Giving Away by Lola King

CHAPTER 11

‘So when you hold my hand, do you wanna hold my heart?’

Boys Like You – Anna Clendening

Jamie

The rest of the week goes at different paces. Classes are too slow because I have to keep my hands off Jake, or I don’t share them with him. Evenings go too quickly, and it seems Jake sleeping at mine every night is not enough time together. I thought giving in would mean I would get satiated from the craving to constantly feel his body, be overwhelmed by his scent, and hear his deep voice, but it seems it’s only making it worse. Nothing is enough. We can’t touch each other enough, we can’t laugh enough, can’t talk enough. We simply can’t get enough of each other.

On Tuesday we waited until everyone had left lacrosse practice so we could hang out before both heading our own ways. Well, at least that was the plan. We ended up having sex in the girls’ locker room. In that same shower Camila and Beth had kicked me in. How ironic.

I lasted four days, refusing him to drive me to school. This morning I let him drive me here and as I’m getting into his car after class, I can hardly ignore the hate stares from some of the girls. One in particular.

“Don’t mind her,” Jake says as he opens the passenger door for me. Who would have thought he could be such a gentleman? Not me. He puts a hand on the small of my back to incite me to get in the car. Once the door is closed, I let out a long breath. I glance at Camila who’s still shooting daggers at me and I look away in a split second. This girl gives me chills. Especially because I’ve been finding notes in my locker telling me to stay away from Jake.

Jake sits next to me and starts the car.

“She scares me,” I say only half-jokingly.

He chuckles as he reverses out of his parking spot. “She can only make assumptions since you won’t let me anywhere near you in public.”

“You’re near me now,” I smile.

“I meant in a boyfriend sort of way,” he growls. Why do I find it so cute?

“Surely you can understand why,” I insist. “I don’t think it’ll only be dark looks and threatening notes if she and her friends learn we’re actually together.”

His hand on my thigh reassures me as he squeezes.

“I hate to say it…but she knows I cheated on her with you. It can’t get much worse than that.”

I almost choke on air at his statement. “Jake!” I scoff. “Don’t…That’s not what happened. I never wanted you to cheat on her!”

“I definitely did,” he chuckles. “You’re coming to mine tonight by the way.”

I roll my eyes because he’s been trying this every night of the week and every night he’s ended up at my house. I give him a knowing look and he huffs.

“It’s Friday, aren’t you gonna go to some party somewhere?” I know he missed a lot of get-togethers with his friends this week, and not only his close ones. He missed one of the many lacrosse pre-season parties on Wednesday to stay home with me.

“No. It’s the last night the Murrays are here, I can’t sleep at yours. Please come,” he insists.

“I’d rather stay at my house, Jake. We have all weekend to hang out. It’s fine.”

He pouts and I can’t help a giggle. “Stop it,” I say as I slap his arm.

My phone beeps in my bag and he looks at me, eyes filled with questions. “It’s been going off all day, Angel. You gotta tell me if it’s him.”

I only nod because it’s not something I want to talk about.

“Let me talk to him,” he grits.

“Absolutely not. If I’m not answering, neither are you. He’ll get the message eventually.”

His only response is a low growl and I shake my head at him. Caveman.

After dropping me off, Jake leaves me promising to spend the day with me tomorrow.

It’s strange having gone from a hate relationship to being so openly adoring each other, yet somehow it feels the most natural I’ve ever felt in years. This game of cat and mouse we’ve been playing for months got us attached to the other. As if we already needed to be part of each other’s lives but couldn’t find the right way to do so. It’s like our bodies and minds were meant to fit perfectly together.

What I had with Nathan doesn’t even compare. It’s strange to realize that I truly thought I was in love with him when really…it wasn’t a quarter of what I feel for Jake. Only, I know that’s not something I could tell Jake. It’s too early.

It’s late when I’m making food on FaceTime with mom, finally catching up on some of what’s going on in Tennessee and telling her about the worst customers at the café.

“Anyway,” I wave the wooden spoon in the air after explaining that Mr. Baker stopped by last week before going back to New York. “Wanna see my latest grade?”

“Is that a real question? Of course I want to.”

