Holding Her Heart by Melissa Tereze

13

Eden draggedher weary body into the lift, blowing out a deep breath when the doors closed. She was already running late this morning, her lack of sleep throughout the night the cause. If she could get into her office and drink some coffee, check in with Aster, everything would be fine.

She unlocked her phone. Blair had left her another message.

B: Let me know how Aster is.

E: I will. She hasn’t answered any of my calls.

B: Maybe she’s snowed under with work.

E: She’s not. She’s shit hot when it comes to work.

Eden slid her phone into the side of her oversized handbag, striding out of the lift when the doors opened. All seemed well around the office as Maxine waved from her desk, but Eden couldn’t settle until she’d seen Aster with her own eyes.

“Morning, Eden.” Maxine stood from her desk. “You have some enquiries to get through this morning and a note or two that have been left on your desk.”

“Perfect, thank you.”

She would usually hang around and catch up with her team, but Eden had zero strength for small talk today. Aster had vanished out the back last night, and Eden couldn’t help but wonder if her slight outburst had something to do with it. It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate Aster’s concern for her, but she didn’t want Aster to cut her own night short. Just as Eden suspected she had a few weeks ago when she suddenly decided she was ready to leave Blair’s, mid-conversation with Dom.

But really, it was hearing Aster call her a friend that made her feel uncomfortable. Of course, they were friends, but Eden had felt special last night as they sat eating dinner together. She’d seen the look Aster gave her as Dom and Blair talked about their own relationship. She’d seen that longing in Aster’s eyes. So to hear her call Eden a friend…she hadn’t expected it. Then Blair’s sympathetic smile had only left a dread settling within her.

Eden had well and truly blown any chance she had with Aster. She should have just been honest from the moment she knew she was into her. Yeah, it’s never that simple.

Eden spied the notes on her desk. She would tackle them before anything else. The first was nothing too taxing. Just a call back from a regular client that used The Garden of Eden yearly. The second…was what she didn’t want to see. A note from Aster.

Eden narrowed her eyes. That wasn’t Maxine’s handwriting.

All images sent electronically to the Carmichael wedding. Printed copies have been sent Special Delivery. If anything seems wrong from your end, drop me an email. Working from home on the wedding album. Jules & Barry have given me their selected images. Aster.

Eden lowered the note, sadness rolling through her. Aster had definitely taken offence to her tone last night. And who could blame her? Eden would do well to remember that there was someone out there who cared about her. Someone she cared about in return. A lot.

She considered her options. She could either let Aster get on with her work at home, or she could try calling her again. Aster hadn’t returned a single call yet, so perhaps Eden should take Aster’s address from her employee records and visit her.

Eden retrieved her phone from her bag, bringing up Blair’s number. She called it, hoping her best friend was available.

“Ede’s, hi.”

“Well, Aster is alive and well.”

Blair breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s good. So, everything’s okay then? She’s at work?”

“N-no. I had a note on my desk when I got here. She’s working from home.”

“Right.”

Eden chewed her lip, running her thumb over Aster’s pretty handwriting. She didn’t know why she needed to see the young photographer. Perhaps it was the yearning she’d pushed down, or maybe she wanted to check that everything was okay. It was the latter, without a doubt. “Should I go over there?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I’m not sure she’d take too kindly to you showing up at her door.”

“I know. That’s what I thought.”

“I could ask Dom to call her when she finishes work. Maybe even offer to go over there and hangout for a couple of hours. They seem friendly enough to do that, right?”

“No, it’s okay. This is my mess to figure out, Blair. I appreciate you trying, but I’m not dragging you into this.”

“I offered.”

“Still.” Eden slowly lowered herself into her office chair, resting back as she closed her eyes. “I think maybe it’s best if I leave Aster be. She’s here to work; I never should have agreed to seeing her outside of work. And you probably shouldn’t have set up that dinner.”

“Uh, why? If you’re into her, you kinda have to be around her to be sure.”

“I know I’m into her, no experimenting necessary, but she’s only a friend. You say you see these things, that she told you everything, but I don’t want to make a fool of myself. Not when I have to work with her.”

“You’re wrong, but okay.”

