Big Boy by Skyler Snow

Day: Friday

Time: 12:02 pm

Breakfast: Nothing

Lunch: Probably Nothing

Dinner: Healthy salad, no dressing hopefully. But I haven’t eaten in three days and I don’t know if that’ll change today..

---

I groaned as soonas the sun decided to try to eye-fuck me through my closed lids. Morning. Great. I pulled myself up and searched for my phone before I found it tangled up in the blankets around my legs.

"Shit."

It was almost noon and I had slept like the dead. Not that I had anywhere to go in the mornings without a job. But I didn't want to think about that first thing in the morning. One failure at a time.

Samuel popped into my head and I smiled. Hanging out with him had been so much fun. And all of my friends had seemed equally entertained by him. Not to mention the fact that he was a total badass. Watching him lay waste to the enemies had been an amazing experience, one that I wanted to repeat as soon as possible.

Even better, he now had my number. I quickly unlocked my phone and yep, there he was. He'd sent two messages.

Samuel: Hey, this is my number. Save it. :)

Samuel: Are you coming to the gym today? If not that's okay, but wanted to check if you'd make your time slot.

I grinned at the messages like a fool before I realized I was doing it. My ears grew hot as I ran my thumb over the messages wondering what I should reply. On the one hand I hadn't been eating much lately and going to the gym was probably a bad idea. Then again, I could see Samuel. Before I could type out a message a jaunty tune played and my hand vibrated as Mom popped up on the screen.

"Hey, Mom."

"There you are. I've been calling all morning."

"My phone was on do not disturb because I was sleeping."

"Nevermind that. I was cleaning up the pictures on the computer and my phone and I found so many of you and Davey when you guys were younger. Do you want to keep any of them?"

I didn't even want to look at them truth be told, but I put her on speaker and opened up my messages anyway. As soon as I saw the pictures I knew it was a mistake. I had never been skinny, but these were back in my prime days when I was a lot more in shape than I was now. My clothes fit, I only had a shadow of a belly, and I looked happy. But underneath it I was miserable.

"Delete them," I told her as I turned off the screen, no longer able to face my past. "I'm sure I already have them on my computer so I don't care if you get rid of them."

"Are you sure? They might be good motivation. You looked so happy back then, honey."

"No, I looked smaller. That's it," I muttered under my breath.

"Speak up, Carter. You know I can't understand a word you say when you start mumbling."

I shook my head. There was no reason to go into it because she would never understand. My mother seemed to be obsessed with the idea of me going back to the image she had of me in her head. I wasn't that person anymore. And trying to look like that was killing me.

"Look, Mom I have to go to the gym so I'll talk to you later."

"You're on your way there now? I'm so proud of you! I knew all you needed was a little push." She chuckled.

I paused. "Is that why you sent me those pictures?"

"Well no. Not entirely."

My heart clenched and I squeezed the phone so hard I heard it crack. "Mom."

"Okay, maybe a little. But I know you haven't been going and I wanted to see you get back to it. I mean you never come around and it's not like I can check your progress when you're hiding from me."

Heat swept up my spine and I gritted my teeth. And she wanted to know why I never came around? This was why! Every move I made was monitored. All of our interactions were based around how much of a fat, loser letdown I was. I was sick of it to the point of nausea, but I still couldn't say a word to her about it. The moment I did I would get a major lecture or a guilt trip and neither was worth my sanity.

"I gotta go."

"Carter?" Her voice held measured concern and she sucked in a deep breath. "I worry about you, okay? What would happen if I ever lost you?"

You're losing me now. And you have no idea.

As I heard her sniffling, I sighed and deflated. "Don't cry, Mom. I'm okay. Listen, I really have to go or I'm going to miss my workout time and I prefer to do it with my trainer. I'll talk to you later."

"Okay," she said softly. "I love you so much."

"Yeah, I love you too."

The call ended and the lightness I'd felt for a moment was gone. I stared down at the screen before I opened up my messages. There I was, smiling up at me as though I was having the fun of a lifetime. But I was one of the only ones that knew something was wrong with me. Aaron, my best friend at the time, had soon found out I was suffering and he'd helped me as much as he could before I moved. Most people had no idea what I'd even been going through.