I leave for a second to go grab my backpack. I could tell her I got an A+ in Calculus, but I love showing her the red mark on my papers. It makes me proud to see her eyes light up every time. I unzip my backpack and throw my hand inside to fish my calculus notebook. I go back to the kitchen and open my notebook to find the sheet I had folded and put in there but the only thing that falls off is a note.

Another damn note.

How many times do you need to be warned? Stay away from him.

This is getting ridiculous. I scrunch it up and throw it in the recycling. What a bitch. I grab my grade and show it to my mom.

“Sweetie, I’m so proud of you,” she smiles as her green eyes light up on the screen. Her face is suddenly replaced by Jake’s trying to call me.

“Oh, mom, let me give you a call back.”

“Is that your boyfriend,” she winks.

“Oh Gosh, I should have never mentioned him. We’ve been seeing each other for like a week. Please don’t be like this.”

“Well as long as he’s keeping his hands to himself.”

“Right. Bye, mom. Love you.”

By the time I hang up with her I’ve missed Jake’s call and I’ve got a text from him.

Jake: Dinner with the Murrays was shorter than planned. I’m heading to Jason’s party with the guys. Let me pick you up?

I smile at his attempt to bring me to a party, but my previous ones haven’t exactly been a great experience.

Jamie: I’m going to have an early night but thanks for the invite xoxo

I try to ignore the voice inside me that is scared of him being at a party where Camila will be, and focus on the fact that he knows he cannot mess things up with me.

But it’s not only Camila. He’s got a reputation at parties.

I shake my head to chase the bad thoughts away. This is exactly why I don’t want everyone to know about us yet. I’m basically giving us time to fuck things up. I keep my distance emotionally while I see if we can do this.

A small laugh escapes my lips. Who am I kidding? I’ve been emotionally involved with this guy since his eyes landed on mine in English class on our first day of senior year. Jake White has had my heart in the palm of his hand before he even wanted it. The chemical reactions in my brain when he’s around is something neither of us can control. I’ll just have to pray he doesn’t throw what we have away at a stupid party.

Dinner in front of reality TV on my own is not the most exciting part of my day but I’m glad to get some rest and quiet. For a girl who is used to having homework as company, the last few weeks have been rather eventful.

My mind drifts back to my first time with Jake and all the other times since. This guy plays my body like an instrument he knows inside out, and I instantly feel pleasure pooling between my legs at the memories. I slip a hand under my leggings and press my index on my entrance, spreading some of my wetness and bringing it to my clit. A low moan escapes my lips as I circle my bundle of nerves. It feels good but it feels nothing like Jake touching me. I keep rubbing, using more fingers for more friction and I’m on the edge of climax when a loud knock on my front door makes me jump. I instantly pull my hand out of my leggings and check the time. No one should be knocking on my door at eleven at night.

Excited at the prospect that Jake changed his mind and decided to spend the evening here rather than at Jason’s party, I walk to the door.

I open the door full of hope, but my heart stops when I see who is standing in front of me. The same ocean eyes as Jake, the same malice in his traits, but it’s not him.

I go to slam the door, but Nathan puts his hand on it, holding it open.

“Please, I just want to talk.”

“No,” I say firmly. “You’re not coming in here again.”

He pushes his way in and slams the door behind him, making me jump.

I want to ask him to leave. I want to shout for help or run to my phone and call Jake, but I’m too preoccupied with the cut on his lip, the dry blood under his slightly swollen nose, and the bruise forming on his red cheek.

“What happened to you?” I whisper, almost too ashamed to voice my worry out loud. Was there a Wolf outside again? That’s impossible, it’s not like them to take too much risk.

“Aah…that, beautiful. That’s just my sweet little brother and his two besties jumping me out of nowhere because he’s too fucking weak to take me on his own.” I can hardly believe what he’s saying but I know how Jake can get.

I need to tell him to leave. Now.

“Are you okay?” That is not what I should have asked.

“I don’t know. You tell me.” He stumbles forward as he tries to take a step and that’s when it hits me. The slur in his words, the smell of whiskey. He’s completely drunk.

In our almost three months relationship, I haven’t seen him drink once. Then again, it wouldn’t be the only thing he hid from me.

