Giving Away by Lola King

CHAPTER 13

‘He’s out his head, I’m out my mind

We got that love, the crazy kind

I am his, and he is mine’

Him & I – G-Eazy, Halsey

Jamie

As soon as we enter Cal’s mansion, the heat submerges us, making my breath shallow. The music is loud and overwhelming, and I squeeze Jake’s hand tighter. The house is completely packed, and I don’t even know how we’re going to find our friends through all these people.

I reach for my phone in my purse and shoot a text to Emily. I doubt she’s going to see it at this point of the night. It was impossible to stop her from drinking her whole flask at the ball. She’s upset over Luke flirting with Jessika, another cheerleader, and I can’t blame her. These two have been playing a dangerous game. She keeps saying she’s breaking up with him and they’ll be over by the end of the night but if she really wanted to break up, wouldn’t she have done so by now?

As we make our way through a crowd of unknown faces, the heat becomes unbearable in my winter coat.

“Who are all these people?” I ask Jake.

“Cal’s friends. College guys.”

I feel slightly uncomfortable being at an after-party with college people. I heard what happens at these parties and I’m not really into being roofied or peer pressured into drinking. Jake puts an arm around my waist to keep me close as we look for a space in the crowd and we end up in the kitchen. I notice Camila’s brothers, Carlo and Roy, going around laughing with people as they exchange small bags for money in handshakes.

“Are you hot? I’m boiling, let me take your coat,” he says as he starts taking my coat off my shoulders.

I’m glad that my dress wasn’t enough for the ball because here, it’s borderline too much. Jake fits perfectly now that he’s shrugged his suit jacket and bow. His hair looks like he’s just gotten out of bed, as usual, giving him that sexy look that only he can rock. He’s popped open the top buttons of his shirt and taken it out of the suit pants.

I look around and can’t help but notice that he is the sexiest man in this room, probably in this city and it’s clear that he doesn’t even try. Beauty simply runs in his blood. I see girls looking our way and I know it’s not me they’re looking at. He attracts all the female attention and, as I finish scanning the room, my gaze falls on his. He hasn’t looked anywhere else but straight at me.

“I hope you know you’re the most beautiful girl at this party.” I blush at his words but don’t say anything because I know it’s not true.

There are so many girls here tonight, older, hotter. Some haven’t made the effort I have tonight, and they still outshine me by far, but it seems Jake doesn’t see it.

“Are you sure you’re wearing your contacts?”

He laughs and his dimples show on his cheeks, making my insides melt. God, I would die if I couldn’t see these every day.

In the last few weeks, I have seen all sorts of versions of Jake. The hot guy everyone knows from school, the brother who can’t sleep when his twin doesn’t come home, the ruthless lacrosse captain, the geeky coder wearing glasses spending sleepless nights in his boxers building apps and websites. I’ve seen the romantic who brings me dinner to work when I’m closing the café, the sex beast who takes me in his car and empty classrooms, who makes me go to the diner without panties on just so he can play with me in public.

I love every single one of them. I’m addicted to his sweetness and roughness equally and I’m in so deep, I don’t know how much longer I can hold off from telling him how much he means to me.

“Angel, if you really feel like shit being here, we don’t have to stay.”

“I mean, how often do you go to these kinds of pa–”

I’m cut off by a big guy, about twice my size, hurrying toward Jake with a huge smile plastered on his face. “Jake! My man!”

As he hugs Jake tightly, his deep brown eyes land on me. His white and dark green football jersey pops out on his dark skin and it contrasts with Jake’s golden tone. When they part, he turns around for a second to grab a drink and I read the surname on his jersey: Simmons. Jason’s brother.

“How have you been, bro? You’ve disappeared from the party scene man. Jas’ came with your sister and her girl last Friday. I thought I’d see you.”

“Dude, I missed like two parties and you get all clingy?”

The guy whom I think is Cal, laughs and gives him a friendly punch to the shoulder. “What can I say? You were the best I’ve ever had.”

Jake chuckles and puts an arm around my shoulder. “Cal, this is Jamie, my girlfriend. Jamie, this is Cal. He’s like Jason but older and not talented enough to play lacrosse.”

