Moving On by Erin Osborne
Chapter Three
Pops
WATCHING MY GRANDSON fall into a pit of despair brings back a ton of memories for me. I was much the same when Ma was taken from us. He has a right to grieve for Aryn and do it the way he wants. However, it’s been almost four weeks since the day she died and he’s getting no better. If anything, he’s getting worse.
Other than when we had Aryn’s funeral, he hasn’t showered or changed his clothes. He barely eats, letting the plates and food pile up in his room. None of us can even enter the room while he’s awake or we get shit thrown at our heads until we close the door behind us, leaving him broken and alone. His room smells and is in desperate need of a good cleaning. None of the club whores will go in there to do it though. The last one who tried ran from there crying. We didn’t see her for two days.
When Zander does come out of his room, he bites everyone’s head off. It doesn’t matter who it is or what we’re doing, he’s on a warpath and we’re all viewed as his enemies now. If you breathe wrong while he’s next to you, he chews your head off. Bailey brought him a plate of food last night, and he went off on his mother. It took Cage, Joker, and myself to hold Grim back from ripping his fucking son’s head off. No one treats Bailey that way. It doesn’t matter if he’s her son or not to Grim. Disrespect is disrespect.
All that shit is going to end today. I’m taking him away from the clubhouse and his fucking alcohol for the day. He’s going to listen to what I have to say. Or, he’s going to have my foot so far up his ass it will take him weeks to remove it. Yes, I know he’s lost and so upset right now. However, life goes on and he has to figure out what the hell his next move is. If he doesn’t, I don’t see him remaining in the club much longer. Grim, and the rest of us are sick of his shit. He’s not pulling his weight and that’s also not acceptable.
Walking through the common room, I make my way back to where Zander’s room is. The door isn’t locked, which isn’t a surprise, as I push it open. Zander is sitting on his bed, looking at the closest thing he can grab to throw at my head. Not gonna happen.
“You throw one thing at me, and I’ll beat your ass right here,” I warn him, stepping in the room.
Zander isn’t completely sober, but he’s not tanked yet either. Hopefully he can comprehend what I’m going to fill him in on. Otherwise, I hope he has a plan of action because the Wild Kings won’t be a part of his life other than him being the son of the President.
“Get the fuck up and let’s go,” I order him, his face screwing up at me like a damn toddler ready to throw a fit.
“I’m not goin’ anywhere,” he states, looking for a bottle with something still in it.
“The fuck you ain’t. I said get the fuck up and let’s go,” I order once again, stepping closer to him.
I’ll drag the little fucker if I have to and toss him in the bed of my truck instead of letting him sit inside. Whatever happens in the next few minutes is on him as I stand and cross my arms over my chest. Watching Zander contemplate what he’s going to do for several minutes, he finally stands from the bed swaying on his feet. I grip the back of his neck and lead him from the room. As we walk through the common room, not a single person talks to him, and all conversation ceases as I push him through the main door.
Zander heads to my truck since I’m walking right next to him and not giving him a choice in the matter. After getting in, I start the truck and head through the field separating the clubhouse from Skylar, Cage, and Joker’s home. My son did good when they claimed her and kept her for their very own. Skylar is a great woman and has done all of us proud with her growth and the way she handles the club alongside Bailey. The two are a force to be reckoned with. But, I’m getting off track here.
Pulling up to the clearing in the back of Skylar’s property, I shut the engine off and get out of the truck. Zander follows me at a slower pace, his eyes cast toward the ground as we walk to one of the benches. For a minute, I tilt my head toward the sky, letting the sun warm me as a gentle breeze blows through the trees. Ripples cross the pond we’ve spent our summers at for cookouts and other family gatherings.
To me, the pond is such a special place. It’s where we come to celebrate Ma’s life every year on her birthday because she loved it. We talk about her and share our memories in ways that keep her alive with us all. Skylar may have used it as a place to hide from the world in the beginning, but now it’s so much more than that. It’s our place to come and share the good and bad moments in life, to sort things out and find peace and solace we won’t anywhere else. Now, it’s the place my grandson will realize his life isn’t over just because his woman’s is.