“You’re drunk,” I say as if he didn’t already know. He walks past me and heads for the kitchen.

“You got any whiskey in here?” He opens cupboards in the kitchen, holding onto the handles so he doesn’t fall and growls when he realizes all we have is snacks and sodas.

“Nathan, you need to-”

“You know, ‘Me, I can understand Jake being pissed that I hit Ozy. Fuck, I get pissed at myself when I do that.” He turns back and walks towards me, meeting me in the middle of my small living room.

“You shouldn’t have hit her,” I agree.

“Yeah, I fucking know that. And Jake has every right to want to beat me up for it. But number one,” he holds a finger up too close to my face, “fucking Christopher fucking Murray doesn’t get to tell me shit. Who the fuck does he think he is, telling me how to treat my little sister? She ain’t his to fucking defend. I can defend her just fine.” He has no idea he barely makes sense but I’m not sure how to stop him. “What? Is he in love with her or something?”

“I really don’t think he–”

“He doesn’t get to be in love with her. He’s not good enough. Sam ain’t good enough. No one is. You know? She’s just…” he lets out a long huff and brings his sleeves up to his elbows. “She needs to be taken care of. She’s too precious for her own good. She needs protection…she…I couldn’t…” He takes a few steps in a circle until he’s back in front of me, using his palm to rub his forehead. “I didn’t protect her. I was too fucking scared, ‘Me. I was a coward and Jake…he was too young.”

I have no idea what he’s going on about anymore but the pain in his voice and the tears glistening in his eyes tell me this is about much more than Chris being protective over Rose. His head drops to his chest in shame and sadness.

“Nathan, she’s fine. With the Murrays, with Chris and Jake. She’s fine.”

I put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, but he suddenly grabs my wrist violently.

He looks up and the look in his eyes has gone from guilty to predatory. I try to take a step back, but he follows, holding me tight.

“Number two,” he growls. “Jake might be right in warning me not to lose my shit against our sister, but in what fucking world does he think he can order me to stay away from you?”

The lump of panic forming in my throat and the fear gripping my stomach stop me from breathing correctly. “He’s just trying to help–” His other hand wraps my jaw so tightly that I can’t finish my sentence.

“I swear to god, ‘Me, if you let him touch you the way I touched you. If you fall for him…I’ll fucking raise hell.”

“Nathan, you’re hurting me. Let go.” I try to keep a voice of steel, but he can perfectly read me.

“I take full responsibility for the lies, but I won’t let you throw away what we had. I won’t let you choose him.”

“We’re not together anymore. It doesn’t matter what I do now. It’s none of your business.”

“You said you loved me.” His head falls in the crook of my neck and I have to take further steps back. Surely we can’t be back to this conversation? Our relationship has gone past anything reparable. I’m forced to stop when my back hits the wall. His face doesn’t leave my skin and I can smell the whiskey on him, on his breath. His hair smells of cigarettes and his body feels heavy on mine as if he can’t hold himself properly.

“You’re drunk,” I whisper. I’m scared if I raise my voice he’ll flip.

“Not too long ago, I was making you come in this house, on this sofa, in your bed. You told me you were in love with me. A few weeks? Is that what it takes for you to get over me?”

No. It took a few hours because I was always involved with Jake. Because Jake was always on my mind. Because it was always him.

For a second I think I’m going to tell him but I’m too much of a coward to say the truth, so I tell him part of why we were doomed.

“You lied to me. Our relationship was based on nothing but lies and that is your fault.”

“Who gave me away? That morning you were fine, then I get out of the shower and you suddenly see a tattoo you had missed hundreds of times before. Who was it? Who told you?” he seethes. “Was it, Jake?”

I hadn’t even thought about this again. That unknown number…it must have been Jake, who else?

“I don’t know,” I shake my head. “It was an unknown number.”

I push at his chest and thankfully he’s drunk enough to stagger back. He lets go of my jaw but not my wrist. I pull at it and try to snatch it back but there’s nothing to do.

“I won’t let you go, ‘Me,” he slurs, and I know he’s not talking about my wrist. “I fucked up. I fucked up so bad. Please, I’ll tell you anything you want to know. The whole truth. Fuck, I’ll do anything.”

