Giving Away by Lola King

CHAPTER 9

‘I don’t wanna love somebody new

I don’t wanna love someone like you

I don’t want a face to get used to

I don’t wanna love no one but you’

Love No one – Christian Gates

Jake

It pains me to admit but Jamie is right. The girl is too smart for her own good. She thinks things over and over again and always finds what could go wrong. It stops her from enjoying a lot of things in life but mainly, it stops her from enjoying what we could have. It also makes me realize that she truly believes I don’t know her. And while that’s a good enough excuse for her to let go of what we shared, it only motivates me to work harder for our relationship because I want her. I want her so bad my chest ached when she suggested stopping now. I can’t let her go, not until she’s given this a chance and makes a decision with all the information.

We pass the sign that says, ‘Thank You for Visiting Stoneview - See you soon!’ as I drive us out of our suffocating town.

“This is looking a lot like kidnapping,” she says for maybe the third time. She doesn’t know where I’m taking her, but it doesn’t matter. We just need to get away from everyone, from our expectations. From Camila and Nate. From everyone seeing her as a good girl who’s only allowed to care about the rules and the same people thinking I’m Stoneview’s player. We need to meet on neutral grounds.

“What’s your plan exactly?” she asks after another twenty minutes of silence.

I shrug. “I want to get to know you. I’m hoping you want to get to know me too.”

She gives me a shy smile and shakes her head. “We’re cutting.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time. For either of us.” I give her a look to show that I remember that time she cut after our moment in the bathroom. Now that I know she was dating Nate, I don’t want to imagine where she went that day. Was it to his house? Did they cuddle and spend the day together? Where does he even live? I’m sure I’ll know soon enough.

I exit the motorway and pass the Silver Falls sign. We park at the bottom of the trail that leads all the way up the fall. I hop out and go around to open her door as well. She needs to see what it’s like when I’m on my best behavior.

“You don’t mind a short walk, do you?” I say as I help her out of the car. She shakes her head but keeps quiet.

“What are we going to do about the stuff we left in class?” she asks.

I can’t help a small laugh. “Relax, Angel. Someone will pick them up. Chris would never leave your stuff when he takes mine.”

She nods and I grab her hand, threading my fingers with hers.

“Have you ever been up there?” I question and she quickly nods again, making some strands of hair fall in her eyes.

“My parents and I used to go every weekend,” she says as she puts the strands back behind her ears.

“Damn. You probably know the quickest way up then, don’t you?”

“Yeah you have to–” I cut her off with a quick kiss on her soft lips.

“Let’s make sure we avoid it. We want to take our time.” I pull at her hand and we start the gentle hike to the falls.

We’re the only people walking the long path and probably any path right now. No one really makes it a point to hike to the silver falls at 10:30 am on a Monday.

“Is Camila going to be okay?” she asks. And isn’t that typical of her? I’m trying to get us away from everyone so we can get to know each other, and she worries about the girl who has made her life hell in the past few weeks.

“She’s a strong girl,” I reply. “She’s in love with me. Deeply. And I know it’s my fault. I should have ended things a long time ago. It had to be done at some point and I can’t keep this going.”

She looks at me in surprise as if she didn’t think I’d have the rationality in me to end a one-sided relationship. And I really didn’t. Until I met her.

She doesn’t say anything, and I feel obliged to go into more detail, especially after what she heard in the hallway.

“It’s true,” I say while I try to gather the right way to explain my complicated, toxic relationship with Camila.

“What’s true?”

“What she said. Look, I’m not trying to use this as an excuse but know that Camila is not exactly the purest either. She cheated on me too. Long before I started cheating on her. Our relationship was never right, she did it again, so did I. We kept hurting each other just as much as we made each other happy. We were a whole new breed of toxic for each other.” I can see her eyes growing wide at the revelation that Camila isn’t the victim in this relationship like she loves everyone to think.

“That said,” I continue. “I did change her. Not for the best. I let her fall for me. The deeper things went, the more I was learning who I was, what I liked…and she followed along. She never complained, she always adjusted. Then she learned to love it too. I know now it wasn’t right. I should have left her when I realized she was changing to please me. But I was too selfish.”

“What’s it, Jake? What did she learn to love to please you?”

My jaw ticks because I know she sees what I mean but she wants to hear me say it. “You know it, Jamie. I like…” I hate saying it out loud. “I like being in control.”

“That you do,” she huffs. Her hand grips mine harder in a reassuring gesture, “And that’s fine Jake. You’re allowed to.”

She doesn’t say anything else. Doesn’t say if she thinks she can take it. Doesn’t ask why I’m this way and doesn’t say if she would change for me.

“I think I like it,” she finally drops, and my heart somersaults in my chest. Shit, I hadn’t felt that in a very long time.

Deep down, I knew it but hearing her say it is different. This sounds nothing like the girl everyone knows from school and I feel special to her. I stop and turn to her, cupping both her cheeks in my hands. She has to go on the tip of her toes as I lean down and kiss her lips softly. It quickly heats up and our tongues intertwine.

