Healed by Evan Grace

Chapter Twenty-One

 

Colton

 

I stare out at Lake Clara Meer and feel so fucking lost. This wasn’t supposed to happen—I beat it; I won. I’m trying to stay positive; it won’t be confirmed until I have a bone marrow biopsy, and they’ll draw more fucking blood.

After Heidi left this morning, I couldn’t stand the silence. It gave me too much time think about the what-ifs. On autopilot I went out to my SUV and then ended up here.

I promised Heidi that we’d fight whatever came our way together, but how can I ask her to go through this with me? I’m gonna get sick, lose my hair, and possibly die.

A tear slides down my cheek. I take a deep breath and head home. I see that Heidi is home, her jeep is in the driveway as I pull into the garage. Before I open the car door, I close my eyes and try to get my shit together.

I get out and move toward the door. The house is silent when I step inside, and I walk slowly through the mudroom. Heidi is sitting on the sofa, holding something in her hand. “Hey. What’s going on?” I ask as I step further into the room.

She stands and holds her hand out to me. “Come sit.” I take her hand, and she pushes me down to sit in the spot she vacated. Heidi sits on the coffee table in front of me. She sets whatever was in her hand down and grasps onto my hands.

Fuck, her hands are so soft. She smiles at me and leans down, kissing my hands. She lets go and grabs the piece of paper. “Baby, I-I’m pregnant.” She holds out the picture to me.

I take it in my hands and can’t hide that they tremble. It looks like a little white bunny. This is something I wanted so much, but now… How could we bring a child into this world, knowing that I could possibly leave them.

“Colton, please say something. You wanted this—we wanted this.” She grabs my face. “Please tell me what you’re thinking?”

I drop to my knees in front of her and lay my head on her lap. The tears begin to fall, and she wraps her arms around my head, hugging me. This is what I want more than anything, but what if I die?

“Please tell me you’re happy,” Heidi says, her voice thick with tears.

I look up at her. “I am happy but fucking scared.”

Heidi strokes my cheek, and I cover her hand with mine. “I’m scared too, but I know together we can handle anything.”

 

***

 

Dad helps me out of the wheelchair and into their SUV. Heidi sits in the back and helps me get my seat belt on. I’m a little woozy still after the bone marrow biopsy. Luckily, they give me really good drugs, and I don’t feel much.

I pull my girl into me, kissing the side of her head. Before we’re out of the parking lot, I pass out.

Heidi gently shakes me, and my eyes open. I find her smiling at me. “We’re home, baby.” She stands back so Dad can help me down. Mom leads the way, and my girl brings up the rear.

Dad has his hand wrapped around my bicep as he helps me inside. “Dad I can take it from here.” He nods and Heidi follows closely behind me as we make our way into the bedroom. I lay in bed and after she removes my shoes and socks, Heidi joins me. I have a hard time getting comfortable, but she has me take a pain pill and that helps me get comfortable enough.

My parents stay to make sure that we’re okay, and then they leave. We haven’t told them about the baby yet, and we still need to tell Heidi’s family about both the cancer and the baby.

Heidi falls asleep next to me, and I slide my hand over her stomach, resting where our child is growing. I close my eyes and ask whatever higher power there is to keep Heidi and the baby safe.

 

***

 

I sit across from Dr. Wagle. He doesn’t look much older than me. He looks at his computer, where he has my scans and labs pulled up. Heidi sits next to me, holding my hand.

“Okay, Colton, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is the cancer is back, but it looks like we’ve caught it very early. I’m going to work together with my team to come up with an aggressive treatment plan,” he says as he turns toward us. “I know you’ll have questions once the plan is put together, but do you have any right now?”

My mind immediately goes blank. Fuck me, that sucks. “Uhh… I don’t really know.”

Heidi lifts her hand and leans forward. “What is the survival rate for the recurrence of this type of cancer?” Her voice trembles. I look at her and that’s when I see the piece of paper in her hand, and I don’t miss the way it shakes.

Dr. Wagle gets up and comes around the desk, squatting in front of her. ‘We caught it early, and that alone increases his odds off beating it. That is all I can give you right now. I want to be honest with you—we have a fight ahead of us, and we’ll do everything we can to beat this.” He pats her hand before standing and going back around to his desk.

He calls his receptionist, telling her to schedule my follow-up. We stand, and he leads us to the door. “We’ll see you in about a week, and we’ll start your treatment.”

“Thank you so much, Dr. Wagle.” Heidi hugs him

I shake his offered hand, and we head out front to get the appointment card for my next visit. Heidi laces her fingers with mine as we walk to the elevators. I pull her into a hug, kissing the top of her head.

We take the elevator down and walk hand-in-hand to the SUV. I open the door for her, and she climbs inside, after shutting the door I move around the front to my side.

“You’re going to beat this. Just so you know,” Heidi announces as I climb inside. 

I nod, not really sure what to say right now. I’m overwhelmed and fucking disappointed. Heidi grabs my hand and pulls it to her mouth, kissing the back of it. She lets go while I back out of the space and then she grabs my hand and we head home.

 

I let us inside and head down the hall to the bedroom. I kick off my shoes and climb onto the bed. I lay on my back with my hands under my head. Closing my eyes, I take a deep cleansing breath and try to clear my mind.

I feel the bed move and open my eyes. Heidi lays on her side facing me. “Are you tired?” she asks.

“No, just laying here thinking.”

Heidi lays her head on my shoulder and wraps her arm around my waist. “What are you thinking about?”

I’m not sure how to say it, but there is a tiny part of me that thinks she’s better off without me, and that’s what I tell her. “You should be focusing on growing our baby, not taking care of me.”

She gets up on her knees and punches my chest. “What the fuck, Colton? How many times do I have to tell you that I’m in this with you? It’s you and me; we pinky swore.”

I get up on my knees in front of her and pull her into my arms. “You’re right. I’m sorry baby. I love you so much.” I cup her face. “I’m going to fight for you and our baby.”

Heidi grabs onto me so tight. “Yes, you are.”

I pull her down to the bed. I situate us with her back against my chest. I wrap my arm around her, holding her tight.

“Are we taking a nap?” she asks, and it makes me smile.

“Yep, just for a little bit.” I yawn. I’ve been so exhausted, but that isn’t from the cancer; it’s from not sleeping well at night, worrying about the future. My eyes close, and in no time I’m out.