Giving Away by Lola King
CHAPTER 10
‘I loved you in spite of
Deep fears that the world would divide us’
Dancing With Our Hands Tied – Taylor Swift
Jamie
When we get to the top of the falls, Jake has already made me feel better. I had no idea this was a possibility, but his rare goofiness makes me crack a laugh even when I don’t want to. The unlimited kisses might help too. He insisted I shouldn’t seek revenge on my brother and dad, just like Emily did.
I’m really starting to see we are much alike. He is angry at the world too. Despite what he said, he is affected by not knowing his birth parents. It’s only natural. He told me he looked for them when he moved to the Murrays. He was always told that he wasn’t allowed to be given any information until he turned eighteen, but even after that, he doesn’t know if there is actual information to be given. He’s come to accept that he shouldn’t look for them, especially if they didn’t want to be found, and he promised me that doing the same with Aaron would help me heal.
I told him what happened at the Bakers’ shop helped me realize that I would put myself in danger looking for him, but closure doesn’t come overnight. I wonder if it will ever come as long as Volkov isn’t dead or in prison.
We get to the barrier at the edge of the falls and we both hold onto it to look down. It’s beautiful and the sound of the water crashing all the way down is therapeutic.
“When we moved to Stoneview, Hannah and Thomas used to take us here all the time. Ozy got sick of the hike up after like, two times. I hated the walk but was so thrilled by the view that I knew it was always worth it.”
Still looking at the drop in front of me, I smile imagining Rose and Jake being unbearable until they reached the gorgeous view. I turn to look up at him, but he doesn’t notice. He’s clearly lost in the memory, a nostalgic smile on his lips.
I rest my head on his arm and he puts it around me to bring me closer until I’m nestled against his side.
“I owe the Murrays so much, you know,” he whispers.
I let a moment pass before asking the question burning my lips. “How bad was it at Bianco’s?”
I sense his body tightening and I look up to see his jaw ticking. Way to ruin the moment.
He runs a hand up my back and all the way to my hair. “Bad.” His grip slightly tightens as he pulls my hair to make me look up at him. “It was so fucking bad, Jamie.”
“You can talk to me about it. You can let it out, Jake. You don’t have to hold onto the anger.”
“I’m thankful you opened to me, Angel. I really am, but I can’t talk about that. My childhood with Bianco…the words simply don’t cross my lips. It’s physically impossible.”
His other hand grabs my jaw, and he bends down to take over my mouth. I melt at the touch of his lips on mine.
The kiss becomes savage and possessive, and I whimper when he bites hard on my lip. He pulls away from my mouth and rests his forehead on mine.
He keeps a hand on my jaw but the other leaves my hair to wrap gently around my throat. He rubs his thumb up and down and I feel my whole body tingling. Right here, right now I just want to be his. I just want to chase his demons away and free him from the past that’s holding his happiness back.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Jamie. I promise you, I don’t. But I think I need to.”
I don’t understand his statement. Yes, he’s rough and yes, he’s got his demons, but I know he would never truly hurt me. I can feel it in my bones.
“I know you won’t hurt me,” I whisper, our mouths so close I’m tempted to close the gap.
“You don’t know what I used to do. Who I’ve hurt. The violence.”
I’m brought back to when Rose shouted her truths at Nathan. When she accused him and Bianco of getting Jake into underground fights.
“I know about the fights,” I reveal.
He chuckles, but it’s as sarcastic as it can get. It’s sad and desperate.
“Those were only the last year we were with him. I think they were the easiest part.” He takes a step back. “Nate and Sam being back in my life…fuck, Jamie, I’m scared. I’m scared because I know they’re starting a war with the Wolves for Bianco. And I know they want me in. If not now, when things start heating up, they’ll need me and who knows what they’ll use against me to do their bidding. Who knows who they’ll use.”
I’m shocked. The fear in his eyes is real. He’s scared of them. He’s scared of me being caught up in this. Images of Nathan beating Volkov’s guy to a pulp for touching me flash in my head like a nightmare. For some reason, I trust Jake will do everything in his power for me to stay safe. For some reason, knowing, unlike Nathan, he doesn’t want this life is reassuring me. I close the space he’s put between us and go on my toes, putting a hand on each side of his face.
“I trust you, Jake.” I don’t know how or why. I don’t know when it came to this, but I do trust him. Maybe not with my heart, but with my safety I do.
He puts his hands over mine and lets out a long sigh. “Fuck, what are you doing to me?”
He lowers his face to take my lips with his again and this time, it’s nothing but pure softness. He kisses me like it’s the last time he ever will, like he’s loved me for years and will love me forever.
