Moving On by Erin Osborne
Chapter Two
Grim
TODAY IS THE day of Aryn's funeral. The sky is overcast with grey clouds floating slowly through the sky. It suits our somber mood as we all load up to make our way to the church for her memorial service. Zander will be riding because I didn’t allow him to drink last night. The old ladies will be riding in two separate limos while every guy is on his bike.
Zander has been in the bottom of a bottle since losing the love of his life. No matter what we do or say to him, no one can penetrate his grief and anguish. Yesterday afternoon I pulled the bottle from him and tossed his ass into a freezing cold shower. He hates me for it, but he needs to be sober to pay Aryn the respect she deserves from not only him but the rest of us as well.
Both Wild Kings clubs along with the Phantom Bastards and Satan’s Anarchy are here to send Aryn off into her afterlife. Bailey put the patches on her rag so we can lay it over her casket even though Zander hasn’t been patched in. She will be buried as an old lady and there’s no way it’s not going to happen. My call as President of the club is to bury her this way. Then we’ll put her rag up at the clubhouse in remembrance.
Zander will be riding next to me because we’re burying his woman. We’ll be right behind the hearse carrying her body. Everyone else will line up behind my son and me. In the middle of the pack will be the old ladies. One by one we start our bikes. The roaring engines of a couple dozen bikes are loud, echoing off the clubhouse and vibrating the ground beneath our tires. Holding my hand in the air, I make a circle to let everyone know it’s time to head out. Riding slowly into town, we make our way to the church.
Everyone in town stops what they’re doing as we make our way down Main street to the church. People in town know Aryn was taken from us and today is the funeral. They’re simply giving us the space to grieve her loss in private. Each and every person Aryn came in contact with fell in love with her. There’s no way they couldn’t because she was a beautiful soul meant to live a long life filled with the love of my son. Instead, a drunk driver killed her before her time. Now, we all have to live with that loss.
Cars are parked along the street, no one making any move to leave as our procession rides through the street. Cops are in front of us to block any traffic from stopping us on our way. Little children wave at us because they don’t understand what’s going on. Women and men stand with their heads lowered in a moment of silence and memory of the woman who deserves so much more than what she got.
Pops, Zander, Brandon, Cage, Chance, and myself will be the ones to carry Aryn’s casket into the church and then on to her final resting place after the service. I know my son is going to break down, but we’ll all be there for him. Everyone is going to cry and shed more than a few tears as we sit through her service and then take her to her final resting place. Tears have always been shed and it’s just the beginning.
Pulling up to the church, our bikes take up the entire parking lot and file along both sides of the street. Those of us carrying the casket make our way to the hearse as the men of the club help the old ladies inside. We’ll be the last ones through the doors and then to our seats. With a nod from me, Pops opens the door, and we begin to pull the casket from the vehicle. Zander already has tears coursing down his face as he takes his spot between Pops and me. My own throat is clogged with emotion as we lift her up and begin the walk inside.
The members of our family sit silently as we make our way to the front and carefully set the casket on the table. A man from the funeral home is already waiting for us to make sure everything is covered, and the flowers are placed on top of her casket. There’s a large picture of her and Zander sitting at one end of the casket with another of all of us sitting at the opposite side. Placing my hand on Zander’s shoulder, I walk him to his mom, sitting next to him so we each have him when he loses his shit.
A minister steps up to the podium and begins to say a few words. He reads a favorite poem of Aryn’s and that’s when my son breaks completely. His sobs can be heard over everyone in the church. Wrapping my arm around him, I pull him to my side as Pops wraps his arms around Bailey. She’s crying just as hard and I can’t comfort both of them right now. Pops will comfort his daughter because it’s what he does.
Zander cries into my shoulder as people from our club get up to say a few words about Aryn. I zone out until my wife wipes her eyes and stands up to walk up front. Looking up at her, I watch as she tries to collect herself before beginning to speak.
“Aryn was an amazing soul. She loved with all of her heart and didn’t judge a single person she met. If there was a way she could help someone, she did it. We met her when she moved here and met our son in high school, I knew from day one she was different. Zander talked about her nonstop, but didn’t make a move on her. He didn’t want her to turn him down because of the club. However, there was nothing for him to worry about. Aryn was one of us deep in heart, she was one of us.
