Defiant Dodge by Naomi Porter

14

Emilee

If my heart raced any faster, I’d go into cardiac arrest. Danny hadn’t been gone long when my throat constricted and my palms sweated. I didn’t like feeling this way, on the verge of losing it. The same thing had happened earlier, when he was in the shower. I’d felt like such a fool. I knew the club’s shooting range was on the property. My dad had taught me how to shoot, so I knew the sounds guns made, yet I’d freaked out.

It needed to get a grip. I couldn’t live my life like this, paranoid and hanging on the edge of a panic attack. Dante needed me to keep it together. Fear was an awful emotion. The fear of losing Dante or Danny was a million times worse.

When Danny asked me for the second time to marry him, I honestly was elated, though it didn’t come across as joy. I felt awful about it. The timing hadn’t been right with Justin missing. Danny understood, but instead of announcing it to our family and friends, we agreed it was best to keep it to ourselves until he was found.

Justin sure had a way of screwing things up for me. Despite him missing, I was still furious with him. I couldn’t even bring myself to call him dad. Maybe it was immature, given the severity of the situation. I really didn’t care what anyone thought of me. He’d put me through a year of hell. I couldn’t forgive and forget so easily. However, I did hope Justin was okay and that Cobra’s club would find him.

“Emilee, honey, are you okay?” Tina’s voice cut through my thoughts.

I blinked, bringing myself back to the present. “I’m sorry. What did you say?” I’d zoned out while Maddy, Sugar, and Tina talked about Hero and Roja’s up-and-coming wedding in November. I didn’t know Tara—Roja—too well, but I hoped to, now that I was back.

Maddy adjusted Birdie in her arms. “I’d asked if you wanted to take Dante outside for a bit. I usually take Birdie out about this time. Behind the building is shaded and it’s not so hot.”

“Oh.” I looked down at Dante staring at me, his fist in his mouth. He cracked a smile when our eyes met.

“We don’t have to if you’re uncomfortable.” The understanding in Maddy’s voice eased my nerves. I could be honest with these women. They’d never judge me.

Just come out and say it, right? “I’m not doing as well as I might appear.”

Maddy touched my hand, which rested on Dante. “How could you? After knowing someone wanted to take Dante, I don’t think I would ever leave the compound.”

Sugar cleared her throat. “Well, she would eventually leave. But at first, sweetie, it’s too fresh. MC life is not like any other. Keep in mind, the little boy next door to your house wasn’t the child of a biker. He was just taken. Bad stuff happens everywhere. Not just in MCs.”

“Sugar’s right,” Tina said. “Yesterday was terrifying. You did everything right, honey. Give yourself time to process it. And with your dad missing, I don’t know how you even got out of bed.”

I sighed. “I’ll tell you how. Danny—I mean Dodge.” I rolled my eyes in frustration. Call him Dodge in public, Em.

The girls snickered.

“Dodge gives me strength. His love and support are all I need.” If I didn’t have him, I’d be curled in a ball, crying my eyes out.

“He loves you so much,” Maddy said. “He’d pretty much cut himself off from everyone. Oh, was he furious with his brothers for not backing him.”

“Really?” This I did not know. Of course I’d hoped he hadn’t moved on without me and was as miserable as me. But furious at his MC brothers? It never occurred to me that they might’ve had a part in keeping him from coming after me.

Sugar and Tina nodded in agreement.

“You guys have no idea how angry I’ve been. Yesterday morning, I woke up hating Justin. Had been hating him the entire time but more so when Tami came into the picture.” I shivered with disgust.

“Who’s Tami?” Maddy asked.

“His witch of a girlfriend. He totally changed when he got with her. I knew she was bad news. Alarms went off whenever she was around, which was all the damn time. Once, she even held a gun to my back when I was trying to come back here.”

Maddy gasped. Sugar and Tina’s eyes went wide.

“Yeah, shocking, right? Justin thanked her for stopping me. Like why in the hell would she be at my school with a gun? Did he care? No. I honestly don’t know him anymore.”

Maddy covered her mouth. “Oh, Em, that sounds horrible.”

“It was so bad that I wouldn’t let him hold Dante. Not in the hospital or when he took us home. I didn’t trust him and especially not Tami.” My mother’s instinct had been spot on.

“Not holding the baby must have broken Justin’s heart.” Tina made a sad face. “I’m certain everything he did was out of love.”

Sugar nodded. “I agree. Your dad loves you, Em. He just went off his rocker for a while.”

“For a while?” I raised my voice. “For almost a year, I was a prisoner. I wasn’t allowed to have friends, leave the house, or call either of you.” I cuddled Dante to my chest. I hated myself for allowing Justin to control me.

Tina teared up. “Oh, honey. My heart hurts for all you’ve been through.”

“I needed you all during my pregnancy. I had no one but strangers with me when I gave birth.” I choked back a sob, feeling myself unraveling. “I was so scared. I needed Danny… Dodge, Danny… dammit.”

My heart palpitated again. My hands trembled, my throat closing. I was losing it in front of my friends, strong women whom I admired. They’d weathered shit worse than me. I stood, bracing a hand on the table, trying to draw in a good breath.

“Sugar, get Dodge. She’s having a panic attack,” Tina told her.

Sugar ran out.

I clutched my chest. “I can’t—” I gasped, my arms growing weaker by the second. Dante felt like he’d gained fifty pounds.

“I’ll get a paper bag in case she’s hyperventilating.” Maddy rushed to a drawer in the kitchen.

Tina came to my side. “Slow breaths, honey. Can I hold him?” She reached for Dante. “Slow in, slow out.”

I let her take my baby just as Danny ran in.

“Em, it’s okay. I’m here.” He helped me sit.

Maddy passed him a bag. “Here, for her to breathe into.”

He put the paper to my mouth. I inhaled and slowly exhaled. In and out, in and out. It helped, but it was Danny holding my hand and his concerned yet loving eyes soothing me most.

“As soon as you’re better, I’m taking you back to our place, okay?” He kissed my hand. “It’s been a long day, baby.”

I nodded. Each breath I took in was better than the previous.

Tina snuggled Dante in the crook of her neck, holding him protectively. So many people loved us. I never wanted to leave here again.

Raul and Storm entered, each going to his wife.

This was my family.

This was Dante’s family.

What would happen if or when Justin returned? Perhaps it was my subconscious triggering these panic attacks. The possibility was there. He might demand Storm turn me over to him. The club might get behind their “brother” instead of Danny and me. If they did, what would we do?

I glanced at Storm. Could I trust him? It seemed ridiculous to even question it after knowing him my whole life. But if I couldn’t trust my own father, I couldn’t trust anyone other than Danny.

I stared into my love’s eyes pleadingly.

“What do you need, baby?”

“I want to go back to our place.” I needed to be alone with my woman and son.

Our place. I loved the sound of it.

“Okay.” He kissed my forehead.