Hellbent Hero by Naomi Porter

22

Tara

I WAS SURE we wouldn’t last long. The second he saw me at school, he’d mouthed, I need you. It was the sweetest thing ever, but of course, he meant, need you to fuck. Nothing else. I didn’t care. I needed him too.

Hero’s finger rubbed the top of my hand the whole way home. Tingles worked through me with each motion. I wondered if he knew how much the little gesture turned me on. He raised my hand to his lips and kissed it. I sighed softly, the hunger building for his touch all over my skin.

“Only a few more minutes, mi vida. Then I’ll take you into your bedroom and have my way with you.”

I shivered at the confidence in his voice. “O-kay.”

He chuckled, all sexy and mischievously. “You don’t sound as excited as I do.”

“No, no. I am,” I moved my head up and down like a bobblehead. “I’ve been thinking about you all day.”

He grinned. “Yeah? What’d you think about?” He parked his big, honking truck behind my car. Putting it in park, he killed the lights and engine, then leaned toward me. His almost black eyes overflowed with lust. “Roooja.” He rolled the R, drawing out my name. It made me clench my thighs, feeling his word at the base of my spine until it glided all the way up to my neck.

“How about I show you instead?”

His hand brushed over my cheek, burying his fingers in my hair. He pulled me toward his lips. I inhaled a deep breath, heart fluttering like a lovestruck girl meeting her Hollywood idol… her hero.

He didn’t kiss me.

No, the bastard ghosted his lips around mine. Making little throaty sounds as if he might come in his boxers.

“Don’t tease me like this,” I used my warning tone. “Not after two months of wearing out the batteries in my vibrator.”

He reared his head back. “Are you fucking with me right now, Roja? A vibrator?” His shock—bordering on anger—had me stifling a laugh.

“Would you rather me go to the Wild Hog to find a one-night stand?”

He glared at me, nostrils flaring. “Get your ass out of this truck.” He hopped out, slamming the door.

Okay, what is happening?

Weren’t we just flirting? A little foreplay before we fucked?

My door flew open. Hero unbuckled my seatbelt, jerked my hand toward him, and threw me over his shoulder. His large hand smacked my ass, making me jolt.

Holy shit, that was the hottest thing I’d ever experienced.

I yipped, tensing my butt cheeks, anticipating another slap.

“Keys,” he barked.

Luckily, I had them in my coat pocket since he didn’t give me a chance to grab my purse. “Put me down so I can get them.”

“No.”

I rolled my eyes. Okay, he might be taking this caveman behavior a bit too far. “They’re in my coat pocket.”

“You can reach them.”

“You are such a pain in the ass.” I wiggled, trying to slip my hand into my pocket.

My nosy neighbors were probably watching us on my stoop. I hoped no one called the cops, thinking I was in trouble. I knew better than to expect they’d keep this scene to themselves. A man carrying a woman over his shoulder was juicy gossip in Winters Township.

“Back at ya, babe.” His hand connected with my ass again.

I couldn’t hold back giggling. Who knew he could be so fun after the way he strutted around like a brooding badass.

“I got them!” I shouted victoriously.

“Good job, baby.” He opened the door, kicking it shut. “I’m so fucking hard for you right now. Gimme relief.”

I wished I could feel how hard he was but my arm wasn’t long enough. “What about Luna?”

“The cat can wait. I can’t.”

“Aww, my poor baby.”

“I know, I’m hurting badly.”

I cackled with laughter. “Not poor baby, you. Poor baby Luna.”

He threw me on my back onto the mattress. “Just for that, I’m going to fuck you without mercy.” He removed my boots, then my leggings.

“Boohoo, poor me.” Yes, I was taunting the shit out of him. Judging by the smile and his head shaking, he loved it.

He didn’t seem to care about the clothes on my upper body as he eyed my bare pussy while shoving down his jeans and boxers. He palmed his cock, salivating like a hungry lion.

“Spread your legs,” he commanded.

“Bossy much?” I did as he said, goose flesh spreading over my legs. I adored the feral glint in his dark eyes. He wanted me. Desperately. There was nothing better.

“Your goddamn mouth is getting me worked up. You should put it to better use.”

“Like what, sucking your dick?” I swiped my tongue across my bottom lip teasingly.

“Fuck, no. I need inside your cunt now.” He dove for me, cock entering me in one firm thrust.