Cal chokes on his drink and nudges Jake. He gives me a hug but pulls away quickly when Jake tightens his arm around my shoulders.

“Nice to meet you, gorgeous. And don’t listen to him, unlike your boyfriend, I don’t enjoy playing with sticks. I prefer real men’s sports.”

“You prefer real men, period,” Jake chuckles.

Cal laughs heartily, “That I do.”

“Where’s the drink at here?” Jake asks.

Cal shakes his red cup. “Bro, this is water. I’m not drinking tonight. I’m waiting for Carlo to give me his new good shit.”

Jake’s body tenses slightly but his face stays exactly the same and I have to give him credit for that. He’s too good at pretending everything’s fine when not much is.

“They’re selling new shit?”

“Yup,” Cal pops the ‘p’ like he can hardly wait to get what he’s waiting for. “Rose brought it with her last week. You missed a good night.” Cal lowers his voice and gets slightly closer to us. “I think they got a new supplier if you ask me because all their products have changed. In a good way.”

“Cool,” Jake replies casually. “I’ll have to try.”

“For sure, man. I’ll come get you, we’ll celebrate you showing up at a party. Anyway, help yourself to anything you want, yeah? I’ll be finding myself some nice guy in the meantime. Or girl. Your sister here?”

From the smile tugging at Cal’s lips, he’s clearly joking to rile him up, but Jake pushes him a little harder than playfully.

“How about go fuck your mom, huh? Mayor Simmons is a MILF.”

Cal explodes laughing and leaves shaking his head.

“He’s a j–” I start.

“Jerk?”

“I was gonna go for jock, but I guess that works as well.”

“I think all the Simmons brothers are. But they got the biggest houses and unlimited supply of alcohol.”

“Right,” I roll my eyes, “because that’s so important in life, isn’t it?”

“Nope. What’s most important is my beautiful girl and her happiness. So, are you okay?”

It warms my heart that he goes back to where we left the conversation before being interrupted. It’s not much but anyone else would have forgotten or gotten into the party mood after seeing their friends. Jake still wants to make sure I’m okay being here and that counts.

“I’m fine. Your friends haven’t seen you in, like, two parties, bro.” I mock. “You’ve left the party scene, dude.”

He laughs at my imitation of Cal and takes my hand. “Let’s put our jackets in the limo.”

As soon as we’re outside I shiver from the cold. I’m still a little tense from the party, I have a bad feeling about it. Which is stupid because Jake is here, nothing can go wrong when he’s next to me. I see Emily getting out of one of the limos and relax. I’m going to have one friend here and it’s better than nothing. Emily excitedly jumps into my arms and I laugh at her drunkenness. Luke and Rose follow out of the car in a laughing fit.

“Your boyfriend is officially drunk,” Rose says to Emily.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” she snarls back, making everyone’s eyes roll.

Ella is the last one coming out and I turn to Em. “Where’s Chris?”

“Oh, he left his seat to Ella because her dickhead drunk date kept feeling her up,” she replies casually.

“What?” I choke, turning to Luke. “Didn’t you say anything?”

“Chris had a chat with the dude. We thought he’d have more of a chance of survival than if he was having a chat with Luke,” Emily keeps going. My eyes cross with Ella’s, she looks incredibly uncomfortable.

“I’m going in,” she mumbles and pushes past Luke.

“Hey, I’m keeping an eye on you,” he shouts as she walks away.

The second limo arrives and a random guy I recognize from Jake’s house comes out with a black eye, looking like he would rather be anywhere but here.

What the hell?

I look at everyone coming out of the limo one by one.

Jason, Rose’s casual fuck.

Beth, his fiancée.

Camila, my boyfriend’s ex.

And Rachel, Camila’s best friend and Rose’s on and off love of her life.

Could this group get any more wrong?

Chris is the last coming out, sporting a deep scowl. All of us already here look at him in shock.

“Did you do that?” Rose asks, pointing at the guy walking up the driveway.

The only response he graces us with is a low growl before he heads for the house himself.

“Right,” Emily claps her hand then shakes her now empty flask. “Shall we go fill up, my friends?”

