Treating a Sinful Earl by Henrietta Harding
Chapter 20
Catherine chose to spend most of her time in the garden the next day. Although Jasper had offered to walk in the forest once more, she had declined, saying that it would be best to spend the entirety of the day working on her tinctures. This was not a lie, but it was not the whole truth either. In fact, Catherine truly wished to see him again, but she feared another kiss….
She did not fear it in the traditional sense, but Catherine knew that they had gone too far, and she was not sure where the next step would lead them. This and so many other fears had plagued her mind the night before as she lay in bed, dreaming only of Jasper’s touch and the way that his lips had felt upon hers. The memory of this was so tantalizing, Catherine convinced herself that there was nothing on this earth that she wanted more than to be with the Earl of Simmons.
Of course, that would never be….
But why would it never be? He had made that remarkable comment about being wed, and Catherine had been shocked by it at the time, but surely he had said it in jest. There was no way that a man of such standing would marry her. But then again, he kissed her! And also, she kissed him first! Oh, her head was going to be the death of her.
Before these thoughts could consume her completely, she was delighted to see that Selina arrived at the appointed time. Her friend had agreed to meet her that day, and Catherine was pleasantly surprised to see that she had arrived early. Alas, there was a sad expression on Selina’s face.
“What is the matter?” Catherine asked, getting up from where she knelt in the earth.
“I have dreadful news.”
“Is Abigail all right?” Catherine asked, it being the first thing that came to mind.
Selina nodded. “Abigail is perfectly all right. It pertains to something else. We must be seated at once.”
Selina and Catherine seated themselves, and Catherine was the next to speak. “You are taking rather a long time to tell me what is amiss. I beg of you to share.”
Selina heaved a weighty sigh. “Forgive me for saying this, for I do not know if it is merely gossip. The fact of the matter is…I heard something dreadful regarding the Earl of Simmons.”
Catherine froze. She had to make sure to take Selina’s words with a grain of salt, for she was mildly jealous of Catherine’s circumstances. Still, she would hear what her friend had to say, and she would most definitely not tell her of what happened in the forest!
“Speak, then. I am not afraid,” Catherine said.
Clearing her throat, Selina sat up straight and folded her hands neatly in her lap. “Well, this is what I have heard. I was enjoying luncheon with Lady Margaret and Lady Charlotte. We were speaking of who is most popular in the Season and naturally, the Earl of Simmons became the topic of conversation.”
Why was the Earl considered the most popular? Like herself, Jasper was a wallflower. Was there something about him that she truly did not know?
“Very well,” Catherine said, willing her friend to go on.
“So, we were speaking on this subject, talking of how all the ladies cannot stop looking at the Earl and he is so affable with all. Then, it was shared that he has…taken some liberties with a few ladies!”
“That cannot be true.”
“Well, these were very reliable sources, and it seems that many know of the scandal, and that is why the Earl does not make a show of himself. He is trying to hide what has been done in the fast and no doubt what he will do in the future.”
This was all too much. Catherine did not know how to continue this conversation, for it all seemed too ridiculous for words and she could not abide by it. “I think that this is nothing more than gossip.”
“But that cannot be true. There are several ladies that have corroborated that it has happened to them.”
Catherine’s heart sank in her chest. It could not be possible! But alas, Jasper was in the forest with her the previous day, and he tried to instigate the kiss before Catherine had the courage to do it instead. Was this a common occurrence for him? Was it often that he met girls in forests and made love to them? The thought was so painful in Catherine’s mind, that she needed to banish it at once lest she lose her heart for all eternity.
“Selina, I do not think that I can speak of this much further.”
Selina looked at her with expectation in her eyes. “Has he done this to you?” she asked.
By what power she knew not, Catherine managed to prevent herself from blushing in that moment, for if she did so, it would be a dead giveaway. Instead, she sat calmly, inhaled, and replied, “There is nothing that has been done to me. Jasper has become a dear friend of mine. I am helping to heal his ailments with my tinctures. That is all.”
Selina leaned back on the bench, no doubt disappointed that she had given such a definitive answer. “You have snuck away together? Oh Catherine, if this has happened, I promise that it was not your fault but the Earl’s doing. Perhaps he has been working on you for some time.”
Catherine finally coloured with indignation. “Do not speak of such nonsense. Jasper has not provoked me to do anything that I did not wish to do. Please understand, there is a mutual affection between us, and I am doing my best to…be more social.”
