Luna Rising by Sloane Murphy
Chapter Eighteen
Have you ever had such a perfect few days, that all of your worries and shit with life just melt into the background?
That’s how the last few days have been for me. Between training with Remy, watching the walls of my house go up, initiating upgrades to the orphan housing, and breaking ground on the new leisure center, everything's coming up freaking daisies.
All despite the permanent ache in my chest.
The bliss of the past few days hasn’t made the ache go away, but it’s sure as hell made it a whole lot freaking easier to deal with.
“This place is going to be amazing,” Nova coos as she tours the structure of my soon to be home with me, looking cute as fuck in a hard hat.
“I’m glad you think so because I was thinking…” I pause as she turns to look at me, and I grin. “You should move in here with me.”
Her eyes go wide and she gets a little emotional, so I give her a minute. I know what the thought of having an actual home does to her, so I waited until we had some privacy to ask.
“Really?”
I scoff a little at her disbelief. “You think I planned this place as a three bedroom, three and a half bath just for me?” I incorporated all the things we’ve ever talked about wanting when we had our own homes. There’s a reading nook under the stairs, built in bookcases, and a fireplace in the lounge. I designed the bougiest kitchen too, despite the fact that neither of us are culinary wonders. There are clawfoot tubs and separate showers in both en suite bathrooms as well.
This place is literally every one of our childhood dreams of home packed into one space.
“I don’t know what to say,” she says, her voice hoarse as her eyes fill with tears. I wrap her in my arms and squeeze her tight.
“Just say welcome home.”
She nods as she pulls away, wiping the tears from her eyes. “Thank you, Luna. This is… It’s just a lot. I don’t have the words to tell you how much I appreciate this, but I’m sure you already have a pretty good idea. Though, if you tell anyone my eyes leaked, I’ll smother you in your sleep.”
I bark out a laugh at her and hold up three fingers. “Scout's honor.”
She rolls her eyes since I was never a scout, but she knows I won’t say anything anyway. “Does this mean I get to help pick color schemes?”
“That’s exactly what it means,” I say, holding out the samples I already picked up.
We spend the next few hours working out who gets which bedroom, what colors go where, which floors get squishy carpet versus hard wood, and which tile to have in the bathroom compared to the tile in the kitchen. I haven’t felt more domestic in my entire life, but it honestly feels kinda good. Like I’m putting down some roots. I still have every intention of going out into the world and exploring every nook and cranny of it, but it’ll be good to have a place to call home, to call mine at the end of the day.
I’m mildly aware that Nova will leave at some point when she finds her mate, but until then, this can be our place. A little sanctuary away from the rest of the world. Nova likes peopling about as much as I do, so the fact that we’re tucked into the forest is a double bonus.
“All this hard work is making me hungry,” she laughs as her stomach grumbles in agreement. “One of us really needs to learn how to cook.”
“Not it!” I cry out, laughing as she pouts.
“Ugh, fine. But for now, can we go beg your mom for dinner so we don’t waste away?”
I nod and climb back to my feet, offering her a hand and pulling her up too. “Pretty sure Lycans can’t waste away.”
“Not true, we might be basically immortal, but we can still die in some pretty stupid ways. Blood loss, dehydration, and starvation are all on that list,” she points out, and I shrug. I knew about blood loss, but the others never really occurred to me. I’ve never had to worry about possible starvation, though considering what happened to her, it makes sense that she’d be aware. “Now, let’s go eat!”
She claps her hands together and heads out of the structure, handing the hard hat over to one of the Lycans wandering around the construction site outside of the house. I laugh softly at her, shaking my head. The argument about needing to wear the hat was more amusing than anything, but I’m not surprised it came off the second it safely could.
“I’ll see you guys in the morning,” I call out to Arrow and the guys as we head in the direction of my parents' place, and they wave in response. The one advantage to being around these guys a lot is that they don’t gossip, which means I haven’t had to deal with whispers about Jackson and I that run rampant through the rest of the compound. I’m almost looking forward to something else happening that will draw attention away from the hot topic of my misfortune, though I immediately feel a little guilty hoping for someone else’s misfortune just to save myself.
It doesn’t take long to make our way across the compound, and I can’t help staring around like I’m in a new place entirely. My smile grows with each improvement I spot being made around the place, especially the ones that I put in motion. There’s definitely something satisfying about seeing your ideas manifesting before your very eyes.
