Giving Away by Lola King

CHAPTER 7

‘I become your nightmare steppin’ in your dreams

I’m the definition of the worst kind of mean’

Monster - Willyecho

Jake

“Happy birthday”

“Which one’s older?”

“Happy birthday, bro.”

“You get more handsome every year, Jake.”

“I’ve got a surprise for you, meet me in the bathroom in fifteen.”

A hand on my chest, a pat on the back, hugs, kisses peppered on my cheeks. Full hugs from my best friends, tons of pictures of Ozy and me.

And tequila. A lot of tequila.

Only Luke Baker would insist on celebrating Ozy and I’s birthday again. Well, the first time didn’t really happen. It did for everyone, just not for me and my friends. Everyone showed up at Luke’s, but we weren’t there, too busy looking for Rose all over town, too busy worrying over Nate being alive, over Jamie…

I can’t help the sigh that leaves me.

“It’s your birthday, bro. Lighten up,” Luke shouts in my ear over the loud music in his gigantic living room. He shakes a small packet of pills in front of my eyes. I grab it but put it in my back pocket.

“Later. And it’s not even my birthday,” I mumble. My mouth feels like cotton and I’m struggling to articulate. I’m really fucking drunk.

I wonder if the people partying tonight even truly realize it’s not my birthday. It was two weeks ago, this is really fucking stupid. Whatever, it’s just another Stoneview party. Too much alcohol, too many drugs, too many kids living like adults and throwing away their parents’ money.

“Jakey, just tell me what’s wrong.” My friend flutters his long, blond eyelashes at me, pretending to be one of the girls that have tried to help with my mood tonight. Now that they know Camila is out for good, I feel like a goddamn open bar.

She’s been sticking to me like a bee on honey since I told everyone I had fucked Jamie and that I was over her. But at the beginning of the night, when she tried to kiss me in front of everyone, I pushed her away. I told her in private that we were done. I told her a month ago that we were done. Me not being involved with Jamie anymore doesn’t change that. Now, it’s like all the other girls were waiting for the Queen Bee to be kicked off her throne.

That’s because none of them understand Jamie is the real deal.

Was.

Was the real deal. Until it turned out she was the one playing me.

Our night together was like being in heaven. Everything was perfect, she was perfect. But walking into her house the next day…the weight of everything fell on my shoulders and I panicked. I really panicked. Jamie wasn’t made for my world, she’s been through enough herself. Here I was going around her house making sure my supposed-to-be-dead brother wasn’t coming after her.

And that’s the worst part. Her not being part of my world? Meh, I can deal with that, I’m selfish enough. But she was with Nate. I can’t get over that. I want to, I really want to, but every time I think of it, every time she reminds me, I want to kill him. I want to hurt her so bad she will never dare think of him again.

It doesn’t matter that she didn’t know he was my brother, she chose him over me. Finding out he is a manipulative psycho and sleeping with me doesn’t mean she’s over him. It doesn’t erase the fact that she chose him.

“Jake,” Luke insists.

“Nothing’s wrong,” I snap back.

He runs a hand through his bright blond hair, a smile spreading on his face. He takes a long sip, letting me simmer in my own thoughts before speaking again.

“It wouldn’t have anything to do with a teeny-tiny, green-eyed girl by any chance? The one you keep bragging about taking her virginity just so you can have an excuse to talk about her.”

“That obvious?” I ask.

“It’s been two weeks, bro. We’re all a bit tired of hearing about it.” He pulls out the joint that was placed behind his ear and puts it between his lips. “Let’s go outside,” he kindly suggests.

Luke Baker is one of the gentlest souls that inhabits this planet.

His soul is kind and caring. He means no harm, ever. He is a great listener, and he likes making people feel better, helping them out. He truly is my best friend, always cracking a joke when everyone is down. He’s got his flaws, like everyone. Mainly, he can’t keep a relationship going for more than a week or so. People call him fuckboy-Luke, but in reality, he never promises anything to any of them. He tries his shot, scores, and happens to not fall in love. I wonder if he loves Emily. He’s never been with a girl for this long.

