Giving Away by Lola King

CHAPTER 3

‘My dear, you’re not so innocent

You’re fooling heaven’s gates

So you won’t have to change

You’re no saint, you’re no savior’

Saints - Echos

Jamie

When I wake up again, Nathan is not in bed with me. His t-shirt is right next to my head and I put it on, loving the smell of him on me. I hear the shower running in the bathroom and relax instantly. Despite everything that happened, there’s something I can’t take away and that is that I feel so happy and safe when he’s near, it’s unbelievable. I just wish I didn’t forget it so quickly when Jake is around.

I grab my phone to check the time and stare at the wallpaper with a stupidly contented smile on my face. It’s the picture from Nathan’s Instagram that I had asked Emily to screenshot and send me. He’s lying topless on his sofa and I’m lying on top of him, my face to his chest, a drunk in love smile on my face. I look at the camera while Nathan looks at me, his eyes nothing but pure love.

I scroll through a few texts from Emily until my eyes fall on a notification from an unknown number. I open the text with furrowed brows.

Unknown: Nathan is dangerous. Have you not seen his tattoo?

There’s a picture of a drawing. It’s clearly been done in a rush with a pencil but I recognize it very well. That tattoo. I sit up in a hurry and reply straight away, but the message has been sent during the night.

Jamie: Who is this?

Nothing. I lock my phone and my eyes go back to that picture of me and Nathan.

I chuckle. Nathan doesn’t have this tattoo. This is so stupid. Someone is pranking me.

But my heart skips a beat. Who could possibly prank me about this tattoo? I only know three people who have it and none of them would know of Nathan’s tattoos.

Still, I decide to look intently at the picture. But his tattoos are hard to distinguish one from the other. I go to my gallery and decide to zoom in on the picture. Why am I doing this? I trust Nathan, I don’t need to prove myself anything.

And yet, my heart stops and I can’t quite believe my eyes when they fall on what I was looking for. I move the photo around with shaky fingers, not accepting what I’m seeing.

On Nathan’s side, right below his armpit, is a tattoo of an X. Not any X. One with a crown on top of it and a W under it. A 19 on one side and 33 on the other side. My brain can barely process the news.

How have I never seen this before?

It’s the exact same tattoo Samuel has on his neck. The exact same one Rose has on her arm and…Jake between his shoulder blades. Jake. This can’t be a coincidence. It just can’t.

I get up suddenly, my whole body shaking in confusion and fear. What the hell does that mean? He said he wasn’t working for Mateo Bianco anymore. Does it mean he’s working for Samuel? Is this possible? Did he lie to me?

The sound of my bedroom door opening and closing makes me bounce around in surprise.

Nathan is standing by the door, his hair still wet and a towel around his waist.

“What’s up,” he says as he must see the look on my face. He’s casual though, using a second towel to dry his hair.

Reality dawns on me and I freeze in fear wondering who the hell I let inside my house, alone with me.

I slowly walk to him, panic screaming at me to stay away, and observe the tattoo from a closer angle. It’s there. It’s real.

“You lied to me,” I whisper in shock.

“What?” he asks, confused. He throws the towel he was using for his hair on my bed. “What are you talking about?”

“I don’t know if you’re aware, but there’s this guy in Stoneview. He’s the head of a new gang,” I say with certainty. I need to put up a brave face, show I’m in control. “Real scary guy. He has a tattoo on his neck. The exact same one as this one.” I point at the tattoo on his upper ribs.

I know why I haven’t seen it before. It’s so well hidden within all the other ones, you don’t notice it if you don’t know where it is. It’s like that with a lot of his tattoos. It takes time and attention to discern them.

“Jamie…” His voice is full of guilt. It’s covered in it, dripping remorse all over his tongue. That’s how I know I’m dead right.

He works for Samuel.

He starts babbling explanations, but I don’t listen to him. I grab his clothes and throw them at him. I don’t want to show how scared I suddenly am, and I cover it with anger. “You lied to me! Get out. Get out of my house!”

He starts putting them on, saying how he loves me and wouldn’t hurt me, but my ears are ringing in fear and anger. I almost miss the moment he grabs his phone and shoots a quick text.

“Is that your partner in crime you’re texting?” I bark out a hysterical laugh. Did he really just do that?