“The first time he brought her home, I fell in love with her and knew she’d make Zander the perfect old lady when he patched into the club. She truly understood what Prospecting and becoming a member meant to him. I heard her encourage him, love him, and be there for him when he didn’t think he was going to make the cut. Aryn was the strength all of us needed at one point or another during the past few years. I’m so sorry she won’t get to be here by Zander’s side when he needs her the most. Aryn, you will be missed and loved by so many of us. None more than the love of your life. Fly high and rest easy beautiful girl. I love you,” Bailey absolutely loses her shit as she finishes speaking.
Pops slides over and pulls Zander into his body. I walk up and gather Bailey in my arms, standing up front as she cries her heart out. Always Remember Us This Way by Lady Gaga begins to play as everyone stands up. That was her favorite song. Looking over at my son, he can’t stand on his own right now. His face is crumpled up in so much pain as tears streak down his face, landing on Pops’ cut. Zander has his hands fisted in Pops shirt as if it’s taking everything in him to hang on the slightest bit.
Joker comes up to get his sister and lead her from the church. We’ll be the last ones out this time so we can make our way to the cemetery. Aryn will be buried next to Ma which is going to be hard for so many of us to be that close to her. Personally, I haven’t been to her grave since we buried her so many years ago. I watch on as they walk out of the church followed by everyone else.
Zander stands as most everyone is outside waiting for us. He squares his shoulders and walks over to her casket. Pops and I stand on either side of him while the other three men get on the other side. As the last notes of the song play, we lift the casket up and carry her outside. The men of the clubs stand along the steps making an aisle for us straight up to the hearse. Each man on our side claps Zander on his shoulder as we slowly walk out. They’re silently lending their support and strength to my son on the hardest day he’s lived through so far.
As we load the casket in the hearse, Zander’s shoulders begin to shake once again. My poor son is in his own personal hell, and I can’t break him out of it. No one can except for himself. I know Aryn wouldn’t want him to live the way he has been since her death, but he won’t hear it. All he wants to do is bury himself in the bottom of a bottle and stay there until he joins her in death. Zander doesn’t have to say the words for us to know that’s where his mind’s at.
Pops once again closes the door on the casket as we all make our way to our bikes. Again, I raise my fist in the air after we all start our engines and move it in a circle to let everyone know it’s time to head out. Following the hearse to the cemetery, we park our bikes close while everyone else parks farther back. We need room for everyone to sit or stand around Aryn as more memories are shared of her. There isn’t a minister that’s going to be talking this time, just her loved ones. The ones who didn’t get a chance to say a word in church.
After parking on the opposite side of the hearse, we get off our bikes and take her casket to the hole already dug for her final resting place. Pops’ eyes are on his first wife’s grave as we carry Aryn over. Tears silently slide down his face. He’s been emotional since losing Aryn and we all knew it was going to be hard for him to be here. Even though he comes to visit her on a regular basis.
We take our seats. Except for Pops. He wants to be the first to speak here because of his emotions. It’s the only way he’ll be able to talk.
“Today we say goodbye to an amazin’, sweet, lovin’ girl. She was the glue that held my grandson together when he wanted to lose his shit. A touch or word from her and he was calmer than I’d ever seen him. Aryn knew how to rein him in and keep him on track when somethin’ happened, and he needed to vent. As well as some of the rest of us. Zander, you have grown and become a better man with havin’ her in your life. Now, she can watch over you on a daily basis and help you continue on your path without her. Aryn will always be inside your heart; you’ll never forget her. Ma will be standin’ up there with her, watchin’ over our family as we learn to live again without someone so amazin’ still with us. Aryn, we love you. Say hi to Ma for us and don’t listen to any stories she’s goin’ to fill your head with,” Pops says, his voice cracking several times as he says his peace.
Instead of sitting in the chair we kept for him, he walks to Ma’s headstone and lowers his head while laying his hand on top of it. Alice remains sitting in her chair, giving the man she loves with her whole heart the space he needs right now.