He’s not a fuckboy, he’s just desperately trying to find the one. Unlike me, number one asshole who dated Camila for two years and spent most of them cheating on her with NSF girls. North Shore of the Falls, where the girls are wild and don’t give a shit about Stoneview politics. Maybe that’s where I should be right now to forget about Jamie. Except I won’t, because people expect me to be here. They expect me to give them a wild party, to be Stoneview’s golden boy and smile and be the life of the party.

The guys expect me to play beer pong with them and down solo cups, shouting about how we’re going to destroy everyone in the upcoming lacrosse season now that I’m their captain. And the girls, they expect me to take one or two up to one of Luke’s guest rooms. They probably also expect Chris to join but the fucker is way over this now. Him and his secret girlfriend who’s just too good for us.

But what they don’t understand is I don’t feel anything when I’m around them. All those people who want things from me, they don’t get that I don’t give a shit about them. I play the part well because that’s what it is to have a normal life. That’s the whole point of being with the Murrays. But inside, there’s nothing. Absolute blackhole. I stopped caring for people, stopped differentiating good from bad a long fucking time ago. Bianco made sure of that.

The only time I feel is when I’m around Jamie. The girl made her way through my heart without even trying and now look at me, an idiot in love with a girl who played him. I tried to show her I cared. I agreed to take her on a date, didn’t I? I told her she was mine, I told her I didn’t want to sleep with other girls. What is it she didn’t get? I basically poured my heart out when I asked what she wanted from me. She didn’t take it that way, instead she threw Nate in my face desperately trying to hurt me.

I follow Luke out in the cold. There are way too many people chilling in his backyard for this temperature. Mid-November, fuck off inside.

Ozy is on a rattan egg chair, pretending to listen to her friend Ciara scolding her for ditching her in their physics class today. I’m not even asking my twin where she was. She stank of Sam’s cologne when she showed up here, five minutes before midnight. Right on time to blow out our candles together. I can’t believe she almost missed out on this for the second time.

I recognized his smell because it’s the kind that brings me back to my childhood. The kind that could send me into a panic attack. I’m still trying to understand if she’s doing jobs for him or…more. I’m not sure which one would be worse but she’s not about to tell me anyway. He’s got nothing to blackmail her with anymore, why does she keep going back?

“Jake!” some girl shouts after us.

I turn around slightly – showing I’m not actually stopping for a conversation but still hearing her out – and recognize one of Ella’s best friends. Anna? Anita?

“Hey, I don’t know if you remember me, I’m Ania, Ella’s friend. Um, so she kind of ditched me and I was wondering what you’re doing now? Like, do you want to hang out or something?”

The girl is a hot mess. A mix of alcohol-induced braveness and intimidation when she realizes she took the bold step to come and talk to me.

“Where’s Ella?” Luke cuts off before I can answer anything.

Ania’s eyes widen. “She’s…uh…she went…to…the bathroom?” She says the whole sentence with her eyes on her solo cup.

Her hands are perfectly manicured and the jewelry on her wrists adorned with diamonds. I take my eyes from her hands to look at the rest of her. She’s cute, small with great curves. Her black dress fits her flawlessly, her hair is a perfect blond that’s been worked on by an expensive hairdresser. She is typical Stoneview. Perfect on the outside – polished to the point that she could be the cover of a magazine right now – and no doubt as empty inside as Camila is. Beautiful shells they are, the girls who grew up in Stoneview.

Except Jamie.

“You’re at a party full of drunk people and you left my sister on her own? How about you find your drunk friend before you chase after dick?” Luke scolds.

I chortle so loud I can see the girl’s heart breaking through her eyes.

“You should go back, Ania. Nothing for you here,” I conclude. As soon as she’s far enough, I turn to my friend. “Do you want to check on Ella?” I ask. God knows I get the feeling of looking for a sneaky sister.

Luke shakes his head no. “And find my sister doing god knows what with god knows who? No thanks. She always invites Ania to parties just to leave her on her own.”

