Push by Sadie Rose

 

You could cut the tension with a knife when the car pulled up in front of my building. The short, five-minute drive from the Fairmont to my apartment had been in complete silence. I felt awkward, knowing that I still wasn’t completely sober. I said the only thing I could think of, “Tahiti will be beautiful.” I grip the door handle, needing to escape before I say anything else that asinine.

“I bought it for you.”

What. The. Actual. Fuck. Who is this guy? Is he for real? My look of utter disbelief must embolden him as he continued.

He shrugged his shoulders sheepishly. “I saw you admiring it earlier in the evening. I could tell that you were interested. I want you to have everything you desire, baby girl.”

I feel like I’ve been hit with a ton of bricks. I felt a cold comfort knowing that I was right at being watched during the evening. He was the one whose stares I could feel on me all night long. Like a sixth sense, I knew I was being watched, I just didn’t know he was the one doing the ogling. But a trip like that and at that cost. It’s insane to buy something so expensive for someone you barely know. It feels like a bribe, a payoff for promises of sexual favors. It’s a grand gesture but in what way? And he called me baby girl.

I gave a nervous laugh, “Roman, I don’t know if you’re serious or not. That trip was crazy expensive and if you thought buying it for me was somehow a good idea….” I don’t know what has come over me, but I’ve been blessed with the ability to freely communicate for the night, like Cinderella’s enchantment at the ball… “A trip like that has a lot of connotations, a lot of expectations.”

“No strings attached. And It’s not expensive for me. I told you, I like you. I want this. I’ll go slow. I don’t know what else to tell you to get you to believe it.” He sat there, staring and waiting.

“It’s a lot of money to me. It makes me uncomfortable. I don’t need a trip. I don’t need anything. I’m just trying to pay my bills, OK? It doesn’t matter if you like me, I work for you and as much as I love this job, I also need this job so my answer is going to remain a no.”

“Ollie, please… I’m telling you whatever happens between you and me, or whatever doesn’t happen between us please know that it will not affect the job. You won’t lose it because you’re dating or not dating me. I swear. ”

I’m completely exasperated by his nonchalant idea that perception of me at work won’t change, “Did you have your eyes open today in the cafeteria? People noticed. People talked and people asked.” Ok, so one person asked, but Raymond noticed and others will too. “I have been and will be treated differently if I’m screwing the boss!”

“Fuck them. The only thing that matters is how we feel about each other. I’ve been very honest with you, I think it’s only fair now that you are honest with me. Do you think you could give this a chance and go out on a date with me? Do you find me attractive, Ollie? Do you think about me?”

I can see his wall is down. He’s vulnerable again. I can see the look on his face… hopeful. He isn’t used to being vulnerable for anyone. I get that weird, tingling feeling in my gut and I feel wrong. He’s being honest with me. He actually wants this but I’m still a little on guard. Why would someone like him want to be with someone like me? He even said it himself, I’m young and he does scare me but in all the good ways. What he’s asked me has put me at the edge of a cliff. If I tell him that I do find him attractive and that he gets me hot and bothered then we can never go back to before now. But the sudden thought of never seeing him privately again pains me. The thought of him with Miss big boobs makes me wince. So I take a giant leap, head first, and blurt it out like word vomit in a string that’s probably not even coherent to anyone else but me.

“I find you so attractive, I can barely get work done when I start daydreaming about you. You are so hot that I feel like I have to take a cold shower to cool down. I mean have you seen yourself in the mirror lately?”

He smiles and chuckles at my admission, “I’m glad to know that you aren’t completely immune to my looks. I was beginning to wonder with the guys I’ve seen you with.”

This stops me. He’s seen me with Jeff and Raymond and if he watched me closely tonight then he had to have seen my interaction with Jeff, “Yeah, well Madison my roommate always says I don’t make the best choices when it comes to men.”

“Well, then she hasn’t met me because baby I’ll be the last man you ever need. ”My face flushes and I can feel the heat spreading to my ears. “You look adorable when you blush. I want to find out if the rest of you gets just as red.”

I blush further, looking down at my hands. I can’t believe I told him I think he’s good-looking, more than; and the night starts to catch up with me. The confrontation with Jeff, the champagne, the jealous feeling in my stomach, the amazing trip presented as some sort of gift. A declaration of affection. It’s overwhelming, too much to dissect in one night.

We sit in silence, and I begin to think I need to get out of the car when he sighs and breaks the silence, “Ollie, would you like to go out Friday night with me? I’d like to show you a nice evening.”

I don’t look at him when I answer., “Yes. Seven. Sharp. And don’t be a minute late.” Before he could respond, I yanked on the door handle, practically jumping out of the car. When I reached the entrance to my building I turned, blinking at the shock of seeing him looking back at me. His smile is so big, I can see his one dimple set deep into his face.

“Sweet dreams Ollie. I know mine will be.”

