Holding Her Heart by Melissa Tereze

5

Eden loweredher sunglasses over her eyes, slowly climbing from her Mercedes. She’d managed to grab a parking spot at the field, unheard of on game day for Ashforth FC. This wasn’t something she’d always done—caught the latest women’s football game—but Blair had started dragging her along when Dom was playing. Something about sisters sticking together when the weather was rubbish. And today…it was.

She lifted her handbag from the passenger seat, resting it in the crook of her elbow as she looked around to locate Blair. When she finally spotted her, Blair was waving frantically in Eden’s direction. Yes, she was late. No, she didn’t care.

For the last three weeks, Eden had met with Aster for drinks on a Saturday night. If they were working, they hung back at the bar. If not, they got ready and made an effort to keep one another company. They just got on, and if Eden were being honest, she preferred Aster’s company to anyone else.

Last night had gone on longer than either of them had anticipated, but she’d had a wonderful night. Sitting with Aster and talking about anything that sprang to mind had been refreshing; Eden hoped they could keep doing it. Aster was a breath of fresh air in her life.

“Come on! Move yourself!” Blair yelled, and it wasn’t at the players on the pitch. No, she was yelling directly at Eden. “Sometime today would be great!”

“Alright. I’m coming.” Eden winced as she yelled back, her head throbbing…slightly. “Give me a sec. This field is like sludge.”

“Welcome to my world.” Blair crossed the distance, meeting Eden in the middle of the field and linking their arms. “One thing you never are…is late.”

“Mm. Late night, sorry.” A very late night.

Blair smirked, squeezing Eden’s arm against her. “With the one and only Liam, huh?”

There was more chance of hell freezing over lately. “God, no.”

“Why do I feel like we need to have a serious conversation?”

Eden didn’t know why Blair thought that. They hadn’t had a serious conversation since Blair met Dom. And that was eighteen months ago. Eden wouldn’t make a big deal out of it, but Blair hadn’t wanted to know about Eden’s life much since Dom arrived on the scene. But it was fine. Life moves on.

“Eden?”

“I’m fine. I didn’t spend the night with Liam. I was with Aster.” Blair wasn’t aware of their newfound friendship. Perhaps it was time to tell her.

Blair stopped, gripping her best friend’s arm. “Aster?”

“Yeah. We hang out on Saturdays.”

“Oh, well…that’s nice.”

Eden had to agree. It was nice. Too nice, actually. “Yeah. She’s lovely.”

“Mm. You keep saying.”

“And I don’t know, I think I just got carried away last night. In the end, she had to call me a cab.” She didn’t make it a habit to have many blow-outs, but once a year was okay. Last night had been that opportunity, and Eden had foolishly grabbed it with both hands.

Blair narrowed her eyes. “And did Aster, like, take you home?”

“She did. Which was sweet. But it’s not a very good impression I made, is it? Taking your drunk boss home from work.”

“I’m sure she didn’t mind. But maybe don’t do it again. You know, you want to keep it professional.”

“I do. Or I did. We get along so well, we decided to make it a regular thing. If she’s available.”

“Oh.”

Eden didn’t miss the frown Blair wore, but what she wanted to know was the reason for that frown. Surely, Blair didn’t have something against Aster. She was a sweetheart.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Blair’s voice pitched a little higher. “It’s just, you’re her boss, and you don’t know one another.”

“We know one another. We have lunch together most days.” Lunch had become Eden’s favourite time of day recently.

“I mean, sure. Yeah. If that’s what you want to do.”

Eden sighed, waving at Dom as she sprinted down the sideline. “Look, I know you probably think it’s all a bit odd since I don’t usually bother with anything unless it’s work related, but you’re okay, Blair. You have Dom now. And I love that, I do, but I feel lost. I feel like I’m merely existing some days when I sit home alone.”

Blair opened her mouth to speak but fell short of creating any words.

“I wanted so much happiness for you,” Eden said, stopping and turning to face her best friend. “And you have that. Let me find my happiness now. And if it comes in the form of a friendship with Aster, so what?”

“I thought you had happiness. Liam, your business, us.”

“Liam is not my happy ending. Please understand that.”

“And that’s okay.” Blair shrugged. “If you want to hang out with Aster, go for your life. But you do know that she’s a lesbian, don’t you?”

“I’m not sure what relevance that has. I’ve been best friends with you for almost 40 years.”

But Eden knew exactly what Blair was hinting at. It was probably a good idea to avoid saying how she was feeling about Aster. It was already a muddled mess in her head.

“You know what I mean.”

“Actually, I don’t.” Eden frowned. She never wanted to lie to Blair, but she wouldn’t understand.

“Have you thought that maybe she’s being very friendly for other reasons?”

Eden took a step back. Blair had no right to say that. Of course Eden knew Aster was a lesbian. It hadn’t gone unnoticed. But now, hearing Blair accuse Aster made things harder for Eden. One, because it meant Blair would be keeping an eye on their every move. And two, because Eden didn’t feel like she could confide in Blair about the unexpected attraction she felt towards her photographer. And Blair was always the person Eden confided in. From childhood, right up to current day, they’d been so close. But now that didn’t feel like a possibility…and Eden had nobody else to talk to.