I quickly tossed the phone away from me as if it was a snake when my stomach churned. Laying a hand on it, I ignored the hunger pains and decided to get up and shower. I could eat something later and I would keep it small and healthy. That was my firm resolution to myself. No matter what it took, I would stay on my diet for the day. No cheating. No binging.

With that thought firmly locked inside my brain, I made my way to the bathroom. Samuel came back to my mind. He would light up as soon as he saw me. That big, careless grin as if he didn't have a problem in the world.

I hurried up so I wouldn't be late for our training session. Palace Gym was bustling by the time I arrived, but as soon as I stepped through the doors there he was. Samuel lit up, his smile widening as he jogged up to me.

"You made it." He stopped short as he approached me and looked me up and down. "I hope you weren't annoyed that I messaged you, but I really wanted to check and see if you were coming."

Sweet, sweet, Samuel. How could someone as big as him be so gentle? The man looked like he could toss me if he really wanted to, but he was so pleasant that I found myself calming down, my muscles relaxing as I smiled back at him.

He would be a perfect Daddy.

It wasn't the first time I'd thought that about him and it probably wouldn't be the last. Deep down, I felt like it was true. Samuel was patient, understanding, and kind. He was the type of man that would be able to protect and comfort almost equally. Those were things that I craved.

"No, I appreciate the texts. Honestly, if I didn't see them I probably would have forgotten."

"Am I that forgettable?" Samuel asked as he lifted a brow. "Damn, that's a blow to the ego."

I chuckled. "No! You're never forgettable." I closed the space between us and suddenly there was tension. He glanced down at me and I licked my lips before I tried to make my brain function properly. "Oh, I had fun last night by the way. My friends love you."

"Do they?" Samuel grinned. "I was hoping so. Hanging out with you guys was the highlight of my night. I didn't even want to go to bed, just stay up and play until the morning."

"We should have a marathon one day," I babbled and then my face grew hot. "If you want."

"Of course I do! You name the time and I'd be more than happy to go all night." Samuel blinked at me. "Did I just say that?"

I burst out laughing. "Yeah, you really did."

"Great! Now that I've embarrassed myself for the day, why don't we put in some work so I can pretend I’m not a total moron."

I grinned. "After you."

Samuel turned and walked away. My eyes immediately trailed down his body to his backside and I practically groaned at how round and strong his ass looked. I was jealous, but turned on. How the hell did that work?

I stopped drooling over Samuel and focused on what he was saying as we made our way into the gym. Even though I hadn't been for two weeks, it somehow felt comfortable and familiar. Even with other people around us, I was okay. Probably because I wasn't paying them a bit of attention. I was only focused on Sam.

"Alright, let's get warmed up and then we'll move on to the main event."

"The torture," I mumbled as I groaned and sat my water bottle down. "Let's get it over with."

"You're so enthusiastic. I love it." Samuel petted my head when I made a mocking face. "None of that. You can't mock your way out of this after ghosting me for two weeks."

My face burned at his lingering touch. Without thinking I nuzzled against his palm and my heart raced. Comfort. Warm, inviting, thrilling, comfort. When he pulled away, his eyes glanced in the opposite direction and I cleared my throat.

"Sorry about, uh, ghosting you," I said as I finally looked back at him. "It was rude and I should have at least let you know that I was busy."

"Well, you don't owe me anything. I'm your trainer, not your..."

The sentence lingered and I wanted to press him to know how he would finish that sentence. Not his what? His friend? His lover? No, I was sure he wouldn't say any of those things, so why the hell did I long for it?

"I get it, but it's still not right. Making you worry like that feels like an asshole move and I try not to be an asshole."

Samuel smiled. "Well then I accept your apology. And I'm really glad that you're okay." He waved a hand at the equipment. "Should we get started?"

"Yeah, let's do it."

Samuel led me through a series of warm ups before we started our workout. Each step he took me through was harder than the last, but I kept going. The motivation to lose the weight so I wouldn't have to hear my mom's disappointment anymore coupled with the urge to impress Samuel made me push harder.

