Smokey’s Turmoil by Erin Osborne
Chapter Twenty-Two
Smokey
WAKING UP EARLY this morning, I’m nervous about what’s going to happen at this appointment with Jasmine today. I have no clue what an ultrasound is or what they have to do in order to make sure our baby is okay. I couldn’t stop thinking about us creating a life together. It’s all that’s been on my mind since I stopped over there last night. That’s the last thing I planned on hearing. And, I didn’t even get a chance to tell her about the last man being caught and taken care of. Jason more than likely won’t be on her on a daily basis. At this point, I’m going to be there with the small family of three whenever I’m not on a run or at work.
After showering and getting dressed to head out, I make my way to the kitchen for a cup of coffee and something to eat. Grabbing a piece of toast and bowl of cereal with my food, I sit down at one of the tables. Reese makes her way and changes direction until she gets to me. running her hand down my chest, I stop her before she can’t get very far.
“Baby, don’t be like that. I’ve missed you,” she says as if we’ve been together.
I haven’t touched Reese and I never will. Ever since getting a taste of Jasmine, another woman hasn’t entered my mind. None have been in my bed and there is certainly no way in hell I’d touch this skank if Jasmine weren’t in the picture. She’s nasty and psychotic. Her only goal here is to become someone’s ol’ lady and it’s not going to happen.
“Reese cut your fuckin’ shit. There is no way in hell I’ve touched you and I never will. Get the fuck away from and don’t ever touch me again. Come near me again and I will make sure you’re kicked the fuck outta here,” I tell her, my voice not hiding how pissed off I am as Hadliegh and Phoebe make their way into the kitchen.
“Smokey, don’t act as if I wasn’t in your bed last night,” she says, glaring at me as the two ol’ ladies stare at me in shock.
“You weren’t in my bed last night or any other fuckin’ night. I haven’t ever touched you and there is no way in hell. I’ve given you my warnin’. Come near me again or make any reference to bein’ in my bed and I’ll make sure you’re out on your fuckin’ ass,” I tell her, getting up and leaving my uneaten breakfast on the table as I leave.
“Smokey!” she hollers out stomping her foot as if she’s a petulant child.
Ignoring her, I make my way through the common room and out to my truck. I’ll have to stop at the diner and grab something to go. At least this way I can make sure Jasmine and Colby get something to eat that’s homecooked without her having to cook their meal herself. A smile on my face, I head to the diner and run in to grab food for us and a coffee.
As soon as it’s ready, I give a nod to the guys who are in here eating before heading out to their respective jobs. Making my way back out to the truck, I get in to head toward Jasmine’s house. I’ve been up for hours and my stomach rumbles as I get out of the truck in her driveway, giving a chin lift to Jason as he sits outside. Knocking on the door, I wait for Jasmine to answer. When she opens it, I know she’s been sick. Her face is pale, and she’s covered in sweat.
“Song Bird, are you okay?” I ask her, immediately entering the house so I can help her do what she needs and make sure she doesn’t need anything.
“I’m okay. Not a good morning. I just took my medicine though so hopefully it will help. Something smells good though,” she tells me, shutting the door and following me to the kitchen.
“Is there anythin’ else I can do to help you?” I ask her, needing to take this away from her.
“No. It’s just something I have to deal with. I’m hoping it’s not going to continue through the entire pregnancy. But it can.”
“I’m sorry Song Bird. I’d take this if I could. I don’t like seein’ you sick or anythin’. Where’s Colby?”
“He’s getting’ up now. I’ll have him ready in a few minutes. I just have to get him breakfast before Phoebe gets here to pick him up,” she answers me, disappearing down the hallway.
While she’s waking him up and doing their morning routine, I set out our breakfast. One container just has a few pieces of toast. Corrinth warned me that might be all Jasmine can eat this early in the day. If she has anything at all. She told me it all depends on her stomach. It wasn’t this morning, we talked about it last night when I got back to the clubhouse. Corrinth had stopped in to see Caine and the rest of her grandkids. I pulled her aside to talk to her about things.
With everything set up, I hear the little pitter patter of feet running toward me. Instead of fear consuming me as what would normally happen when kids are around, I feel content and full of peace. This is where I’m meant to be and I should be here with Jasmine and the kids. I was always meant to be here for her and them. It just took me a lot longer to short through my shit in order to figure that out for myself. Hopefully Jas believes me when I let her know I’m here for her and no one else will ever get in.
Colby rounds the corner and doesn’t bother stopping in confusion at my being here. He’s seen me enough at the clubhouse to know I’m a friend. Lifting his little arms up in the air to pick him up, I grab him up as he wraps his arms right around my neck. The little guy snuggles up in my arms even though he’s been dressed and completed his morning routine, he’s still tired and ready to go back to sleep in my arms. Jasmine walks in the room as I’m holding him with a fully set table for breakfast. She stops immediately and looks at the two of us standing in her dining room.