Luke and I walk around his swimming pool and past the last people hanging around. The Bakers’ grounds go far into the forest. They own a good chunk of it. Stoneview lake is part of the forest they don’t own, it’s not too far from here. The bit they don’t own is where I tried to scare Jamie out of my life. Whereas now I’m pretty desperate to be in hers.

We pass a few trees before we settle in our favorite spot to smoke. As soon as Luke turned eighteen, his wonderful, typical Stoneview parents fucked off to their New York penthouse and left him with Ella and their au pair. Au pair that Luke used to fuck occasionally and now pays double to stay out of the house most of the time. But when we were younger, his dad, Gerald, would be on Luke like a fucking hawk, trying to find the smallest flaw in his behavior and use it as an excuse to belittle him. Because his son couldn’t give Bakers & Son a bad image. That’s why we would go that far into the forest to smoke. We wouldn’t get caught.

I recognized Luke was being abused about a week after meeting him. It wasn’t physical, well sometimes it was but nothing that would show. Mainly, it was emotional. It still is. That’s the thing about emotional abuse, you can do it from New York when your kid is in Stoneview. Smart.

It was obvious Ozy and I were abused when we arrived in Stoneview. We were covered in bruises. The Murrays had to wait three weeks before putting us in school, some were still fading. Anyone who tried to say anything, I shut them up with a fist to the face. Luke helped and we became friends. He was already friends with Chris, it was just meant to be.

It wasn’t that obvious for Luke, but his behavior screamed mistreated. In his mind, he wasn’t good enough, or he’d say he retook eighth grade because he wasn’t smart enough. It was in the way he would apologize for the smallest things and try to change the topic when I’d ask about his parents. He was always happy, that was the main thing. He spent his time trying to make others better when he was broken inside. This is where our closeness grew. This is why I felt comfortable opening up to him about my past.

We both settle against a huge tree trunk, leaning our backs on it. We stand in silence for a minute or so. I know he’s waiting for me to talk, I’m just not sure where to start. He offers me the lit-up joint and I take a few puffs before handing it back.

“Did Emily ever say anything about a boyfriend?” I blurt out.

“Nah, bro. I would have told you.”

“I don’t get it, how could she ever fall for Nate. He’s…” I get lost in my own thoughts looking for a word to describe the devil that is my brother. How could Jamie be attracted to him?

I guess the girl has a dark side. Not in a way that she would ever hurt someone, but she is attracted to darkness. Or she would have never been attracted to me. In her eyes, I am darkness personified, for good reasons as well. She’s not wrong, it’s who I am, and I took great pleasure in letting the golden boy mask down to show Jamie who I really was.

But now…

Well, now I regret it. Because when I thought we were starting to share something beyond our stupid games, I was actually pushing her into someone else’s arms.

“I don’t get it, man, I had her in the palm of my hands. I had her,” I insist.

Somewhere between playing with her and making her go in circles, I started to believe Jamie Williams was mine. Isn’t she? Am I the only one who felt more? Am I the only one who fell in love? I keep trying to find out exactly when it happened.

Jamie played too well into my game, she was the perfect victim. She was feisty but still fell down to her knees when the time came. So when did I stop seeing her as a little toy and start feeling shit for her?

“Are you sure she never mentioned a boyfriend?” Luke asks.

“We weren’t exactly besties, we didn’t share much, but I would know if she had mentioned my own brother.”

“You weren’t besties, but you were definitely doing things that would have pushed her to let you know if she was seeing someone.”

“I’m so confused,” I admit. “All along I thought I was in control. Turns out she’s the one who played me. She’s the one who was in charge.”

“Really, Jake? Don’t you get it?”

I grab the joint from my friend and take a long drag, shaking my head to show I don’t know what he means.

“If she had told you she had a boyfriend, you would have stopped. You would have stopped seeing her, you would have stopped running after her.”

Debatable, but that’s not the point.

“Yeah, and?” I exhale the smoke and let the THC take over my mind.