I yelped, arching into him. His mouth collided with mine, kissing me fiercely and stealing the air from my lungs as he fucked me.

His natural scent lifted me higher as I buried my fingers in his hair. He wasn’t wearing his usual cologne. I missed it last night, but today? I liked smelling only him.

“Oh fuck, baby. I’ll never get enough of you.” His face contorted. The sight made me squeeze his dick as my orgasm neared the cliff we sought. “Mi vida, you’re a God-given gift.”

There he goes again, bringing God into our bed. Oddly, it was growing on me. Especially when it was in conjunction with calling me mi vida. I freaking adored knowing he thought of me as his life.

“Please, big guy. I’m so close.”

He ramped up his speed. It was all I needed to take me over the edge. I screamed his name as he went balls deep, kissing me through his climax. He came so much I felt it drip down between my ass cheeks.

As his body relaxed, we melted into each other, kissing and touching our noses. No man ever caressed me the way Hero did. His touch had always been soft after having sex. We hadn’t gotten rough and dirty now he was back. I was sure we would, but honestly, I was enjoying this side of us. I wasn’t sure what to call how I felt or what I saw in his eyes when he stared at me. Adoration maybe?

He raised his head and kissed the tip of my nose. “I missed you today.”

Oh damn, my heart just grew ten times bigger.

“I missed you too.” I swirled my fingertips in his hair.

“I want to share something very personal about me.”

I had a feeling this was about his wife. “Okay. Let me clean up first.”

He kissed me once more before pulling out.

When I came out of the bathroom, he was under the covers, bare-chested.

“Did you take your clothes off?”

He nodded. “Take yours off too.”

In the bathroom, I had taken off my coat but left my sweatshirt and bra on. I removed both, then climbed into bed with my man, curling into his warm body. My temple was against his heart, which was beating fast.

“I thought you should know my past so we can move forward with nothing holding us back. You told me about your NSSI and about your dad. I appreciate you trusting me with your secrets.”

Strangely, I started shivering. Teeth chattering. Eyes blurring. I didn’t feel cold but I couldn’t stop my body from reacting as if I was about to have a full-blown panic attack.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Hero held me tight against him.

“I don’t… n, no.” I stretched my arm across his stomach, feeling as if I might lose him any second. People always left me. All I ever wanted was a family of my own after never having one. But I feared I would be alone for the rest of my life.

What if Hero didn’t want the same things as me?

He kissed my forehead over and over, rubbing his hand along my hip. “I’m not going anywhere, mi vida. You and I are a done deal. A couple. I told you I’m claiming you.”

How did he know I needed reassurance? I didn’t even know I needed it, but I felt calmer.

I lifted my chin to see his gorgeous face. “Thank you. I needed to be reminded.”

“I’ll remind you every day how much you matter to me. Because you do, Roja. You mean more to me than anyone before you.”

“But not more than your wife.” Why did I say that? It wasn’t fair to him. He’d been married before. Of course, he loved her. Shit, Tara. Don’t be so insensitive.

“Did Emilee tell you about my wife? My late wife.” His dark eyes shined like marbles. If he got emotional, I would hate myself for being envious of a dead woman.

I nodded, too choked up to speak.

Hero exhaled a labored breath. “Monica was my high school sweetheart. We’d grown up together, fell in love, and got married a week after we graduated.”

“Wow.” A tear rolled down my cheek. “I’m so sorry.” I kissed his chest. It was then the cross and vines on his inner bicep caught my eye. I could see Monica’s name and Abuela. The third one said, Mijo. My heart jumped into my throat. Hero lost a son?

“My wife and son are dead because of me. Because I sold drugs on the wrong corner. I had a quota to reach before the week was over. I went into a territory I knew I shouldn’t, thinking I was some badass gangbanger.” His voice cracked at the end, his chest rattling with emotion under me. I sensed his tears but was too chickenshit to look up at him.

Instead, I threw my leg over his thigh, trying to get as close to him as possible. I wanted to take his pain away. Spare him the guilt I heard in his voice. Give him back the love he lost. Trade my life for his wife and son, so he could have them.

“The other gang retaliated on a night I’d gotten into a fight with Monica. We had words, ugly words. She was four and half months pregnant. Moody as all get out and emotional, and I’d been an ass to her. I left her crying to go and party with my boys. By the time I dragged my drunk self home, the place was in flames. A Molotov cocktail had been thrown through our bedroom window.”