The anger boiling in me threatens to overflow and I stand stronger, feeling a sort of courage I had never felt before. It’s about time I tell at least one of the White brothers they can’t play with people like toys.

“I want you to leave. That’s what you can do,” I say in a voice cold enough to make his eyebrows rise in surprise. The fact that I got to him refills my cup of courage. “If you think after burning my notebook, after all the lies and deceptions we still have a chance…You must think I really am a stupid girl. We’re over, Nathan. Now just leave before this goes too far.” The threat in my voice makes it sound like he’s the one in danger if it goes too far when we both know it isn’t true.

I expect him to retaliate. Instead, he takes a few deep breaths and lets go of my wrist. “I’m only leaving because it’s not the right moment to talk. I’m fucking drunk and beaten up but this conversation is not over.”

I don’t reply because this is over. To me, there is nothing more to say but I need him to leave my house. He heads towards the door and looks at me one last time. His dirty blond hair is messy and not in its usual bun, his button-up shirt is undone from his suit pants and he’s looking at me like he’s carrying the pain of the whole world on his shoulders.

“You’re making a huge mistake, ‘Me. You two simply can’t work. He’ll break your heart.”

It’s too hard to stay calm. I’ve lost that naïve innocence I had only a few weeks ago. Who does he think he is telling me what to do or not to do? He’s been lying for months. It’s like I don’t know him, and I feel stupid and dirtied having let someone I didn’t truly know touch me the way I’ve let him.

“You want to talk about breaking my heart?!” I snap. “I was attacked by Volkov’s guy for fuck’s sake. At my workplace. Just because you’re oh so important to Bianco and I was important to you. You put me in danger by hiding the truth.”

I was surprised when a Wolf came to the café. To attack me? Finish the job after so long? No, it wasn’t possible. When I understood how involved Nathan was with them, it made more sense. But he let me believe it, let me fear for my life thinking they were coming after me. They weren’t, they were after him.

“You came here last time, threatened me, and destroyed my work under the pretense of protecting me. You’re either stupid or naïve, the only person the Wolves are after is you. You want to protect me? Stay away. You’re only a danger to me.”

The flash of pain on his face only lasts a second but it’s enough to know I’ve hit hard. He lets out a desperate chuckle and his chin falls to his chest. He shakes his head as he brings it back up and looks at me with a mocking grin. Like he knows secrets I don’t, like he understands things I would never.

“And you think Jake isn’t? You think he’s such a good guy, don’t you?”

Good guy is not the first thing that would come to my mind when I think of Jake. But the more I get to know him, the more I think it’s possible for him to be good to me at least.

“Fuck,” he huffs. “If you knew the things he’s done. You might not choose me, but you definitely wouldn’t choose him either.”

He exits without looking back. I thought I had won this round, but his last words leave me with a thousand questions and a hint of regret at the back of my mouth.

If you knew the things he’s done…

◆◆◆

I’m looking at my silky dark green dress in the mirror of Jake’s room and shrug. This isn’t exactly the dress I wanted to wear but it’s not like I could have afforded the other one. Jake offered to pay but I refused. I worked hard to buy myself a dress for the winter ball and I’ll go with what I can afford.

The three weeks coming to the Christmas break have been emotionally confusing. Jake and I are spending every single minute outside of school together and he is slowly making his way into my heart for a whole new reason than he already had.

Before we decided to give each other a chance, he was my drug because of the physical reactions he was getting out of me. He was my dirty secret that I wouldn’t allow myself to fall for. He was in my every thought because he was forbidden.

Now…now it’s a whole different story. The cravings are heightened, the drug-induced states he puts me in are addictive, but the way my heart reacts around him is indescribable. The drunken feeling I get when he opens up to me, when he takes care of me, when he deposits butterfly kisses on my cheeks out of nowhere or when his dimples pop out as he laughs, is an experience out of this world. It has become almost impossible to keep away from him in front of others and Luke and Rose have been begging us to stop hiding because everyone knows something is going on.

Of course, I haven’t forgotten Nathan’s words, but I don’t believe them. The Jake I’m in love with is the one I want to believe in, not the poisonous lies his brother spreads. I am well aware of Jake’s dark side, of the things he’s done, to me especially. But I’m also witnessing the way he blooms when he’s with me.