I’m not sure how long passes while I take our pictures, the gifts, the cute post-it notes he’d leave in my notebooks, his hoodies he had lent me…everything. I should talk it out with him, I should check if maybe I’m misunderstanding. But maybe this is exactly what I wanted. Maybe this is my reason to push him away.

“Jamie, you need to let me explain, please…”

“No! How can you let me apologize and beg you for forgiveness for the wrong I’ve done when you’ve actually been lying to me all this time! You’re an impostor! You’re a criminal. I should have known. I should have known the first time I confronted you about it that you were lying.”

“I’m not an impostor, I was waiting for the right time–”

“Oh please,” I rage. “There’s no ‘right time’ for coming clean. The sooner the better.”

“Like you cheating on me? Was that as soon as possible? Did you call me yesterday crying because you were dying to tell me you were being a slut for someone else?”

My mouth falls slack. Partly because he’s right, mainly because his voice has turned a shade which until now had only been reserved for Dimitri, when he attacked me. Now that it’s aimed at me, I can’t help the terror from spreading through my veins.

He takes a step toward me, making me take one back. His body is hard, muscles tensing below the shirt he hasn’t had time to button up.

Is he going to hit me? I don’t even know who he is, if he’s violent…dangerous.

“Do you know him? Jake.”

“What?”

“Jake, the guy from yesterday, from school. You saw him, you talked to him outside the car. What did you say to him?”

“Oh,” he smiles wickedly. “The guy you cheated on me with.”

“Stop trying to change the topic, Nathan. You have the same tattoo as Samuel Thomas, you work for him. Jake has that tattoo too. Do. You. Know. Him?” I insist through gritted teeth.

I don’t have time to find out. The bell rings loud in the house, cutting through the tension and making me jolt in surprise.

I jump on the occasion and go past him, moving toward the bedroom door.

“Just leave,” I say in a shaky voice, looking at the door handle instead of him.

I go through the short hallway, and hurry to the front door. I can barely believe my eyes when I open the door.

“Jamie?” The look of shock on Rose’s face tells me she had no idea whose door she was ringing.

“What…” I whisper confused as I see Sam close behind her.

She’s about to turn around when she notices something behind me. Her face completely falls, her eyes widen behind her thin, gold glasses, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen such disbelief in anyone’s eyes before.

“What the…” she begins but the words stay stuck in her throat.

“Happy birthday, Ozy.”

I turn around, recognizing Nathan’s voice. When my gaze lands on him, he’s nothing like the sweet guy I know. His eyes are dark, and his face hardened, anger and hatred emanating from him.

I turn back to Rose, she’s turned around, ready to leave. She can’t though, because Samuel is right behind her and when he sees Nathan in the house, he puts an arm out, stopping her in her tracks.

“Fuck,” he mumbles and catches Rose by the waist.

I take a step back trying to take in the scene as Samuel lifts her and brings her back into the house. He slams the door behind him.

“No, no, no,” she panics but Samuel doesn’t budge. “Put me down!”

I turn to Nathan who’s looking at the scene with a mocking smile on his face. He crosses his arms across his button-down-clad chest as he watches Samuel putting Rose back down and spinning her around so she’s facing us. He puts his hands hard on her shoulders, grounding her on the spot.

“What the hell,” I say to Nathan. “What is happening?”

I’ve never been so confused in my life. Nathan ignores me and slowly walks to Rose. She’s not even trying to escape anymore. She’s just shaking like a leaf, incredulity like a shadow on her pupils.

“That’s impossible,” she keeps whispering on repeat. “Impossible, y-you’re–”

“Dead?” he cuts her off. “I missed you too.”

He reaches her, taller than her despite her height and she seems to shrink under his gaze. He looks above her at Samuel with a lopsided smile.

“You dating my little sister now or something? You think I’d let you do that?”

“Your what?” I choke as a wave of shock washes over me.

They both ignore me and Samuel chuckles at him. “Mate, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. I know how protective you Whites are.”

“Fuck,” Nathan curses. “I really didn’t plan on seeing Jake yesterday,” he says to Rose. “He caught me off guard. Now I can’t make a dramatic entrance, I had to rush this before he spilled my little secret.”

Rose doesn’t reply. She’s clearly too busy trying to breathe properly and failing miserably.

“Is anyone going to tell me what the hell is going on?” I question angrily.