I walk into my parents' house with Nova on my heels, practically drooling as we follow the scent of Mom’s delicious cooking to the kitchen. My stomach rumbles when we find my mom at the stove, peering into the oven as a cheesy, mouthwatering scent permeates the air. “Girls! You’re just in time, the lasagna is just about to come out of the oven.”
I nod enthusiastically, stomach rumbling even louder, as I look around the room. There are massive trays of lasagna over every surface, and I can’t help but laugh. “Mom, you might have gone a little overboard.”
“Oh hush,” she scoffs, flicking the tea towel at me. “This isn’t all for us. I’m delivering trays to the orphan housing and some for Arrow and his family as well. Then Thatch heard what I was making and asked for some, and then a few others put in a request once they heard I was making it. You know how it goes.”
I can’t help but laugh because I know exactly how it goes. Her lasagna is a fan favorite. The one time Mom made it on the fly and didn’t mention it to anyone, I swear there was nearly a riot in the square.
“As long as there’s leftovers for me tomorrow…” I start, and she shakes her head.
“You say that like I didn’t make you girls a tray each. It’s the night before a run, we all know how much we eat this time of the month. Now sit down, and I’ll get this on the table as soon as it’s ready.”
I grin at her and drop into a chair at the table, and Nova slides in beside me as Mom calls Dad to get the lasagna delivery system flowing. I take in a deep breath, senses bathed with the smells of home, and realize that the bond is almost quiet for a minute. I lean back, stretching my arms over my head with a lazy smile, enjoying the fuck out of this moment.
Life is looking up, and I’m not about to be the one to question it.
* * *
I spend most of the morning in bed, trying to sleep in preparation for what is sure to be a super late night. I wasn’t able to with the thoughts about the run rushing through my head at a thousand miles a minute. It’s like being here for the shift is bringing back all of my questions about the rejection. Why did he do it? Why did he choose to wait until the run on my birthday when he clearly already knew we were fated?. Why would he want to humiliate me like that? More than any of that, though, I want to know why he hated me before he even knew I was his mate.
These aren’t questions I ever expect to get answers to, but the certainty of the unknown doesn’t exactly make me feel better. I just wish I knew how to make the bond quiet permanently. I’ve had moments where it’s almost like nothing happened, and then I have moments like this, where I drown in the memories and my bond feels like it’s squeezing my chest so tightly that I can’t breathe.
It’s easy to see why Roman turned to death and blood to deal with his devastation in the lifetimes without Remy at his side. Blocking the pain like that definitely feels like a good idea right now, but times have changed and I am not Roman Knight. He was much older than I am when he finally found Remy. He was a warrior, and Lycans were far more feral back then. The challenges he would have faced as the Alpha of Alphas are detailed in our history books, and I can’t even read them all without my stomach turning.
Do I enjoy sparring, relishing the release it brings me during training? Hell yes I do. However, reading about ripping out someone's intestines isn’t exactly a highlight for me.
My phone buzzes on the nightstand by my bed, and I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to pretend like I might actually be able to get some more sleep. Letting out a frustrated sigh when it buzzes again, I kick my sheets off and grab my phone.
Nova: Are you awake?
Nova: I know you’re awake. Stop ghosting me. I can’t sleep, so I know your ass can’t.
Nova: Luna, dammit. Don’t make me come over there this early. You, me, lunch at Joe’s?
I grin down at my phone. I’d have to be blind to miss the fact that she’s just trying to keep me distracted from thoughts of the run tonight. This, right here, is why I love her so much.
Me: You know I’m all about burgers and shakes today.
Nova: Damn straight you are. Joe’s is life. I’ll head over when I’m ready?
Me: Sounds good, I’ll make sure there’s coffee.
Nova: And that is why I love you. See you soon.
I grin at my phone and flop down in bed as my phone buzzes again. Who nominated me Miss Popular today?
Maddox: I can’t be there tonight, I’m sorry, but enjoy the run. Ignore everyone but your wolf. She’ll help you heal.
Me: You don’t always have to be here to run, you don’t need to say sorry. But thank you. It’s like you’re inside of my head sometimes.
Maddox: Nah, I just know you that well. I’ll see you at the Manor next week?