“I brought breakfast,” I tell her, sitting down in one of the chairs with Colby still in my arms. “There’s just plain toast for you if that’s what you need right now.”
“Thank you, Smokey. You didn’t have to do this,” she tells me.
“Yeah, I did. I told you last night I was gonna be here for you. Don’t know if you get this yet Song Bird, I’m gonna be here every single day. This is just the beginnin’ of us. Even if we are doin’ everything a little backwards. I’ll be here every single day even if you’re not here and are at work. I’m gettin’ some time off after this job is finished. You’re mine Jasmine.”
“Smokey, we can’t do this just because I’m pregnant. We can co-parent and work on a friendship, but that’s all I can give you now. You really and truly hurt me more than I ever thought possible. I’ve been hurt by so many people, but you leaving and walking out without a word showed me I’m not what you want or need in your life. I appreciate you wanting to go to the appointments with me and being a part of our child’s life. I’m just not sure I can give you any more than that.”
“I know I hurt you, Jas. It kills me to know I made you upset and hurt you more than I thought possible. At the time, I thought I was doin’ what was best. It was for me. I was in my head and didn’t think I could be a man any child needs in their life on a daily basis. I didn’t believe I could be what you need. More than giving you my body, I didn’t think I had any part of my heart left to give to you,” I tell her honestly. “Now, I know what I’ve been missin’ and what I want. Renegade made me talk to him and let me know that I’m not my past. I can’t let what I consider the failings of a little boy prevent me from livin’ my life the way I should be
“It’s time to let everyone in and share my burdens. They aren’t mine to bear alone anymore. So, that’s what I’m tryin’ to do. I want to let you in. I want to be part of your family. I’ll be here to make sure you have help when you’re not feelin’ good and be by your side when you go in front of the judge to adopt Colby and Charlotte. I want to be a part of every single thing. The kid’s bein’ sick, their first heart break, every single milestone in their lives. I want it with you by my side every step of the way. This doesn’t have to do with our baby. I came over here before I knew you were pregnant. Remember that when you get it in your head that I’m only here for our baby. It’s not true.”
Jasmine sits in stunned silence as the three of us eat our breakfast. Colby remains on my lap through his meal, making a mess of the toast and sausage I got him with the eggs. We’re both covered by the time he’s done. Usually, I’d be wary of going out in public with food all over my clothes, but not today. This is something I’m going to have to get used to. Jas cleans up Colby while I brush off the crumbs and as much as I can from my shirt and jeans.
“I’m sorry. He’s a little messy,” Jasmine says, her voice low as she tips her head down. “And, the adoption has already gone through. The judge signed off on the paperwork for Charlotte and Colby yesterday afternoon. With how sick I’ve been Marilyn went in front of him by herself. It’s done and the kids are mine.”
“Nothin’ to be sorry about,” I assure her, pulling her into my arms as Colby sits on the floor in front of us. “I’m happy to hear that. Now, Charlotte and Colby won’t have to worry about bein’ moved from your custody or anythin’ else. You’ll all make a good family. One I want a part of.”
I let Phoebe in while Jasmine gets dressed for the day. She looks at me with astonishment in her eyes. No one knew I came over here last night and they had no clue I would be here today to go with Jasmine to her appointment. Except maybe Corrinth since I got breakfast a little while ago.
“What are you doing here Smokey?” Phoebe asks, looking around the house.
“I’m goin’ with Jasmine to her appointment. I know about the baby and I’m tryin’ to sort my shit out, so she lets me back in. It’s not gonna be easy, but I’ll do what I can to make sure she knows I’m for real and I’m not gonna hurt her again,” I answer her honestly.
“Good. You’re good for one another. Don’t fuckin’ hurt her again Smokey. I know she’s tryin’ to be strong as fuck, but she’s not. You’ve done a number on her. If she lets you back in, and that’s a big if, that will be your last chance. You realize that don’t you.”
“I know. I’m goin’ to be the man she needs and wants in her life from here on out. Jasmine won’t have to do this alone as she’s been doin’ for so long now.”
Before I can continue on, Jasmine walks back in the room with Colby’s things so Phoebe and him can leave. We’re going to need to head out in the next few minutes in order to get to the appointment on time. After Phoebe leaves with Colby hugging both of us, I help her into her coat before she puts her shoes on. With my hand on her lower back, I lead her from the house. Setting the alarm before closing and locking the door, we head to my truck.
“Are you sure you want to go with me?” Jasmine asks as I help her up in the passenger seat.
“Yeah, Song Bird. There is nowhere else I want to be other than by your side. Let’s get a move on,” I answer her, shutting the door before walking to the driver’s side and getting in.
Knowing where the doctor’s office is, we ride in silence through town. It’s not an uncomfortable silence at least. My only thought is I’m ready to figure out the best way to get back in Jasmine’s life permanently. There is no way in hell I’m going to be on the sidelines for long. Jasmine on the other hand I’m sure is thinking of everything I’ve laid on her since last night and trying to figure out if I’m being real or just fucking with her. I’m far from fucking with her.