“What are we doin’ out here?” Zander finally asks me, his voice hoarse and filled with grit.
“We’re gonna have a little talk. Unlike the rest of our family, I’m the only one who knows what the hell you’re goin’ through right now. It’s no secret your grandma was the love of my life. She stuck by my side through thick and thin and embraced the club life more than any other old lady we’ve had. Includin’ your mom,” I begin, not looking at him, but out over the pond at the foliage and serene scene before us. “Ma put up with my shit while we were startin’ the club and has been there for each and every member of her family. However, she was my rock and the strength I need. Much like Aryn was for you. Now, you don’t have her. She was taken from you through no fault of her own.”
“I don’t want to talk about this,” Zander states, standing up ready to head anywhere but here.
“I don’t give a fuck what you want. Sit your ass back down and listen to what I have to say to you,” I pause, waiting for him to follow my orders. “When Ma was killed protectin’ the kids of the club, I thought my life ended. I didn’t give a fuck if I was alive or dead because she wasn’t here with us. Several times I sat alone and held my gun to my head, waitin’ to pull the trigger. Somethin’ always stopped me though. None of the guys in the club, they don’t know to this day I was gonna end my pain in the most final way. Now, I’m glad I didn’t. I wouldn’t have gotten to watch you, or the rest of my grandkids, grow up and begin the next generation of the club. I wouldn’t have found a woman I love and respect enough to make her mine. Even if she knows she doesn’t own my whole heart because a large portion is with Ma. You need to let go of your pain and live your life, Zander.”
“How?” he groans out, emotion and pain making his voice fill with anguish.
“You get up each and every fuckin’ day and vow to make it the best day yet. Would Aryn want you killin’ yourself slowly by drinkin’ yourself fuckin’ stupid? Or, would she want you to live your life and move on?”
“I’ll never move on from her,” Zander vows.
“Yes, you will. There is a girl out there who is goin’ to knock you on your ass. You won’t love her the way you loved Aryn. She was your first love. However, there is a girl out there just waitin’ for you to find her and give her the peace she needs. To show her the man you can be and give her a life she had no clue existed. You’ll have a family and be the next President of the Wild Kings. If you cut your fuckin’ shit out. Do you know your dad was ready to knock your damn head off last night for talkin’ to your mom the way you did?”
“What do you mean?”
Zander was so blitzed, he honestly has no clue what he’s been doing. It doesn’t surprise me because that’s how I was for weeks after losing Ma.
“Your mom brought you a plate of food and you tore her fuckin’ head off, Z. Everyone has been on the receivin’ end of your venom filled words for no reason whatsoever. We’ve already talked and are ready to kick you the fuck outta the club. You’re not pullin’ your weight. Is that what you want?” I question him, turning to look him in the eyes so he knows I’m not full of shit.
“I had no clue,” he says, guilt and remorse filling him. “I loved Aryn so much and I don’t know how to move on from her.”
“You haven’t even tried yet, Z. It’s not gonna happen in a day. But, you need to clean up your act and get your head straight. Each day, a tiny bit of the pain fillin’ you will fade away. You’ll be able to breathe without feelin’ as if your heart is shatterin’ in a million pieces and piercin’ every organ. The pain fades, but it’s up to you to keep her memory alive. You’ll always love her and keep a part of her inside you. You just need to want to live and make each day better than yesterday. Live your life the way you know Aryn would want you to. Don’t lose everythin’ you’ve been workin’ for while she was at your side because someone took her from you. We all love you and want to support you, to help you heal and finally begin livin’ again. You won’t let us in. That needs to stop.”
“Pops, I miss her so much. Why did she have to lose her life so young?” Zander finally asks, wrapping his arms around me as he cries in my chest.