“I…I think I’ll go and say hi to the team.” Eden made a beeline for the substitute players further down the sideline. “Well, that was a kick in the stomach,” she muttered to herself. “But it’s fine. Everything is fine.”

It wasn’t fine. It hadn’t been fine since the moment she met Aster. But she couldn’t do anything about that now. It was too late to stop looking at her in a way she’d never looked at any other woman before.

I can’t be attracted to her. I’m straight!

* * *

Aster rushed across the field, stopping dead as Dom scored, the ball thrashing the back of the net. She cheered and whooped, clapping as she continued her sprint towards the team. Grace was in goal, but Mia was on the sideline, substituted for what looked like Fi. They had a love-hate relationship, but most people did when Fi was involved.

“Hey! Sorry I’m late.”

Mia placed a hand on her hip. “What time do you call this, Miss Bennett?”

“I call it reasonable for a Sunday morning.” Aster yawned. She wasn’t hungover, but she was tired. Eden had kept her out last night until after 2 a.m., a time Aster hadn’t seen in a few years. “How’s it going?”

“4-1 to us now that Dom’s just scored that screamer.”

“Looks like a semi-final trip then, right?” Aster rubbed her hands together, grinning. “I love away days.”

Mia nodded. “Still got thirty minutes to go, but I don’t see them coming back. And Grace has been amazing in goal.”

“As always.”

Aster watched Mia as she swooned over Grace. She loved that her best friend had found the love of her life; it was unmistakable every time she watched Grace and Mia together. Really, it was beautiful. I want that, too.

“Hey, do you two have plans later? I was wondering if I could pick your brains about something.” After a month of Saturday’s with Eden, it was time to open up. Aster needed the advice.

“Usual Sunday night out with the team, but sure. Come over and get ready with us, and we’ll talk.”

“You’re sure?” Aster wrinkled her nose. “I don’t want to get in the way if you have plans beforehand.”

“We don’t.”

“Okay, well—” Aster cut herself off when she spotted someone who looked like Eden standing alone. Blair was here, she was talking with a supporter Aster didn’t recognise, but Eden looked…distracted. “I’ll be back in a few, okay?”

Mia nodded, turning back to the other players who were soaked to the bone beside her. The rain hadn’t lessened today.

As Aster cleared her throat and glanced down her body, checking she looked presentable, she sidled up beside Eden, nudging her arm. “Didn’t expect to see you here…”

“Oh, hi.” Eden frowned, clearly in a world of her own. “I didn’t know you were coming today.”

“I’m here most weekends. And I couldn’t miss today’s quarterfinal. Grace would kill me with her huge, bare, goalkeeper hands.”

Eden wore a shy smile, holding up her umbrella. “How are you feeling this morning?”

“Tired, but otherwise fine. You?”

“So-so.”

“I know you wanted to walk home last night, but I couldn’t let you. I’m sorry. And I know I probably overstepped when I decided to call that cab, but I wanted you to get home safe.”

“Thank you for being so concerned. I got ahead of myself. I’d enjoyed some good company again, so thanks for entertaining me week in, week out.”

“Any time,” Aster said, shrugging like it didn’t mean a thing. But deep down, it meant a lot. She’d distanced herself as much as she could last night, but the more time they spent together, and the closer Eden sat to her, the more Aster struggled to keep her thoughts platonic.

“We have a team meeting on Tuesday if you could come along. To go over the schedule for next month. I meant to tell you last night.”

“Tuesday, yes.” Aster nodded, studying Eden’s profile as she focused back on the game. Her boss seemed…distant. Aster hoped it was just Eden’s hangover, but she got the impression that wasn’t the case. “What time?”

“Ten.”

“Great. I’ll be there.”

Eden seemed to drift off into her own world again, so Aster would let her be.

“I’ll…get out of your way.”

“Oh, don’t feel like you need to leave. I’m only here to support Dom.”

“Forgive me for being nosey, but is there a reason you’re not standing with Blair?”

“She’s…talking.” Eden glanced over her shoulder. Aster followed, only to find Blair staring back at them. Aster smiled, and Blair returned a half-hearted one. “Or she was.”

“Okay, well, I’ll let you guys get back to whatever you usually talk about at the game. I’ll catch up with the girls. Take care, okay?”

“I will. See you Tuesday.” Eden didn’t make eye contact with Aster. She wouldn’t usually be concerned, but after the night they’d had last night, generally enjoying one another’s company, Aster at least expected a little more from Eden.

“Bye then.”

Eden nodded, her hand gripping her umbrella. “Bye.”

* * *

“Okay, what’s going on with you?” Blair tugged at Eden’s arm as she headed for her car, stopping her dead in her tracks. This wasn’t worth discussing. It sounded ridiculous enough in Eden’s head. “Something is wrong. Talk to me.”

Eden turned back, smiling a fake smile. “Nothing, why?”

“That’s bullshit. We both know it. You’ve been weird since you got here this morning.”

Eden wanted to get home. Was that such a crime? “Blair, go home with your fiancée. I’ll speak to you next weekend.”

