Luna Rising by Sloane Murphy
Chapter Sixteen
It takes some time, but my pain melts down to anger.
Jackson hasn’t been seen since the gathering, and I am so fucking angry at him that I can hardly see straight. I’m also pissed that I’m worried about him because of the stupid keening bond in my chest. The motherfucker rejected me and fucked everything up—I shouldn’t feel anything other than anger toward him.
But today? Today, I’m getting out of bed. Today, I am going to try and face the world.
The date on my phone tells me it’s been two weeks since Jackson ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it in front of everyone. I’ve hidden in my room, sleeping through the pain, but despite my devastation, there’s only so much hiding my stubborn pride will let me do.
I am not the girl who loses her shit because a guy doesn’t want her. Fated or not. With reason or not.
I am stronger than this.
I hope.
I won’t admit how weak I feel just from climbing from my bed to take a shower. The lack of food definitely hasn’t helped. And while I’m pretty sure a Lycan can’t die from lack of food or water, I know the only thing fueling each step I take is my anger.
The hot water stings my skin as I stand under the shower spray, trying desperately to jolt my body into functioning properly. I hope Jackson is suffering as much as I am from his bullshit decision. The bond in my chest still aches like a motherfucker, but I refuse to spend any more time in my bed.
Just no.
I catch a glimpse of my reflection as I wrap myself in a towel and cringe. The dark circles under my eyes and gaunt draw of my face is just awful. I guess this is why people don’t reject Lycan bonds—it’s fucking killer.
I ignore it and get dressed, trying not to pay too much attention to how loose my jeans and crop top are. Once I’ve eaten properly for a few days, I’m sure I’ll be fine.
Jackson has taken enough from me. He doesn’t get to take my tits and ass too.
I head downstairs, shaking my head when I hear my parents talking in hushed voices on the other side of the kitchen door. “Do not mention his goddamn name, Theron. I swear to the fates, I will tear you a new asshole if you even comment on any of it. Now fucking smile, she’s coming.”
Fates, I love my mom.
I pad my way into the kitchen, faking a smile. My dad sucks at hiding his disappointed expression when he sees me, but he covers it quickly as my mom wraps me up in a hug. “Morning, sweetheart. Pancakes?”
“Sounds great, Mom.” I smile up at her as she squeezes my arms. She holds me a moment longer before finally releasing me and heading toward the stove. I pour myself a glass of orange juice as well as a mug of coffee before sitting down next to Dad at the table.
I shift uncomfortably as silence stretches around us. Shit, this feels so fucking awkward right now. There’s an elephant in the room sucking all the air out of it. It’s unacceptable. I’m trying to return to a sense of normalcy today; my parents don’t get to be weird.
“I was rejected. Shit happens, but I’m trying to move past it. I also discovered at the same time that I might’ve broken my best friend's heart. Can we just focus on what needs to happen in regards to the pack for now rather than in my love life?” I look between my mom’s gawking stare and my dad's grimace and nod. Neither answer, but I plow on anyway “Good, now that that’s sorted out, what have I missed?”
“The enforcers found a rogue Lycan sniffing around the compound a few days ago and captured him.” Relief floods my being when Dad jumps straight back into the thick of daily life. Thanks, Fates. I’m not sure I could’ve handled him being weird for the rest of time. “They sedated him and removed the obsidian pill before he could swallow it, so we might actually be able to extract some information from this one. He was taken to the Manor for Roman to deal with. Other than that, you haven’t missed much other than us rebuilding the walls. We’re secure again, and we’ve started drawing up blueprints for a new second perimeter wall in line with the expansion we have planned.”
“Okay, what do you need my help with?” I ask hoping like hell there’s something for me to do. I want nothing more than to keep myself too busy to think right now. Anything that can be a distraction from the ache in my chest will do.
“Construction is about to begin on the houses for Arrow and his family, so if you’re happy to supervise the build and get involved, then I’d appreciate being able to focus on some other things.”
“I can totally do that.” I give him a smile, and even if it looks as fake as it feels, it’s something at least.
“Enough shop talk, eat up,” my mom coos as she slides the biggest stack of chocolate chip pancakes I think I’ve ever seen in front of me.
My stomach growls as the smell hits me, and I groan a little. I might not have wanted food much lately, but I’m still a Lycan, and anger can only fuel me so much. I dig into the stack, and my wolf makes a brief appearance in my mind to show her appreciation over the fact we’re finally eating. I haven’t felt her much since the rejection... I guess she has her own wounds to heal. If her pain is anything like mine, I understand it entirely. I’ve retreated, so it makes sense that she has too.
My mom smiles wildly as she sits opposite me once she’s made plates for herself and Dad. I devour the pancakes, feeling beyond bloated by the time I’m done. It’s not my favorite feeling, but at least it’s something other than despair. “That was amazing, thanks, Mom.”
“Anytime, sweetie. Do you want any more?” She looks almost hopeful, but I shake my head.