“And she didn’t want it to stop.” A smile pulls at the corner of his mouth. “You weren’t in charge. She wasn’t in charge. You both fell for each other and are in way over your heads. It’s up to you now, do you want to chase after her? Or do you want to get over her? Because if you want to be with her, you’re going to have to get over the fact that Nate and her probably had something strong.”

I let my head fall back and hit the trunk of the tree. I’m so fucking dejected, how could she hide this from me?

“I think you should chase after her,” my best friend says, ever the endless romantic. “Because however strong it was with Nate, what you have with her is obviously stronger.”

“Can we talk to Emily about it?”

“Bro…” he hesitates.

“Please. It’s my birthday,” I pout.

“Not even your birthday,” he murmurs back.

It takes a few more shots to convince Luke to let me talk to Emily about Jamie and Nate. Surely she knew something.

“In your dreams, White. She’s entitled to her privacy,” Emily says as calmly as a girl that has ingested three shots in a row can.

“Em, I thought we were friends, you and me.” I offer her my most charming smile, but she rolls her eyes at me.

I wonder if Emily ever had a thing for me. Most girls did or currently do. Emily has average features, her hair is a dark blond, her brown eyes don’t stand out in any way and her skin is porcelain that gets tainted pink when she’s embarrassed, angry or, in this case, drunk.

But it’s her body everyone is after. Despite her mom trying to erase her curves, Emily’s sporty figure never disappears. Every guy in Stoneview Prep spends a good part of their day drooling over her. She has tits most girls would kill for. My professional opinion tells me they’re a D but Luke just won’t confirm nor deny. Her legs are strong, and my best friend has told me before that being between them is the best place he’s ever been. Don’t even get me started on her ass. I know I’ve stared longer than I should many times.

She’s hot, there’s no denying it. She’s a lot sexier in the way she uses her body than Jamie. And yet…she doesn’t compare. Jamie is everything. I know most guys’ gazes don’t linger on her. She’s small, she’s fucking miniature really. She’s not too skinny but her body is proportionate to her size, meaning I can wrap my hand around her thigh and make her feel like the size of a doll. Meaning her head can land perfectly on my heart when we’re both standing. Meaning when I hug her, I could break her. She is so breakable and walking that line between breaking her and making her feel good gives my life purpose.

Emily’s voice drags me out of my thoughts. “Jamie is my best friend, Jake. I’m not going to spill out her private life to anyone who asks for it.”

I let out an exaggerated gruff. “Didn’t you just have a massive fight with her? You’re on my side now. If you asked me any of Luke’s secrets I would spill right away. You don’t even have to ask, did you know until he was six he wouldn’t even look at Ella because he was so jealous of her?”

“Bro!” My friend exclaims. “This isn’t about me.”

“Jake, have you ever thought that if Jamie never told you about her boyfriend maybe, just maybe, she didn’t want you to know?”

“Exactly. Because she didn’t want me to stop pursuing her.”

“Or maybe, for once, she just wanted you out of her business?”

She wanted you out of her business.

Maybe she really did. Maybe I really was the only one falling for her. Otherwise, why would Emily, the girl who knows her better than anyone, tell me to just drop it.

My tone is low when I speak again. I’m almost ashamed to ask. “Does she love him?”

“Do you mean, is she in love with him?” Emily is pushing my buttons. I don’t know why but she’s not with me tonight, she’s completely on her friend’s side.

“You know what I mean.”

She doesn’t reply and that’s when it hits me. Emily has been my little informant for the past two months. She is an extrovert, she loves going out, chatting, and making friends. That’s just her personality. And since I broke up with Camila, she has been trying to set Jamie up with me.

When she saw I was showing more than a little interest, we got closer. More often than not, she accidentally spills more than she should. But not about Jamie’s boyfriend, she never said anything, not a hint, nothing. And I can see it in her eyes right now that she doesn’t know if her best friend is in love with my brother or not.

“You just found out,” I think out loud. “You didn’t know until the ball, did you?”

“I’m not going to entertain you anymore tonight, Jake,” she sing-songs.