I already know none of this is good, but I can’t get my head around it all. Nathan turns to me as if just remembering I existed.

“‘Me, I’m so sorry. This wasn’t meant to happen. At least not here and not now. I was planning a big family reunion or something.”

“Family reunion?” I ask, completely lost.

“Hey Ozy, you know my girlfriend Jamie, right? She goes to Stoneview Prep with you.”

Ozy that’s the nickname Jake usually uses for Rose. Still, my brain completely refuses to put two and two together.

“I’m sorry, beautiful,” he says to me. “I was truly going to explain everything. It just wasn’t the right moment.”

“Explain what?” I growl.

“Did she never mention me?” He turns to Rose again. “Do you not mention your older brother to anyone?” His gaze is back on me and I shake my head no.

“Right, she hasn’t. That’s probably because she thought I was dead.” He turns back to her, his cold gaze staring daggers at her.

Rose is shaking her head, she still can’t believe what she’s seeing. I can see tears building in her eyes but not one falls.

“You did, didn’t you? Because you never miss.”

He suddenly grabs her jaw with a strong hand and I’ve never seen her look so small. She whimpers at his grasp, incapable of moving, frozen in place.

“Nathan,” I shout. “What the hell are you doing? Calm down!”

He turns to me without letting go. “Jamie, I love you but when it comes to my siblings, you don’t get a say.”

“How? What? I don’t get it…” I mumble, my fingers reaching my temples as I sense a headache coming. This makes no sense.

“You know what?” He lets go of Rose. “Let’s all take a seat and catch up.”

He moves towards the sofa and Samuel completely lets go of Rose. He leans down and whispers something in her ear that I can’t hear but the color drains from her face before she nods.

Samuel walks around her to follow Nathan to the sofa. I can’t take my eyes off her.

What. Is. Going. On?

I open my mouth to ask her something, but she just shakes her head no.

“Today, Ozy,” Nathan says as he sits on the coffee table in front of the sofa.

Samuel sits next to him leaving the two spaces on my small sofa free. She jumps out of whatever she was thinking of and reluctantly walks away to take a seat. I’m lost as to what to do, so I follow and sit down next to her.

“You explain,” Nathan orders her.

“Don’t do this to me,” she whispers. She puts shaking hands beside her, holding the sofa, and he smiles at her discomfort.

“I am doing this to you. Go on.”

“I don’t know what to say,” she says in a shaky voice, huskier than usual.

“Nathan, stop it,” I hiss. “Why are you being like this?”

“Drop it, Jamie,” Rose intervenes without even glancing at me.

Nathan throws me a dark look and gets up.

“You want to know why, baby?” he asks me. Baby? Since when is this a thing?

Who is he?

He walks behind the sofa and I try to follow him with my gaze as best as I can. He’s slowly walking behind Rose and she flinches when he raises his hand to pull a strand of dirty blond hair away from his face. He notices and smiles down at her, adjusting his glasses.

“See, the twins and I grew up in foster care. We got lucky enough to never get separated. I took care of them for six years. Until one day,” he slams his hands on Rose’s shoulders and she winces at the gesture, “this little bitch here decided she was done with me and shot me.”

“That’s not what happened,” she says, her teeth clenched so tightly her words come out in a whisper.

My thoughts are going a hundred miles an hour. I think back to the scar Nathan has below his chest, the rose tattoo around it, and look at Rose stunned.

“You shot him?” I ask, incredulous. This can’t be. This…this is just unbelievable. Those kinds of things don’t happen, not to normal people. We’re normal.

“And she really, truly thought she got rid of me. Didn’t you?”

“I–” she stops what she was about to say as if deciding it was not worth the risk. “It’s not what happened.”

Nathan lets go of her shoulders and she shoots up turning back to face both of us, courage finally back on her face.

“That’s not what happened, and you know it,” she hisses. “You made our lives a living hell. We were fucking fine until we got put at Bianco’s house. And who wanted to stay, huh? Who joined a fucking gang and took us all down with him? Who got Jake in underground rings? Who made him beat up people for a fucking mafioso? You. It was all you. You who forced us to join, you who beat us up, you who built your life on crime. Whatever happened to you, you brought it on yourself. We tried to leave, and you wanted to stop us. You got shot? It wasn’t my fault, I wasn’t supposed to aim better than a sniper at fourteen years old. It was fucking karma, Nate. You reap what you sow.”

