Giving Away by Lola King

CHAPTER 8

‘You got a fetish for my love’

Fetish – Selena Gomez

Jamie

What the hell is this noise? My heart picks up at the surprise of the drill in my ears. I sit up in a sudden movement, my eyes slowly adapting to the light in my room. I forgot to draw the curtains last night. My face feels sticky and my eyes swollen, I cried myself to sleep last night. The sound comes again and I finally realize it’s the doorbell. It’s not a nice ‘ding-dong’ or some classical music like other Stoneview houses. It’s a horrible ‘brrring’ that makes me want to hit my head against the wall. I push the covers away and hurry to the door. I hate that we don’t have a peephole, especially now that I know it could be Nathan knocking with yet someone else’s blood on him.

I open the door slightly, hiding my half-naked body behind it and only popping my head out.

That’s pretty much the last person I expected to see here. He must see the surprise on my face because he feels the need to explain himself.

“English homework,” he simply says.

Jake is wearing a pair of black sweatpants and the same black sweater as the last time he was here. How hot can someone get wearing such simple clothes? Really damn hot according to the God in front of my eyes.

“You’re drooling, Angel,” he smiles.

I have to scratch my throat before talking again. “I-I forgot. I completely forgot, but if you give me this morning, I’ll bring it to you this afternoon.”

He puts a strong hand on the door and pushes, walking in at the same time.

“You can’t come in,” I panic, taking a step back as the door opens. I’m in just a crop top and panties. It’s just how I fell asleep. What is it with the Whites and inviting themselves in?

“We can work on it to–” he pauses as soon as he notices my state of undress. His eyes drag from my face to my panties and a gorgeous smile spreads on his cheeks, “–gether.”

I cross my legs, putting my hands in front of my intimate area, only covered by a little bit of cotton. “What?” My brain didn’t process what he just said, I was too focused on his gorgeous dimples.

“We can work on it together, Angel. What are you trying to hide exactly? Nothing I haven’t seen there.”

“I don’t want you here, Jake,” I defend. “I know what you’ve been doing, going around telling everyone about ‘taking my virginity’ like we’re in some 18^th Century novel. That’s low, even from you.”

“I didn’t want to be here, Jamie,” he hits back. “You’re the one who hasn’t done your part of the deal so let’s just get this over with.”

I take a deep breath, trying my best to be the bigger person. At the end of the day, better his company than Nathan’s. Or better than being completely alone. I can’t stand the one on one sessions with my thoughts at the moment.

“I’ll be back,” I huff as I disappear down the hall.

“I’m happy for you to stay like that,” I hear him shout and I can’t help the tiny smile tugging at my lips.

No. This is homework, Jamie.

I speed-brush my teeth, put on some leggings and grab my backpack. I look at the bottle of perfume on my desk and can’t help myself; I spray a little on my neck. It’s a cheap lavender and citrus body spray my mom always gets me, it’s not much, but it’s what I wear.

When I walk back into the living room, Jake has made himself comfortable on the sofa.

“I didn’t bring anything with me,” he says. “I was just gonna pick up your half.”

I take a moment to reply. It’s weird having him here, acting almost normal when the last time we spoke he did his best to make me cry and I did my best to make him hurt.

I don’t know how to act around him, I’m mad at him for what he did. Virginity is a concept I was never really big on. To me every sexual experience should be special, no matter if you’ve done it before or not. Should I really have expected anything different from Jake though? He openly spoke about doing anal with Camila in front of all his friends and me. Their whole group talks about sex and their conquests like a little game they have between them. After all, Rose openly taunts Beth about sleeping with her boyfriend. Luke and Rose talk about their first time together like it was just a little bit of fun in their friendship. Only Chris stays quiet and humble about it. I don’t get it, it’s just not my world, and I wish Jake had kept our intimate moment to ourselves, but I can’t say I’m surprised.

“Uh…it’s alright. Do you…do you want a drink or something?” I have to scratch my throat again. How can he pretend like nothing happened?

“Any soda you have, please. I’m curing a mean hangover.”

It stings slightly to think that he was partying last night, without me. I’m not big on parties, but if he was still chasing after me, he would have invited me. He would probably have ordered me to come. It’s wrong…but I miss that. And if I had been with Jake, I wouldn’t have been with Nathan, he wouldn’t have burned my one and only source of hope to look after Aaron. My heart sinks in my stomach at the thought.

I grab us two sodas and walk back to the sofa. I put them down, set up notepads and our English homework on the table before sitting down next to him. This is awkward. Too awkward for me to focus on homework.

“I thought you said you didn’t want to waste your time on me,” I drawl with sarcasm.

I expect him to mock me or do something to humiliate me, but instead he just shrugs his shoulders and gives me a small smile. “Maybe I regret saying that.”

That is probably as close as Jake will get to an apology.

My heart hammers in my chest, desperately knocking on my ribs. “You do?”

“Let’s get to work, Angel.” He ignores my need for reassurance in such a soft voice I feel compelled to drop it.

We get started on our homework, reading the poems we’ve been given and looking at the questions together. It takes only about ten minutes before I feel Jake shift next to me.