Everyone starts walking toward the house except Jake and me. He opens the door of the limo to put our jackets away and I see him looking for something with his hand under the seats. He finally pulls out an item I barely see but recognize straight away. He tucks it quickly under his button-up shirt, between his lower back and the waist of his pants.

“Jake,” I whisper. “What the hell are you doing with this?!”

He turns around as he shuts the door and grabs the back of my neck to kiss me, but I put up resistance and he frowns at me.

“Jamie, I practically live with this on me. I just don’t take it to school.”

“Why? You don’t need it. It’s dangerous, what if someone grabs it from you? People could get seriously hurt.”

“We live in America, Angel, I’m probably not the only one in there with a gun.”

“But you’re seventeen, Jake. That makes a difference.” My words make his grip on my neck tighten and he pulls me closer.

“This is not a fight to have, Jamie. Because I’ll do what I want anyway. You know that, right?”

I love him. I really do. But he had made such great effort on his behavior that I almost forgot he was this way.

The anger heats my cheeks as I struggle to get out of his hold.

“Do you think you can tone down the alpha act for a minute to listen to rational thoughts or are you too deep into your male chauvinist world to hear what I’m saying?”

Jake chuckles coldly as he lets go of me but only for a beat. It takes him a split second to grab my jaw and push me until my back hits the car.

“I can’t drop the alpha act, Jamie. It’s not a fucking act, don’t you get that?”

I try to huff mockingly at him, but his fingers press into my cheeks until my lips are pouting for him.

His breath smells of alcohol and mint. He’s so close to me that it’s all mixed with his deep wooden cologne and everything together makes my knees weak. I hate my body even more when I feel my underwear dampen.

Why? Why does it have this effect on me?

This is a serious conversation, I’m more than honest when I say I hate that he carries this around to make himself feel more powerful.

“Listen real close; If Carlo and Roy are selling here, I have not a single doubt that Sam is not too far, and there is no way in hell I’m not always ready to put a bullet in the fucker’s head. Do you understand that? This is no fucking act. I’m never letting anyone affiliated with Bianco hurt the ones I love. Ever. Again.” His grip turns so hard that my eyes start to water.

“Jake…” I try to say but my lips can barely form the word.

The burning hate in his eyes is mixed with guilt that I can’t begin to understand. He leans down towards me, his forearm above my head on the car, and his forehead rests on mine as his hand drops back to his side.

“Talk to me. What happened there? At Bianco’s.” I try to keep my voice as unthreatening as possible but I’m dying to understand him.

“There are things better left unsaid. What’s important is that no one gets hurt anymore,” he whispers. “Not under my watch.”

I don’t know what to say, so I do the only thing I know I want for sure. I let the moment pass until I grab the hand that was holding my jaw a minute ago, slide it against my thigh until it reaches my wet underwear.

An animalistic growl rumbles in his chest.

“Jamie,” he breathes. “You’re a bad girl deep down, you know that?”

I bite my lower lip and nod in response. He cups me through my panties, hard enough to make me gasp. I go on my toes to kiss him, but he pulls away.

“Get in the car,” he orders.

I don’t think, I execute.

He follows me in the limo but doesn’t let me sit down. He grabs my hips straight away, spinning me around and lying me down on the back seat, he grabs my wrists and pushes them above my head.

“Don’t move,” he grumbles.

I keep my arms exactly how he left them while he gets off me and looks around.

“What are you doing?” I whisper like I’m too scared someone will hear us in the house up the driveway that’s blasting music loud enough to make you deaf.

He ignores me and suddenly grabs a trench coat that I believe belongs to Rachel. He slips the soft belt out of the loops and turns to me, his eyes burning with a carnal need.

I prop up on my elbows, not sure if it’s anticipation or fear sending electricity down my lower belly. “What are you d–”

“Tsk tsk, I said not to move. Didn’t I?” He’s back on top of me in a split second, putting a hand on my chest to push me back down. He drags his hand down my breasts, pinching one nipple at a time through my dress, making them perk for him, and then lower again until he rips my lace thong away and throws it on the other side of the limo.

“Jake! I-I need this.”