“Just tell me,” I say in one last attempt. “Do you think…do you think she loves him enough to get back with him?”

“Honestly?”

I nod.

“Honestly, I think she was falling in love with him. But I couldn’t tell you if she could get over the lies. Or the fact that you guys are related. What the fuck, how did no one know you and Rose had an older brother?” She shakes her head like trying to put it all together in her drunken mind. “She has more than enough reasons to not get back with Nathan. She also has more than enough reasons to not become your girlfriend, including you going around and talking about deflowering her. That’s low, Jake.” She grabs her drink and turns around, grabbing Luke’s hand before heading out of the kitchen.

In case my heart hadn’t taken enough tonight, Emily’s words are like a knife in it. It’s deep, it hurts, it makes me bleed.

Jamie Williams played me. For weeks I thought I had the girl in the palm of my hand when she was the puppet master all along. Playing me, playing her boyfriend.

This isn’t even the worst. The worst is how I lost control around her. I can’t be trusted when I’m with her, I become a danger to her and to myself. I become a shadow of myself, a monster from the past. This isn’t something I should have let happen. She loves Nate? Good, I can go back to my usual act. The normal Jake White, the one who is friends with everyone, who fulfills the expectations.

My twin walks into the kitchen, holding a bottle of whiskey in one hand and Rachel Harris with the other. Are they together right now? I’ve lost track of their on and off relationship. My sister is smarter than me, she never lied to Rachel about not being able to commit to one person like I did to Camila. The girl knew exactly what she was getting herself into.

“Why do you look like a lost puppy?” Rose asks as she offers me the bottle of whiskey. Her raspy voice that usually gives her an uninterested tone is tenfold worse when she’s drunk.

“You’re not getting that back,” I announce before taking a mouthful of the burning alcohol.

She shrugs and lets Rachel wrap both her arms around her.

“You guys look disgustingly in love,” I grumble.

Ozy lets out a loud cackle, neither confirming nor denying if she is in love with Rachel. She never does. Not to us. “Hater.”

“Is Jamie not coming to the party?” Rachel asks in her crystal voice. This girl is the incarnation of innocence. How she ended up with the immoral soul my sister is will forever be a mystery.

I take another swig of whiskey before answering, “No.” My voice doesn’t really allow questions.

I leave them to be the happy fucking couple they deserve to be and walk around the house, as I drink the rest of the bottle.

Fuck Jamie Williams, fuck her and any cunty boyfriend she ever gets. I bet she’s gonna find Prince Charming like she had always dreamt of. I bet he fucks her all vanilla, missionary, once a week and no foreplay. Slow and gentle exactly how she hates it. Good, she’ll never know how much pleasure I could have given her, all the dark places I could have taken her, how I would have made her scream in pleasure.

I go for another sip just to realize I finished the bottle. Ugh, fuck this shit. Looking around the living room is a slightly more difficult task than it was an hour ago. Things are a little blurrier and the walls are not exactly staying still. Thinking of fucking Jamie made me rock hard and I’m now a drunk, horny bastard. Good, exactly what everyone expects of me. Just the lacrosse captain, Stoneview Prep jock I should be acting like.

A small blond makes her way to me and it takes me a few seconds to recognize Ella’s friend.

“Ania,” I smile as she reaches me. “Did you find your friend?”

“I don’t think she wanted to be found. But I found you.”

“Again.”

“Again,” she repeats in a breathy voice. “You didn’t keep any for me?” she pouts, pointing at the empty bottle in my hand.

“You’re not going to need any for what we’re about to do, trust me.” I offer her my ‘I’m about to fuck you good’ smile and I can see her breath catching in her throat. Her cheeks blush and her eyes dart to the floor as she pushes a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Should we find somewhere quieter?” I offer her my hand and she takes it without hesitation.

“Yeah,” she whispers.

“I can’t believe this is actually happening,” Ania says as I lead her up the stairs. My drunk ass misses a step or two and I realize she’s the one who has to hold me up more than anything else.