I’m answering the first question about the context of the first poem when I feel his hand on my thigh. I startle and look up at him. He’s not looking back, just reading the second poem, his eyes following the words in a boring dance.

“What are you doing?” I whisper. I don’t know why, there’s no one else in this house, but knowing I was secretly wishing for his hand on me makes me feel like he read my thoughts.

“I’m reading,” he replies casually without lifting his gaze.

“I meant–” the tightening of his grip makes me clamp my mouth shut.

“Just keep working, Angel.”

It’s easy to say for him, he doesn’t have a firm hand just a few inches away from his sensitive area.

I’m answering the second question when his hand moves higher, his pinky finger is a light touch against my clit, but it instantly sets me on fire.

“Jake,” I sigh. I want to make it an annoyed sigh, but it comes out needy.

He doesn’t respond, just keeps rubbing his hand up and down my thigh, not touching me there anymore. His eyes stay on the poem and his fingers tap on my leg like playing his favorite song on a grand piano.

I’m on question four when he reaches my pussy again, this time not moving away. He adjusts his hand and I jump in surprise when the tips of his fingers purposely rub against my core.

“Fuck homework. I want to feel you, Angel.” His raspy, lust filled voice reaches my ear like music notes, it enchants me and lulls me into submission. As usual, all I now care about is what Jake orders.

“I…” I try to formulate a coherent sentence but his fingers rubbing against me turn my thoughts into nothingness.

“May I?” he asks as he puts his fingertips just under the waistband of my leggings. He’s not even holding the poem anymore, he’s put it to the side and is now fully turned toward me, his enthralling gaze captivating my whole being.

Since when does Jake care if he can or cannot do something?

I nod anyway, because of course he can. He can take me, he can play with me. He can fuck me and break my heart as many times as he desires, my body and my heart will always welcome him back. Only my brain fights, but my brain has no power when Jake is nearby.

Before he puts his hand below my leggings, he grabs my left leg, dragging it onto the sofa and positioning himself between my thighs. He doesn’t just slide his hand below my clothes, he fully grips my leggings and panties and pulls them down my legs, as far as they can go, just below my knees.

“We shouldn’t,” I breathe out. “We’ve got homework to do…and…and we’re supposed to–”

“I want to apologize,” he cuts me off.

“Apologize?” I pant as he runs his knuckles between my folds.

“For hurting you, last time I was here.” He lowers himself and starts kissing my neck, leaving light kisses and moving down to my collarbone. He pushes my crop top above my breasts and leaves a trail with his tongue between my boobs. When he takes a nipple in his mouth, my hands shoot to his hair, entangling themselves as a warning to never leave this position.

He moves to the other one, pulling, nibbling, licking. My breathing is so ragged, butterflies in my stomach dancing to the rhythm of his tongue on me.

I can feel the tightness in my lower stomach begging to snap, my insides clenching in need for him. I’m so close to orgasm…is it…is it even possible? To orgasm from Jake feasting on my breasts? It feels just short of attainable and when I let out a long, almost frustrated moan, and start rubbing myself against him, he leaves my chest to carry his trail south. He leaves kisses on my stomach, my hips.

I scream when he suddenly bites the skin of my right hip, he soothes me by licking before going back to sucking. I feel blood rushing to the area, and when I try to move left, his hand grips my left hip, keeping me in place. I don’t know how long he spends there, but long enough to have me desperately wanting his mouth to be somewhere else.

He keeps going down, and starts kissing my inner thighs, never quite reaching the place I’m desperate for. I’m squirming, moaning under his torture. When he finally settles his head right between my legs, his very breath makes me shudder.

“I’m sorry for talking about our sex to everyone, Angel. It was a special moment to me, and I’ll never take it for granted again. Let me redeem myself.”

I don’t get to reply, his tongue on my core only draws a loud moan out of me. He doesn’t give me a second to take a breath or get used to it. He keeps going, licking with a flat tongue before entering me. When he comes back to my clit, he circles around it before taking it between his lips and tapping with his tongue. There’s not a single break, the intensity only building without a chance for it to dip back down.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” I pant just as he makes out with my pussy, using my clit as he would usually my tongue, lips against lips.

“Fuck!” I scream in release. The tension in my body that has been begging to explode for what feels like hours is now like a medley of emotions in my lungs, in my heart. Like a drug I can feel coursing through my veins, soothing me and awakening me at the same time, setting me on fire while the cool sheen of sweat on my skin barely manages to stop me from combusting.

Jake’s lips are on my mouth the next second. I moan again when I taste myself on him, the sweet and salty tang awakening a new need.

He breaks away just long enough to whisper to me in a raw voice, “Swearing sounds awful coming from that beautiful mouth, Angel. I prefer when you scream my name.” He kisses me again, robbing me of air and reason.

I have no time to talk, to respond, to even think. Jake pulls away, grabs my hips and flips me around before ridding me of my leggings and panties completely. His hands are back on my hips and he pulls me so I’m almost resting on my heels, my cheek still against the softness of the cushion.