“Good,” I wink at her as I take a step back. “The last thing I would want is you changing for me.”

“I don’t want to,” she admits. “But I do want to understand you.”

We start walking again and she’s the one who grabs my hand this time.

“Ask away,” I say in a light voice. “But I’m warning you, it gets fucked up.”

She chuckles and goes silent for a moment.

“Do you know your real parents?” she asks shamelessly after a minute of silence.

“Oh wow, we’re starting strong I see. I thought you were gonna ease into it, ask my favorite color.”

She blushes at my comment, whispers a ‘sorry’ and I can’t stop a laugh. “I’m fucking with you, Jamie. I don’t care. No, I don’t know them. My first memory only goes as far as being at the orphanage.”

Her face scrunches up in pity. “I’m sorry.”

I shrug at her response. “Can’t miss what you never had, can you?”

She gives me a shy smile in response. She opens her mouth to ask another question, but I cut her off. “Ah ah. My turn. It’s one for one.”

“What? That’s not what we agreed,” she complains, her brows furrowing.

“You should know by now I don’t play by the rules, my little Angel.”

She blushes again and I tighten my grip on her hand. I want to kiss her so bad, but I have to refrain myself. This is about her, about making her comfortable around me.

“Fine,” she huffs.

“Why did your mom go to Tennessee?”

“Her sister is ill. She went to tend to her. How did you find out she was gone?”

I smile at her mistake. “Luke’s dad told him, he told me.”

“You guys really share everything? You, Chris, Luke?”

“It’s my turn,” I smirk. She rolls her eyes at me and for some reason, my dick stirs to life. It’s everything she does, the tones in her voice, the blushing colors on her skin, the way she always embraces what she feels. It does shit to me.

“Do you regret having your first time with me?” I ask the itching question. Everything is leading me to think she does, and I don’t think I could take it if it was the truth. I try not to ask about virginity because I know it’s not a term she likes that much, or at least the stereotypes around it.

“If I could, I would do it all over again,” she smiles. Her green eyes sparkle with gold and I see the mischief on her beautiful face.

“I’d be happy to oblige.”

“Answer my previous question,” she almost orders.

“Yes. On my side definitely. They know everything about me. I guess Ozy is a little more secretive at times,” I shrug. Rose has got more to hide, and she hates being told what to do. She’ll keep something to herself as long as she can if it means no one will bother her about it. Unfortunately, with Chris, Luke, and I on her back at all times, it’s not always easy for her sneaky ass.

“What’s with the nickname?” I see her wanting to know more about me by the minute but I’m burning with the need to know every detail about her life.

“It’s my turn.”

“Please! Just this once,” she pouts as she looks up at me through her long lashes.

“Oh, you’re good at this, aren’t you?” I mess up her hair with a hand and she giggles. It’s the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard. That and her moans should be a whole playlist on my Spotify.

“When we were kids, everyone used to call her Rosie. My stupid ass couldn’t pronounce ‘R’s so Rosie sounded like Ozy when I was calling her. I guess it stuck with time.”

She nods at my answer and we walk in silence for a few minutes, appreciating each other’s presence.

“Do you want ice-cream?” I ask as we walk past the ice cream stand.

“For sure,” she smiles but it quickly dies. “Crap, my purse is with my stuff.”

This time, I’m the one who can’t help an eye roll. I grab my wallet from my pocket as we stand closer to the stand. “Which flavor?” I ask.

“I’ll pay you back, you got the sushi on Saturday.”

“This is a date, I’m paying.”

“I’ll get the next one then,” she teases, and my heart skips a beat again. I thought she was going to snap back that this isn’t a date, but she looks fine with it.

Fuck. I actually want another date.

“Chocolate, please,” her gentle voice brings me back to reality.

I pay for both our ice creams and her nose crinkles in disgust when she looks at mine.

“Pistachio? What are you, fifty?”

“You’re gonna get yourself in trouble, young lady.”

“I’m older than you,” she chuckles.

I smile down at her as she licks her ice cream, and my brain goes to dirty places.

Dammit, she could be taking the trash out, I still think my cock would enjoy the view.

“Whatever your age, nothing justifies pistachio ice-cream.”

“I hate chocolate,” I reply, looking at her cone.

“That’s impossible. What’s wrong with you?”

I put an arm around her shoulders. The height difference makes it that she’s supporting the whole weight of my arm. She stiffens for a second but quickly relaxes.

“Is this okay?” I ask.

“What’s your favorite color?” she asks, ignoring my question.

“Gray,” I reply knowing it’s pretty basic and expecting another comment from her.

It doesn’t come though, she’s too busy licking some more of her ice cream and I have the urge to readjust myself in my pants. It’s fucking hard being a decent guy, I’m dying to push her behind a tree, bend her over and fuck her brains out while she scratches her cheek on the rough bark.

Just think of something else.

“I need to ask you something personal, Jamie.” She looks up confused but I carry on walking with my arm over her shoulders.

