Always Been You by Lily Miller
Six
Olivia
I’mforty-five minutes late when I finally arrive at Bloom. I was tossing and turning all night and slept right through my alarm. I have been replaying the conversation with Kate and Ellie over and over in my mind.
Were they right? Should I meet him and see what he has to say?
Even if I did decide to see him, I don’t have his number. What was I going to do? Show up on his parents’ doorstep like a desperate teenager? I wish Parker was all I had to worry about.
The timing could not have been worse, or more bizarre, seeing Parker after all of these years just as I was about to see my dad for the first time in ages as well. If this is the universe’s idea of a joke, I’m definitely not laughing.
Seeing my dad feels bittersweet. I’m conflicted about it. Some days I am happy at the thought of having him back with our family and others I feel like I will never get past the grudge that I’ve been holding onto all of these years. Tight.
Watching my father dragged through a lengthy trial for months in a courtroom and on the six o’clock news every night, and then sentenced and taken away in handcuffs is not something you forget about.
“Look what the cat dragged in! You look rough.” Ellie eyes me as I make my way to the back office to drop my purse and coat.
“Thanks Ells, so sweet of you to say. I blame you and the wine last night. Mostly you, though.” I hang my jean jacket on the hook and take my cell phone from my purse, sliding it into my back pocket. Blaming my appearance on the wine I drank last night is a lot easier than telling her I was up all-night thinking of Parker.
Ellie laughs and pulls me in for a hug as I meet her at the large wooden worktable that we had found on one of our antique treasure shopping sprees.
I know I don’t look my best, but I’m not exactly a hot mess either. My long hair is tied back into a ponytail and I’m wearing a pair of my favorite skinny jeans with a clean white t-shirt. I did what I could with my concealer to hide my tired eyes this morning and added a pop of color to my lips to brighten my face.
“I didn’t mean it. You’re always beautiful, but you do look like you have a lot more on your mind than you need. Want to talk?”
“Honestly, not really. I thought a lot about what you said last night and while I do appreciate your advice, I’m not going to do it. I’m not going to see Parker. I can’t, Ellie.” I bite my lip, hoping she will leave it alone.
“Olivia, I’m not going to push you. I said what I wanted to say last night and ultimately, it’s your decision. You are a smart girl and perfectly capable of doing what’s best for you. I’m dropping it.”
I adjust my ponytail and smile, silently thanking Ellie for not pushing the subject. She can be feisty, so I realize that I dodged a bullet with this.
“There is something I want to talk to you about though, Liv and then we can drop the heavy topics and get to work. We talked a lot about Parker last night, but I know you have a lot going on right now with your dad as well. How’s everyone holding up?”
She is right. As much as I try not to let it bother me, my Dad’s return is consuming my mind just as much as Parker is right now. I know I need to have a talk with my mom about it sooner or later.
“I’ve been avoiding the subject at all costs with my mom. It’s hard. You know she and I don’t exactly see eye to eye when it comes to my dad. That hasn’t changed, and it may never will.”
“My mother has been waiting for this day to come and naively believes it will be just like it used to be. One big happy family. I, on the other hand, just can’t get there. I still blame my father for ruining my life. There is so much hurt in my heart, Ellie. “
I run the tips of my fingers along the grain of the wood table, going back in time in my head.
We had lost our home. My mother had to sell our house to cover legal bills and the fine my dad was ordered to pay. So we moved to a new city forty-five minutes away, to a smaller, older home we could afford. I was forced into a whole new life, one I never asked for.
I lost trust in people, mostly in my father, and that spilled over into other relationships. I spent more time with my mother as most of the time she was barely able to function, not getting out of bed for days at a time, leaving me to do the cooking and the cleaning. Someone had to take care of Kate, so I assumed that responsibility, too, making sure she went to school every day on time, had clean clothes and did her homework. There was a huge void in my life all of a sudden when my dad left too. I was emotional and on edge a lot of the time. Then there were the stares and the talk and the whispers that were directed my way daily. I was that girl. I hated being that girl.
“I’m sorry, Olivia. You didn’t deserve any of it and it wasn’t fair. You know what you need? I’m not taking no for an answer. You need a night out with just us girls. I’ll call Kate and make a reso, and we can have dinner and drinks and dance the night away. It will be so much fun.”
“I actually think that sounds like a great idea. Let’s do it.” I’m not going to argue with her because I know she’s right. I could use a night out.
Ellie beams. “I’m happy you said yes and made my life easy. I was fully prepared to harass you all day long if I had to. Just be warned: I will do what it takes to get you to come out and have a good time. Physical force, getting you drunk- you name it, and I will get the job done!”
I laugh and shake my head. “Seems a little excessive but I believe it. If I remember right, that’s exactly how you talked me into that truly embarrassing karaoke performance the last time we had a girls’ night out.”
“Not even a bit too excessive. And for the record, nobody does Mariah like you do.”
I exhale with a shake of my head and throw up my hands, making my way to the desk. I need to check on our orders for the day and make sure they have all been filled. Meanwhile Ellie makes her way to the coolers to check stock for next week.
It’s Sunday, so it’s a short workday and I’m hoping to sneak in a nap before we head out tonight. We close the shop at three o’clock so I should have plenty of time to go home, nap, shower and change for the night.
The bell above the door chimes, signalling we have a customer. I call out to Ellie from the back room letting her know I will just be a second as I make my way to the front of the shop. My eyes catch Ellie’s.
“Ummm… I think he’s here for you.” Ellie stammers, looking towards the door.
I turn my head in the direction of her gaze and we lock eyes.
Oh My God. What is he doing here?
“Parker?”
