Holding Her Heart by Melissa Tereze

9

Aster blewout a deep breath as she knocked on Grace’s front door. She’d driven here tonight with the intention of discussing what was going on with her best friend, but she suddenly felt herself backing out. As she had a few weeks ago. Aster knew this was the perfect time to talk to Grace since Mia wasn’t around to influence anything Grace said about it all, but the thought of laying her feelings bare sent a wave of anxiety through Aster.

It’s only Grace. You’ve been best friends for a long time. She wouldn’t judge you. Aster straightened herself, gripping a bag of popcorn and various other treats in her hand. When the hallway light flickered on, Aster swallowed hard.

The door opened, instantly settling Aster when she saw Grace’s kind face. “Hi. Come in.”

Aster stepped past her. “Okay, look. I’m here tonight because I need to talk to you about something. It’s a mess, at least in my head it is, and I could do with some advice. But if you don’t think you can give me advice, it’s fine. I’ll figure it out myself. It’s stupid to even think what I’m thinking; I don’t even know why I’m here.”

Grace placed her hands on Aster’s shoulders, tilting her head. “Maybe we should go into the living room and sit down before you explode.”

“I think exploding is what I’m hoping for. At least then I wouldn’t have to deal with all this shit.”

Grace remained silent, taking the bag from Aster’s hand and resting it at the side of the couch. “Sit. Calm down. It’s nothing that can’t be fixed.”

If only that were true. Aster blew out a shaky breath, listening to Grace moving around in the kitchen. When she returned with a huge bowl, emptying the popcorn into it, she relaxed into the couch, sitting beside Aster. “Okay, what’s going on?”

“I think I’m falling for someone…”

Grace’s entire face lit up, her hand stilling in the popcorn. “Oh my God! This is amazing news. I’m so happy for you.”

“No. It can’t happen. It’s…not possible.”

“Okay, I need more to work with.”

“Eden.” Aster said her name as though she was the only other living, breathing being on the planet. And at times, in Aster’s world at least, she was. “It’s Eden.”

Grace’s shoulders slumped as her face fell. That excitement in her eyes had turned to terror. “No. No, no, no.”

“So you see my issue?”

“Issue? Oh, this is more than an issue, Aster. How the hell could you be falling for Eden? She’s straight.”

“I know.” Aster gritted her teeth. “I’m well aware of that shitty fact, but it doesn’t change how I feel, Grace. It doesn’t stop me from thinking about her from the moment I wake up.”

“Have you had like…a thing with one another? Did she lead you on? Is that why you’re feeling like this? A one-night stand gone wrong…for you.”

“No, not at all. I’d never go there. I’m not that stupid.” And Aster meant that. If there was one no-go, it was dating a straight woman. “I don’t even know why I’m feeling like this. It’s not like she’s even looked at me that way.”

“Sometimes the heart wants what it wants. Maybe it’s more of a gratitude thing because she saw something in you and took a chance.”

Could it be that? It felt like more, but perhaps Grace was right. “Could be.”

“I’m sure it’ll all wear off before you know it. And Pride…that’s a place you could let your hair down.”

That wasn’t Aster’s style. Sometimes she wished it were, but the idea of sleeping with someone she’d never see again didn’t appeal to her. She wasn’t sure it ever would. “I don’t know.”

“Nobody on the team you like the look of?” Grace wiggled her eyebrows.

“Nope.”

“No, I don’t blame you. I mean, there’s always Fi.”

Aster wrinkled her nose, horrified her best friend could insinuate Aster pursuing something with Fi. “Fi has slept with all of Liverpool. I don’t think she’s my type.”

“What is your type?” Grace rested her head in her hand, her elbow propped up on the back of the couch. She sat with her legs crossed, their bowl of popcorn cradled.

“Eden. She is completely my type.”

“Successful, power suit, dominating personality.”

“No,” Aster said, smiling weakly. “Interesting, missing something in her life, genuine.”

“Okay, maybe this is more than gratitude.” Grace sighed. “But I don’t know how you tackle that. Because whatever you feel, it doesn’t change the fact that Eden isn’t likely to be interested. And if she was, would she stick around? Or would it be the good old ‘experiment’ we all hate? I’d be very careful.”

“I don’t think she’s that kind of woman.”

“But you don’t know her, Aster. It’s been two months since she had her PA call you, and I know you’ve become friends, but I don’t want to see you hurt.”

Aster was well aware of everything Grace was saying. But she couldn’t change the fact that she was into Eden. Unless she left her job, and probably the city, she couldn’t change any of this. Eden wasn’t a woman you simply stopped looking at and that was the end of it. She had too much to say behind those piercing eyes of hers. “How do I be her friend when I feel the way I do?”

“I…don’t know. Being her friend outside of work could turn into you torturing yourself.”

“You’re right. This is completely ridiculous. Eden Kline…and me?” Aster barked a laugh. “I realise how stupid it sounds.”

“I know you have feelings for her, I can see it in the way you speak about her, but I need you to be careful, Aster. I don’t want to see you getting hurt by anyone, least of all someone who probably only wants a night of no strings sex if it ever happened.”

“Thank you,” Aster whispered, her emotions threatening to tip over. “For being here for me. For not laughing in my face but working through it with me instead.”

“You know I’m always here for you.” Grace lifted the popcorn from her lap, setting it down on the table. “Come here. Give me a hug.”

They embraced, and Aster relaxed against her best friend. This was exactly what she needed. A stern, but supportive voice. Someone who would discuss it with her rather than talk at her. “Thank you. Seriously.” Aster pulled back. “But I need you to know something else…”

“What?” Grace wore a look of fear.

“I’m sharing a room with her when we go away.”

“You are joking!”

Aster winced. “No. I wish I was. But she asked me months ago when she found out I was a regular at the games. I told her I wasn’t going because I didn’t want to third wheel with you and Mia. But she said we could hang out and enjoy ourselves.”

“Uh-huh. I bet she’s planning to enjoy herself. Why is she even coming? It’s not like it’s her sort of scene.”

Aster shrugged. “Blair invited her.”

“And are you actually going to share a room with her? You can always book your own. Maybe that would be for the best.”

“I was planning to, but I don’t know.” Aster was torn. She’d love to spend her holiday in a five-star boutique hotel, it beat the other accommodation on offer, but could she manage the entire holiday with Eden in the next bed to her? “What do you think?”

“I think you need to seriously consider all of this, Aster. Because all it takes is one drunken night, and the rest is history. If she breaks your heart…”

“She won’t.” Aster lay a gentle hand on Grace’s knee. “It’s not going to come to that. Eden has no interest in me. It’s just a holiday with friends, nothing more. I know what I’m doing, okay?”

“If you’re sure.”

“I…am.” Aster hoped she sounded confident as her voice betrayed her. But as Grace looked at her, studying her, she knew Grace saw right through her. “Honestly, I’m sure.”

“Be careful.”

Discussing Eden with Grace had really helped. Aster had just needed someone who could help her to see sense. To remind her that falling for someone like Eden could only end one way. With heartbreak. Thankfully, Grace would always give it to her straight.

“Anyway, enough about me.” Aster waved off Grace’s concern, it was all she could do. Because while everything Grace had said was absolutely true, Aster still wished things could have been different. “How’s life living with Mia?”

Grace grinned as she sunk back against the cushions, that familiar twinkle of love in her eyes. “Oh, where to begin…”