I’ve just washed all the makeup off my face and put on comfortable sweats and sat down on the couch to watch the late-night news when Madison came crashing in. The door banging the wall made me jump. The thud of her purse hitting the floor made me squint my eyes.

“What in the hell happened tonight! I need all the details that I missed.”

For the next ten minutes, I sit with Madison and rehash the evening. The good, the bad, and even the ugly with Jeff. When it comes to telling her about my interactions with Roman, I hold back some. I love Madison but she’s very much team Roman and I don’t know if I want to get her hopes up. Honesty, I don’t know if I can let my hopes get up. I also know that she would tell me to go for it if she knew everything he said. I tell Madison everything so not telling her the whole truth about Roman felt wrong as if I’ve betrayed her somehow. When I get to the ride home, her eyes get wide, a dreamy shine that let me know I had made the right choice in choosing my words carefully.

Before she could turn the night into an 80s movie, I announced it was late, reminding her we have work tomorrow. I am mentally and physically exhausted, every interaction I have with Roman always feels like a game of chess, and tonight was no different. Madison stopped her protests and looked down at her hands. This was not a good sign. Madison is one of the most outspoken, and boldest people I know so when she does this, it’s one of her tells that she’s done something she isn’t proud of.

She avoids making eye contact with me and just stares at her hands as she says, “Ollie, I have to tell you something.”

“What’s wrong? Are you ok? Did I embarrass you tonight? I’m so sorry, I don’t know what came over me. We started drinking and…” Then Madison cuts off my apology.

“No, no it’s nothing like that. I don’t care what those people think, stop thinking you embarrass me. You are my best friend, I could care less what those uptight assholes think.”

I took her hands in mine, forcing her to look at me before she started talking.

“Ollie, I screwed up. I could tell you were upset this evening and I got so mad that Jeff would have the nerve to approach you in front of everyone. After you left, I found him at the bar and we got into it. I told him off and threw my drink in his face. Granted it was just water but still…”

Why she would think this would upset me, I didn’t know. I had the same thought earlier, she just had the gumption to follow through. I burst out laughing, “You threw a drink in his face?”

At her nod, I can’t control my laughter. The mental image of him having to wipe the water from his face has me laughing so hard I’m crying.

“Then he got really mad and grabbed my arm. Told me I didn’t know what I was getting involved in. He said he saw you leave with Roman and he tried asking me all kinds of questions. How did you know him? Were you working for him? It was odd, like the moment he realized you might be off the market again he was all into you again. And I saw him with some chick, helping her get her coat on as I went to leave.”

My laughter stops when I think of Jeff hurting her, my anger simmered. “How dare he put a hand on you. I hope you kneed him in the balls for that.”

Madison shook her head with a chuckle, “No… I felt the drink was pushing it and his temper was already out there.”

Despite what could be boiled down to a misguided affair and infatuation, I knew Jeff was prone to these reactionary impulses. He would get upset at the littlest things and you never know what would set him off. I could remember the day we went suit shopping. We had been having a wonderful morning which was turning into a wonderful afternoon. As we were walking back to his apartment a bike messenger had ridden too close to us as we crossed the street and Jeff lost it. The cyclist had even stopped and apologized for almost hitting us even though he hadn’t actually hit us. Jeff was so angry he put his hands on the man and threatened him. I couldn’t get the image out of my head for several days.

“Yeah, Jeff has a short leash on his temper. Did you answer any of the questions that he asked?”

Madison gave me a pointed look. “What do you think? Of course I didn’t! I wasn’t going to tell that dingleberry anything about you. It’s none of his business.”

I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until she gave me her answer. I don’t know why but it made me uncomfortable to think that he could know what was going on in my private life. Something felt off. I started thinking about the way our relationship ended, the way he would ghost me for weeks at a time, then throw me a bone out of nowhere. On top of everything he had clearly moved on, he had a girlfriend or had been at least seen by me and Madison with a woman.

Madison got up from the couch and went to pick up her purse, “Well I think I’ve had enough excitement for the day and the rest of the week and next week.”

I forced a laugh out, “Yeah, me too.”

I lied.

My excitement for the week was nowhere near over. I was going to go on a date with Roman—the founder, CEO, genius, billionaire, the sexiest man I had ever seen Devereaux at the end of the week. I thought my excitement was just beginning.

I walked back to my room and laid down on my bed. My sheets felt cold on my skin and it gave me a shiver. I pulled my warm blanket up to my neck in an attempt to get warm fast. I was shaking and I didn’t think it was just from the cold. It was the excitement of the night but there was this nagging feeling I had about Jeff. I leaned over and tapped my phone on my nightstand to see what time it was. It was late or early, however you wanted to look at it. That’s when I saw the notification. I had a text. I pulled my phone off the charger and brought it face down to my chest as I laid back in bed. My heart raced just thinking of Roman.

When I pulled my phone back and slid my finger across the phone to open my messages, the disappointment was immediate. It wasn’t from Roman. It was from Jeff: We need to talk.