“Tell me, fuck, tell me why this pussy is always so wet for me? How do you even expect me to stay away when I know this is the effect I have on you?”

He slides a finger in, the sensation feels entirely different from the times he’s done it before. I recoil slightly, trying to lift up, but his palm between my shoulder blades pushes me back down.

“What–”

“Ssh,” he cuts me off. “Trust me.” He inserts his finger in my pussy again, it’s not that deep but the sensation is overwhelming. His mouth is next to my ear when he talks again. “It’s my thumb,” he whispers reassuringly. “I just want to make you sing a new tune.”

There’s a hint of teasing in his voice and I don’t understand what he means until his thumb starts rubbing the front wall of my pussy. He presses slightly and I don’t control my voice when a high moan escapes my lips. It’s loud, almost like an uncontrollable squeal. He slides out. I barely have time to take a deep breath before he slides back in, slowly, and rubs again, a little longer. My whole body contracts and I let out another delicious scream, my head buries into the cushion and it absorbs my shameless sounds.

“What do you think you’re doing?” The pull at my hair brings my head up as he slides his thumb back out. “These moans are mine, Angel. Don’t you fucking dare hide them from me.”

His voice is always so dark, so authoritative when he’s drowning in lust. He wants control, he craves it. He might get high on commanding me, but he is utterly out of control over himself when we’re together.

He presses the inside of my pussy again, rubs and I scream his name shamelessly, panting like I just ran a marathon. When he presses again, I get the sudden urge to pee, and I recoil with more force than I tried earlier.

“Wait,” I gasp. “I-I–”

“Just trust me, will you?” He tries to make his voice softer but the order in it is still clear.

I feel more than wet, I feel like I’m leaking. It’s the strangest sensation, and yet the pleasure is so intense I can’t get my body to move.

My orgasm comes slowly, building warmly in my guts, exploding like a never-ending firework in my heart.

He pulls slightly away from me and I hear him pull down his sweatpants.

“You’re well on your way to squirting for me. You know that, Angel?”

I want to reply, I want to turn around and face him, but the lethargic state from the orgasm and embarrassing heat that is spreading from my chest to my cheeks are making it impossible. I make this so easy for him. I’m malleable for Jake, easy to manipulate and play with.

The feeling of his cock sliding against my pussy lips makes me tremble with pleasure. It’s almost too much, how could I do this again? I can’t come anymore, but I can let him use me like I know he wants to. I don’t mind, in fact, I want it. Need it like my next breath. Jake’s satisfaction is the ultimate road to my happiness.

I feel the tip of his erection against my entrance and that’s when it comes to me.

“Condom!” I gasp loudly as he begins to penetrate me.

I hear his frustrated growl before he freezes and lays back. “Come on, beautiful. Don’t do this to me.”

My whole being freezes in aversion. “Don’t call me that,” I say as I grit my teeth.

“Why?”

Beautiful.

That is what Nathan calls me. That’s sweet Nathan, the one who didn’t lie, the one who didn’t manipulate me. But the hate that springs in my body when I hear that word now is lethal. I’ll never forgive him for what he did yesterday. He said he saved me from one of Volkov’s men. I think I would have rather died than watch my notebook disappear in flames.

I try to turn around, but Jake’s hands are on my hips, keeping me in place. His thumbs start kneading my ass cheeks. “Why?” he asks again, his voice a little rougher, a little more demanding, edging toward anger as his brain slowly makes the connection.

“Let me turn around,” I try to say in a resolved voice.

He ignores my demand. Instead, his grip tightens, possessive, too close to painful. “Is that what he called you?”

It’s not even a real question, it’s rhetorical. His thumbs are pressing so hard on my ass cheeks, his fingertips anchored on the front of my hips, marking me with toxic greed.

“Why do you do this to me, Jamie?” I can’t see him, but I can practically hear how tight his jaw is. “Why do you remind me of you and him? Do you want me to hurt you? You’re practically begging for it.”

“I’m not I–”

“Shut your fucking mouth,” he seethes as he flips me around. He rises over me, straddling my waist. I put both my hands on his chest to keep some distance between him and me. Angry Jake is a danger to life, to health, to sanity. He slaps my hands away, like they’re nothing but a pestering fly, and moves further up, dragging himself along my body until he’s straddling my chest.

“What are you doing?” My heart picks up as he grabs my wrists, pinning them against the sofa above my head with one hand.

“You seem to forget who’s in charge.” His voice is lethal, poisonous. “You’re a disobedient little bitch. Every time I leave a bit of slack on your leash, you run wild. And I can’t have that.”

I try. I promise I try my best to feel rage, disgust or even slight repulsion. I don’t want a misogynistic bastard as a boyfriend. I don’t want an asshole who thinks he can own me, who thinks he can call me a bitch, treat me as his pet.

Except I do. I do if it’s Jake. It’s liberating, it’s magical. The tightness coiling like a dangerous snake in my stomach, the violence of my heartbeat, the madness coursing through my veins. The insanity of our relationship gives me life.

I pull at my wrists, but it’s like my body just wants to test that I truly can’t get away. And I can’t. He’s got me exactly where he wants and I’m ready to be used all over again.

