Badge by K.L. Savage

 

It took me forever to fall asleep last night. Badge slept, but all I did was hold him, my heart breaking into a thousand pieces while he cried. And after he fell asleep, I cried for him. I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child, which then made me think about Faith and how life would be without her.

He had to live through that at my age. I never would have thought in a million years that was what Badge was holding inside.

I don’t know how many times I read that book to him over and over again, but I couldn’t seem to stop. This is the one thing he has from another part of his life, this one keepsake he keeps on hand—and by how flexible the binding is, he opens this book a lot. And he has a picture taped on the front page of him and Amber.

His daughter.

My mind is blown.

Badge is not the kind of guy I imagined having a past life like this. I’m not mad at him or anything of that nature, that would be silly, but I can understand why he doesn’t talk about it. It was so long ago. I don’t know how he was able to keep it inside for so long.

I stare at the clock and my eyes nearly bug out of my head when I see the time. It’s ten in the morning.

I’m not in my room.

No doubt my dad is awake.

“Badge!” I shake his shoulder and he grumbles, turning over in his sleep and hauling me to his chest. “Badge, wake up. We have to get up.”

“No, five more minutes,” he slurs, nestling his head against my breasts.

“Badge. It’s ten in the morning.”

“So.” He kisses my collarbone. “Snuggle me.”

I giggle when I hear the word snuggle fall from his lips. “I won’t be able to snuggle you if my dad finds out I was in here all night.”

His eyes pop open and he jolts forward, his hair standing up in every direction. “It’s ten in the morning.”

“Yes.”

“You aren’t in your bed.”

“No,” I say as I scramble off him.

“Oh fuck.” He scrubs his hands over his face, then shrugs his shoulder. “That’s okay. I mean, I know you wanted to keep it a secret, but maybe it’s a good thing, you know?”

“What happened to sneaking around?” I open his dresser and steal a pair of his sweatpants.

“I mean, we can still sneak around. It can be our little game.” He wiggles his brows at me, and I can’t help but smile at how cute he looks in the morning. He looks so damn good for his age. It’s hard to believe he is a few years older than Reaper.

He looks like he is still in his thirties. He aged like a fine wine, and all I want to do is drink him down and get drunk off him.

“You’re insane if—” I pull the door open, and Dad is standing in front of the door. His eyes shift from me to Badge, then back to me, then Badge. “Dad, I can explain.”

Quicker than any of us can think to say anything else, Dad throws a dart, and it zings through the air, landing right in Badge’s shoulder.

“Fuck!” he shouts, holding onto his shoulder.

“Dad, stop! I can explain!” I try to stop him, but he marches into the room and grips Badge by the dart in his arm, then rips it out with a chunk of flesh and all.

“You fucking asshole. I trusted you!” He shoves Badge off the bed and I’m thankful Badge has his sweatpants on.

Could be worse, like when Moretti caught Slingshot fucking his daughter. At least Badge and I weren’t in the middle of doing the deed.

“Bullseye, let me explain—” but Dad cuts Badge off with a hard punch to the face.

“Dad, stop it! Just stop.”

“What the fuck is going on?” Reaper and a few others stand in the doorway. “Oh, shit.”

“Drama. Love it,” Porter adds.

“Anyone need a knife?” Tongue offers and I lift my hands in an annoyed huff.

“I might need one to gut this asshole,” Dad sneers and lifts his fist again to hit Badge, but I step in the way.

“Dad, please stop,” I beg, tears burning my eyes at the pure rage in his eyes.

“He is my friend, my fucking friend! And he is screwing my daughter? No, I won’t stop. How long has this been going on for, huh? Don’t be a fucking coward. Tell me!”

Badge gently takes me by the hand and tugs me to the side where Ruby is, and she keeps me a safe distance away from the two men who mean the world to me.

Badge wipes his lip and the previous, nearly healed cut Reaper gave him for yelling at Maizey opens again. He spreads his arms out, a hint of blood on his index finger. “Go ahead, Bullseye. I won’t fight you. I’ll let you have your swings. I’ll let all of you have your damn swings at me.” Badge doesn’t yell, he keeps his voice calm and even. “I haven’t been the nicest guy. I know, but—”

“—No, fucking buts.” Dad hits Badge again, and he stumbles backward, flicking his tongue across his lips. “That is my daughter, Badge. Do you get that? My baby. My little girl. I didn’t get to raise her, but I get to protect her from men like you.”

“Men like me?” Badge sneers. “What about men like me? What’s so fucking bad about men like me, Bullseye? I’m a cop, or I was one, I protect. I care. I might not spit sunshine, but I care, and I care about your daughter. I have since the moment I saw her. I love her.”