I only stopped when sweat collected on my forehead and started to pour down my face. Despite chugging water, dizziness slammed into me anyway. I was hot all over, my head felt foggy, and I plopped down on the ground with my ears buzzing. My sight blurred and I closed them trying to orient myself.

"Carter? Carter? Carter!"

I groaned and waved a hand as I heard Samuel's panic stricken voice. "I'm fine," I muttered. "Just a little hot." I tugged my shirt away from my body and fanned myself, but it wasn't helping anything.

"I'm calling an ambulance."

"Don't." I shook my head quickly. "I don't have any insurance and I can't afford to go into massive debt for a little bit of dizziness." Wrapping my arms around my legs, I dragged in a slow and measured breath. "I'm fine now."

"You don't look fine, Carter. It looks like you're going to faint."

I tried to stand up, but went right back down. As the world spun, my stomach tightened and if anything had been in it, I probably would have heaved. Instead, I held onto my thighs for dear life, my nails digging into my flesh to try to gain some form of control.

"Carter, if you can't stand up, I'm going to have to call an ambulance."

I shook my head. "It's passing," I muttered. "I think I went a little overboard, that's all. I need to go home and rest for a little while and I'll be okay."

Samuel frowned, but he nodded shortly before he reached for his phone. After he checked it, he nodded to himself and then stood up before offering me his hand. I took it, hoping I wouldn't fall out and thankfully I didn't. The world spun for a short second and then everything was fine again.

"See? I'm okay," I pointed out. "Nothing that can't be fixed at home."

"You were my last appointment for the day. How about I drive you home and make sure you're okay? I don't want you behind the wheel like this."

"Are you sure I'm not inconveniencing you?"

"No, I don't mind."

I nodded. "Alright, yeah. I guess I shouldn't be by myself right now."

"Okay, let's go then."

Samuel kept a hand wrapped around my upper arm and led me out of the gym. While he settled me into his car, I drank the rest of the water in my bottle. Samuel climbed in and looked me over, concern still on his face.

"Where's home?"

I gave him directions and we drove there in relative silence, which I enjoyed. Trying to concentrate on not passing out was hard enough without having to talk as well. By the time we made it to my apartment building, I was still overheated, but I wasn't feeling as if I was going to tip over anymore. I let us into my place and plopped down on the couch.

"I'm going to get you some water and ice," Samuel said as he walked toward my kitchen. "You should have told me if I was pushing you too hard."

I shook my head. "No, you weren't. This is my fault, not yours. Trust me." I waved a hand when he turned on his heels as if to ask about it. "It's fine though. That water sounds really good."

"I'll be right back."

Samuel disappeared into the kitchen and I kicked off my shoes before I stared up at the ceiling. My heart rate was starting to slow and while I was still hot at least the gross queasiness in my belly had calmed. I felt like a big cry baby acting the way I did only to be fine now. At least I hadn't gone to the hospital and really made a fool out of myself.

"Here you go." Samuel handed me a glass of water and pressed a cool cloth against my forehead. "You know when you can stand up you should try taking a cold shower to drop your temperature a bit faster. Looks like you overheated."

"Yeah, I did." I sipped some water from the pink straw that jutted out of the glass and groaned as cool water splashed down my throat and soothed me. "Thank you, Samuel. You didn't have to do all of this."

"Who else is going to take care of you?" he joked.

No one. That's what I wanted to say, but instead I just smiled. I wished someone would look after me the way that he did. Once more I wished he was my Daddy. Samuel was giving, kind, and most of all I was comfortable with him. That was hard for me to do, but that's how I felt about him.

"I think I'm going to go take that shower. I could use one."

Samuel nodded. "Normally I would leave, but I don't want you alone in case something happens. I'll hang out for a while longer if you don’t mind."

I stood up and once I was sure I was steady, I smiled. "Okay, that's fine. If you want you can watch something on TV while you wait."

"Thanks, but I'll be fine. Go ahead."

I smiled at Samuel before I left him alone in the living room. He was doing way more for me than anyone had in a long time. I turned on the shower and made it nice and cold before I shed my clothes.

I really wish he was my Daddy.