“Goody doesn’t want to be fucked without a condom. Such a safe little angel,” he taunts me.

He takes his dick back out of his boxers and his free hand pries my jaw open.

“Well then, I’m gonna have to use one of your other holes, aren’t I? Fix that filthy mouth, make you choke on my dick to make sure you watch what you say when you’re around me.”

I try to reply something, try to at least pretend to defend myself, but he slips two fingers in my mouth, sliding them against my tongue, going so deep that I gag around them.

“That’s it, Angel. Choke on your words.” He takes his fingers out just to replace them with his thumb, that same thumb that was inside me a few minutes ago. I taste myself on his skin, vibrate to the scent of my arousal. He pulls down until my mouth is slack for him and shoves himself inside my mouth. His cock hits the back of my mouth, attempting to breach down my throat and my body automatically tries to bring my hands to his hips to push him away. He holds tightly, a bruising touch that lights my skin on fire. I gag, saliva pooling at my lips, slowly dribbling and dragging along my chin as he pulls out and back in.

“I’m not playing no game anymore, Angel. Mention him again and I’ll choke you unconscious, you got that?”

He called me beautiful, and I asked him not to. I’m the one asking not to be reminded of him. But if there is truly something that brings Jake to the brink of sanity, something that brings out the demons in him, the darkness that’s eating him up from the inside out, it’s the mention of Nathan.

I instinctively rub my thighs together as he goes deep again, a moan forming in my mouth and pulsating around his dick. He fists my hair, pushing even deeper. I choke on him, spluttering.

Shit.

This is scary.

My eyes open, expecting to see him lost in a lustful craze. No. He’s watching me struggle, his spine straight, his gaze looking down on me with all the smugness in the world. The evil in his soul is reflecting in his eyes and an arrogant smile pulls at his lips before he licks his bottom lip. He watches the fear on my face with such satisfaction that my heart picks up at the terrifying thought that he might actually be trying to choke me.

I attempt to move my head, but he pulls slightly out, barely enough to feel oxygen slither into my lungs before pushing back in. He repeats at a quicker pace, his jaw falls slack, pleasure relaxing his features. I’m still struggling to breathe and for some reason it makes my thighs tighten, my awakened clit seeking release from them.

Just when I’m about to fight back again, desperate to take a gulp of air, he pulls out completely, pulling away from his position, releasing my hands and going further back. I’m so worried about bringing air in, gasping for it, that I don’t realize what he’s doing until I feel spurts of thick cum on my breasts, my collarbone, my neck.

I freeze in shock, my heart galloping, my eyes widening in disbelief. But that’s not the worst. The worst is when I see his hand coming back from his pocket, his phone rising in front of me and the sudden flash.

I bring my hands to my front, pulling down the top he had pushed up.

“Jake,” I shout. “What the hell?!” I push him off me – he’s a lot more compliant now that he released his anger on me – and I jump off the sofa, running to the bathroom, locking myself in.

I re-run the whole thing in the shower as I thoroughly wash his cum off my body. How does he do it? How does he poison my mind so I let him do whatever he wants to me? It’s not just because he’s hotter than anyone I’ve ever seen, it’s not because he’s more beautiful and enchanting than any mythological God. There’s something about his broken pieces, they fit right into mine. Maybe I’m more broken than I thought.

Obviously, there are events in my life that have affected me, have broken small pieces of my soul that will never be the same. I was fifteen when Volkov’s men took me and my brother. When they held us for hours, waiting for my dad to come just so they could shoot him. Just so I could watch him die. I got shot that day. I lost my brother. For months, certain sounds, certain smells would send me spiraling down into panic attacks. I felt lucky at how quickly I worked on PTSD with my therapist. It shouldn’t have been that easy. Only now do I realize I shouldn’t have gotten over it that quickly. At some point, somehow, I buried the fact that I lost a figure of healthy authority in my life, a figure of healthy protection. A father, a brother. People who laid their lives to save mine.

My mother is a wonderful woman, a superheroine. She supports the both of us, she works hard, she is strong-minded. But she is no protection when it comes to the dangers of the outside world. We’re both scared of it, we’re both traumatized.

When I thought Nathan was just a normal guy, I had found safety in him. Normality. But it wasn’t enough. I found possession in Jake. He doesn’t just make me feel safe, he picks up the broken pieces and crushes them in his hands until they are cut and bleeding from the shards of my trauma. He accepted his own demons, embraced them so tightly that he’s not afraid of mine.

He doesn’t protect me, he owns me. And there is nothing that can surpass that. It comes with the thrill of his control, the tension of his hold on me, the metaphorical collar around my neck that constantly reminds me I’m his but that he is impossible to domesticate. And my body, my heart, my soul, that’s all they want. That’s their deepest, darkest desire. My brain is only starting to catch up now, and that’s okay. I’ll give time for my consciousness to understand there is nothing else. Just Jake.