A silence falls on the room as she pants, trying to catch her breath after her rant. I try to get my head around everything she just said but it barely makes any sense. Well, her words make sense, her sentences are formulated correctly, but I’m too shocked to process it.

Soon enough, Nathan comes around the sofa and puts a hand on her shoulder.

“You do reap what you sow, Ozy.” He pauses, looking at her almost like he feels sorry for her. “And, boy, are you gonna reap.” He punches her in the stomach, and she curls up in pain falling on the floor in a loud grunt.

“Nathan!” I shout as I get up, but Samuel is quicker than me. While he was silent until now, he suddenly shoots up from his seat and holds back Nathan.

“Mate, too far,” he calmly says in his crisp British accent. He puts a hand on his shoulder and that’s about enough for Nathan to take a step back.

“It’ll be too far when she’s got a fucking bullet in her head.” Nathan is seething. His cheeks are red, his eyes are burning with hate. I never thought he could get this angry. I should have, because he beat one of Volkov’s guys to a pulp for touching me.

If Rose really is his sister, what kind of brother would do this? Then again, what kind of sister would shoot her own brother?

“You don’t want to do this,” Samuel insists.

Nathan’s phone rings in the back pocket of his jeans and he grabs it annoyed. “Saved by the fucking bell, aren’t you?” he smiles down at Rose. He goes to the hallway to pick up and Samuel helps Rose back up.

“Are you okay?” he asks her. He’s holding her arm as he pulls her back on her feet, but she pulls it back straight away.

“Are you for fucking real right now?” she chuckles sarcastically, holding her side. “Nate is alive. You knew. You fucking knew and you didn’t tell me. You threatened me to go to the cops for killing someone that wasn’t even dead, you fucking piece of shit. You two deserve each other.”

“Rose, you have to try and understand–”

“I forgave a lot of things from you, Sam. But this…this I will never forgive.” She turns to me as if his betrayal was nothing to her. “Come on, Jamie. We need to leave.”

“You can’t leave,” Samuel warns. “I told him I was with you when he asked me to come. I said I’d drop you home before, he specifically said not to.” He settles against the arm of the sofa and crosses his arm. Calmness emanates from him like this whole situation is nothing unusual to him. “You can’t leave, Rose,” he repeats.

This is anything but normal to me and I don’t understand how Sam’s keeping a clear head.

Probably because he runs a gang. Yes, that must be it.

“Watch me,” Rose growls.

“He’s going to hunt you and Jake down. He wants you guys back in, you know he does. He’s not going to let this go. You don’t want to go against him.” This seems so logical to him. Even to Rose. She knows exactly what he’s talking about and I’m dying to understand, even if I know it’s something I should probably stay out of.

“I don’t care. Stop me if you’re so strong,” she quips. “Jamie, let’s go.”

“But…it’s my house. I can’t leave.” I can’t but at the same time, I want to. I just want to be away from all of this and be able to process it all.

“I know it’s your fucking house, let’s go. For now.” She rolls her eyes as if I’m the most stupid person in this room and heads for the door. And me, well, I follow after her. What else?

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” Nathan’s voice raises from behind us.

“Home,” she replies but stops moving. I can see her hand trembling on the doorknob.

“Go on, Ozy. Leave and see what happens.”

She hesitates for a few more seconds. Just when I think she’s going to open the door, she lets go and turns around wincing ‘fuck’.

“That’s what I thought,” he smirks.

I have no idea who I’m facing right now. This guy is nothing like the Nathan I know. He ignores Rose as she goes back to the sofa and sits back down, running her hands over her face and through her long black hair.

“I don’t know what fucked up plan you got in mind, Nate,” she sighs. “But it won’t work.”

“Really? And why’s that?” he asks casually.

“Because you’re a megalomaniac,” she deadpans.

He stands right behind the sofa and looks down at her from behind. “At least I’m not a murderer. Hey, I like your new glasses. Do you like mine?”

“Don’t talk to me like this is a family reunion,” she huffs.

He shrugs and turns to Samuel while I stay planted by the door still trying to get my head around what I’m witnessing.

“Is Carlo waiting for you?” he asks Samuel.

Samuel simply nods, his attention is on Rose while she looks ready to kill him.

“They ran into some Wolves during their deliveries. Let’s go meet them.”