Blair shook her head, tugging Eden’s passenger side door open. “That doesn’t work for me. Get in the car. Dom isn’t even finished getting changed yet. I want to talk to you.”

Eden turned her back, rolling her eyes as she climbed into her Mercedes. Blair followed, reaching over Eden and pressing the lock on the driver side door once she’d cornered her inside the car. “Okay, I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s going on.”

Eden snorted. “Forgive me, but you haven’t wanted to know much since you met Dom.” Eden winced, instantly regretting what she’d just said. Still, it was how she felt. “And that’s absolutely fine, you’re in a different place now, but I’m not sure why you’re so bothered about anything that’s going on in my life.”

“Ede’s. I’m sorry.”

“Honestly, you don’t need to apologise. We’re at different stages of our lives. You’re back at that falling in love all over again stage, whereas…I’ve never even had that once. But, you know…” Eden paused, lifting a shoulder. “I guess I should be thankful for what I do have and not complain about the fact I have no love life. It’s hardly the end of the world.”

Except it was close to being exactly that. Eden would give anything to feel…loved.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around as much as I used to be. I’ll do better, I promise. But please, talk to me.”

“I’m feeling…out of sorts.”

“In what way?” Blair asked, offering Eden a lopsided smile. “In your job?”

“No. My job is perfect. In life, I guess.” Aster. It’s all Aster.

“Are you and Liam having problems?” Blair placed a gentle hand on Eden’s shoulder. “I thought everything was going well.”

“I haven’t seen him in 3 weeks. He keeps calling, but I’m always busy.”

Blair sighed. “You have to make time for him, Eden. He’s your boyfriend. And I know you love your business, it’s been your life for so long, but you deserve love, too. And God knows you need a break. A day off.”

“I…don’t want to see him.” Eden couldn’t put into words how much she never wanted to see Liam again. And he always seemed to call when she was with Aster. That certainly brought the mood down.

Blair remained silent. She always was good at that.

“I feel unfulfilled with him. He wants a lavish lifestyle, and that’s not me. I don’t know why I keep picking the boy racers and the bad boys, but it has to stop.” Eden paused, blowing out a deep breath. “I see how happy you are with Dom, and damn it…I want that, too.”

“You can have it. You need to find the right person for you, love. And it will happen. If I can find the woman for me, you can find the man for you.”

If that were true, why was Eden constantly thinking about Aster? Why, if she wasn’t attracted to women, was a woman permanently on her mind? None of this made any sense.

“I don’t know what I want anymore. But I plan all of these weddings, and I make sure my clients have the ultimate day, something they could have only dreamed about, and it’s really rubbish when I go home alone. I mean, you know me better than anyone, Blair. You know how much I love happy endings, couples, Valentine’s Day, and everything to do with love…so why am I lacking in it?”

“I don’t know, sweetie. You’ve not found the person who makes you happy, and that’s okay. It’ll happen when it happens.”

“What if…” Eden shook her head. She couldn’t say it. Blair would laugh in her face. “No, never mind.”

“Tell me. I want to know what’s on your mind.”

Eden swallowed, her eyes finding Blair’s. “What if I’ve been looking in the wrong place?”

“I don’t understand.”

“No, me neither.” Eden could only smile. Put on her best brave face. It was absurd to even consider her attraction to Aster. It surely meant nothing. Maybe she was bored with life and she was looking for a little excitement.

But it didn’t feel that way. Eden didn’t for one second feel as though she wanted to experiment. No, her attraction was real. It was genuine. But she still didn’t know why it was Aster who kept creeping to the front of her mind.

“Look, I should get home. I have housework to do.”

“God, that’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Why?”

Blair laughed. “You’ve just told me that you want something to fulfil you. And I know what I’m about to suggest won’t necessarily make that happen, but it beats going home and doing housework. What would you do after it? Run a hot bath and put your matching pjs on?”

“Uh, I don’t wear pjs. You know that.”

“Seven. Tonight. Be ready.”

Eden’s brows drew together. “For what?”

“You, pretty lady, are coming to team night. It’s good fun, the girls are great, and if nothing else, it gets you out of the house for a few hours.”

“I don’t think I can drink again tonight.”

“So don’t.” Blair shrugged. “I only usually have one or two myself. Even Dom doesn’t bother getting drunk anymore. We have other priorities now.”

“Oh?”

“Being with the team is amusing enough. And besides, I never know if I’m going to be called into work suddenly, so I don’t have the luxury of being hungover on a Monday morning.”

“True.”

“Please? For me?” Blair stuck out her bottom lip.

Eden considered it for a moment. Having another night out wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. And who knew, maybe it’d be something Eden would consider doing again in the future. She knew all of the players on the team, what was the worst that could happen? “Okay.”

Blair leaned over, kissing Eden’s cheek. “Seven. Not a moment later. I’ll pick you up before we head for the bar.”

“Are you sure it’ll be okay for me to join you?”

Blair cupped Eden’s face. “You’re the sister I always wished I had. You and me together. You’re always welcome in my space, don’t ever forget that.”

Eden smiled. “I’ll see you tonight.”