In my room, I look at myself in my full-length mirror as I dry myself. There are already bruises forming on my hips, and a dark hickey from when he bit and sucked at the skin covering my right hip. There’s another hickey at the curve where my neck meets my shoulder. I sigh, knowing I won’t be able to hide it at school and knowing perfectly well that he did it on purpose. He is so selfish. He uses and abuses me, and he didn’t even run after me after I left the living room.

I don’t even know if he’s still there.

I put on another pair of leggings and this time a large sweater that won’t leave me so vulnerable around him.

When I walk into the living room, he’s still right there, on the sofa, lying down. His feet are far off the right end and his head resting on the left armrest. He’s got an arm folded behind his head, looking at something on his phone, fully dressed. I post myself by his feet, crossing my arms across my chest, and his gaze meets mine.

“I could look at this picture all day long, Angel.”

Discomfort feels heavy in my stomach as I understand what picture he means straight away. I don’t want to see it, I don’t want to know what I look like; flushed from two orgasms, saliva dripping from my lips from him fucking my mouth, and covered in his cum.

“Just delete it,” I order quietly. My voice is a little raw from how far he went down my throat and I feel myself getting tingly again at the thought. Surely it isn’t normal that I enjoyed it so much.

“Watch my lips,” he says as he sits up and gets closer to me. I roll my eyes and it makes him chuckle, one of those rare chuckles that he can’t help and sounds genuine.

He grabs my arms, softly, forcing me to uncross them and he holds my hands in his, threading his fingers through mine. “I will never delete it. I might even print and frame it.” The humor in his tone forces a laugh to cross my lips. “Unless you promise I’ll get to take another one? Another hundred? We can settle on that, if I can take another hundred, I won’t frame it.”

His soft side gets to me, especially after the violence of our sex, after the rawness and exhaustion of strong orgasms. He pulls at my arms and his back hits the sofa before I fall gently on him.

“Why are you so addictive, Angel?” He wonders aloud as his hand mindlessly strokes my hair.

I giggle into his neck, nestling myself closer to him, inhaling his wooden scent, as his other arm wraps around my waist to keep me on top of him.

“Let’s order some food,” he suggests as his lips hover over my ear. He kisses the soft skin under my earlobe, then drags his lips across my jaw, stopping at the corner of my mouth.

“We haven’t even finished our homework,” I answer. “We need to finish that.”

“But I’m starving, you sucked the life out of me. I’m hungover. We’ll finish after food.”

I don’t reply for long seconds because I’m hungry and I know he’ll order if he wants to, anyway.

“Sushi?” I ask in the quietest voice I can. I feel him chuckle, his mouth against my temple.

“That sounds like a wonderful idea.”

The sun is setting down and the night creeping in on us when another episode of the Real Housewives of Atlanta finishes.

“How often do you watch these things?” Jake queries. “I thought you were meant to be a bookworm or something.”

I laugh, but it’s a little quiet, I’m exhausted and can barely keep my eyes open anymore. Probably because I was teased and deliciously tortured into another orgasm as I was trying to rest and watch my show, followed by my boobs being used for Jake’s pleasure. This guy can get pretty creative when we don’t have condoms.

I ate my own weight in sushi and I’m now lying on the sofa while Jake is behind me, holding me tight against him and drawing calming circles with the tip of his fingers on my arm, my shoulder, my collarbone. He keeps going back and forth, lulling me into a state of total relaxation.

“I’m not a bookworm.” I yawn and rub my eyes. “I enjoy studying, homework. I like organization and discipline in what I do. But I’m no bookworm, I read the same as everyone else.”

“Mm, discipline,” he murmurs in my ear, not realizing the kind of pleasure it brings to my body. The kind of electricity it sends through my veins. “I can think of a lot of ways to discipline you, my sweet Angel.”

I giggle, but it’s only to hide my anticipation. “I meant as in rigorous work.”

“Sure, you did.” He keeps going with the caresses on my body and I don’t realize when I fall asleep. All I understand is when my body hits my bed and covers are being drawn on me.

◆◆◆

On Monday I bike to school earlier than usual. I don’t want to bump into Emily at our lockers. I still haven’t talked to her and I know I should apologize, but I’m still hurt by her words. I bet she’s still hurt by mine. It’s not just about my best friend though. My head hurts from the back and forth of all the problems I’m dealing with. Nathan has been texting me all weekend, apologizing for scaring me, apologizing for the things he said to me. I don’t get it. I don’t get him. The state of rage he was in on Friday night was beyond anything I thought he was capable of. He killed a man. A Wolf that was lurking outside of my house, ready to pounce anytime. Add that to my list of problems to think about. Volkov. I should be more scared than I am that one of his men was after me but I’m not. I’ve felt Volkov’s presence weighing on my life for years. In truth, I believe he was there because the Wolves think I’m important to Nathan, their current biggest enemy.

I park my bike and hurry inside to my locker to grab some books. The halls are empty, and I enjoy some peace and quiet.

Jake left after I fell asleep on Saturday. All our stuff was gone from the living room when I woke up, apart from a note. I think of it again, his words and how vague they were about us.

I’ve got an early Sunday practice and I didn’t want to wake you. I’ll be spending the rest of the weekend thinking of ways to discipline you.

