Deviant Vows by Anna Widzisz

CHAPTER THIRTY

Davina

There’s a knock on the door as I clench my phone in my hand, gritting my teeth. I’ve just ended a call with William telling him the specifics of the situation, although I didn’t go into details. He wasn’t happy finding out that I went to the Addison house alone, and even less when I told him to hold back on doing anything that has to do with the separation of our business. I’m not sure what’s going to happen, but I hope that at the end of my talk with Macsen, we will come to some mutual understanding that’s not going to ruin any of us or the Firm.

I push the thoughts of a possible future aside. There’s no point dwelling on it.

As the doors open, I set the phone down on the piano. Macsen is standing with his hands now in his jeans and a mixed expression on his face. Whatever his conversation with Theo was about, he’s puzzled after it, surely. Additionally, he most definitely thinks of my behaviour as strange since he doesn’t know me from this side. Quite frankly, it’s been years since I let the softer part of me have a field day in this mobster world.

I keep my eyes on Macsen for a long moment, but neither of us speaks. Almost as if this moment of complete and total understanding and mutual respect would break before our eyes. After weeks of being apart, it’s perhaps the first time we can feel more at peace again. I know I do.

“I trust Theo is still alive,” I say, leaning my elbows on the piano behind me. Macsen takes a few steps, closing the space between us and my stomach takes a flip. Anxiety settles in.

He bites his lip. “Why did you do it? Why were you nice to him after finding out what he has done to you? To us? But you were mad when you thought it was all me.” He sounds almost accusatory.

“He’s your brother, Macsen. He made a mistake but he had your best interest at heart. I can hardly be angry at him.”

“Yet you were with me.”

“Because if it was you, you would have betrayed me. You knew me, he didn’t. There’s an ocean of difference between those two scenarios.”

Macsen glances at the piano, not responding to that. He knows I’m right which doesn’t change the fact that everything that happened destroyed our relationship. Then he walks up to a small bar cart by the balcony. There’s a bottle of scotch and two glasses on it.

Somehow, I can’t remember it being here the last time. Although Macsen has been spending a lot of time in his old house recently, he said he always felt the best in this room so maybe he put it there.

“Have a drink,” he tells me, pouring the alcohol before he gives me one glass. It makes me chuckle, thinking back to our first meeting when he was surprised I like hard liquor.

“What are you planning to do with Theo?” I don’t give up. The matter needs to be settled before we can move on to anything else. I know what I want but Macsen seems to be conflicted, to say the least.

He shrugs, downing the drink before pouring himself another one. He then sits in the armchair, resting the glass in his lap. His other hand is prompted by the elbow and his fingers are at his temple. He’s not looking away from me as if he’s trying to figure out what I’m thinking.

I take a sip of the scotch.

“What would you do?” he asks me. I can see in his eyes that he doesn’t know how to handle the situation. At first, he wanted to kill him. Or at least he wanted to make himself believe that. Now with the way I acted, he’s not sure what to do.

“He’s not my responsibility. He’s your soldier. It’s your decision.”

“I can’t just forgive and forget. I’m the boss. We don’t have that comfort of always doing what we want.”

I sit down by the piano, resting my back against the keys. My head tilts to the side as I raise my eyebrow. “That’s the one thing I can’t agree with you on,” I tell him. “It’s our job to be fair as far as the business and our partners are concerned. But we can bend some rules for the family. It’s not always possible to just treat everyone the same.”

“You do that,” he pauses. “Your father, uncle, mother, sister… They are all equals in your eyes, aren’t they?”

I shake my head at once. “I’d throw my parents and sister to the wolves to save my uncle.”

Macsen stays quiet.

I finish my drink because the confession requires much more courage. “I never show it because I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea of how they can hurt me. Even William doesn’t know it. Or maybe he does, he just hasn’t heard me admit it ever. He was always there for me whenever I needed him, and out of all people, I trust him the most.”

“I trust Theo,” Macsen whispers as if he’s saying it to himself. “At least I used to. Now I’m always going to question his decision if I let it go.”

I nod, understanding his dilemma. “Then don’t. He doesn’t deserve to die but he should be punished somehow.”

With a long sigh, I get up and walk up to Macsen, sitting down on the arm, putting my legs over his. He places the glass down on the floor.

“Banish him. Let him live but away from the Firm. He won’t be a part of the organisation, but he’ll be alive.”

He frowns. “Goddamn it. You’re honestly more capable of making hard decisions.”

That’s the one confession I wouldn’t ever consider possible to hear from him. It’s vulnerable, and I start to wonder if it’s because of the alcohol.

“I’m not. You just can’t be objective when it comes to your siblings. That’s why I’m helping. You’d regret killing him, and it’d haunt you forever. And you’d also look back at everything he does if you let him back into your business.”

He shifts. “Come here.” He pulls me gently into his lap. I feel the warmth from his chest as he brings my body to his, hugging me. There’s no space between us and my heart skips a beat.

It feels safe.

I feel safe.

Maybe finding peace and solace with someone like Macsen is fucked up, and maybe I should feel ashamed instead. Although, my past broke me and built me up again as a completely different person. More powerful but also stronger. So no one would be enough if they were less than me. I need an equal in all things. For my personal demons to match his and don’t let them ruin us.

So I pull my head down to his chest and close my eyes for a second.

“Are we okay?” I hear him ask.

My stomach churns.

Are we?

“I want us to be,” he says.

He kisses my forehead softly, tangling his fingers in my hair as I’m breathing in his cologne. It’s so peaceful in his arms. Something I’ve not experienced in a very long time. And I find myself not wanting to let it go.

My eyes open and I meet his intense gaze, taking me to that night when he started to make me trust him to have him behind me. And every moment after that when he tried to deepen that feeling. That trust.

Then I turn in his lap to face him, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I want that, too.”

He runs his hands up my sides before he covers my lips with his in a gentle but demanding kiss. His mouth is ravenous and I can’t help but whimper against him as his fingers dig into my skin.

“Never fucking leave again. Do you understand me?” he says in between the kisses. “You’re mine whether you want it or not now.”

I pull back, smiling. “So love me like you hate me.”

“Not anymore. Now I’ll just love you.”