Bullseye punches him again and Badge’s nose begins to bleed.

“Dad, stop. I’m begging you, please,” I cry, but the rage suffocates the room.

He can’t hear me.

“You don’t like kids and I won’t have my granddaughter around a man who doesn’t love her and treat her as if she is his own.”

“Are you kidding? I love her more than anything. I’d protect her with my life.”

“Since when do you fucking care about Faith?” Bullseye looks down and sees the Dr. Suess book, and picks it up, shaking it in the air. “What, because you read to her?”

“Dad, put that down. You have no idea what you’re doing.”

“I am the one who takes care of her. Not you. When have you taken care of anyone else but yourself Badge?”

Dad strikes a nerve and Badge quiets. “Please, put the book down. You can beat me to a fucking pulp, but please put the book down.”

“No, I don’t think so,” Bullseye sneers as he flips through it. “We don’t know that much about you, you know. Not even Poodle, and you rescued him from a fucked-up situation. Is this book from one of your crime scenes?”

“Dad, stop it. I’m warning you.”

“No, you need to know what kind of man you’re getting involved with. Badge isn’t a good man. He doesn’t give a fuck about you, Faith, or any of the kids here. Do you?”

“Bullseye, that’s not true. You know me better than that.”

“I thought I did until I found out you were fucking my daughter. A friend doesn’t do that to another friend.”

Reaper clears his throat and Bullseye exhales. “That’s different, Reaper. Hawk is dead. You didn’t need his permission.”

“And Hope is a grown woman. I don’t need your permission to be with her either—”

“—I told him not to tell. He wanted to, but I convinced him to stay a secret. Don’t blame him for that.”

“You wouldn’t feel the need to keep anything a secret if what you were doing was right,” Dad states, holding the book in half as if he is about to tear it.

Badge is horrified. “Please, Bullseye. Don’t.” He holds his hand to his shoulder as it keeps bleeding, dripping from between his fingers. “I’m not the man I’ve been pretending to be, but I swear, I am in love with Hope, and I love Faith as if she is my own.”

“And what do you know about a kid being your own?”

I inhale a sharp breath and Badge hangs his head. “Dad, don’t be an asshole. He knows everything about it!”

“Hope—”

“—No. This has gone on far enough.” I stomp forward and yank the book out of my dad’s hands and open it to the very front and show him the picture. “That is Badge at eighteen. That is Badge holding his daughter, Amber. His daughter died when she was two months old because of SIDS.”

Everyone inhales a sharp breath. The room falls silent for a few seconds—and then explodes in whispers and murmurs from everyone. I look over at Badge, who is completely despondent.

“He cares so much, but the pain of caring came at a price. Don’t ever talk to him about his own kids again or how he knows what it’s like to have one of his own. He did. He does. And he lives with the pain every day. You owe him an apology.” Tears are dripping down my face and Dad seems horrified.

Dad knows what it’s like to lose a daughter. For eighteen years, he thought he’d lost me. He thought I’d died. But it turned out I was alive after all. That story ended in a happy reunion.

Badge has no chance of that.

“Badge… I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”

“Can everyone please get out,” Badge whispers, hating that his biggest secret is out in the open for everyone to know.

I had to. Dad was going to rip the book. This book means everything to Badge, and I couldn’t allow that to happen.

“We will talk about our relationship with you later, Dad. Right now, please leave.”

“Hope… Badge. I’m so sorry.”

“You’re only sorry because he lost a child. If he didn’t, I don’t think you’d be sorry at all. He is a good man and I’m lucky to be with a man like him.”

With one last flex of his hands, Bullseye heads out the door. Everyone backs away and without giving them one last look, I slam the door shut and lock it.

“Badge? Are you okay?” I place the book where it belongs and stand in front of him, pulling his hand away from his shoulder so I can see his wound. Those damn darts are lethal. A perfect round chunk of flesh has been removed. “Baby, you need to see Doc. I don’t know how to stitch.”

“Yeah, okay.” He sounds empty.

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t let him—”

“—I don’t blame you for a second, Angel.” He kisses my cheek. “Everything that happened could have been avoided if I had been open and honest about Amber. I should have told Bullseye my intentions with you much earlier. He has a right to be pissed. I’m sure it isn’t easy watching his daughter date someone older than he is. Cut him a little slack.”

“No. Not when he threatened to rip that book.”

“He just wanted to hurt me like I hurt him. He didn’t know the meaning behind the book.”

“Stop sticking up for him.” I open the door and guide him down the hall.

“Now everyone is going to give me pity looks. I don’t need anyone’s pity,” Badge sneers, yanking open the basement door which fills the kitchen with loud cries. “Jay,” he whispers so softly only I can hear him, and he runs down the steps. “What’s wrong with him?”