That doesn’t really help now, does it? I still don’t know what is truly going on between us. Are we just a weekend thing? Is it just sex? Does he want more? I’m not sure myself that I want more. After our first time together, I did, I wanted us to date and be in a serious relationship with him. But after what he said that day, I have to keep my distance. I have to drill in my mind that his favorite thing is playing with me, possessing me, not loving me.

As soon as I shut my locker, a strong figure is right next to me. I almost jump in surprise, but quickly calm down when I recognize Cole.

My student body co-president offers me a sweet smile, his light blue eyes looking down into mine. I’m surprised he even wants to talk to me after the Halloween ball fiasco. I was meant to go with him, but Jake made sure to threaten him into cancelling so I would accept his offer instead. Just Jake being…well, Jake.

“So,” he says with a big smile. “I have a great idea for the new cheer uniforms, and I thought we could use your brains.”

“Good morning to you too, Cole,” I smile as I start walking toward our first class. He wouldn’t usually go to class so early, but I think his uniform idea is very urgent, so he follows me. I can bet my house that he wants the tops to be cropped. He has complained many times that other schools’ cheerleaders had sexier outfits than ours. I don’t think he gets that I truly don’t care, now less than ever. When you learn that your ex is part of a gang and that your…whatever Jake is…is your ex’s brother, cheer uniforms start using a lot less space in your brain.

Cole has been talking, but I haven’t been listening. Not one bit. So, I stop and turn to him. He’s a handsome guy, the typical high school jock, with his wide shoulders, his letterman jacket sporting our lacrosse team logo even though the season hasn’t started, and his dark blond hair brushed back. I could fall for someone like Cole, I’m sure I could, physically. Wouldn’t life be so much simpler if I did? No gang, no secrets, no darkness. How simple, how boring.

“I’m sorry, I zoned out.”

He’s about to start talking again when his eyes zero in on my neck. He lets out a low whistle, his teeth grazing his bottom lip.

“Damn, Jamie. Did you have sex with a vampire?”

My hand shoots to my neck, drawing my shirt tighter. The heat spreading on my cheeks, itching my skin, forces my eyes to look at the floor.

“I’m only messing with you,” he laughs, putting a hand on my other shoulder. “You should enjoy yourself. I’m very open for you to enjoy yourself with me, by the way.”

My eyes shoot up to watch a beautiful smile spreading across Cole’s lips.

“Um…” I scratch my throat.

He laughs and lets go of my shoulder. “So, cheer uniforms,” he goes back to the initial topic, not phased one bit by my hesitation in sleeping with him.

“Yeah, cheer uniforms. Did you…” My words die in my throat when I notice who just stopped a few feet away from us. Jake is standing tall, looking at us with his usual golden-boy smile on his gorgeous face. His features look calm, his mask well in place, but it’s the way his knuckles turn white around his bag’s handle that kicks my heart into a frenzy.

He walks to us, settling behind me, and I just know he’s looking straight into Cole’s eyes when his free hand grabs the back of my neck.

“Cooper, I’m so glad your nose is better. That is why you should always keep your helmet on on the field.” Jake’s voice is warm, but the undertones of threats remind us all that he’s the one who had broken Cole’s nose for inviting me to the ball. A shiver runs down my spine at yet another realization that our relationship is just as toxic as magical.

Cole’s lips thin into an angry line, his jaw clicking. “Yeah. I’ll make sure to remember that.”

“You better.” The words come out a little colder, a tad more threatening.

“Whatever,” Cole mumbles. “I’ll see you later, Jamie.” He turns around, but Jake’s voice stops him in his tracks.

“You know something else you better remember?” This time, he’s mocking him, going straight for humiliation. Cole looks back and raises an eyebrow at him. “That there’s a lot more than your nose that might get broken if you keep hitting on my girlfriend.”

The lump that gets stuck in my throat stops me from defending Cole, from defending myself.

I’m sorry, Cole, I love it too much when he takes control. I can’t do anything about it.

Cole shakes his head. “Fuck you, White.” He leaves us behind, carrying on his way to English class. Leaving me at Jake’s mercy.

Jake’s grip tightens on the back of my neck, and his mouth grazes my ear when he talks again. “My my, Angel, I’m glad I’ve been thinking of creative ways to discipline you. You just love stepping out of line, don’t you?”

I shrug his hand off with force, stepping away from him and making sure that, while on the inside my body is thrumming to the rhythm of his words, I have to make sure to keep a strong face on the outside.

“Girlfriend?” I ask in a strong voice, changing the topic from discipline back to him announcing a relationship I wasn’t aware I was part of.

“What?” he asks in genuine surprise. “I apologized this weekend, I thought we had moved past that.”

“Moved past what exactly? I don’t remember me agreeing to be anyone’s girlfriend.”

“I don’t remember me ever asking your opinion for anything,” he beams.

“Get that stupid self-satisfied smile off your face, White,” I grumble, but there is warmth in my chest begging to take over. A cheerfulness making my bones vibrate.

“Oh, she called me by my last name. She’s mad. My woman is mad. What to do?”