I didn’t tell him Nathan came to my house. The day after, when I saw his and Chris’ grazed knuckles, I didn’t say anything. I know there are things Jake doesn’t want to talk about, and I reserve the right to keep this for myself too. There is no point discussing Nathan anymore, it’s in the past. All I’m focusing on is the way Jake is slowly letting go of his old demons and turning into a truly happy person. Knowing I’m the one doing this to him erases any other mistakes we’ve both made to get where we are now. I might be fucked up thinking this way, but I don’t care, we’ll be fucked up together.

I accepted going to the Winter ball with him, and tonight we’re not going to hide anymore. I don’t care what Camila thinks. I don’t care about the jealous stares and the guys who think he’s settling down while I’m punching above my weight. I’m in love with him and the only thing that does scare me is that he might not love me back.

“You look like…an angel.” Two arms slither around my waist as I look up to see Jake standing behind me in the mirror. “My angel,” he continues before dropping a kiss on the top of my head.

For this ball, I opted for a short satin dress that embraces my body flawlessly, like a cascade of water following my small curves. My tan skin goes perfectly with the dark green and my eyes pop out like two gold spots on my face.

Jake slides a finger under the slim strap and hovers above my scar. “You’re beautiful, I like when you show yourself like that.”

It’s true that since Jake has been loving my body in the way he does so well, I’ve been feeling more comfortable to show myself, especially the scar I used to be so adamant on hiding.

“Do we have to go?” he asks. “I’d be fine keeping you here all to myself.”

I giggle as his mouth kisses my neck and my body contorts under the soft tickling of his lips on my skin.

“We’ll have fun, I promise,” I reply as I turn around to face him. I go on the tip of my toes and put my arms around his neck.

“Wow, what happened to us? Since when do I want to stay in and you have to convince me to go out?” he chuckles.

I laugh and leave a quick kiss on his lips before going to put my shoes on. “I don’t know, you’re changing me, Jake White.”

He lets out a small laugh and grabs me from behind pushing both of us onto the bed. He spoons me as one of his hands comes around my throat and the other between my thighs. My breath hitches as he dips below my dress and cups my pussy.

“Mm, so warm,” he murmurs in my ear.

I can only nod as he pushes my underwear to the side and slides a finger inside me, the heel of his hand resting on my clit.

“I forgot to mention the after-party is at Cal’s, Jason’s brother. He’s got a huge ass mansion in Silver Falls.”

“Right,” I breathe as pleasure spreads in my whole body. Who cares? It could be on the moon right now, I would still agree to go.

He puts another finger in and my eyes roll to the back of my head as my mouth falls slack.

“And so, we offered to pregame here since we’re the closest to school.” I nod again and try to ask if that’s why he already smells of weed but the only thing that comes out of my mouth is a loud moan.

He laughs a little before his hand on my throat slides to my mouth.

“All this to say, a lot of our friends are in the living room right now.”

I try to push his hand away from my mouth, but he doesn’t move.

“Did you just hear the part where I said people are in the living room? You’re loud, baby, and I should be the only one who gets to hear your moans.”

I’m about to protest doing this when there are so many people so close, but his fingers accelerate, picking up the pace of the friction of his hand on my clit. The lack of oxygen from his hand on my face makes me slightly dizzy and I squirm, bringing myself closer to unbearable pleasure. He drops kisses on my neck, going up, licking my earlobe.

“How does it feel, Angel? Knowing our friends are waiting on the other side of the wall while I turn you into my little slut in here?”

I clench around him and as soon as he curls his fingers, the tips hitting the magic spot. My cries of climax are drowned out by his hand. I shake against his body behind mine and my thighs clamp around his hand.

“You’re such a good girl,” he whispers in my ear and another shiver of pleasure runs down my spine. As I’m coming down from my high, he retreats and re-arranges his beautiful charcoal suit.

“Angel?”

“Mmm,” I hum, still enjoying the aftermath of my orgasm.

“When I say a lot of our friends are here, I just want to warn you that it includes Camila.”

My heart drops in my stomach and I sit up straight on the bed in a split second. “What?” I choke.