“Look, I have you, and I have Dom. I think I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m not sure it’s worth the hassle anymore. I’ve spent this long single, no marriage or kids, so I’m sure I can manage the rest of my days the same way.”

“I know that’s not what you want, though.”

Eden had heard the whispers from their friends. She knew all about the things they said about her. How she was too busy with her own life to create a family. How she cared too much about herself to put the effort into a relationship. But that wasn’t true.

“I’m sure the girls will be thrilled to gossip at your next lunch about my fleeting chances, body drying up, and the last ticks of my biological clock. I know how they all laugh at me.”

“Oh, Eden.”

“I have to go. Sitting here talking to you won’t get my work finished, and I’m already an hour late getting here.”

“Ede—”

Eden cut the call, lowering her phone to her desk. She’d become accustomed to seeing Aster’s smiling face around here over the last two months or so, and now she’d made a mess of it potentially happening again. She brought up her emails, kicked off her heels, and focused on the screen. Work would always be there for her.

* * *

Aster braced herself on her hands and knees, one eye closed as she focused on the position of the image she was attaching to a wedding album. It was taking shape, she’d worked on it since this morning, and the pictures chosen by the happy couple had been the ones Aster imagined they’d pick. She desperately hoped they approved of the final product. Aster had always prided herself on getting it right the first time.

She looked up at the clock; it was almost time to put some food in her body. She’d considered ordering in tonight—cooking was the last thing on her mind—but had decided against it when she realised she had some homemade meatballs and spaghetti prepared. She could waste money on expensive takeout food, or she could put some goodness in her body. With the mood she was in, the latter wouldn’t usually happen, but Aster wasn’t allowing things to get the better of her.

Eden had called several times this morning, last night too, but Aster needed to not be around her right now. It wasn’t anything Eden had done, not really, but some space was ideal. That way, she didn’t have to be around the woman she couldn’t stop thinking about. Eden would never understand, and Aster wouldn’t expect her to, so stepping away and putting distance between them was good for now. If she had to lie her way through all of this until this pathetic idea of her and Eden together had eased, she would.

Her phone buzzed beside her, but Aster’s confidence didn’t waver. She glanced at it from the corner of her eye, immediately stopping what she was doing so she could answer the call. “Hi, Dad.”

“Hi, my love. How are you?”

Aster noted the breathlessness. As usual, it hadn’t improved. “Okay. Working from home today.”

“How is your new job?”

“It’s…good. I have three more weddings to get through, and then I’m going away with the girls.”

“Anywhere nice?”

“Spain. Well, Canaries…”

Ted coughed. “That’s nice, love. You’ll need some spending money.”

“I’m okay, Dad. I have everything I need, don’t worry.” Aster loved her dad dearly, he’d raised her to be the woman she was today, but he was forever trying to hand over money. “Lily home?”

“She’s been home today. She’s left an hour ago to meet that boy she’s courting.”

“Oh. That’s still going?”

“It would seem so.”

Aster sat back on her knees, running a hand through her hair. “Dad, I’m sorry I haven’t been to visit the last few weeks. I’ve been getting myself sorted at the company. But I’ll visit soon, I promise.”

“Don’t worry about me. I’m still here.”

Aster frowned. “And you will be for years to come.”

“I know, I know. Well, I’ll let you go so you can finish your work. I’ll let Lily know that I’ve spoken to you, okay?”

“Yeah. Could you ask her to give me a ring tomorrow? Had a few things I wanted to run by her.”

“I will. Goodnight, Aster. If you go out, be careful.”

“I’m in for the night, Dad. Don’t worry. I’ll speak to you soon.”

“Love you, kiddo.”

Aster smiled, tears pricking her eyes. “I love you, too.”

The call slowly cut out, her dad coughing as he disappeared down the line. She hated this. Aster couldn’t bear hearing him so breathless. If she was being honest, it was the reason she didn’t visit as often as she should. But that wasn’t acceptable. One day he wouldn’t be here anymore, and she would live to regret the time she’d missed with him.

He’d been diagnosed with a lung condition eighteen months before Aster moved into this flat. He’d insisted she go—spread her wings—but sometimes she wondered if she’d made the right decision. She’d spent the first six months in her new place waking in the night, dreaming that someone was calling her to tell her that her dad had died in his sleep. Those dreams lessened once she’d spoken with Lily and Rose, but it was still there at the back of her mind. Aster knew it always would be.