He doesn’t bother replying before his knuckles graze my wet entrance, then my swollen clit. I don’t even try to refrain my moans. I know he’s going to get them out of me either way. I start to buck my hips to meet his teasing hand and as I’m about to grab his wrist he grabs both of mine again.

“Do you trust me?” he whispers in my ear.

I can only nod. My breath hitches when he puts a finger in me, and I start moving to the rhythm of his hand. Another follows, driving me crazy with lust. He curls them, sending a jolt of electricity through my entire body, and the pad of his thumb presses hard on my clit.

“Yes,” I pant. “Oh my Gosh, Jake…”

He slowly pulls his hand away and my eyes fly open. I’m about to say something but his lips crash on mine in a kiss so feral I almost come from this alone.

“More,” I pant as he pulls away. “I need to come.”

He smiles down at me and wraps the trench coat belt around my wrists. I hadn’t even realized that he was still holding it.

“Jake,” I panic but he thrusts his hips forward and the bulge in his pants rip out another moan from me. A moment later my wrists are tied together above my head.

“Be a good girl, keep them above your head.”

His head dips between my legs and at the first lick my hands come down to grab his hair. He brings his head back above mine.

“Jamie,” he warns, and I bring my hands back above my head straight away.

He grabs the belt and pulls, stretching my arms far above. I can feel he’s hooking it to something but when I try to look, he’s in the way.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

His only response is to kiss me again. He trails kisses down until he’s at my thighs and my legs quiver with need.

“I wouldn’t try to put your arms down if I were you. I’ve locked the car from the outside but if you pull the handle the door will definitely open.”

I can feel my eyes widen. I look up at the door just to confirm my fear. He’s hooked the belt tightly to the door handle. One pull and the door will open.

“This…someone’s going to see us. It’s not a good idea.”

“But it’s my idea and I’m the one who decides.” Another wave of pleasure pools between my legs at his words.

“If you comply, I’ll let you come, Angel.” He accompanies his words by pushing his fingers in my pussy, making me jump with pleasure.

My arms automatically pull slightly, thankfully not enough to open the door. My heart races as I push my hands against the door to avoid the reflex of bringing my hands down.

My breath hitches as he plays with my clit and I can feel myself starting to lose it. His hand pulls away again and he doesn’t fail to notice the cry that escapes my lips.

“You need to trust me, baby. When I decide it’s safer for me to carry, you just go with it because I can’t have you forgetting who’s in charge.”

He strokes my pussy again, making everything inside me tighten, and it takes all my strength to push the words out of my mouth. “I worry for you. Not only is it illegal but you put yourself at risk by carrying a gun. It scares me.”

“I scare you?” he asks, surprised.

“Guns scare me.”

He pulls away from me for a second to reach behind his back and pulls out his gun in front of him.

“This scares you baby?” he asks in his evil voice. My heart picks up and cold panic runs through every cell of my body.

“Jake, this isn’t funny.” I want to pull at my binds, but I’m quickly reminded that I’m half-naked in a limo with hundreds of students not far. I can’t help Camila’s words coming back to my mind.

You think this is all just a bit of fun, but I can promise you he gets worse. As soon as you find comfort in the way he is, he’ll push your limits further. Then further again…and again.

He runs the tip of the gun against my cheek, and I fail to jerk my head away.

Why? Why don’t I try to stop him? Why can’t I stop the wetness from running down my thighs?

He traces my lips with it and runs it down my belly, sending chills down my spine.

There’s nothing that can stop my moan when he settles it between my legs. I’m scared. I’m scared and excited. So much that the anticipation of what he’s going to do next makes my thighs clamp around his hand. The initial coldness quickly passes as my burning core and juices warm the weapon.

“You’re dripping Angel,” he growls in his low, animalistic voice.

He starts rubbing the barrel against my pussy and clit. The pleasure zapping through my body forces me to cry out. His eyes shine with lust as mine start closing with heaviness. He shifts slightly, moving the gun a little slower and circling my swollen clit with it.

“Jake,” I moan. “Faster.”

He chuckles and slows down even more, making me whine a wordless complaint. I move my hips, desperate for a quicker pace.