Me: You know it. Wouldn’t miss it
Maddox: Awesome. P.S. We’re doing a small family meal for my birthday. I expect to see your face.
Me: Doesn’t that negate it being a family meal?
Maddox: Don’t be stupid. You know you’re family. Don’t make me ask again.
Me: I didn’t realize you asked in the first place, but you know I wouldn’t miss it.
I stare up at my ceiling and let out a deep breath. We’re both really trying to move past everything that happened and get back to where we were before, but it’s hard as fuck. More so because I can’t believe I never saw how he felt about me, and I hate that I hurt him, even without meaning to.
After a few cathartic minutes of wallowing in my own self-pity, I climb out of bed and head to the bathroom. I need a shower to rinse off some of the pity and self-loathing I can feel bubbling beneath the surface before I head to Joe’s with Nova. Today is going to suck for the most part, but I refuse to be the fun sponge on the full moon.
I take longer than I probably should in the shower, but I let the hot water wash my self-pity down the drain and slap a smile on my face before getting dressed. Today is about more than just me. It’s about reconnecting with my pack, being there for those who can’t stop the shift tonight, and enjoying the wild around us.
I’m focusing on all of that, even if it fucking kills me. Which with the way the bond is going crazy right now, it might. I steel my reserve, squaring my shoulders as I head downstairs to officially get my day started… With a massive cup of coffee. This is definitely a day for caffeine.
I can’t help but smile when I find my parents dancing with no music in the kitchen. I love how in love they are, and rather than letting the miserable, yearning bond in my chest ruin the pureness of the moment, I lean against the door frame and let them have the moment. I’m sure they know I’m here, but they keep dancing anyway until a timer buzzes on the oven.
“Breakfast is ready,” Mom murmurs, and Dad kisses her before letting her go. This is what a fated mating should look like. “Morning, Luna.”
“Morning.” I head straight for the coffee pot, muscle memory leading me through the motions of getting a pot going. “Coffee?”
“The way you make it? I think I’ll have juice,” my dad teases as he takes his seat at the table, reading the news on his tablet.
“Me too!” Mom agrees as she pulls the breakfast casserole from the oven. I stick my tongue out at my dad but still pour him and Mom a glass of orange juice when I do my own while I wait for the coffee.
The front door swings open and Nova flounces into the kitchen. “I’ll take the extras of whatever it is that smells so damn good in here!”
Mom laughs at her and motions her toward the table. “You know there’s always extra for you here, Nova.”
“Thank you,” Nova grins as she steals the mug of coffee straight from my hands and drops into a chair at the table. I roll my eyes and reach for another mug. “Breakfast here now, then Joe’s in a few hours?”
“Sounds good to me. It’s going to be a long-ass day,” I say, as I pour myself another cup of coffee and take my seat between her and my dad.
“Make sure to swing by my office when you’re back from Joe’s. There are a few things I want to go through with you before the run tonight,” Dad says to me, and I bite the inside of my cheek, fighting against the wall of nervous energy that rises in response to his command.
“Sure thing,” I respond with a nod. I glance toward Nova to see her looking at me over the rim of her coffee cup. Yup, she definitely felt the shift in his words too. What sounded like a simple request was definitely an Alpha order.
What the fuck could that be about?
* * *
I pull the Comet into the garage, and Nova bounces off to find Thatch to check in for her shift before the run tonight. I tried to not spend the day stewing over whatever it is my dad wants, but it’s been near impossible. The only upside is that the bond piped the fuck down, but my anxiety has been off the freaking charts.
I’d rather people tell me what’s on their mind in the moment rather than saying they want to talk about something later. You’d think my parents would have caught on to my triggers by now, but apparently not. That or Dad didn’t want an audience for the conversation, which only serves to worry me more. I walk across the square, waving to Lacey in the cafe as I do, and head for my dad’s office.
My shifts at the cafe have been as abysmal as I thought they would be, what with being the subject of most pack gossip currently, but Lacey has been amazing about everything. She’s also kept me well fed in cake, and really, what more could a girl ask for?
I reach the office only to find the door is shut. It’s fully soundproofed so I can’t hear a damn thing from the other side. I don’t bother doing anything other than knocking and taking a seat on the chair positioned next to the door. I learned at a much younger age that eavesdropping was fruitless, even with my supe hearing. I dig my nails into the palms of my hands to try and center myself.