Samuel’s gaze reluctantly leaves Rose for Nathan. “What? What are you going to do with the situation you’ve just put us in?”

Nathan shrugs. “You know what to do.”

Samuel huffs, annoyed, but doesn’t reply anything. He simply comes my way, walks around me like I don’t exist, and leaves the house.

“‘Me,” Nathan says as he strides toward me. He goes to put his hands on my cheeks, but I instinctively take a step back. I used to feel so safe when he did this. How can it change so quickly?

“Please,” he insists. I recognize his soft voice but not the man standing in front of me. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen this way.”

“Is it true?” I ask. “Are you really related?”

He nods and any last hope I had that this was all a very well-rehearsed joke shatters in a thousand pieces.

“So you lied. Everything you said about leaving your house, about your inheritance.”

“I didn’t lie. Okay maybe about the inheritance bit but I did leave my house. Rose got rid of me, exactly like she wanted all along, and I had no choice but to stay away. Then they moved to the Murrays and I was able to go back to Mateo.”

Mateo?

Mateo Bianco, the guy he promised he wasn’t working for anymore.

“You said you worked for him, you didn’t say he was your foster parent,” I hiss. “You said you met him when you left your house, not that you grew up with him. You never mentioned being in the foster system.”

I don’t even sound like myself. I’m desperate for him to tell me none of this is true but it’s not coming. My brain is finally forced to get over the shock and accept the situation. Bits of our relationship flash back to me and I grip my scalp, trying to ground myself.

“When I came to your apartment, and you had a friend over. Was it Samuel?”

He looks away for a second and huffs before replying. “Yeah.”

“And when I asked you if you still worked for that man…”

“‘Me, I was looking for the right time.”

I can see from the corner of my eye, Rose watching us, dubious. She can’t believe we’re actually dating, just like I can’t believe they’re siblings. All this time we all were closer than we thought and never realized it. The world is such a strange place.

“I trusted you. You made me believe you lost your family like I had. You lied to me. You betrayed my trust.”

I can feel the tears coming at the realization that our entire relationship was based on lies. That there was never any mutual trust but a one-way transaction where I opened up to him and he fed me lies in return.

I thought I was a horrible person for having feelings for another man, I couldn’t comprehend how he was being so understanding of my mistakes. That’s because his lies were rooted in our relationship, like a poison inked in the veins of our love.

I suddenly feel a wave of shame and regret overwhelming me. All the late-night conversations telling him all my secrets, my hopes, and fears. I told him how much I missed my dad when I couldn’t tell my mom, I told him the pain I felt when my mom couldn’t even pronounce my brother’s name.

I feel sick to my stomach thinking of all the times I’ve let him explore my body and bring me pleasure. Thinking that I told him about Jake’s bullying is the worst part.

Out of all the people I could have opened to about this, I chose Nathan. Regret claws at me. I pushed Jake away to give a chance to my relationship with Nathan and he just threw it back in my face.

This is why deep down it never felt right to choose Nathan because it simply wasn’t.

The sound of the door closing behind me drives me out of my thoughts and I stare at Nathan. He looks concerned but I know now that it’s just a lie. Everything that comes out of him is a lie.

“We can talk about this later, ‘Me. I have to run.”

“Don’t call me that,” I retort. “Don’t call me anything. Don’t even consider me part of your life anymore.” I go to walk around him and toward the sofa, but he grabs my arm tightly.

“Don’t be like that. We’ll fix this.”

“We’re over! There’s nothing to fix! You’re the one who needs to be fixed!”

I try to snatch my arm out of his grip, but he doesn’t let go. I’m about to shout at him to leave my house when I see Rose looking behind me with wide eyes.

“Jamie, move!” she orders as she jumps off the back of the sofa to come help but it’s too late.

I feel cold metal wrap around my wrist, the one Nathan isn’t holding, and I snap around as Samuel locks a cuff around my wrist.

“What the hell,” I shout. “What are you doing?!”

Samuel lets go of the cuff and the other half hangs from my wrist. I try to get away from Nathan’s tight hold but he’s not letting go.

“I promise you I’m not going to hurt you. It’s just a precaution while we’re out of the house.”

“Let me go!” I shout in panic. I twist and turn, but there’s nothing to do.

Nathan pulls me toward the kitchen, and I watch in fear as Samuel easily grabs and lifts Rose from where she’s standing.