“Such a greedy Angel.”

The pleasure is too slow and overwhelming. I can feel sweat rolling down my temples from the need to come. My moans turn into desperate cries exploding from my chest. I try everything; I squirm to get more pleasure, I buck my hips at a quicker rhythm. He just keeps his torturously slow pace. I don’t know how long I fight him, practically sobbing from the frustration, but when I finally decide to calm down, stop moving and wait for him to decide, he smiles at me.

“That’s a good girl. There’s no point in trying to go against my decisions. You know I always get my way.”

He finally accelerates. Harder, faster and it takes less than a minute for me to break apart. To forget everything around me, the car, the belt, the fact that he’s making me come with a gun between my legs. Every cell in my body is electrified by the sensation and any fear I had is overcome by pure, intense, blissful, and shameless pleasure.

He muffles my scream with his mouth before putting the gun right beside my head on the seat. I’m struggling to keep my eyes open from the pleasure but his voice in my ear brings me back to life.

“I’m going to fuck you so hard, everyone in that house will know you’re mine.”

The sound of his zipper, the rip of the condom package, and an instant later he’s slamming into me, my wetness allowing him to slide home easily.

He fucks me relentlessly and each stroke holds no mercy on my body. When he slows down, it’s only to grab the gun and put it to my lips.

“Clean,” he orders in a barely controlled groan.

I stick my tongue out and let him rub the barrel of the gun against my tongue. I take the initiative to take it slightly deeper in my mouth and roll my tongue around it before he pulls it back out, a satisfied growl rumbling from his chest. His movements grow harsher, his hips hitting against my pelvis quicker. He pulls away slightly, taking a shaking breath to control himself. He’s still partly inside me and he now moves in shorter movements, rubbing the perfect spot rather than slamming inside me.

“Aah…” I cry out as he rolls his hips to the rhythm of mine. He stops for a couple of seconds before going all the way in again, it’s not fast but it’s hard. Hard enough to make me scream.

“You ready to come for me, Angel?”

I nod, my breathing too ragged to form any word. God, I was ready to come long ago.

“Good. Don’t.”

The pleas that go past my lips are incomprehensible. There are no actual words, only breathless moans that beg for release.

“You come when I say so.”

I nod again, hoping following his lead will grant me mercy. I can feel the beginning of uncontrollable electricity shooting from my lower belly and he must see it on my face because his dexterous fingers slip between us. I expect a flick, some rubbing, anything to help me. Instead, I get a harsh pinch on my clit. I cry out in pain. There was no pleasure in the gesture whatsoever and he knows it.

“I…I can’t hold it,” I breathe out.

His devilish grin doesn’t give me much hope. “But you are going to hold it a little longer. Unless you want me to stop right now?” A slow, languid roll of his hips warns me to listen.

“No, no. Please, don’t stop.”

He slams hard and my head hits the door. He lays over me, his forehead against mine, his lips close enough to be a delicious temptation. I lick my lips, begging him to take my mouth and he only smiles in return. I feel his hand on top of my head and realize he’s stopping me from repeatedly banging my head against the door. He pushes hard another time, and another. A pause, another…I have to bite my lip hard to bring some pain into the mix, anything to balance the pleasure that is attempting to force an orgasm out of me. I feel his breath against my ear and the words I was waiting for finally land.

“You can come.”

When I cry out his name, he pulls up and smiles down at me like he’s won a trophy. Like he knows something I don’t. A secret so well guarded, only he knows that it even exists. But when he curses as he comes, I smile back. Oh, we are both so deep into our insanity.

As soon as we’re back inside, I run to the bathroom. I spend long enough there to rinse between my legs but not long enough to get over the fact that I’m not wearing any underwear anymore.

I take another few minutes to rearrange my hair, my makeup, and send a text to Emily to ask where she is. She never replied to the previous one, I doubt she’ll reply to this one. I’m about to put my phone back in my purse when a text from Jake pops up.

Jake: Everything okay? You’ve been gone for ages.

I quickly type that I’m still freshening up but before I can hit send, another message pops up.

Jake: Did I go too far? The safety was on, I promise.