I chuckle and shove his shoulder playfully. “I am not agreeing to be your girlfriend, Jake. Stick that in that beautiful head of yours.”

“Huh,” he puts an arm around my shoulders, steering us toward English class as he pretends to be thinking over my words. “I am very beautiful. Very duly noted.”

It’s strange to walk into English class with Jake’s arm around my shoulders. I feel awkward, especially since only Chris and Cole are in the class. Chris’ brows furrow in disapproval but he doesn’t say anything. Jake and I probably look like a casual couple right now, but my heart is hammering in my chest. We both sit in our neighboring seats and he pushes his chair closer to mine straight away.

“Here,” he says as he puts a piece of paper on my desk. “Our homework.”

“Crap,” I let out a sigh. “I completely forgot.”

“Don’t worry,” he shoots me a gorgeous smile, “I did it all.” My eyes lock with his before he sits back in his seat. “Don’t stress, Angel, I’m a grade-A student. I won’t jeopardize your chance of a scholarship.”

I let out a chuckle. “Thanks. I really appreciate it.”

He bends towards me, his lips close to my ear. “Anything for my girl.”

This sounds good and it feels good but it’s too quick. Until a few days ago I was basically dead to him. He wouldn’t talk to me, he wouldn’t even look at me. It wasn’t too long ago that Nathan was calling me his girl. My emotions are all over the place and this feels too much like Jake’s revenge on his brother, it’s not genuine.

“Jake, I’m not–”

I’m cut off when someone kicks my bag at the foot of my desk and my stuff spills everywhere. I look up to see Beth and Camila walking by, Emily following close.

I huff and get up to face them. “Are you done with your childish behavior yet? My patience has its limit.”

“Ooh, Goody, you bite!” Beth exclaims, attracting the attention of every student that had started to settle in their seats. Camila stands next to her, popping a hip out as she crosses her arms over her chest. She emanates power but I’m done taking her shit.

“Getting brave I see. Just pick up your shit and bow your head. It’s better for you this way, Goody,” Camila says in her calm, silky voice.

My blood is boiling. I’ve taken enough of this in the past month, and I’m done. None of this was my fault. I didn’t go after her boyfriend, I didn’t ask for any of this.

“You kicked it, you pick it up,” I snarl.

There’s a round of ‘ooh’ from the people in the class and I realize I might be in way over my head. Beth laughs and I notice Emily behind her, shifting uncomfortably on her feet.

Camila takes a dangerous step toward me, affirming her height over mine and it takes all my strength not to take a step back.

“Aren’t you used to being on your knees? Don’t you scrub floors at Luke’s dad’s café? Don’t you suck Jake’s dick on a daily basis?”

I can’t help my mouth falling slack as heat creeps up my cheeks. Everyone around is laughing mockingly at me and I want to retort something but I’m too embarrassed and she doesn’t give me time. My vision narrows as she gets in my face.

“I don’t know in what other ways to tell you you’re not fucking welcome here. You can’t afford anything in this town. You couldn’t even afford the trailer park if we had one. You’re like a nasty STD, sticking around when everyone is desperately trying to get rid of you. Your only friend can’t stand you anymore. The only reason you’re still in this school is because the city pities you because your daddy died. But let’s be honest, he wasn’t even that good of a sheriff.”

Tears burn my eyes at her cruel words but as soon as she mentions my dad, rage takes over.

“You fucking bitch,” I hiss as I rear my arm back to punch her. I’m stopped dead in my tracks by a hand on my arm and an arm slipping around my waist. I desperately try to fight back, screaming to let me go so I can finish the bitch.

Before I realize who’s grabbing me, I see Camila flinch as a hand takes a strong hold of the back of her neck. She’s snatched to the side and I watch Jake tightening his hold as he bends his head to talk to her.

“You and I need to have a chat,” he hisses. I watch her face fall in fear. Jake is fuming and I can see him almost trembling trying to hold back, the nice act he puts on at school crumbling down.

He walks past me without as much as a glance toward me and drags Camila with him. The hands holding me let me go and I turn around to face Chris.

“You would have regretted it. You know this would have turned against you,” he explains in a soft, reassuring voice.

“Thank you,” I breathe out. It would have turned against me. Who am I? A nobody. Everyone would take her defense. She practically begged me to punch her so she could get me kicked out of school.

“I need the restroom,” I say, trying to hold back my tears.

I run out of the room and hurry to the bathroom, but before I can reach my destination, I find Jake cornering Camila against a row of lockers. Neither one of them can see me but I can hear them very well. Jealousy pinches my guts until I hear what he’s saying to her.

“I swear to God, Camila, if her name so much as crosses your lips one more time you’re going to regret it so, so bad.”

“I know,” she whimpers. “It won’t.”

“How many times did I warn you, huh? You know me, you should know my threats don’t go empty.”

A heavy silence falls in the hallway as she squirms under his touch.

“Touch me,” she finally says. Surely, she can’t be serious. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I did this to piss you off. I wanted to bring out our games again. Please, baby, touch me.” She grabs his hand and tries to put it under her skirt, but he pulls it away.

