Never by Blue Saffire
Chapter 30
Lost
Sal
I can’t explain the mood around here lately. It’s like being hit by a Mac truck, but you keep moving because you have somewhere to be. So many people have been affected by Mom and Dad’s return.
“Mom and Dad are alive,” I say to myself as I walk through the clubhouse.
It’s like I’m going mad. I repeat those words to myself a few times a day to insure I’m not. It’s only been a few days, but it’s still such a shock.
With the attack on Eva, I think it’s taking everyone longer to process what’s happened around here.
Secrets, so many secrets have come out. In a way, I’m sort of glad mom doesn’t remember much. On the other hand, I feel for Cage, but I don’t know how to feel or how mom would feel about the Jacky thing if she could remember.
They weren’t together, but… I think Mom would have wanted to know. I guess.
“Hey, you,” I say cautiously as I walk out to the backyard of the clubhouse.
Jacky turns and looks back at me. He’s out here all by himself. Finding out Mom and Dad are still alive has been a hard blow. I can’t imagine how Jacky feels in all of this.
To find out the man he thought was his real dad—the same man he watched kill his mom—isn’t his father at all. Not to mention finding out his real father, Cage—the one he knew nothing about—is actually still alive… as I said, I don’t have words for this.
I totally get the brooding. He’s hurting. Jacky seems to always be on the shit end of life. I feel for him.
“What are you doing out here?” he says as he looks at me with a sour expression on his face.
“You do know I’ll still kick your ass?” I tease.
“I’m a grown man now. Besides, you know I don’t beat up on women, Brat or not.” His words are sharp, but the humor in his eyes tell a different story. “You know, I used to tease you because I thought you were pretty. Now that shit is sickening. You’re my fucking sister, for Christ’s sake.”
“Technically, I’m your stepsister, but, ew, I totally get it.” I burst into laughter.
“So much shit has changed in a matter of days. I feel like I don’t know who I am.”
My shoulders sag with the weight of his words. I move around the bench to take a seat beside him. I know exactly what he means. There are moments when I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
“Yeah, I hear you. The hardest part is having my mother back, but her not having any idea who I am,” I say.
Jacky turns his green eyes on me. It hits me like a ton of bricks, I have another brother. Just one more thing I’ve been trying to process over the last couple of days.
I don’t know how none of us saw it before. Jacky looks so much like Cage and King, just with green eyes and a little darker skin. His hair is also honey brown and not blond like Cage and King’s. It’s crazy, but now that I know, I can see it so clearly.
“Sorry, I probably shouldn’t be whining about this shit with all you and Eva are going through.”
I lean in to bump his shoulder. “Are you kidding? You aren’t whining. We’re all going through a lot.”
“Yeah,” he says and pulls a face.
“You know, Eva and I are here for you. You’ve been like a little brother to us forever anyway.”
“Thanks. I’m fine.”
“Sure, tough guy.” I grin. “So… I hear you’re thinking about going up north.”
“Maybe, Grim has something he needs handled that way and I could use a break from all of this. Why not?”
I shake my head. “I so did not see that coming,” I scoff.
“What?”
“Come on, Jacky. Squad. You’ve always been so sweet. You couldn’t even bully me properly. You always brought me treats after you got on my nerves,” I say through light laughter.
“I told you. I liked you.” He cracks his first real smile, but it fades as quickly as it comes. “I’ve seen a lot of shit in my life, Sal. I’ve done some shit too. I belong as much as any of the rest. Youngest member and all.”
Sadness takes over me. That’s the part that bothered me when I learned he was a member. He’s so young. Squad members are a different breed. They’re built different, from a broken place.
“Don’t feel sorry for me. What doesn’t break you makes you stronger. Everyone thinks I was too young to remember what happened to my mom. I remember all that shit.”
He lifts his shoulders. “I need to be stronger. Someone has to call in that debt.”
Without saying another word, he gets up and walks away. He doesn’t have to explain. Jacky has been an angry boy for years. I know exactly what he means.
Pop may be after Cage, but he has a target on his back as well. My heart aches as I watch Jacky’s back as he walks across the yard, headed for the parking lot. I stare after him long after I hear his bike rev and pull off. I’m so lost staring after him, my phone startles me when it rings.
I look at the screen and smile. It’s Mom. Cage got her a phone and programmed all of our numbers into it.
Hope blooms. Maybe she’s remembered me or something about us. I take a deep breath before I answer.
“Hey, Mom, what’s up?”
“Mom. I’m still trying to get used to that. You two are so grown up and beautiful,” she says. “Um, I was wondering if you would like to come have dinner with me? This house… it’s… big.”
I chuckle despite the disappointment. She still doesn’t remember me, my own mom. The one who gave birth to me.
“Cage has always spoiled you with the best.”
It’s true. The house he bought for her is gorgeous. We never thought to sell it. Eva and I couldn’t.
“Um. He’s here. Cage. I… uh… he eats with me. If you don’t want to come, I understand.”
Yeah, this has been one of the biggest adjustments for everyone. Awkward to say the least. Mom is a bit skittish around Cage.
We’re all used to the two of them being so in love and wrapped up in each other. It’s hard to see Cage look so longingly at his wife as she darts away from him every time she sees him. Despite the lockdown, Cage insisted on moving Mom home.
He’s giving her space, although he did move into the house to watch over her. If you ask me, I think he moved in with hopes she’d remember him sooner. He could’ve had any number of brothers watch the house for him.