She got to her feet, satisfied that she’d done enough for today. Aster was no longer in the right frame of mind for the happiness of weddings, not now that she’d heard her dad struggling for breath. She’d told him he should text if he wasn’t feeling up to talking, but he always insisted on hearing Aster’s voice. And really, she wouldn’t have it any other way.

A gentle knock on her door brought Aster from her family worries, her sadness turning to a frown. Who the hell would be calling to see her? Lily had a key to her place, Grace had a spare one too, but she hadn’t heard from either of them.

She crossed the living room, opening the door. “Oh.”

“Hi,” Eden said, holding a bouquet of flowers to her chest. “You’re probably mad at me for showing up like this, but you’ve ignored my calls since last night.”

Aster smiled weakly, a tear gliding down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away, lifting her head to find Eden with a look of concern in her eyes. “Come in.” She stepped aside, clearing her throat. “I wasn’t expecting anyone. You’ll have to excuse the mess.” Aster glanced down her body; she looked like nobody owned her. “And please, excuse the state of me.”

Eden turned back around, smiling. “You look comfortable. And your flat looks lived in. I wish the same could be said for mine lately.”

“Maybe you need to work less and enjoy life more.” Aster instantly regretted saying that. It was none of her business what Eden did with her time. “Sorry, that was rude.”

“No, it was honest. And I have to agree with you.” Eden cocked her head, smiling weakly. “Are you okay? You seem upset.”

“I’m fine. I was on a call with my dad.”

Eden’s concern grew. The lines in her forehead deepening. “Oh, is everything okay?”

“Yeah. No changes.” Aster realised she was talking to her boss and not one of her friends. Eden had no idea about her dad’s condition. “He’s not very well. When he calls, he always sounds like he’s getting worse. It’s hard to hear.” Aster paused, watching Eden as her face morphed into one of sadness. “It’s just Dad and us. Mum died when I was seventeen.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I came to terms with the fact that I’ll lose him sooner than I’d like a long time ago. But we’re a strong family, and I know that he’s okay for now. He’s quite amazing, really.”

Eden shifted slightly. “May I sit?”

Aster nodded. “Sorry. I’m not very familiar with having guests over. It’s usually only me. Can I get you a cuppa or something?”

“If I’m not interrupting anything…”

“I was finishing for the day and then making dinner. But you’re welcome to stay for a bit if you want to.”

“You answered the door and let me in. I’m not leaving yet.” Eden stepped forward, handing the flowers over. “They’re my poor attempt at an apology. For last night. I’m sorry.”

Aster frowned. “Sorry?”

“For brushing off your concern about the cab. I never meant to make you feel as though you were being too overbearing. Not at all.”

“It’s okay. I forget that I should mind my own business. But I’ll try to remember in future.” Aster didn’t make eye contact with Eden. It was one thing that the object of her affection was about to sit on her couch. Getting caught up in those eyes wouldn’t be wise. “If I’ve ever made you feel uncomfortable, Eden…”

“Uncomfortable?” Eden shrugged her coat off, resting it over her lap as she sat down.

Good idea. Now I can’t glare at your legs.

“You know,” Aster said, lowering her eyes to the flowers. “I don’t want you to think I’m trying to flirt with you or anything. I’d never disrespect you or do anything to upset you. I thought that with us both living in the city…the cab thing…it—” Aster sighed. “Never mind.”

“Aster, that’s not what I thought.”

“Maybe not, but I wanted you to know that I haven’t been cabbing it with you hoping that you’ll invite me up to your place. I like to know that my friends get home safe. It’s something I’ve always done.”

“And I appreciate that.”

“But I won’t do it again.” And Aster really wouldn’t. Because even though Eden claimed she didn’t feel uncomfortable, she knew there was a fine line. And she was close to crossing it as each day passed. “Tea or coffee?”

“Coffee, please.”

Aster brought the flowers to her nose, smiling as she inhaled. “Thanks for these. They’re lovely. They’ll brighten the place up.”

“Again. I’m sorry.”