“Why did you take Rose’s phone?”

She freezes and I’m scared I pushed it too far. I squeeze her shoulder in a reassuring gesture, but I feel her tensing even more. Shit.

“You know why. I’m sorry I did,” she says in a barely audible voice.

Fuck, that’s not what I meant. I just want to understand. It’s so unlike her to do this that I didn’t get it at the time. I was just mad. I just wanted the whole Sam thing to go away. After Chris told me what happened with her brother, I started figuring out she would want to try and get in contact with Volkov. She thought Sam would be a good way for her. She had no idea he’s just a middleman.

There’s nothing I can do about Sam or Nate being back in our lives, but I can try to understand in detail why Jamie so desperately wanted to get involved with this. Starting with hearing her side of the story.

“I’m just trying to understand,” I admit.

She turns to me as she takes a deep breath. “I wish I hadn’t, it wasn’t worth it, and it didn’t help me.”

“But why did you do it? Please, I’m trying to get to know you.”

“You know I was trying to get in contact with Volkov through Sam. We don’t need to get into more details, do we?”

I chuckle sarcastically because she’s the most curious person I’ve ever met, and she doesn’t mind asking me about my parents, but she keeps quiet when I’m trying to know about her life.

“What happened that day? It has to do with your scar, doesn’t it?”

She nods. “My brother took a bullet for me.”

◆◆◆

Jamie

It’s always surprising that not everyone in town is aware of what happened. People loved gossiping about it, and for a while, it was the topic on everybody’s lips. But Jake wasn’t there at the time. He and Rose weren’t with the Murrays yet.

I’m sure Chris has mentioned what happened to Aaron. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have known why I wanted to get in contact with Sam or why I wanted to get to Volkov. He wouldn’t have cornered me in the janitor’s closet to tell me to drop it. But I can see he doesn’t know the whole story. I guess no one does except my therapist and me.

I could never have described to Emily exactly what happened. Even Nathan knows the outline only. No one knows how it felt to have to see my dad on his knees, begging the guy with the scar – that I now know is named Alek – to not hurt his kids. I never told anyone that it is impossible to squeeze your eyes hard enough, that the noise of my dad’s head exploding and his brains splashing out on the floor next to him is something I will never forget. I never said what the weight of my brother’s unconscious body felt like on my chest, crushing me and stopping me from breathing.

“Jamie,” Jake finally breaks the silence he had gone into after I told him that my brother took a bullet for me. “You must miss them so much.”

My brows shoot up in surprise. I’m used to people telling me that they don’t know what to say. Or that they’re sorry or they can’t imagine what I’ve been through. Never has someone so bluntly said that I must miss them so much.

“I do,” I admit.

“And you’re holding on to the hope that you’ll find Aaron,” he carries on.

“I was.” I finish the last bite of my ice cream cone and lift my right hand to hold his left one on top of my shoulder. “Then Nathan destroyed that.”

I can already see his rage rising but I cut him off before he can say anything. I explain to him what happened at my house and his fists tighten and release multiple times.

“It’s not just that,” I add. “I had started giving up anyway. That day in the janitor’s closet you…you opened my eyes. It’s been three years. Either he’s dead or he doesn’t want to be found. I don’t know which would hurt the most, but I have to accept that he’s not coming back.”

“Do you remember how it went down? That day?”

I ignore the fact that he sounds exactly like my therapist. I don’t know if it’s because he struggles with emotions and empathy or the complete opposite.

I repeat that day automatically. Like I always do. With time, it’s become almost robotic. “They took Aaron and me on the way back from school. They told my dad to come on his own and he did. They offered him protection if he dropped the case he was building against them and turned a blind eye to their business.”

I take a deep breath as I try to not let myself flashback to the worst day of my life. “He was a good guy, you know. Rebellious, but with such a kind heart.” I try to keep my voice steady, but he doesn’t miss when it falters.

“Jamie…” He holds me tight in his arms and my throat tightens. His scent reassures me, and his strong arms bring me warmth.

Then, I go into what I never told anyone. The part no one is interested to know and never ask about. The part that feels too real for me but doesn’t feed people’s need for gore.

“Sometimes I wish he had just accepted their offer. His job was everything. He wanted to protect the whole town so badly that he refused to protect himself when it came down to it and he took my brother down with him. Volkov’s guy shot my dad, then he aimed at me, but Aaron got in the way. It went right through his chest and into my shoulder. I was so sure I had watched both of them die. But Aaron’s body disappeared. It just completely vanished.”

Tears flow freely by the time I’m finished explaining.

I never admitted this to anyone, not even Emily. Sometimes, I do feel like my dad made a selfish decision that day when he refused to accept their offer. They threatened to kill Aaron and me and he chose to protect the town over his own children. In the end, he saved neither. Volkov still runs Stoneview, and I lost the two most important men in my life. My sobs are muffled by Jake’s chest as he runs his hand up and down my back. I can hear his heart beating fast, or maybe it’s mine. It seems right now, we’re in complete sync.