“I am literally beyond full. Like, I might be sick, but I promise I’ll make myself something to take with me today for lunch while I’m helping with the build,” I say, but then a nasty thought hits me at the reminder of work. “Shit, did Lacey cover my shifts at the cafe? Is she expecting me in?”
“Callie is covering for you, sweetheart,” Mom says softly. “Lacey said you can go back when you’re ready.”
I let out a small sigh of relief. I might be determined to get back out into the world, but I’m not sure I can take the cafe that doubles as the town gossip mill on the best of days. Today is not one of the best days, so I can only imagine what’s churning through the grapevine at the cafe.
“Okay, then I’m going to get my stuff together and head over to the build site. I assume it’s where we said it would be?”
My dad nods in answer to my question while he chows down on his pancakes and bacon, and I can’t help but smile a little.
I can totally do this. Life might not be quite the same, but I can do this.
Right?
* * *
To say my day has been exhausting might just be the understatement of the goddamn century. It’s not just the actual physical work or dealing with problems that shouldn’t be problems when people are being too goddamn stupid to see past their own idiocy, it’s the whispers and the looks of pity, on top of the fact that I look rough as fuck, that really do it for me.
Yeah, I’m about done.
Which is why it’s three in the afternoon and I’m trudging up the stairs to my room with my phone in hand to text Nova. I need BFF therapy.
Me: I need you. You free tonight?
Nova: I will always be free for you. I’ll head over after my patrol.
Me: Sweet. Sounds perfect.
I pocket my phone and flop face down on my bed, wondering again why I haven’t pushed harder for my own place. All that does is send me into a spiral over everything that’s happened over the last few weeks.
Way to go, Luna.
My phone buzzes again, and I pull it out expecting another text from Nova. My heart breaks all over again at the message flashing up at me from the screen.
Maddox: I miss you
Me: I miss you too. I’m sorry
Maddox: You have nothing to be sorry about. The Fates screwed with us. You’re still the most important person in my life. That’s not going to change.
Me: Until you find your mate
I hate how whiny and bitchy that message sounds, so I try to respond, but those three little dots keep bouncing in the corner of my screen, stopping me from saying anything else. I’m being selfish, and I know it.
Me: Sorry, I’m being a bitch. Are you okay?
Maddox: You have nothing to be sorry about, Luna, and even if or when I find my mate, you’re still going to be one of the most important people in my life. I’m fine, but more importantly, how are you?
Me: I left the house today. So I’m taking it as a win. Jackson left the compound and hasn’t been seen since.
Maddox: He’s a fucking cowardly motherfucker. If I see him again, I’m going to beat his ass again. Fucking waste of oxygen.
Me: I think you have more rage about this right now than I do.
Maddox: It’s rage or devastation. I’m going with rage.
Me: Same
Maddox: Is there anything I can do to help?
Me: Just this. This is exactly what I needed.
Maddox: I got you. Always.
Me: Always
I drop my phone back onto the bed feeling a little lighter than I have over the past couple of weeks. At the same time, my heart hurts all over again over the fact that the Fates fucked so much up for me. I might not have ever pictured Maddox as a potential mate before, but I could see it. A future where we’d actually work out. His heart is so big that I know he would’ve loved me without hesitation forever. And I know I could’ve loved him too.
Instead I get to half rage at and half pine after some giant bag of dicks who doesn’t want me. Who humiliated me in front of fucking everyone. He must have already known because he was human when I felt the tug. Suddenly, a realization hits me... the morning of my birthday when he lost his shit at me. He must have figured it out then… So why not say something in that moment? Why even come to the ceremony? He could have just not been there. He could have left the pack, and I would have never known any differently.
My anger spikes when I realize he chose to do this to me. He wanted to humiliate me.
What a giant fucking asshole.
I clench my fists and scream face down into my sheets. If I see him again… I’d like to say I’ll set his ass on fire, but I have a feeling that the bond inside of me would simp after him like a lame little bitch instead.
“Uhm, is everything okay in here?” I lift my head out of my sheets to see Nova standing in my doorway with two pints of ice cream.
God, I love her.
“Everything is far from okay,” I tell her as I flip over on the bed.
She drops down beside me, offering one of the pints of ice cream as she says, “Well, then I guess it’s good that I bought ice cream.”
“Hell yes it is.” I sit up and take a pint of the double chocolate rocky road from her and prepare myself to fully eat my feelings. I cradle the ice cream like the treasure it is as we make a pillow fort on the floor at the end of my bed like usual. We pick a true crime documentary and stuff our faces with ice cream while I explain to her my realizations about Jackson.
“That bag of shit. Maybe I’ll set him on fire next time I see him.” I can’t help but laugh at her as we settle down for our evening pity party.
“That is why I love you.”
* * *
Nova crashed with me overnight, staying up into the early morning hours imagining all the ways we could hide a body if Jackson were to come back.