“I don’t want her here, but she’s part of the group. It’s not like I can say much about it.”

I get up and rearrange my dress. “Jake…this girl is horrible to me! It’s one thing to see her at school but at your house? Tonight was meant to be about us.”

I hate how I sound right now but the truth is, I know Camila will try to ruin my night. No matter how much I try to tell myself that he played her, that I was part of what hurt her too, I just can’t bring myself to feel bad for her. The second she gets the chance, she’ll stab me. It doesn’t even have to be in the back, the bitch would be happy to let me watch as she approaches with the knife.

He takes me in his arms and runs his hand through my hair. I can hear his heart beating fast against his chest and somehow it reassures me to know he gets like this when he’s close to me as well.

“She’s not going to say anything to you because I’ll be by your side at all times. It’s only while we all drink up before going to the ball.”

“And at the ball and at the after-party in Silver Falls. Do we even have to go?”

He pulls away and holds me at arm’s length to look at me.

“You didn’t seem to mind the after-party a minute ago.”

I roll my eyes but can’t help my lips spreading into a smile. “That wasn’t even fair,” I fake pout.

“I don’t play fair, Angel, you know that.” He bops my nose and I giggle at his touch.

Why is it that everything he does always makes me feel like a kid who just got their favorite ice-cream? Not just my favorite ice-cream. It’s like I walked into the parlor, they told the kid in front of me the best flavor had run out and when I get to them, they had saved the last scoop for me. I re-adjust the bow around his neck as he pushes my hair away from my face and behind my ears.

“You smell like heaven. Can someone become addicted to a smell?” he whispers.

“You smell like weed,” I joke back.

He messes my hair again, making me gasp. “Jake!”

“I pre-pre gamed with Luke and Ozy. I needed something to relax before telling you Camila is coming over.”

“I’m the one who needs something to relax now. Is she here already?”

“I think pretty much everyone has started without us.”

Only now do I realize the music coming from the living room. “Right.”

“I’m more than happy to provide you with something to relax,” he says as he starts putting his shoes on.

“I think I’m alright.”

He straightens back up, gives me a deep kiss that awakens a hundred butterflies in my stomach, and takes my hand tightly in his.

“Let’s enjoy tonight. I promise it’s going to be you and me.”

I smile at him as we start walking out of the room.

Jake and Rose’s small living room is full of their friends. I spotted Camila and Beth straight away when we came out of the hallway. She hasn’t said anything to me in the last hour and I’m actually starting to believe she won’t dare since Jake isn’t leaving my side.

Luke and Emily have been whisper-arguing in a corner of the room since probably before I arrived. I want to know what is going on and bring her support, especially as I see her blushing from frustration and the attention it might bring to them, but we still haven’t spoken since our argument. It’s been a month now and I’m starting to worry that we really went too far.

Rose, Chris, Rachel, and Jason are on the sofa, drinking from solo cups and chatting away. Rose has her head on Rachel’s lap while the latter is stroking her hair and the former smoking a joint, passing it around to everyone on the sofa.

“Jas’, for the love of God, Rachel isn’t interested in a threesome with you. Stop asking before I bury your head into this table.” I hear Chris’ half-joke to his friend.

“Rachel hasn’t exactly said no,” Jason insists. “And I know Rose wouldn’t mind.”

Rose’s loud, raspy laugh resonates in the room. “I think what Rach is too shy to say to you is that she only sleeps with people that can make her come. I’m afraid you don’t meet that requirement.”

The whole group laughs and a smile tugs at my lips. She has no filter.

There are a lot of other people I don’t know but I recognize Ella, Luke’s younger sister, and I’m guessing some of the guys and girls with her are her friends. Everyone is dressed to the nines and I can’t help but feel underdressed.

I’m sitting on one of the high chairs and Jake settles in front of me, offering me a third drink but I shake my head. “I won’t make it to the ball if I keep drinking.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just I can feel how tense you are and it’s making me tense.”

I chuckle and glance at Camila and Beth but they’re not looking my way. I don’t think they have so much as given me a look for the whole evening so far.

“Why has everyone gathered here before the ball when you have all the space in the world inside the house?” I ask.