“Fuck you,” she rages. “I swear to God, you cuff me here, I’ll end your fucking life.”

“Careful, she means it,” Nathan laughs. How is this a funny situation to him?

Samuel doesn’t reply to her even if he is clearly affected by her words. He easily carries her to the kitchen as Nathan pushes me to the floor, forcing me to sit down on the cold tiles.

I’m shocked speechless. There’s clearly no point shouting at him. He’s looking at the scene amused and slips the other cuff through the bar handle of the oven, forcing my left arm up as he pulls the other cuff.

“Stop. Sam, stop. I swear…” Rose’s hoarse voice breaks as he puts her down and grabs her right arm. “You put my wrist in this fucking cuff you’re dead to me,” she says as he drags her by the arm across the kitchen. She grounds her heels to the floor but keeps slipping anyway.

Rose is a tall girl, yet she’s so skinny and frail when I compare her to Samuel. She keeps fighting and it barely changes anything for him. He easily manages to lock her right wrist in the other cuff, but she doesn’t sit down. Nathan takes a few steps back to admire the work.

We’re now both locked in the cuffs and to the oven. Nothing to do, nowhere to go.

Rose is annihilating Samuel with her stare and I’m surprised he doesn’t burn on the spot. He walks to her until their toes are practically touching and leans so his mouth is to her ear.

“Don’t look at me like that, it breaks my heart.”

He said this low enough for Nathan not to hear but I’m close enough and my mouth goes slack. He sounds like he means it.

“Fuck you,” she growls. She goes to hit him, but he takes a step back and she’s held back by the cuffs. Ultimately my arm gets pulled harshly.

“Rose,” I wince. She comes back closer and the pull eases on my arm.

Nathan comes up behind Samuel and looks at both Rose and me. She’s still standing, refusing defeat, while I’m on the floor, too scared to do anything.

Nathan lowers to my level and grabs my jaw with one hand.

“Don’t make this face please.”

I don’t reply. I’m too shocked and disappointed to even begin a conversation with him again. He chuckles to himself and probably sees the questioning look on my face.

“I can’t believe you were worried that I was working for Sam. That new gang in town…I’m the fucking boss of it, beautiful.”

My stomach twists with betrayal. I push his hand away with my free one. “Don’t touch me,” I spit at him.

He ignores my words and straightens back up before turning to Rose. “We won’t be long. Be good.” He gives her a patronizing slap on the cheek as a goodbye and I can almost feel it. Too light to hurt, hard enough to make her flinch in fear. She stays quiet but her eyes and clenched jaw say it all.

As soon as the door shuts, her back hits the kitchen counter and she slides to the floor to my left. She runs a hand through her hair and turns to me, anger rolling off of her.

“Nate.” She takes a deep breath. “You have a boyfriend…and that boyfriend is Nate. Are you actually fucking kidding me,” she hisses. “How could you…just how?” I hear the desperation in her voice, and I don’t even know how to reply. How could I have known?

“I had no idea, Rose. I didn’t even know you and Jake had an older brother…how could I have?” I reply in a small voice.

She stays silent.

“I’m sorry,” I finally say. I don’t even know why.

“You couldn’t have known,” she sighs. After a short pause, she keeps going. “Where did you meet him? When?”

“A little more than two months ago. At Church.”

She breaks into a laugh. “Are you joking?”

I shake my head no and she slowly stops. “Fuck. What a motherfucker. He’s been here for two months and we didn’t know.”

“Why is he here? What does he want with you?”

She shrugs. “Probably wants to make my life hell. Clearly taking over new territory for Bianco. Fuck if I know. Either way, it’s not good news.”

“Wh-what if he kills you?”

She lets out a sharp laugh. “Trust me, if he wanted me dead. I’d be dead. No, he’s a psychopath, he loves torturing people too much to kill me.”

She goes silent again. My brain is overheating as I think over all the information I’ve just learned. The twins have a brother. My boyfriend Nathan is their brother and none of us knew about it. Except Nathan. Nathan and Sam.

I remember the text where Sam threatened Rose, he said he’d go to the police about her brother. I thought he meant Jake had done something. Jake warned me though, he said not to play detective with him, he said I didn’t have all the information.

That text was about Rose shooting her older brother. She thought he was going to send her to prison.