I follow close behind to see Doc trying to shush the newborn Badge saved.

“Jesus, what did you do?” Doc groans when he sees the bruises on Badge’s face and the dart wound on his shoulder. “And what do you think is wrong? He misses you. He bonded to you. I’m just a stranger.”

“I’ll take him,” Badge holds out his arms and hisses from the pain.

“Yeah, no way I’m letting you hold a baby when you are bleeding.”

“I’ll take him.” I rush to Jay and cradle him, smiling down at his sweet, innocent face. “Look at those eyelashes. Goodness, all the women in this house will be jealous.”

“Be careful—” Badge stops himself from saying anything else when he realizes who he is talking to. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I understand.” I take the small fist in my hand and gently shake it up and down. “We will be fine, won’t we?” I rub my nose against Jay’s.

“What did you do to piss Bullseye off?” Doc asks Badge as he begins to clean the wound.

“You didn’t hear any of that?” I question. “They fought upstairs.”

“No. I was too busy trying to keep him from crying. Tell me. I mean, I know people get mad at you, but it isn’t often you make anyone mad enough for them to use their tricks on you.”

“Hope is mine,” Badge says simply. My heart flutters.

Doc stops what he is doing when he begins to stitch Badge. “You’re not kidding, are you?”

“No,” Badge growls. “Why would I joke about something like that? You think I’d let Bullseye get all these hits in if it were a joke?”

“Sorry, that’s just one hell of an age gap.”

This time it’s my turn to shoot daggers at Doc. “It isn’t that bad.”

Doc chuffs, then sighs. “It is none of my business. I just hope you’re happy with one another.” He loops the needle through the skin and the two ends become closer together. “So what made him stop? I’m surprised he didn’t kill you.”

Badge presses a rag against his bottom lip, then tosses it to the side. “Hope let slip I care about children because I lost my daughter at two months old from SIDS. Bullseye didn’t think I cared about Faith, and he was about to tear up one of the few things I had from her from that period of my life.”

Doc stops stitching him up again and flicks his stare at me, then baby Jay, and it’s like a lightbulb clicks on for him before he gets back to work. “I’m sorry for your loss, Badge. I couldn’t ever imagine the pain you must feel every day.”

“I thought I was doing okay hiding it, but meeting Hope made me realize I wasn’t handling it well at all.”

“Seems us men aren’t really capable of handling anything well.” Doc snips the thread after he ties it, the stitches even and clean across the skin. “I mean that without malice. We really don’t handle things well.”

I giggle at his honesty. “Well, I think Badge handled it the best he could.”

Doc hums in agreement as he cleans the cuts on Badge’s face. “Try not to get those darts thrown at you anymore. They leave nasty scars.”

“It isn’t like I’m throwing my body in front of them,” Badge mutters as he stands. “Can I hold him now? I’ve missed him.”

“You shouldn’t have left, but I understand why you did now. You felt guilty.” Doc snaps off his gloves and tosses them in the trash.

“Yeah, but I don’t feel so guilty anymore.” I pass Jay from my arms to Badge and he smiles down at him like a father would their child. “Nothing will take my love away for Amber, but I’m capable of loving others, like Jay here.”

“You need to tell the truth about Jay. If Prez finds out whatever the truth is somewhere else? Like a lot of other men here, you’ll get a heart on your chest.”

“I don’t think he really has to answer to anyone right now,” I say, feeling defensive.

“Well, Reaper doesn’t give a fuck about that. He wants the truth, and he wants to know what kind of shit the club is going to deal with. That baby is going to come with problems because they always do. I’m just trying to be a good friend, Badge.”

“I know,” Badge nods. “I’ll take what you said under advisement.” He sits down in the recliner, wires still attached to Jay, and grins. “Do you think we can forge some papers? A birth certificate and social security number? I want him to be mine.”

“You sure he doesn’t have anyone else?”

“I’m positive, Doc.”

“Alright, but I won’t do it until Reaper knows the truth.”

“That’s fair.” Badge runs his finger across Jay’s cheek and Jay begins to fall asleep instead of crying his lungs out.

How could anyone think Badge doesn’t like kids when he has a magic way with them?

“I think it’s time I go find Maizey and apologize for how I treated her.” Badge gently places Jay in the incubator and kisses the top of his head. “I’ll be back, okay?”

“Want me to stay down here with him? I’ll go get the Dr. Suess book you used to read to Amber.”

Badge stops climbing the steps and nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I think that would be great, Hope. Thank you.”

“Well, it’s what moms do right? If he is yours, he is mine,” I say to him.

Badge runs back down the steps and grabs my face, smashing his lips against mine.

Love has no age limit.

The only limits that exist are the ones people create.