“Running around with an ill-reputed earl is not a way to be more social.”
She had to pause. It occurred to Catherine that Selina was making her feel dreadful. Was this more of her jealousy, or was this sparked by Selina’s genuine concern? It was impossibly difficult to tell.
“I do not fear the consequences,” Catherine went on, courage filling her. “Each moment that I spend with Jasper is more agreeable than the next. If there is a reckoning for this, then so be it. In his presence, I have never been so happy.”
This last statement was incredibly bold, but Catherine cared not. With everything surrounding her that threatened to tear her asunder, she focused on what made her happy. These were the garden, the forest, and the Earl of Simmons, come what may.
Selina fell silent and stared off into the distance blankly. Would this whole ordeal ruin their friendship? Catherine would hate it if that were the outcome, but she could not care what Selina thought of her. She was entirely at ease with herself.
Just then, a footman came out of doors and presented a letter to Catherine, which she opened at once, despite seeing the Earl’s seal. Selina must have seen the seal, for she rolled her eyes and looked away.
Dearest Catherine,
I know that we encountered one another only yesterday but understand that for me, it feels like a lifetime. I understand why you turned down another walk this afternoon. And if I were to be honest, I would say that I think that it was the right choice. What happened between us yesterday was of the utmost importance, and I do not wish to spoil that by making you think that any intimacy that we shared was all that I care for. Your presence means a great deal to me, whether or never kiss you again or no.
I wish to have you know that I will not do such a thing again unless it is what you want, and you will need to verbally express that to me so that it is clear. Everything that I said yesterday I meant. There is more that I need to tell you which remains tremendously difficult for me, and it is the reason why I have not carried on with our friendship at a more hurried pace. Please understand, that all will make sense in time.
Yours,
Jasper
“Selina, I must be left alone.”
Selina turned to her, her eyebrows raised. “Why is that?”
“Please,” she begged. “I need my privacy now.”
Her friend slowly got up from the bench and said, “Do what you must,” before departing.
Catherine was left alone after this, and she was grateful for it. The reason why she needed her privacy was because it was the most beautiful letter that she had ever read, and she wanted to read it again and again until she memorized all the words.
But there was also a sinking feeling which the letter provoked. There was something sincerely grave about what Jasper said that he had not shared, mostly because Catherine had a feeling that she knew precisely what he was referring to. Jasper was referring to his mortality….
Why was Catherine so sure of this? She did not know, but it was the only logical explanation. Jasper was not telling her something, and it was clear that his health was what he was referring to. Yes, it was all too plain. His health had improved since she was making him tea and tinctures, but there was that lingering fear behind his eyes which always said to Catherine that the situation was more dire than she suspected.
Yet still, he appeared to be a man of robust health, and that was what made it all the more confusing. If there was something that was threatening his mortality, then surely, the doctors must be missing something small and yet vital which was causing it all. Catherine was more determined than ever to get to the bottom of it.
Oh, but that statement about the kiss! He would not kiss her again until she gave him clear signs that that was what she wanted? This gave Catherine absolute power but also filled her with fear, for what if she did not have the courage again to ask?
No, no. Catherine would not think of any of this. The sole solution to all this was to make Jasper healthy so that he had nothing to fear. She had already improved his symptoms, and her new goal was to heal him completely, so that they would be free to love one another. Because if she were to admit it, she did love him, more than she had ever loved any man in her life, and perhaps more than she would ever love a man again. He would be free from what plagued him, and then perhaps, they could share their dreams in life together.
To her shock, storm clouds threatened in the distance and Catherine wondered if they would have a rainy evening. She quickly removed herself from the garden so that she could return to her room and read the letter in privacy. After doing so, and reading the letter several times, Catherine responded with a smile upon her lips all the while.
Dearest Jasper,
I delighted in your letter, and I look forward to strolling with you in the forest again. As it pertains to the intimacy that we shared, trust that I enjoyed every moment of it, and I hope…I hope that it might happen at the appropriate time. There is something that I gleaned from your letter that I had not perceived before. I should very much like to heal you completely, so that there is no lingering doubt or fear in your mind. If you are agreeable to that, then I am confident that we can accomplish it. Trust that I am thinking of you always, and for me, it also feels like an eternity since last we saw one another.
I believe in you completely,
Catherine
That sentiment at the end was in response to what Selina had said in the garden. Yes, she did trust him completely.