In this moment, Zander isn’t the twenty-year-old man, he’s my young grandson filled with pain. He’s starting to let me in and I’m not going to have him slam the damn door shut again. Placing my arms around him, I simply hold him and let him get all this shit out. Today is the first day of the rest of his life without Aryn by his side and he’s choosing to listen to me and let his family in.
Two days have passed since I talked to Zander out by the pond. He’s really been trying to clean his shit up since then. Each day, he’s up as the sun rises and begins cleaning the clubhouse and making sure the bar is stocked. If we need things from the store or one of the old ladies needs to go out, he’s the first to volunteer to take care of it. He’s back to picking up the slack he caused while drunk off his ass.
Zander has apologized to each and every one of us for his despicable behavior. All of the alcohol bottles from his room are thrown in the trash. He’s been leaving his door open too. When I walked by this afternoon, Zander’s entire room was cleaned, and the smell was gone. Instead of having the sweetbutts cleaning up the disaster zone he turned his room into, my grandson did it himself. He’s also been spending more time out in the common room talking to everyone.
He’s still not laughing or being very open about how he feels about Aryn, but he’ll get there. Right now, the main thing is he’s being close to his family and not shutting us all out. One day he’ll get to the point he can laugh and talk about Aryn without feeling as if his soul is being shredded from his body. Each person is different and the length of time someone grieves is up to them. No one can tell him how to get over her or how long it’s going to take. Zander will just wake up one day and memories he has of her will make him smile instead of tearing him apart and making him feel as if someone is gutting him. Then, he’ll be able to move on with his life.
I’m sitting in the common room, reading the paper when someone sits down with me. I know it’s not Alice because she’s still at the diner working. My woman won’t listen to me and leave her job. However, we’ve been talking about going on a small vacation and she can leave whenever. As long as she has a few day’s notice, no one will bitch about her not being at work. It helps that she takes over every shift no one else wants to work and stays late when the diner is busy, and no one is going to help the other staff members out. I don’t know what the hell they’re going to do when she finally retires and no longer works there.
Putting down my paper, I take in Grim, Bailey, Zander, and Brandon sitting at my table now. I won’t be reading any more of my paper while they’re here.
“What’s goin’ on Pops?” Zander asks me, resting his hand on the table in front of him.
“Nothin’. Just readin’ the paper. What are you guys doin’?”
“We’re bored and thought we’d come hang out with you for a bit,” Grim answers me.
“Oh. Well, it’s a good thing you did. Been wantin’ to talk to you for a while about somethin’,” I respond to him, not sure how anyone’s going to take this news.
“What’s going on Dad?” Bailey asks, sitting up straighter in her chair.
“I’ve been wantin’ to take Alice away from here. Just get a way for a few days. So much has been goin’ on and I need to unwind and just spend some time with her without all the shit,” I tell them, looking from one member of my family to the next.
“I think that’s a great idea. We’ve got nothin’ goin’ on and you more than deserve it,” Grim says, a smile on his face. “Do you know where you’re goin’?”
“She’s been talkin’ about some small town called Cedar Bay. It’s supposed to be quiet and there’s a lake there we can spend time at. Just a little retreat of sorts.”
“When are you headin’ out?” Zander asks me as he leans on the table with a bottle of water in his hands he pulled from somewhere.
“I have to check with Alice first. She’s the one who needs to get time off of work and we need to make a reservation, I guess. I’ll let you know as soon as I know.”
Grim nods his head as one of the sweetbutts brings over plates filled with subs and chips for lunch. It’s usually pretty quiet around here during the day unless we’re all at work. After everything with Aryn, Zander has taken some time off. Grim is usually doing paperwork here at the clubhouse and Bailey’s not far behind him. Brandon is a Prospect with the club so he’s usually hanging out here. He’s still trying to figure out where he wants to work and what he’s going to do. Eating our lunch, silence fills the common room. Things are finally starting to look up and I’m ready for our family to heal and begin moving on from the last few weeks.