King would have made sure she had the best. Heck, Jacky loves my mom. He would have done it in a heartbeat.
“I would love to have dinner with you. I can be there in fifteen. Is it okay if my boyfriend comes along?”
“Oh, okay, yes, that’s fine. I’d like that. Maybe you can tell me more about you or more about… him.”
I smile, knowing which him she’s talking about. I get the feeling she wants to know more about Cage than me. “Sure, I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”
“Thank you, Sal.”
I close my eyes as tears spill. My mom used to call me Salalia, not Sal, like everyone else. I sweep at my tears.
Give her time.
“No problem, Mom. See you in a bit.”
Gutter
I feel like shit as we step into the bedroom Rose offered to us after dinner. I’ve been so damn distracted, but I can tell Sal really wants to stay.
Terry has been calling more and my demons are barely hinged. I won’t sleep tonight for fear they will slip out with Sal’s mom and Cage only a few doors away.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Sal says in a quiet tone.
I’ve known this was coming. She’s been burning a hole in the side of my face all night. I hate that I’m adding to her already full plate.
“Not really.”
My phone rings, giving me an escape. However, when I see who the caller is, I contemplate taking my chances with Sal. I’m not taking this call, but I still excuse myself as if I am.
“Give me a minute,” I murmur.
Stepping out onto the balcony of the bedroom, I take a deep breath and run my hand through my hair. My phone starts to ring again in my other hand, and I swear I get ready to chuck it.
It’s King’s name that stops me from tossing the thing. There’s still a lot of tension around the club. After all, we still have so many unanswered questions and shit in the shadows.
“Prez,” I answer the call.
“Need you back at the clubhouse.”
The line goes dead. I groan. Sal isn’t going to like this.
I don’t like it. I don’t want to leave her here alone. Yeah, Cage is here, but I’ve seen how distracted he is with Rose. Besides, I don’t know him well enough.
I want to know Sal is covered while I’m away. No offense, it’s just the way it is. I make a quick call to check on something.
“What’s up?” Reap answers.
“Have you guys been called in?”
“Grim has. I was going to ride in with him.”
Figures.“You mind coming my way to sit with Sal? We’re at Cage and Rose’s place.”
There’s a pause for a brief second. When she replies, there’s a smile in her voice. “Sure, I can do that.”
“Thanks.”
Ending the call, I turn and head back inside. “Babe,” I call out as I look around, not catching sight of Sal.
She comes from the en suite in her panties and a T-shirt. She looks sad, but I’m failing at knowing how to make that go away. I drag a hand down my face.
“I need to head back to the clubhouse. Reap is coming to hang for a bit.”
“I don’t need a babysitter, Gutter. Dad and Mom are here.”
I close the distance between us and press my lips to her forehead. “Humor me.”
“Yeah, okay. You clearly don’t know my father.”
I don’t. Which is why I’m not taking any chances. I have enough at war in my head.
“Darlin’, I…” I can’t find the right words to tell her all the fucked-up shit going on in my head. My phone vibrates and I close my mouth.
I pinch her chin and bring her lips to mine. The kiss starts soft, but I devour her mouth to let her know I’m still in this. I’m shit on figuring out what to do next, but I’m here.
“I’ll see you when I get back,” I breathe against her lips.
“I love you,” she says, just above a whisper.
My heart does that thing she always causes. However, the caution in her tone causes my heart to sink at the same time. I need to figure things out soon. My girl is slipping away.
“I love you too, baby girl,” I say with all I am. I kiss her forehead again. “Don’t wait up.”
“You all right, son? You’re looking a bit green,” Mix says as he walks over to the group of recliners where I’m sitting and hands me a beer.
The meeting with King was over an hour ago and yet I’m still here. I haven’t been able to force myself back to Sal’s parents’ house. A glance across the clubhouse tells me I’m not the only one avoiding the place.
I’m glad I followed my first mind and had Reap head over to watch things. Cage has been sitting at the bar nursing a beer since I stepped out here to the main area.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I say, then take a long pull from the offered drink.
“Since Cage says Sal is at his place, I’m assuming there’s trouble in paradise. Want to talk about it?”
I grunt. No, I don’t. Do I get the feeling he’s going to do the talking anyway? Yes, I’m pretty sure he intends to.
When I don’t reply, he nods his head toward Cage. “I remember when he first saw Rose. He was a goner.” Mix chuckles.
I sit back and make myself comfortable. I don’t know why everyone thinks I’ve become more social now that I’m dating Sal. I want her, not all of this bullshit.
Mix continues to plow right into his story, not picking up on my need to be alone. “You see, Cage knew even then, love requires work and patience. Rose was younger, scared, and had a hell of a lot on her shoulders.”
“Can you get to the point?” I huff.
He laughs and levels me with his eyes. “What I’m saying to you, son, is Sal is a lot like her mama. It’s going to take patience and finesse to keep her. Every relationship has its challenges. Don’t look so defeated. Only a few days ago you two looked the happiest I’ve seen either of you.”
I stay silent as I think his words over. Things weren’t perfect, but they were a hell of a lot better than where they’ve been headed. It’s not Sal’s fault, it’s mine.
“Son,” Mix says, breaking into my thoughts. “If you need to talk, I’m here.”
I nod as he stands and heads for the bar where Cage is. It’s time I take a ride and clear my head. Then, I’ll face Salalia.