It’s scary to think that he doesn’t know in the heat of the moment if he is going too far or not. I know the need to control everything takes over him sometimes, and I know I’m the one he takes it out on. That’s how our relationship started after all.

The thing is, I liked it then and I still like it now. Technically, it’s wrong. But physically and emotionally it feels so damn right that I would be a liar if I replied that he went too far. To anyone else, he probably did. But to my fucked-up self? I loved every second of it. The fear, the anticipation, the panic that gets overtaken by sheer pleasure. I’ve never felt like that before and there’s only one person that can bring this to me. Only Jake.

Jamie: Honestly? … no.

I can almost hear his sigh of relief. I know he doesn’t want to repeat the same mistake he did with Camila. He doesn’t want to mold me into someone who likes it the way he does just to keep him. But he doesn’t have to mold me, our broken pieces already fit together perfectly.

Jamie: I’ll only be another minute.

I look at myself another time to make sure everything is fine and leave the bathroom. I’m about to walk the long hallway back to the living area when Emily replies to me, saying she’s in the backyard but leaving soon. I turn around and make my way to the Orangery leading to the backyard.

I’ll find Emily and let Jake know where we are exactly. As I pass two loungers, I notice two girls arguing in hushed voices. It doesn’t take me long to recognize Rose’s husky whisper and Rachel’s sweet voice.

“…but I won’t stop seeing him, Rach’, you gotta understand that,” Rose says.

I stop a second in the dark because my curiosity is stronger than anything else and I’m sure Emily will love to hear about it.

“It’s different to see him and to not want to tell me where you are or what you do with him. You go completely M.I.A. on me when you’re with him, Rose, that’s not okay. Surely even you can comprehend that?” Rachel’s voice is calm and composed and it contrasts with Rose’s unpredictable personality.

They’re sitting in complete darkness and I have to squint my eyes to see that they’re sitting opposite each other and Rose is holding both of Rachel’s hands in hers like she’s afraid she’s going to fly away like those helium balloons you get at the fair. Rose throws her head back in a groan.

“You know I hate when you talk to me like I’m some sort of fuckboy or something. Yes, Rachel, I can comprehend that you don’t like it when I don’t reply to you when I’m with Sam. I get busy, that’s it.”

“Can you hear yourself right now, Rose?” Rachel’s voice rises and I don’t think I’ve ever heard it above a calm tone. “You get busy, is that your explanation? Is that why you disappear for whole nights and days? How do you think I feel when Jake calls me because he thinks you’re with me and you’re with him instead? Where do you guys go? What do you do with him?”

Rose runs her hand through her hair, and I can’t see, but I can imagine her jaw ticking like Jake’s does.

“Why does it matter? We chill, he’s my friend.”

“Fine,” Rachel almost shouts. She pulls her hands away from Rose’s and gets up. “Since you want me to spell it out because you’re such a shady bitch: Do you cheat on me with him? Have you ever? Just tell me the fucking truth, I swear don’t make me feel like I’m crazy for asking this.”

Rose doesn’t raise her voice. She stays calm. “No. I would never cheat on you, you know that. Why you even ask is beyond me.”

“Beyond you? I ask because you don’t share shit. I ask because you’re a liar and you know you are. You would rather lie than get in trouble. To me, to your brother, to everyone.”

“I lie when it’s necessary. When I don’t want to chat about pointless shit. You know me better than anyone Rach’, you know if I think a conversation will lead nowhere then there’s no point having it.”

Rose slowly gets up and puts a hand on each side of Rachel’s face.

“I love you. I’d never cheat on you. I’ve known Sam since I was a little girl. He’s a constant in my life. But he lives in a world that’s so different from ours, I just have to adapt. I have to because I don’t want to not see him. I don’t want to lose him again.”

“His world is not that different. You spent half of your night tonight with him. He’s at the same party as us. In fact, he’s never really far.”

“Yeah, I spent half the night arguing with him,” Rose scoffs.

“Stop finding excuses!”

There’s a long silence and I’m about to leave when Rachel’s words make my curiosity take over my common sense.

“Do you love him?” Rachel’s voice is barely audible anymore like she’s ashamed of asking it.