Honestly, as much as the bond inside of me wants him to change his mind and come back, the more reasonable part of my mind hopes he stays away. The longer he’s gone, the less it feels like the ravaging pain inside of me will swallow me whole.
I considered asking Dad where he went and if he’s coming back, but even simply saying his name out loud induces my rage, so I’m not sure asking about him is a good idea.
I roll over in bed just to see Nova’s drooling face pointed in my direction. I’d wake her, but she is hella scary when you get her up before she’s ready. So instead, I climb from the bed, grab my phone, and pad downstairs in my pajamas, heading straight for the coffee machine.
For the first time in what feels like forever, Mom doesn’t beat me downstairs, so I brew the coffee the way I like it. Which is strong as fuck. The coffee percolates slowly, filling the kitchen with the heavenly smell of a strong dark roast. I pull a mug from the cabinet and wait impatiently for the coffee to finish brewing. Once it does, I pour myself a mug and head out to the back yard, curling up with the cup of caffeinated goodness.
My skin starts to itch, and I can feel my wolf roiling restlessly just beneath the surface. Fuck it. I’m going for a run.
I finish my coffee quickly and head upstairs to change.
I open the door as quietly as possible, but a groan meets me from the direction of my bed. “You’re a monster, why are you awake already?” Nova asks as she practically smothers herself with a pillow.
“I’m going for a run, do you want to come?” I throw off my pajamas, changing into a pair of leggings and a sports bra quickly. The restlessness only seems to grow, and I’m antsy to get to the beach and to get my blood pumping.
“Yeah, fine. I guess,” she grumbles as she throws off the blankets. “Let’s just run past my place so I can change?”
“Sounds good to me,” I say, as I pull on my sneakers then throw my hair up into a ponytail. “I’m good to go.”
“You are way too fucking peppy this morning, Luna. Tone it down, please. Some of us are sans coffee, and I know it can’t be past five.”
I look at my phone and grin at her. “Technically, it’s five-o-three. So suck it.”
“You can fucking suck it. I brought ice cream dammit,” she complains, making me chuckle.
“Come on, oh grumpy one. You head back to your place, and I’ll pour you a to-go coffee. I’ll meet you there, and you can chug the coffee before we run. Problem solved!”
“Fine, fine.” She throws on her clothes from last night, and I follow her down the stairs, heading to the kitchen as she leaves through the front door. I grab one of the takeout coffee cups from the cupboard and pour her a cup of the coffee I brewed earlier, which is just about down to drinking temperature now.
I shoot a text to Mom to let her know where I am so she doesn’t wake up and freak out before slipping my cell into my arm holster. I grab my ear pods and pop them in my ears, hitting random on my playlist.
I freeze as “Beautiful Way” by You Me at Six floods my ears, and my heart races. The lyrics resound with me on such a deep level, because we really are all just fucked up in a beautiful way.
I take a deep breath and shake my head. There is no way I’m letting this bullshit ruin music for me, so I steel myself against it all, and head over to Nova’s.
By the time I get there, she’s out front stretching. The moment she hears me, she straightens and makes grabby hands at me for the coffee. “Here you go.” I hand it to her and force a grin on my face like my heart isn’t breaking all over again.
She practically snatches the coffee from me and downs it in one go. “Okay, let’s do this.”
She pulls her beanie down further on her head, despite the fact it’s summer and then taps her phone for her own running soundtrack. We take off at a reasonable pace through the compound, and I wave at Jacob as he lets us through the gate. I ignore the look of pity he flashes my way, increasing my pace to get the hell out of the gate as quickly as possible. Maybe if I burn physically, the pain in my chest won’t feel like it’s going to ravage me whole. She’s fast, but she’s not Alpha born, and she’s also not trying to outrun the voices in her head. It’s not a surprise when I start to pull beyond Nova, so I look back over my shoulder, but she waves me on. I run ahead of her, but not so far that we couldn’t help each other if something went down, which is still a very real concern considering everything that’s happened to the pack lately.
I hit the beach, and the burn in my legs and lungs increases. I revel in the pain, enjoying the momentary distraction from the emotional pain I’ve been struggling through lately. I almost reach a happy state, but then I make it to the edge of the cove, dropping to my knees when I remember the last time I was here. With the jackass extraordinaire.
Fuck my life. I was barely around the guy, how has he ruined so much for me in such a short space of time? The Witches really did curse me when they included the fated mates into the Lycan curse. It just feels like I might be the first one to truly feel the burn of this part of the curse. I close my eyes, trying to catch my breath as pain rips through my chest. Nova reaches me, smiling sadly at me when she sees the tears trailing down my face as I look out across the ocean.
“It’ll get better,” she says as she drops into the sand beside me.
I don’t say a word. The lump in my throat is too thick. I hate that I didn’t even like the guy and the bond has left me heartbroken like I’ve loved him my entire life.
I just hope she’s right.
It has to get better.
Right?