I think of Nathan’s dodgy money, of his scar with a rose tattooed on it. How did I not realize it was a bullet wound when I’ve got one myself? His is a lot cleaner than mine and when he mentioned an abusive father, I thought it had to do with that.

Everything makes sense, everything is linked together and somehow, I missed it, somehow, I still can’t believe it as if I heard something wrong or made up the conversation.

“Bianco, was he your foster dad before you moved to the Murrays?” I ask, cutting the heavy silence between Rose and me.

Rose just nods yes. Her eyes darken as she remembers. “Mine. Jake’s. Nate’s. He’s a smart man. He runs his mafia family with a firm hand. Surrounds himself with people he can trust and uses orphan kids to do his dirty work. Jake and I tried to leave so many times, but he’s got everyone in his pocket. And Nate…He wanted to stay and become part of his gang. So, we had to stay too.” She doesn’t say the rest, but I got that part.

“So, you shot him.” I almost formulate it as a question, when I know she did. It might be unbelievable to me, but it happened.

“Look, you don’t understand the situation we were in, okay? Nate became Mateo’s favorite and with that so did we. We were fucking kids.” She calms down before whispering, “We still are.” I almost don’t hear it.

“I’m not judging you, Rose. I-I’m shocked at what you’ve been through. That you even had access to a gun.”

“Mateo taught me how to shoot. Apparently, I had a good eye. Funny for someone nearsighted, isn’t it? Every single day I had to spend hours at his shooting range while he was there watching, judging, grading.” She huffs and her head falls on the oven door behind us. “When the Murrays tried to take us in, DCF insisted they had to take the three of us. It took me months to understand it wasn’t normal. Bianco had bribed them into offering a three-kid-deal because he knew Nate would refuse to leave him. He got in the way as usual. He wanted us to stay there, and we wanted nothing else than to get out. Things got heated up at our house. Nate was being violent, Bianco was taking his side. It’s not like I wanted to shoot my own brother. I was left with no choice. They would have never let us go. Bianco didn’t want a death associated with him, so he pretended Nate just left, ran away. Then they finally put us with the Murrays.”

“I’m so sorry–”

“It doesn’t matter. What’s done is done.” Matter of fact. No feelings. She sounds so much like Jake right now.

I don’t reply, simply nodding my head. I don’t know what to say because I can’t imagine what it was like. She sighs and runs her hand over her face again.

She reaches into her pocket with her left arm and I can’t help but look at the X tattoo mixed with others on her forearm. For a second I’m hopeful she’s pulling out her phone. It quickly dies down when she grabs a pack of cigarettes.

She opens it with one hand, her skilled fingers pulling a cigarette slightly out of the package before she grabs it with her lips. She pulls a lighter out of that same packet and lights it. My mom would kill me if she knew someone was smoking in the house and the smell makes me feel sick, but I don’t say anything. It doesn’t matter right now.

She finishes her cigarette in silence and puts it out against the sole of her shoe before putting the bud back in the pack.

“Right,” she grunts while moving awkwardly. “Let’s get out of here.” She goes into her back pocket and takes out her phone.

“You had your phone with you all along?!”

“Yup,” she says, making her ‘p’ pop.

“Why didn’t you call the police?” I say, outraged. How could she leave us like this for so long?

She scoffs. “Dude, I’m not gonna call the police on my brother.” I can almost hear the ‘duh’.

“The brother that just threatened you…and hit you!”

“It’s just how it is,” she shrugs. “We don’t get the police involved.”

“Maybe if you had involved the police we wouldn’t be here right now.”

“Look, Goody, you involve the cops and it’s gonna go to Bianco. For sure. He’s got too many of them in his pocket. The last thing I want right now is to be on his radar, trust me.” There is real fear in her eyes every time she talks about Mateo Bianco and I can’t begin to imagine what she and Jake have been through when they were with him.

I shake my head as she dials.

“Where are you?” she asks. She pauses while she listens. “Yeah. I know. I know, Jake. My phone was dead.” she sighs and bites her thumb, “I’m at Jamie’s.”

I stop listening as Rose explains that Nathan and Sam were both at my house.

Jake. He saw Nathan last night. That’s why Nathan didn’t want me to get out of the car, he didn’t want me to see that Jake knew him. Well. We all know now.

So, what’s going to happen?