“Ugh, because it’s too long to clean the big house. And I like how cozy it is here. Not much space,” he gets closer to me and wraps his arms around me. “forced to stay close to the guests.”

I giggle and jump off my seat. “I need the bathroom, too much alcohol already.”

I go to leave but he grabs my face in the palm of his hands, his thumbs in front of my ears, and his fingers threading in my hair. He kisses me long and hard, making my insides tighten and my cheeks flush.

I hear some people whisper around us. This was our first kiss in front of everyone. All his friends, other school kids. My heart is hammering in my chest and I feel patches of red spreading across my chest and my cheeks as some conversations drop silent and ‘no fucking way’s are murmured here and there.

“Be quick,” he winks.

I hurry out of the room, my body on fire from Jake and the attention we got in the living room. I do my business quickly and double-check my make-up in the mirror, silently giving myself a pep talk. ‘You are good enough’, ‘who are they to judge’, ‘who cares when you’re with someone you love’, ‘they’re just jealous’. I take one last deep breath and grab the door handle but as soon as I open the bathroom to step out, I’m pushed back inside.

“What the–”

“I just need to talk to you, Goody.” Camila closes the door behind her and locks it.

“Really, Camila? You’re cornering me in bathrooms now?”

She chuckles wickedly but doesn’t move. “You’re so scared of me, aren’t you?”

“I’m not scared of you,” I growl back. “But I know how obsessed you are over your ex-boyfriend.”

“I don’t know what’s making you so brave, but you need to calm down. I just want to warn you.”

“Warn me?” I know I shouldn’t listen to her and I should just get out of the room, but she’s got my attention even though I don’t want to admit it.

“Listen, Jamie.” It’s the first time I think she’s ever said my name. “You might think you can handle him, but you can’t.”

“Oh God, not this again.” I walk around her, but she grabs my wrist in a tight grip. “Are you for real right now?” I snap but she stays perfectly calm.

“You couldn’t handle him the night of the Halloween ball and you surely can’t handle him now. I had to save you from him, never forget that.” She lets go of my arm, but she’s not done. “You find it exciting now, the way he makes you feel. You think this is all just a bit of fun, but I can promise you he gets worse. As soon as you find comfort in the way he is he’ll push your limits further. Then further again…and again.”

“You need to let it go, Camila.”

“You think you know him, but you don’t. I was his girlfriend for two years, Jamie. He’s got this ability to make anyone feel special but we’re all the same. Do you know how often he goes to the North Shore of the Falls? How often he fucks NSF girls because he knows none of them will come to brag about it in Stoneview? He thinks I won’t know if he goes there. You, naïve little thing that you are, wouldn’t even know if he’s been to NSF parties in the last few weeks that you’ve been together and pathetically been trying to hide it.”

I swallow the lump forming in my throat. Rumors of Jake going to parties on the wrong side of the Falls is not news to my ears. But thinking he could have gone while we were together is something I hadn’t really thought of.

“I’m not saying this because I’m against you,” she insists. “I’m saying this because I’m against him. You’re in way over your head. You just don’t realize it yet, and when you will, it’ll be too late.”

I shake my head at her and hurry out because I don’t need to hear her lies and excuses to incite me to push Jake away just so he can run back to her.

As soon as I open the door, I fall face to face with Emily. Her red eyes and the way she’s biting the inside of her cheek tell me she’s about to cry but I stay frozen in place. I have no idea what has been going on in the past month. I don’t know how her relationship with Luke is; if it’s going well or not, if he’s treating her right. Nothing. I’m about to ask if she’s okay when she looks above my shoulder and snorts.

“Fucking hell Camila, let it fucking go,” Emily almost shouts. “I’ve spent enough time with you in the last few weeks to tell you: you’re seriously obsessed.”

I barely hold back a laugh as Camila’s jaw drops to the floor.

“I was the one who supported you when your little friend here turned against you,” Camila snarls. “I was the one who advised you on your shitty relationship with fuckboy-Luke. This is how you thank me?”

Emily pops a hip and rests a hand on it, rolling her eyes. I feel like she’s putting her cheerleader hat on, her bitchy popular girl personality that she always uses to defend me if other girls at school try to put me down. A smile pulls at my lips knowing she’d do anything to support me right now.