I push open one of the many doors on the first floor, surprising Ewan McKee from the lacrosse team, and Jessika Drew from the cheer team.

“Out,” I drunkenly mumble.

Ewan jumps from the bed, where he was on top of Jessika. They’re still dressed, and I can’t help myself when I talk to my teammate. “You gotta take your clothes off if you want to lose that virginity, bro,” I chuckle.

“Fuck off,” Ewan complains as he helps Jessika off the bed before walking to the door.

“Feel free to stay, Jess,” I throw at her. She stills by the door and I feel Ania’s hand squeeze mine.

“Are you sure?” she whispers to me.

“Whatever,” I shrug as I let myself fall on the bed, forcing Ania to let go of my hand.

I hear Ewan whispering insults at Jessika and realize my eyes have closed. I open them to find both girls staring at me from the side of the bed.

“Are you gonna stare all night or are you gonna start sucking my cock?”

Jess is the first one on the bed, her tight dress is restricting her movements and that’s the only thing that brings my cock to life right now, knowing that she’s not in full control. I am.

She’s on me in a split second, unbuckling my belt while Ania is looking at me with wide eyes. Jess is used to sucking my dick and asking nothing in return, she’s used to doing it on her own or with company. Ania isn’t. I don’t know what she expected out of tonight, but I sincerely hope she wasn’t hoping for a good guy to take her virginity.

I let my head fall back on the pillow and it makes me feel dizzy as fuck. I drank way too much. I can’t remember the last time I was in such a shit state.

Jamie played me, but at least she tried to fix things. She wanted to get to know me, she wanted us to open up to each other. And I pushed her away. I put up the steady walls that hold everyone at bay. Because what if I tell her what I’ve done, and she finally understands I’m not deserving of happiness, of her? Letting her in, it would just be opening myself for pain again. I thought everything I did to her gave me away, showed her my true identity. But I don’t think she quite grasps how bad it is.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want, Ania,” I reassure her.

Fuck, I feel like such an asshole when I see the glint of jealousy in her eyes as Jess lowers her head. I never used to feel this way, never questioned if what I was doing was wrong or right. That’s Jamie’s work right there. Making me feel shit and all.

My thoughts disappear for a millisecond as Jess’ mouth wraps around the tip of my dick, but they’re quickly brought back to Jamie. If I don’t think of her, I’m not going to be able to stay hard. I need to stay hard because I need to come. I need to release some tension.

I look up to see Ania finally deciding to join the fun. She puts her solo cup on the bedside table before crawling onto the bed. Her eyes widen slightly when Jess takes me all the way to the back of her throat, gags, and lets my dick out in a loud pop.

Jess moves to my right to let Ania settle on my left and grabs my dick in her hand again.

“Ania, right?” Jess asks for confirmation.

“Yeah,” she lets out in a breathy voice, her eyes never leaving my dick.

“Have you ever given a blowjob before?”

“This isn’t fucking teatime, Jess, get to it,” I order, but my voice isn’t as tough as it usually is in bed, I’m just too drunk. Jess tightens her grip and I groan.

“Um…uh, no I haven’t actually.” Ania’s voice forces my eyes to open again.

“That’s okay, I can show you,” Jess’ drunken voice replies excitingly.

“Fucking…shit,” I growl as I slap Jess’ hand away.

I zip up my jeans and sit up. Struggling against the pillows and mattress, I finally manage to stumble out of bed.

“Where are you going?” Jess whines.

“I-I–” Ania tries to say.

“You need to find a guy who cares if you suck his dick or not. And I don’t. I’m an asshole, Ania, your first time should be with a great guy.”

“But–”

I don’t really listen to her answer, my ears are buzzing anyway, and I just stroll out of the bedroom.

I know the two girls are after me, but they stay silent. The music from downstairs grips me again and the bass from Dillon Francis’ ‘Look At That Butt’ makes my head pound. I know Camila has talked to the DJ for this song to come on. Jarina De Marco is her favorite Hispanic artist.

Speak of the devil and he doth appear.