Several other people stand up and talk about their time spent with Aryn. The main theme from each and every person is how much she’s loved and how good she was for Zander and our family. I want to get up and say a few words, but it’s more important for me to be here for Bailey and our son. This time I sit in the middle of them so I can hold each of them to me as we all cry and listen to the words spoken by our closest friends.
As we go to stand up and lay our flowers on the casket, Zander suddenly stands. He’s crying and his body shakes as he makes his way to the head of the casket. Bailey and I sit and watch him, not sure of what he’s going to do. However, I’m not going to stop him because he needs to speak his peace and say goodbye to Aryn.
“Aryn, you came into my life, and I fell head over heels for you. I knew from the second I laid eyes on you that you were goin’ to be the only woman I’d ever make an ol’ lady. We used to sit for hours on end and talk about our future. Of gettin’ married, havin’ babies, and growin’ old together. Now, you’re not here and I’m so lost. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. nothin’ matters and I want to crawl in there right next to you. Instead, I’m left here to live without you. Aryn, I love you and I’m not ready to let you go. Why did you have to leave me?” he breaks down.
Standing up and rush to his side before he can hit the ground. He’s done. We’re all done. None of us can stay up here, talking about her. It’s too much for us. No one more than Zander though. I hold him in my arms as everyone gets up to begin laying their flowers on the top of the casket. Large sunflowers cover the entire thing. They were her favorite flower and we all made sure to buy as many as we can. Several florists are now out of the flower, so we’d have them for Aryn. Just a little thing we could do for her.
Cage and I stand with Zander as her casket lowers into the ground. Bailey, Pops, and the rest of our club are the only ones who remain locked around the hole. We watch it lower in the ground. Instead of the caretakers dumping all the dirt over her, we’re going to be the first ones to toss dirt down on her. That way, she can take a piece of all of us with her in the afterlife. To know we love and care about her. That we’ll miss her every second of the day the rest of our lives. That’s exactly what we do. Even the women of the club throw a handful of dirt into the hole.
When we’re done, the rest of us head back to the clubhouse where her memorial is in full swing. People are standing around eating, drinking, and sharing their own memories of Aryn. Before any of us can lead Zander to the tables filled with food, he grabs a bottle of alcohol from behind the bar and leaves the common room. I watch on helplessly as he walks to his room here and slams the door behind him. He’s going to drink until he passes out. Again.
“I’ve got him, Grim,” Pops tells me, standing next to me and watching his grandson lose himself more and more each day.
“What are you gonna do?”
“I’ll figure it out. Tomorrow I’m gonna take him out and get his shit straight. It’s gonna be a long, hard battle but I know he can do it. He’s just lost right now and doesn’t see a way out. I had to find my way out and he does too. We can’t do it for him, Grim. Zander has to want to fight for each day and live his life. Without Aryn by his side.”
“I know. I don’t know how to help him figure it out and help him see Aryn wouldn’t want him to live like this.”
“You don’t, but I do. I’ll help him the best I can. But, at the end of the day, it’s up to Zander to come out of this on his own. He may need time, but he’ll come back. He’s too strong and determined not to,” Pops tells me, his voice shaking as he reins in his emotions before moving on.
Knowing we won’t see Zander again for the rest of the night, I grab a plate of food and make my way over to Bailey. She needs me just as much as I need her right now. We spend the rest of the night with our family. It’s earlier than usual before I’m ready for bed. With Zander drinking the way he is, Bailey and I have been staying here. Our room is right across the hall from him and we’re here to be close and keep an eye on him.
After leading Bailey into our room, I walk across to my son. He’s already passed out in bed, the bottle of Jack hanging from his dangling hand over the edge of the bed. I take it from him and put the cap back on, leaving it on the stand so I can take it with me. removing Zander’s boots, I cover him up with one of Aryn’s blankets. Maybe it will help him feel closer to her as he remains blacked out from drinking so much.
With one last look down at him, I leave his room with the bottle in my hand. I head into my room and place it on my dresser with the rest of the collection I’ve taken from him the last few weeks. Bailey is already covered up as I strip down and climb in bed next to her. I pull her into my arms and let her cry against me. That’s how we fall asleep, wrapped around one another with our tears flowing freely down our faces.