I jerk to attention when the door opens, clambering to my feet to face my dad and whatever fresh hell he has in store for me. Nothing could have prepared me for the breathtaking sucker punch I take from coming face-to-face with Jackson for the first time since the rejection.
He’s literally the very last person I expected to see back here.
His gaze drifts down to me before he freezes on the spot. My entire body trembles in response.
“Luna,” he says with a nod, and my breath catches painfully in my throat. The bond screams to life in my chest at the sound of my name on his lips. Here he is, after all this time, walking away from me yet again, and I can’t even find one word to say back to him despite all of the questions and rage that have plagued me the last few weeks. I can’t help but stare after him, devastation gnawing away in my chest as if I hadn’t made any progress at all over the past few weeks.
“I’m sorry, Luna. I didn’t know he’d be back today.” Dad sighs, pulling my attention back to him. “Are you okay?”
“I…” I start to tell him I’m okay but stop myself. I’d rather leave my feelings unsaid than lie straight to my father’s face. “What did you want to see me about?”
I follow him into the office, doing my very best to mask the despair clawing at my chest, and he closes the door after I enter. He watches me closely as I drop into one of the leather chairs in front of his desk, and sighs before taking a seat himself. “I wanted to talk about your future.”
I let out a dry laugh. How fucking ironic. “What about it?”
“About you taking a more proactive role and officially taking on the Beta title. You should be at my side as my second until I’m ready to step down and you’re ready to take on the Alpha title.” He steeples his fingers under his chin, looking beyond official, but all I can think about is how much that isn’t really what I want. Not right now. Maybe not ever.
“Dad,” I start with a sigh. “I know we haven’t talked about this in any official capacity yet, but I need you to listen to me. While I now know that I don’t have to be out in the world to make a difference, my mind still hasn’t changed about me becoming Alpha. That isn’t what I want from my life. Especially not yet.”
“But—” he starts to interrupt, but I cut him off.
“While I see the upsides of it, or some of them, I am just not ready for this yet. I get it, I’m Alpha born and this is my birthright. It is what is expected of me, but I feel like more than anyone you should understand how it feels to not want a predetermined path. And considering how badly the fates have screwed me recently, I’m even less on board to follow a path I didn’t choose myself.”
“Luna,” he sighs, rubbing his temples. “The thing with Jackson…”
“Is relevant and separate all at the same time, I’m aware. It also has nothing to do with anyone other than me and him, and I’d really rather not discuss it.” I’m as firm as I can be considering that he’s my dad but also my Alpha. I understand that he wants to try to help, but I really need some processing time. I honestly hadn’t expected to see him ever again.
“Okay, fine,” he says as he rubs his hand over his face with a groan. “Fine, so let’s get back to why I asked you to come here in the first place. Being my Beta—”
I cut him off. “Like I said, Dad, I’m not ready. I don’t know if that’s something I’ll ever truly want. I know this place is home, but I want to see the rest of the world while I can. I’m still so young, and you’re not going anywhere. I don’t know why this is something you’re pushing right now, but if you’re asking me to make a decision right now, my answer is no.” I cross my arms over my chest and sit up straight, meeting his stony glare with an equally harsh look of my own. I hate the disappointment on his face, but I will not live my life for him.
“I didn’t want it either,” he starts as he runs a hand through his hair. He sighs and levels me with a serious stare that gives way to a half smile after a moment. “I had just hoped you wouldn’t be quite as much like me as you are. I’m only pushing because I need to officially fill the Beta spot since there’s so much happening with Lycan politics right now. Our pack is viewed as weak because of the attacks. Some of the Alphas, the ones who stayed neutral back in the day, are questioning Roman’s hold on the packs. They’re accusing him of being too distracted and saying that he let this slip past his notice because he’s not focused on the packs anymore.”
Well shit. I understand the renewed pressure, and I feel so fucking bad for Roman, but the circumstance doesn’t change my mind.
“I get that, Dad, I really do, but I’m not ready. Thatch has been your unofficial second forever, why not just make it official?”
“Because I’d hoped it would be you.” He smiles sadly at me, but the nod he offers is one of understanding and acceptance. “But I respect your decision, and I won’t ask again. If you change your mind though, tell me. That’s all I ask.”