“Yeah, well look where your advice got me. Fuckboy-Luke stayed true to his reputation and we’re over. I should have dumped his ass when I said so instead of listening to your desperate girl advice. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to piss. Thanks.”

Camila shakes her head and walks past both me and Emily before joining the party at the other end of the hall.

I look anywhere but at Emily, not feeling the courage to face her yet. “Thank you,” I whisper.

“God, ‘Me, stop being so awkward,” she starts laughing and I can’t help but follow.

It might be the alcohol, but it feels good to laugh with her, to have her by my side after this long.

“I’m sorry,” she says once she’s stopped laughing. “I started seeing Luke and all of a sudden the rest of the world didn’t matter. I was the worst friend possible. And I’ve been dying to talk to you but…it just always looks like you don’t want to open up about what’s going on.”

“I’m sorry too.” I take her hand in both of mine and lock my gaze with hers. “I have been reluctant to share what’s going on…and I think part of me was just too ashamed to. Em, what I said to you about Aaron…it was not only out of line but unjust. I can’t begin to imagine how much it hurt to hear it.”

“I shouldn’t have said anything about your house, and I surely shouldn’t have used Camila to get back at you. I love you, ‘Me. I’m sorry.”

She pulls me into a tight hug, and I almost cry from happiness. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too. So much,” she replies.

When we pull away, I look at her from head to toe. “Luke…what happened?”

She snorts and rolls her eyes. “I need more alcohol to talk about Luke and to hear about you and Jake because I don’t think what Luke told me was the whole story.”

“What did he say?” I chuckle.

“Bullshit. That’s all he says. That’s all this group says anyway.” She says it in such a light tone that I wonder if she means it, but an uneasy feeling settles in my stomach.

Between Camila’s words and Emily’s, it’s not simple to think Jake is as honest as he pretends. Add Nathan’s warning and a heaviness takes a seat on my shoulders.

“Come, let’s drink.” Emily grabs my hand, and we walk back to the party. As we pass both doors of Rose’s and Jake’s rooms opposite each other, Emily stops.

“I need to ask you something,” she says, excitement filling her voice.

“Go ahead.”

“Which one is Jake’s room?”

I can’t help but laugh at her. “This one,” I say pointing to the door on my right.

“‘Me, do you know how many girls would die to be in this room?”

My laugh heightens and I try to push her toward the entrance of the hallway. “Stop it, would you?” Trust Emily to force any worry out of my system with her silliness.

Before either of us can move we hear Rose’s voice spill from her room. We can hear her perfectly well because her door is ajar. I’ve noticed her door is never fully closed if she’s on her own.

“You’re not selling me anything? Since when?”

Em and I both look at each other and agree in silence to keep listening. Curiosity, curiosity, my worst flaw.

“Don’t give me your ‘you’re too young’ bullshit you’ve been selling to me since we fucking met. That’s how we met, Carlo.Just…just let me talk to Roy.”

Emily shrugs and looks at me. “She’s just trying to score,” she whispers. “Let’s go.”

“Fuck, Roy, I thought you were the smart one out of you two. Is it Sam? Did he say that? Tell him to go fuck himself. You three can suck each other’s dicks. It’s only a tiny step further from kissing his ass.”

Em and I both look at each other barely able to hold out our laughs at her words. We hear her move behind the door, and both hurry out of the hallway.

As soon as we reach the living room, Jake snatches me away from Emily, pulling me into a tight hug.

“Mm,” he says smelling the top of my head. “Which shampoo do you use? Or does it smell amazing just because it’s on you?”

“It’s yours, idiot,” I giggle. “I showered here”.

“Oh, that might be why it smells so good then.” He messes my hair, slides his hand until it’s at the base of my hair, and grips me tight until I look up at him. His lips crash on mine and the smell of vodka has replaced the weed.

“Boy, you’re going hard tonight, aren’t you?” I ask.

He shrugs as he pulls away, giving me his most innocent smile. “It’s the last day of the semester. I’m celebrating the start of the holiday!”

I smile back at him because I love him like this, careless and happy.

“Tonight’s gonna be a big night.” He gives me a long, hard kiss and I happily kiss him back.

Tonight is going to be a big night.