Jasmine and I walk into the waiting room. Grabbing a seat along the wall where I can look around the room, I wait for her to make her way back to me. there’s a stack of paperwork in her hands as she sits down.
“What’s all that?” I ask her, looking down at the small stack.
“Since I’m pregnant, I have these papers to fill out now. It’s good you’re here because there’s a section for the father,” she says, a smile on her face.
“Just ask away and I’ll answer the best I can,” I tell her as she begins filling everything out.
Looking over her shoulder, I realize there is so much I don’t know about her. I gather all of the information I can find out about her without having a background check done on her. I’m not going to fuck her over like that. Other than her age, I find out she’s an only child and I already know she lost her mom just over a year ago. This is all medical information and not a lot to go on. I’ll have to learn about her the old-fashioned way; by talking to her and spending time with her. it will not be a hardship on my part at all.
“Miss King,” a young woman calls out from a door that was previously closed.
Jasmine stands up and I follow her into the back of the doctor’s office. The only time I take my attention off of her is when she stands on the scale to have her weight checked. I know enough about women to realize they don’t like anyone knowing how much they weigh. With my woman, I know even more to realize it’s a touchy subject for her. We’re then led into a room where she’s told to strip her pants and underwear off. I’m not sure why they’d need that off to look at her stomach to see the baby.
I’m not turning around as Jasmine strips out of her clothes. It’s been way too long since I’ve seen her naked skin. However, I don’t count on it being such a turn on as my cock grows hard in my jeans. She climbs up on the exam table, placing a sheet over her legs. Taking a chair next to her, I grab her hand to hold in mine. It’s not long before a woman is walking through the door.
“How are you today Miss King?” she asks, the name grating on my nerves.
Jasmine should have my last name. Just as our child should have my last name. At this point, I wouldn’t complain a single bit if Colby and Charlotte have my last name as well. If we’re going to be a family, and we are, I want us to all have the same last name.
“I’m okay,” Jasmine answers as she squeezes my hand slightly showing me she’s nervous.
“We’re going to have a first look at your baby and determine how far along you are today. Is that correct?” she asks, not looking in my direction once.
“Yes.”
“Okay, let’s get started. Since we don’t know how far along you are, we’ll attempt an external ultrasound first. If I can’t see anything, I’ll have to switch to an internal exam. I’ll explain everything before we go that route,” the technician explains, pressing some buttons on the machine.
I watch on as the technician places some gel on her stomach causing Jasmine to flinch in response. When I go to say something, she squeezes my hand tighter. Looking at her, she slightly shakes her head letting me know she’s okay and that it’s nothing for me to be angry over. Yeah, she can still read me when she wants to.
It’s not long before there’s a loud whooshing sound filling the room. I look at Jasmine with confusion on my face because I have no clue what we’re listening to right now.
“That’s the baby’s heartbeat,” the technician tells us. “It sounds strong and healthy.”
After letting us listen for a few minutes, with me recording the sound on my phone for Jasmine. The technician goes back to pressing buttons on the machine before the sound stops and the screen fills with a grainy image. Now I’m even more lost than before. To me it looks like nothing at all. Jasmine looks between the screen and me clearly as confused as I am right now.
We listen in as the technician explains what we’re looking at. She tells us Jasmine is just about eight weeks pregnant. There is one month to go before she’s out of the woods for a potential miscarriage; something Jasmine’s worried about since her mom had multiple miscarriages before and after Jasmine was born. That’s another piece of information I didn’t know until now.
“You’ll have another ultrasound when you’re about twenty weeks. By then we should be able to tell the gender of the baby if you choose to find out what you’re having. You can clean up and get dressed. I’ll make sure the doctor gets the results of today’s visit. She’ll call you if there’s any questions or concerns,” she lets us know before handing over a few pictures.
“Thank you,” Jasmine says as she hands the pictures over to me so she can wipe the goo off her stomach and get dressed.
I help her down off the table once her stomach is as clean as it’s going to get with that stuff on her body. Again, I place my hand on her lower back as we leave the doctor’s office. Instead of heading to the desk for her next appointment, we make our way directly outside. This is not what I was expecting to happen at today’s appointment.
“Do you need to stop anywhere before we go back to your house?” I ask her after helping her up in the truck.
“No. Phoebe’s going to bring Colby back to the house in a little while. More than likely after he has lunch and his nap. I just plan on cleaning up the house and starting dinner. I’m not even sure what I’m making for dinner tonight.”
“Okay. Well, I can help you do all that,” I tell her, shutting her door before she has a chance to say a word in response.
Jasmine is going to get used to me being in her life one way or another. Right now, the only thing I can do is insert myself in ways she’s not expecting. I’ll show up every single morning and leave every night. No matter how much it kills me to be away from her. Eventually, we’ll get to the point where I’m not leaving her alone at night with the kids. There’s still a long way to go before that happens. Today is just day one.