“Baby, no one compares to you.”

“Answer the question, Rose.”

“I,” Rose gets closer to Rachel. They’re so close I think they’re kissing for a second but when I hear Rose’s voice again, it’s clear they’re not. “Yes. But not like I love you. I don’t think so.”

“You don’t think so?” Rachel rips herself away from Rose. “You don’t think so?”

“Rach, please–”

“No. I gave you everything. My energy, my tears…my heart. Do you know what love is? It’s putting up with your girlfriend’s lies. With the missing info. It’s putting up with the breaks so you can go fuck some other girls out of your system. It’s seeing Jason every day when I know he fucks you behind Beth’s back whenever you grant him the chance. It’s soothing you from nightmares every night when you won’t even tell me why it scares you to close your fucking door.” Rachel takes a ragged breath, her voice broken by soft sobs.

“It’s seeing past the fact that you escape all your fucking problems with drugs and meaningless sex. That’s love, Rose. And I gave you all I had of it. All of it. But you wouldn’t know because you’re broken. I’m so sorry because I don’t know what made you this way, but you’re so fucking broken and I’m done trying to fix you.”

Rachel’s words are so strong they hit me hard. I can’t see Rose’s reaction. I can only see her taking a step back like she’s just been stabbed in the chest.

With a voice lower than usual she keeps her reply simple. “You’re right. And it’s not fair to you.”

Rachel lets out a cold chuckle. “Why am I even surprised you’re not fighting to save us? You just accept it. It’s that easy.”

There’s a short silence before Rachel speaks again. As if she was giving Rose a chance to correct herself. “We had a nice ride. But I think we’re over for good this time. No more breaks, Rose. No more us.”

“I don’t want that.”

“But I do and, for once, I’m going to put myself first.”

“You’re breaking my heart. I hope you know that.”

Rachel lets out a small genuine laugh. “No. I’m really not. You don’t know what it’s like to get your heart broken. And even if you do, you’re Rose White. Someone will come fix it in no time.”

Rachel leaves before Rose can say another word. When she walks past me, she pauses from surprise for a second but doesn’t say anything. She just wipes the tears that are falling from her eyes and keeps walking.

I shouldn’t have stayed. I’ve intruded on an important moment in their lives and relationship. Guilt gnaws at me, but I feel like now that I know, Rose could probably use a friend. I take a step toward her as I see her sit back down on the lounger, put her arms on her knees, and her head on her arms.

“Rose,” I say as I approach.

She doesn’t lift her head, but I can hear her loud and clear. “Fuck off, Jamie. And, by the way, eavesdropping is rude as fuck.” Her voice is threatening enough for me to get the message.

I take a few steps back and hurry to the backyard.

As soon as I’m outside I take a deep breath. That was intense and the cold air can only do me good.

The patio is made of dark blue hard tiles until the floor turns into lawn. They even have outside warmers like those fancy restaurants on Stoneview main street. The only lights are the countless fairy lights that surround the yard. Not everyone’s face is clear, but it’s lit enough to continue the party outside.

I try to relax a little. Rose won’t be mad at me. She has bigger things to worry about. How long has she been with Rachel? Their on and off relationship has been going on forever. And she loves her, that much is clear. Yet, she still doesn’t open herself up to her. It’s like Rachel knows nothing of Rose’s life prior to Stoneview. Like me with Jake. I know he loves me. We haven’t said it to each other but it’s there, it’s real. Then when will he open up about his past? He avoids the topic like the plague. He always has an excuse not to talk about it. He will change the topic in any way he can, more often than not he will push me to my knees and fuck my mouth as a punishment for asking things I shouldn’t. I know Stoneview Jake and I know what hides behind the mask, but I don’t know what made him this way. And right now I’m scared I never will.

“You look like you just got told off, beautiful.”

I jump at the voice that I recognize too easily. My heartbeat doubles as I turn to my right, towards the familiar face.

Beautiful ashy blond hair in a small bun, a jaw so hard it could cut concrete, dark glasses surrounding deep, dark, blue eyes.

“Nathan,” I breathe out. I can’t even hide my surprise and swallow thickly to try and ground myself.