I swallow hard, stopping dead in my tracks. My eyes not leaving his because they can’t when he looks at me that way. His eyes warm and a slow smile curves his lips. I first notice his hands in the pockets of his fitted jeans and my eyes move up his body to his short sleeve t-shirt stretched across his hard chest. He is the kind of guy that girls fantasize about.
He catches me eyeing him and my cheeks turn a shade of pink that must match the tulips on the display next to me. I’m sure he can hear my heart beating through my chest from where he’s standing. He shifts his gaze down towards my mouth and a shiver shoots down my spine, remembering his lips on mine and how good it felt. No one else has kissed me with such heat and passion.
“Hi Livy. I hope it’s okay that I’m here. I didn’t know how else to reach you.” Parker searches my eyes. He looks nervous, waiting to see how I will react.
“I think this is a good time for me to do that delivery,” Ellie interrupts, although I think we had both forgotten she was in the room with us.
“Parker, what are you doing here?” I ask, the question comes out sounding sharper than I’d intended. I didn’t mean to come off as rude, but his presence makes me anxious.
“I wanted to see for myself what all the talk is about. From what I hear Bloom is the only place in the city to buy flowers and apparently after my parents’ party you are the talk of the town. I’m proud of you, Livy. This is amazing.”
I feel my cheeks turn an even brighter shade of pink at Parker’s genuine compliment. I’ve never been a girl who needs the praise of other people but coming from Parker it means something.
“I also wanted to see you, Liv. I needed to see if there was any chance you changed your mind about meeting me.” He takes his hands from his pockets and I suddenly am wishing he would put them right back. His hands unnerve me, I want them on me. It was better when I couldn’t see them.
“Livy, I promise it’s just two old friends catching up. Nothing more.” He runs his hand though his thick, dark chestnut hair and I die. His hair is short on the sides and long on top and when he runs his fingers through it, it falls over his forehead, making me want to put my hands through it and push it back.
“Parker, I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“You can’t or you won’t, Livy?” he asks firmly, taking a step towards me, closing the distance between us.
“Why does that matter Parker? It’s just semantics.” I want to take a step back, but my body betrays me, leaving my feet planted to the floor beneath them.
“It matters to me Livy. If you already have plans that’s one thing, but if you are just refusing to see me, well then, that’s another.”
“After all of this time, what would be the point? You live in New York and you seem to be happy and I live here. I’m happy too, Parker. We’ve both moved on. Why rock the boat?”
“Look Livy, seeing you yesterday did something to me, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking of you since. Can you honestly say you felt nothing for me yesterday after seeing me again? Because if you can, I will leave, and I won’t bother you again. Can you?” He looks at me with his piercing dark eyes knowing full well what he does to me.
I fidget with the hem of my shirt. Parker knows me better than anyone, so I’m sure he knows I am flustered. I’m sure it is also obvious that I am fighting the urge to run my hands up his hard body and press my lips to his mouth. He looks so damn good that I wonder how he could still be single. How has someone not made him hers? I think again about all the women he’d been with in New York. I am not going to add my name to that list.
“Parker, of course I felt something seeing you yesterday, you were my first love. I will always feel something for you and that will never change, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea for us to talk again. I’m sure you can understand that.”
I take a deep breath, noticing the frustration in his face. It almost breaks me to see him feeling rejected, but I have to stick to the decision I’ve made. Parker has the power to wreck me and I need to protect my heart at all costs, even if it means watching him walk away.
“Livy, I really wish you would reconsider. I’m in Reed Point until tomorrow morning if you change your mind. Can I at least give you my number, just in case?”
“It won’t be necessary,” I reply, shifting my gaze to my feet.
“Come on, Livy,” he pleads as he moves closer and I can feel my body stiffen. I can see he’s not going to give up, so I walk the few steps to the desk and grab a pen and a note pad, handing them to him. He scribbles something down and gives it back to me, brushing his fingers over mine. A spark lights beneath my skin, reminding me yet again of our connection.
“It was good to see you Livy.” He flashes me a devastating grin, his eyes on mine, and for a moment I’m certain that he knows exactly what I’m thinking about.
I watch Parker walk away, my eyes travelling from his broad shoulders down to his perfect ass in those jeans. Adrenaline courses through me as the door closes behind him. I’m hoping I didn’t just make the biggest mistake of my life. I look at the piece of paper folded in my hand and see that he’d written something else on it, too.
I won’t give up, Parker xx
This man. Shivers are rolling over my body from this man and he hasn’t even touched me yet.
* * *
ELLIE: We’ll be there in 10. Be ready.
ME: Can’t wait. I’m Ready! See you soon.
I put on my gold hoop earrings and a bangle and run my fingers through my hair to loosen the waves. I’m looking forward to tonight, to getting out and to getting out of my head.
I had managed to sneak in a 45-minute nap after work and a shower. I also had time to call my mom to see if there is any news on my dad’s return. She still hasn’t heard. Figures. My mother was used to being kept in the dark and being the last to know when it came to him, but she never gives up. I struggle to understand why. How it is possible to turn a blind eye to the lies and the stories he spun.
I know when the time comes, I will need more in a husband than my father ever gave my mother.
Honesty.
Loyalty.
Devotion.
Time.
I won’t settle for anything less.
I check the time on my phone. The girls should be here any minute. It was decided without my input that Kate would be driving tonight so Ellie could get me drunk. I went with it because it was easier than arguing. Especially with Ellie. I never win.
I grab my cell phone and purse and make my way to the street to wait for them. It’s a warm, clear night and I have to admit, it feels good to be out of the house. I plan on drinking just enough that I forget Parker Bennett ever walked back into my life.