I stand and smile at him, so fucking glad that he didn’t push any harder. “I promise.”
* * *
I head to the clearing for the run and find Nova waiting for me, a rueful tilt to her lips as she shuffles from one foot to the other. An air of nervous energy encircles my best friend, and I already know where this is going.
“Did you know?”
I don’t even need to ask what she means.
“I had no idea,” I say emphatically as the bond in my chest screams its despair. I rub my hand over the hollow place between my breasts and grimace as I continue, “I found out earlier as he was coming out of Dad’s office.”
“It’s utter fucking bullshit if you ask me. At least he’s not running tonight.”
I let out a breath of relief. I’ve been almost looking forward to reconnecting with my wolf, even if she has been absent. I need the time with her to make sure she’s doing okay, and that’s definitely not going to happen with that fucking asshole around.
Tension permeates the air in the forest where the pack is gathered for the full moon run. It’s the first time I’ve shifted since I was rejected, and my wolf hasn’t really been present in the interim. I get it, she has to heal too. I wasn’t the only one rejected, but her subdued presence leaves me all kinds of anxious.
Performance anxiety isn’t something I’ve ever worried about right up until this point, but here we are. What happens if she doesn’t want to shift? I’m Alpha born. Shifting on command is sort of my thing. I don’t want to force her, but if I have to, I hope she’ll play ball. No one ever talks about the fine line we walk between human and beast during the shift. Maybe it’s because I’m so young and don’t have the same control as older Lycans, but I always feel as if I’m almost asking my wolf’s permission to shift between forms.
We tend to respect each other pretty well, so I’m just hoping that continues and she doesn’t place too much of the blame for the rejection on my shoulders.
I strip down to nothing as Dad addresses the pack and stretch out, rolling my head on my neck as I mentally prepare myself for this run. I call on my wolf to start the shift and am overwhelmed with happiness when I feel her perk up in my mind at the idea of being let out to run.
The other Lycans begin their shift, and I push mine through. I find comfort in the pain of the shift. I’ve been concerned with my wolf for too long, and her willingness to come to the surface lets me know that she isn’t too lost in her own sadness.
Once the shift is complete, the bond feels more prominent inside of us. My chest aches around the broken, painful tether that is still trying to reach out for Jackson. My wolf wants to go to him, not fully understanding that he doesn’t want us. We let out a low whine when I tell her we can’t go to him, that he’s not ours. We circle in place for a moment and lie on the ground until Nova nudges us with her nose.
I encourage my wolf to pull herself up, plunge into the forest and run. She needs the release, but I have to work hard to keep more of a hold over her than I have in a while. I love her, and I never want my wolf to feel like I’m trying to subdue her, but I have to make sure we don’t bolt and head straight for the mate that doesn’t want us. I wish there was a way to break the bond. The thought gives me pause. Is there maybe a way to break the bond?
I make a mental note to look into it before forcing away thoughts of Jackson and bounding into the wilderness of the forest.
We chase Nova and some of the younger wolves, rolling with them in the dirt and feeding off of the happiness that comes from being with our pack.
The sadness looms in the distance but simmers to just a tingle as the night passes. It’s tough for the first little while, but the run definitely goes better than I hoped it would. By the time the sun starts to rise, I give full control over to my wolf as we run through the forest. She understands on some level that we can’t go to Jackson, so instead we run until we reach a bluff on one of the mountains.
I’ve left the pack behind, and the thought of just continuing to run passes through our minds. We could be happy out here.
But Nova.
And Maddox.
And pack.
We know we can’t run. Not really. But looking out over the expanse of trees and wild beauty, we almost feel at peace. We lie down on the edge of the bluff, watching the sun rise over the thick canopy, reveling in the natural beauty and resting up for the run back home.
Nova finds us before the sun is fully up and nips at my heels, encouraging us to come back home. We stand, resigned to the fact that the pack is where we need to be, even if we probably would be happier out here away from the pain that waits for us back at the compound.
We lope forward slowly but pause with a glance over our shoulder, and my wolf lets out a howl that squeezes my heart. All of the pain and heartbreak that I haven’t voiced aloud comes out in that one moment, and Nova looks at us, our pain reflected in her eyes.
Howls cry out throughout the forest, and I know my pack is with me. It pulls us back from the edge and gives us hope.
We might not have our mate, but we are not alone.