As soon as I step back into the grand foyer, Camila’s eyes are shooting daggers at the two girls behind me.

“You two sluts need to remember who rules here,” she spits at them. Her venom is lethal, her obsessivity over me dangerous.

“Not now, Cam,” I growl as I push her to the side to make my way back to the living room.

I know she’s following me because every strike of her heels against the floor angers me a little more. I’m back with the living room crowd when she grabs my arm.

“Jake, wait!”

I spin around, forcing her hand to release my bicep and grip both her arms so tightly she jumps in surprise.

“That’s enough! How many times do we need to fucking break up for you to get we’re not meant to be a thing, Camila?”

A smirk tugs at her lips, lust glints in her green eyes and that’s when I understand she’s got me exactly where she wants.

“Are you mad at me?” she pouts. “Am I being a bad girl?”

“No, we’re not getting into this. Absolutely fucking not.”

“You’ve lost your fun since you’ve started deflowering good girls. How’s that coming along for you?”

I want to let her go and I want to show her she doesn’t affect me. But my body refuses to relax when she mentions Jamie.

“Why did you help her at the ball if you were going to humiliate her right after?”

“I didn’t, Beth did,” she lies as if I was born yesterday.

“Beth doesn’t have two brain cells to rub together, don’t tell me you didn’t order her to pour that bowl of punch on Jamie.”

She lets out an exaggerated innocent sigh and looks up right into my eyes. “I was just trying to help the girl. If she keeps getting involved with you, she’s going to have everyone hating on her. I just cut it short. Did her a favor, really.”

“That’s not your fucking decision to make, you might think you’re the queen of this school but don’t forget who truly rules it. I will destroy your reputation, Camila.”

“What are you going to do?” she mocks. “Tell everyone I like to be cuffed and spanked? Don’t forget who administers those spanks, baby.”

The growl that comes out of my chest when I push her against the nearest wall shows that I have completely lost control. We never get into these sorts of fights in front of people. But why should I fucking care? I pushed away the girl I really like and the one who’s obsessed with me won’t let me go. What do I have to lose anymore?

One of my hands slides to her throat and the other under her dress. Images of Jamie against the cafeteria wall flash to my mind and my cock is back in business.

“No underwear. That is very naughty, Cam,” I whisper in her ear.

‘Sex money feelings die’ by Lukke Li resonates in the room as the atmosphere calms down. Everyone is too far gone to dance to bumpy music anymore.

I run a finger down Camila’s slit. She tries to readjust herself and I tighten my grip on her throat.

“Don’t you fucking move,” I growl, my lips rubbing against her earlobe. I feel her getting wetter straight away. She’s so fucked up. So am I. That is the only thing that’s ever linked us.

I slide a finger inside her wet pussy, making her shudder in pleasure.

“You love being fingered in front of a crowd. It makes you wet, doesn’t it?”

She tries to reply but my hand tightens again. I can sense her need to cough, her chest is heaving with need for air, but I don’t really care.

I’m drunk, the girl I truly want doesn’t fucking want me back.

Jamie. Doesn’t. Want. Me.

I add another finger and pump in and out of my ex with anger. “You know what your problem is?”

She shakes her head, and my nails dig in her neck.

“You’re not her.”

The pleasure in her eyes mixes with fear and I feel her pussy tighten around my fingers. Her face reddens, her shoulders fall, and I don’t realize it’s because she’s running out of air until a strong hand presses on my shoulder.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Chris’ voice seethes as he drags me back with force.

I let go of Camila, stumble a few steps back and bump into my best friend.

“Are you out of your fucking mind?” My friend rages in a whisper. “Are you trying to kill her?”

I turn back to Camila, who’s still against the wall, a hand on her chest, taking huge gulps of hair.

“I–”

“You are way too drunk and need to get to bed. This party is over.”

I don’t really know how I got to bed. I wouldn’t be surprised if Chris had to carry me up to the bedroom next to Luke’s. All I know is there’s only one girl on my mind as I fall asleep, and I don’t know how to get over her.