I broke at the same time he did. We grabbed onto each other for dear life and cried. Now I understood why he could never love me. Why he’d pushed me away. I couldn’t blame him. I’d probably feel the same way, like I was betraying the memory of my one true love.

His one true love.

Hero couldn’t give me what I needed. He said it himself in the visitor’s room.

Could I be with a man who would never love me? A man I’d fallen in love with months ago?

Shit. I didn’t know if I could. He’d probably compare me to her. Maybe he imagined he was with her when we had sex.

Oh, God! Did he call her mi vida, too?

I couldn’t do this with him. I’d hate myself for being envious of two people who were no longer on this Earth.

I ripped myself out of his arms and ran to the bathroom, locking the door.

“Roja!” His heavy footsteps followed me. “Baby!” He pounded on the door.

I wrapped a towel around me and eyed the cabinet holding my stash. I didn’t want to hurt. I didn’t want to feel this excruciating pain in my heart. God, why did this always happen to me? Why couldn’t I be loved? What was so wrong with me?

Demi’s voice canceled out Hero’s.

I crumpled to the floor, tears blurring my vision, and opened the cabinet door. I didn’t want to feel anymore.

I hummed, getting trapped in my head. Please make the pain stop.

I took out the tampon box and opened the lid.

It was empty.

Where were the cigarettes and lighter?

My heart raced. Hands shaking as I removed bottles of shampoo, body wash, and lotion. I screamed, throwing them at the shower door.

“Where in the fuck are you? Where?” I screamed, getting to my feet and hating who I saw in the mirror. Hating the unlovable, mental redhead staring back at me with tears staining her cheeks.

“I hate you! I hate you, you stupid bitch!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, pulling on my hair.

A loud sound of metal hitting metal jolted me back. The doorknob fell on the ground, and the door flew open. Hero appeared, panting, totally naked. The worry and fear marring his handsome face broke me.

I couldn’t stand to see him looking so tormented. Especially if it was over me. I turned away to hide my ugliness from him. Willing the wall to swallow me up and take me far, far away from everything.

“What the fuck is going on, Roja? What were you doing in here?”

He kicked bottles out of his way, grabbed me by the bicep, and whirled me around. His assessing black depths traveled over my face and body. He took my hand and lifted it between us.

“Jesus Christ.” Tears pooled in his eyes. I followed his gaze to my hand.

Choking back a sob, my knees gave out. Hero caught me as I went down. I stared at the clump of hair in my shaking palm.

I’d been so lost in my head. I hadn’t felt any pain ripping it out of my scalp.

“Why the fuck were you trying to hurt yourself?”

I blanched at the harshness in his tone.

“Get out! Just leave me alone.”

“No fucking chance that’s happening. What sent you over? Was it me?” He took the hair out of my hand and threw it in the trash can beside the toilet. “Talk to me, goddammit!”

I shook my head, burying my face in my hands. What was happening? Why was he still here?

His large hands went around my face, forcing me to look up at him. I squeezed my eyes shut, clawing at his hands to release me.

“Look at me,” he barked. “I want you to open your fucking eyes and look at me. Tell me why you were in here, trying to burn yourself again. I want to fucking know what I did to drive you to this dark place! I want to know what I did so I’ll never do it again!”

“Just go. You’re better off without me.” I sobbed as the words left my lips. “You’ll never be able to give me what I need.” My chest felt like it was collapsing on my soul. “I’m so sorry about your wife and baby. I’d trade my life for theirs in a heartbeat to bring them back for you. I’d sell my soul to the Devil if it meant you could be with Monica again.”

His arms wrapped around me, squeezing me so tight, I couldn’t hardly breathe.

“No, baby. No.” Jesus, he was crying. “I can’t live without you. Don’t ever talk like that. Don’t you ever wish you were anywhere other than with me. I need you. My soul needs you more than air, more than life, more than Monica.”

I slapped his shoulder. “Don’t say that. Stop lying to me. Monica is your wife. You’re one true love.”

He firmly gripped my chin. “I have the capacity to love two women. When I left after the run, I went to California to make peace with Monica. I went to finally put her memory to rest. She was a good woman. She would want me to be happy and love again. She would like you, mi vida. She would give me her blessing.”

I shoved at his chest, trying to push him away. I didn’t want to hear this. I didn’t believe him.

“Please leave me alone. We’ll never be what I want us to be. Nor should we be.”