enforcer says, blushing so hard he looks like a beet as he scratches the top of his head. He’s just a little younger than me, so I guess he’s just starting his training.
It will be good to have fresh meat at least.
“Session's over! Fuck off, all of you,” Thatch shouts across the field.
“I’m so freaking proud of you,” Nova snickers as Jackson walks past. I can’t focus on her words as the bond in my chest nearly takes me to my knees, weak from watching him walking away yet again.
* * *
After training, I head back to the cafe for the evening shift. It’s quiet and boring until it isn’t anymore. And that is precisely at the moment that Jackson enters with the same girl he brought with him the day I lost my goddamn mind. I don’t maintain my composure nearly as well as I did this afternoon.
My hands shake, my palms sweat, and I can’t manage any words. In fact, it seems that I’ve lost all sounds. I can’t even get a grunt out. Seeing him with her tears at my bond and completely fucks me up. I am officially a mess, and there is nothing anyone can do about it. I grit my teeth and deal with them, but I know something has to change.
So after my shift ends, I make the decision to talk to my parents. I might be able to heal here, but it’s going to take a damn sight longer than if I’m away from him.
I find them both curled up on the sofa, watching TV and looking cute as fuck. I love seeing them like this, but it only makes the pain from my bond that much more crippling. I don’t hold it against them, obviously. I want the people I love to be happy, but I need to find a way to shut this fucking bond down. I have no idea how Jackson is running around here like his chest isn’t carved open and bleeding twenty-four seven.
Because that’s how it feels for me, like, ninety-eight percent of the time.
Either he doesn’t feel it, or he is way better at hiding it than I am.
“Hey,” I whisper, my voice strangled as I try to push past the emotions causing a storm inside of me.
“Hey, sweetheart, did you have a good day?” Mom asks, and I curl up in the chair closest to the couch, settling and adjusting myself until I can see both of their faces clearly. If I can see them, they can see me, and I need them to realize how serious I am right now.
“Not really… Can we talk?”
My dad turns off the TV, and they both turn to face me. I try to swallow the emotion threatening to overwhelm my thoughts, and it’s only that much more difficult when my mom smiles sadly at me.
“What’s up?” Dad asks, and Mom just shakes her head. Bless him, sometimes he really does just miss stuff.
“I need to leave for a little while,” I tell them without hesitation. “I know there’s still an active threat that you’re worried about. But I’ve been training with Remy for a while now and feel more than confident that I can take the right precautions about it. But at the end of the day, I just can’t be here right now.”
My dad crosses his arms and shakes his head. “Absolutely not.”
Mom elbows him in the gut, and he lets out an oomph as he rubs his stomach. Her tone is stern as she says, “Maybe listen to what she’s saying before you decide against it, Theron.”
Here’s Mom, coming in clutch just like always. I couldn’t be more thankful for her than I am right now
“Dad, I need this. I’m not wanting to run away, I’m not being a petulant child… but I spoke to Jackson, and I understand why he doesn’t want to be mated with me. I’m not holding it against him or anyone else. But that doesn’t make living with it any easier for me.” I take a deep breath, and his eyes go wide as he realizes that I know exactly what happened to Jackson. I offer him a tight, grim smile before I continue, “What I’m saying is that if I stay here, I will never fully heal. I’ll always be a shell of who I could be. I need to go find myself, to figure out who I am with this writhing ache inside of me, and to learn how to function with it if it never goes away.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” my mom coos and moves to sit on the arm of the chair, hugging me from the side. I fight the tears that want to spill because I don’t have it in me to cry over this shit anymore. I feel like this has all been one very long, very exhausting nightmare, and I’d very much like to wake up now.
Please and thank you.
“I don’t think that sounds unreasonable, but maybe you shouldn’t go alone?” Mom asks, looking between my dad and me. I can tell he’s firmly against this from the set of his jaw and the look in his eyes. Despite my reasoning, he doesn’t want me to go at all, but I know this is what I need. Whether he gives me his blessing or not.
“I have to do this alone, Mom. If I go with anyone else, I’ll focus on them rather than on myself. I understand that you both found and accepted your bonds, but that means you have no idea how much this hurts, but if I can focus on someone else, you bet your ass I will.”
“Thatch said you did fine in your training with Jackson today,” Dad says skeptically as he relaxes into the cushions of the sofa, and I roll my eyes.
“The only reason I did okay with Jackson is because I was worried about Nova, which is the only reason I managed to function around him at all. What Thatch isn’t telling you about is that Jackson keeps parading some girl around in front of me, like he didn’t reject me less than two months ago. I can’t be here, Dad. I refuse to displace him because we’ve taken enough from him already, and the Fates screwed him too. I’m going regardless of what you say, I’d just rather have your blessing than not.” I cross my arms and stare him down. Unfortunately for him, I inherited his stubborn streak, so I’m about as likely to budge as he is. I have the advantage, though, because Mom is totally on my side.
“Take one enforcer with you.” I roll my eyes at him and throw my hands in the air.
“No, Dad. I’ve trained with them, and I’ve trained with Remy. I’ll take my daggers and a gun, but I’m not taking anyone with me. I won’t ask Nova to come with me either; she has stuff here that she wants to do that doesn’t involve gallivanting with me while I try to come out of this dark fucking hole I’m in.”
“Damn you for being as stubborn as I am,” he breathes out on a sigh, and I smile knowing I’ve won this round. “We raised you right, and we do trust you. We’re just worried, but I can accept that you can take care of yourself, even if it does take a dagger or a gun to make it happen.”
“Thank you, both of you,” I say to them as I stand. “I’m going to work stuff out tonight and then leave tomorrow.”
“So soon?”
“Yeah, Mom.” I offer her a rueful smile as I stretch my arms over my head. I don’t feel great, but I at least feel as if a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. “There’s no time like the present to start healing. Roman said no one in our history has been rejected before me, so I have no idea how long it’s going to take for me to feel like myself again. And despite Jackson telling me that the bond would settle if I just accepted the rejection, it hasn’t. I accept, truly, that he doesn’t want me, but I want me. I will fight for myself, and that means that now I need to do it my way.”
“I understand, sweetheart. If you need anything, just let me know how I can help.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
I kiss them both on the cheek before heading up to my room.
Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life, and I have a lot of planning to do.
Ready or not, World, here I come.
Broken and all.