“Stop with this shit, you hear me? It’s over. I don’t want anything to do with you or your pussy. Imprint this on your brain because I’m not going to repeat myself. Next time there’ll be no warning.”

“You can’t leave me,” she starts crying. “After what you did on Friday? You practically killed me while fingering me and I took it, for you.”

My heart breaks at her words. He had sex with her on Friday. How? How could I be so stupid? How could I think he would actually be different with me?

“I did everything for you,” Camila insists. “Everything you asked. I changed who I was, I became what you wanted to please you. You can’t just throw me away.”

“But I can, Cam. You’re not interesting to me anymore. You bore me to death, and you couldn’t get me hard even if you choked on my dick.”

I retreat slightly at his words. He’s so horrible to her. Camila has made my life hell, but she said it herself: she’s a hurt woman. And Jake did this to her.

I feel bad for her. She is in love with him. He toyed with her for two years, pushing and pulling at her and she let him. Five days of the week he pretended to love her and every weekend he cheated on her. She took him back every time because that’s what love does to you.

And now I’m his new toy. It excites him. He wants to break me and build me back up exactly how he likes. The same way he did with her. And it’s already working, I’m already falling into the addiction, I’m already feeling jealous, I’ve started craving him long before today.

I keep taking steps back as Camila cries genuine tears.

“You’re being pathetic,” I hear Jake say. His words warn me of what my near future could possibly be. And if not in a few months, then maybe in a year. Or two, like Camila. I’ll fall desperately in love with him, and he’ll throw me away the second he gets bored, for someone more exciting. Someone who initially wanted nothing to do with him and made him work for it.

I feel sick thinking of what we did on Saturday. Of what I let him do to me because deep down, I wanted him to fall for me. I wanted him to treat me differently from all the girls before. From Camila. But really, Emily was right. All I did was fall for his tricks. He’s good. He’s very good at this.

I’m just like all of them.

“Jake. Jake! Come back! You can’t leave me, you turned me into this. It’s your fault,” I hear Camila shout but I’m not looking anymore. I’m hurrying away from them and to the bathroom.

I hear his steps behind me, but I don’t stop.

“Jamie,” Jake says calmly in his deep voice.

I accelerate my walk until I’m practically running. He needs to leave me alone. I’m not strong enough, I’ll fall back and I can’t. I just can’t. Him, Nathan…it’s just too much.

I feel tears prickling at the corner of my eyes. How could I be so stupid?

“Jamie!” he shouts after me and this time I run. I sprint out of the doors and into the lawn at the front of the school. Where am I going? I don’t have my bag or my phone. I don’t have the key for my bike. Why do I even lock my bike? No one in this stupid school would ever want to steal it.

I don’t know where to go and I can hear Jake catching up so, just like the stupid girl I am, I stop dead in my tracks. He’s going to catch me anyway.

What Jake wants, Jake gets. I should know this by now.

“What’s wrong with you,” he breathes as he catches up. “Why are you running?”

I snap around to face him. “Is this what you want from me? To turn me into an addicted girl who can’t refuse you anything? Who begs for you to stay? Who willingly lets you play with her in your twisted ways? For what?” I take a deep breath as confusion and regret settle on his face. “So you can throw me away like a rag doll just like you did with Camila?”

“Jamie–”

“I can’t do this, Jake. I can’t be your plaything. It’s not who I am, and I won’t stoop down to this. I want respect. I want love and honesty. And that’s not something you can give me.”

He snickers coldly. “But is that something Nate could give you?”

My blood turns boiling hot at him bringing this up again. “So what if he did?!” I bring both my hands flat against his chest and push him hard, but he doesn’t move. Instead, it forces me to step back slightly. “I made my mistakes, but I will not be a pawn in the games you and your brother play. I won’t be the revenge you take on him. Sort yourself out, Jake. Take time to do it yourself because no girl, no one nightstand, and no plaything will ever fix you. No matter how much you take control over them.”

I see that I’ve hit the right spot when he takes a step back. “You’ve made up your mind and you won’t even let me prove you wrong,” he says in frustration.

“I’m no different from Camila. Just new and shiny. Just giving you a hard time. But I’m human. I’ll fall for you, hard and deep and you’ll get bored. You’ll grow bored when I don’t turn out the way you want me to or worse…when I do and there’s no more fun for you.”

“You are the opposite of Camila, Jamie. She’s no fucking angel, trust me! You’re so far from being like her you wouldn’t even understand.”

“And maybe that’s what is attracting you to me, but you don’t know me! I know we’re physically attracted to each other, but these things are ephemerals. I don’t know you, Jake.”

I see him thinking about it for a long minute. He’s clearly conflicted but I’m not going to wait for him to decide I’m not worth it. I’m making that decision for both of us.

“I’m going back to class. Hopefully, it’s not too late to hand in our work. Thanks for writing it.”

I go around him to walk back to the building, but he grabs my elbow gently.

“Wait.”

I stop and turn my head to look at him. “Jake…” I sigh.

“Come with me.” He pulls me and starts walking.

And I follow.

My brain is screaming at me to go back to class, to go back to my life, try my best to forget about him but my body gives in. It always does.