“Give us a chance,” he whispers as I pull away to fall back flat on my feet.
This should be so simple. To just let go and give in. The only thing holding me back is the fear of getting hurt. Jake has such a hold on my heart, he could crush me. He could break me into a million pieces, and I would never be the same again.
He can sense the hesitation because he palms my cheeks again. “I know you, Jamie. Maybe not as much as your mom or Emily but I feel close to you. I might not know everything, but I know your favorite food is sushi, I know your favorite color is green. I know you enjoy going to church on Sundays because you used to go with your family. I know you and Chris were close friends before Rose and I showed up.” He shifts, drops a kiss to the corner of my mouth before he carries on.
“I know you’re the most curious person in this town. I know you’re aiming for UPenn because they have one of the best medical schools and you want to become a surgeon.” He drops another kiss on the other side of my mouth, the softness making me shiver.
“I know it’s because you owe your life to the surgeon that saved you after that horrible day. I don’t know you by heart, but I feel like I’ve known you forever and it feels right. I-shit I’m not even sure what I feel, it just feels good. I know you hate taking risks that could get you hurt but…you feel the same as I do, Jamie. I know it. You just need to take that leap of faith, just this once. I-just–” he runs a hand through his hair before putting it back on my cheek and the honesty in his eyes goes straight to my heart. “Just give us a chance,” he sighs.
His words turn my brain off, and I simply nod but it’s enough for him. He sweeps me off my feet and into his arms making me squeak in the process. I giggle once he starts kissing my neck a million times.
“I don’t even want to know how you know all of this,” I tell him.
“Why do you think I befriended Emily? That girl chats so much I’m pretty sure she spilled out the pin to your credit card at some point.”
I laugh again and he gives me another kiss then he buries his nose in my neck and inhales deeply. His whole body relaxes, and he puts me back down.
I dust off my uniform to put it back in place and smile at him. “I do have one condition.”
His brows knit yet he doesn’t talk, like biting his tongue so he doesn’t say anything he’ll regret.
“I need time before being…open about it in front of everyone. At school and all. I don’t know how I feel about PDA right now. I want this to stay between us. I understand you’ll tell your close friends, I mean everyone else.”
He looks like he’s thinking for a minute. I need him to accept this, I don’t want girls on my back at school. I don’t want to take the risk of being humiliated if he changes his mind, if this doesn’t go as planned. After rushing into a relationship with Nathan and making the biggest mistake of my life choosing him over Jake, I want to take this slowly. No screwing up this time.
“But then how are all the other guys gonna know you’re mine?” His voice snaps me out of my thoughts, and I look at him unimpressed. He’s clearly joking but deep down, I know what he’s like.
“The caveman behavior needs to stop as well.”
He pretends to not understand what I’m saying and bends over, putting his shoulder to my hip. I shriek when he picks me up, true caveman-style, and starts walking back down to the trail.
“Oh my Gosh, put me down!” I giggle out of control.
“Me no share. Woman mine. All mine,” he growls excessively. He proceeds to tickle my side with his free hand, and I can’t stop the loud laughter from escaping my mouth. It’s pure and light. The kind of laugh I hadn’t heard myself having in years.
He puts me down when we start seeing people going up as we go down. I’m out of breath and we both can’t stop laughing. He leans toward me to put a strand of hair behind my ear, and he kisses my mouth in the process, then my cheek, my jaw, and stops at my ear.
“Your laugh is making me hard.”
I can feel the heat rushing to my cheeks and wetness pooling between my legs. This is just the effect Jake has on me and I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.
After almost running down to the parking lot, Jake starts his car and drives to a remote road, parking deeper in the woods than allowed. At least no one can see us. He barely puts the car in park when he grabs both my hips and pulls me on his lap like I weigh nothing. My knees on either side of him, he kisses me without ever taking a breath and growls as he struggles with my uniform slacks.
“Skirts. Always. I want access,” he complains.
I giggle as I lift myself on my knees and take a minute to get rid of my pants, or at least get one leg free. He looks at my underwear that is still on and then at me deadpan.
“And tell me, what do you think is going to happen now that you’ve left these on?”
“Oh, I-”
He doesn’t even let me finish as he suddenly rips my panties in one violent gesture.
“Jake!”
He captures my lips before I can say anything else, and I feel his fingers slipping in my wet pussy. I let out a loud moan that he swallows. I undo his pants and free his cock before stroking it. He grabs a condom from his glove box, unwraps it with lightning speed, and rolls it on his hard length before capturing my mouth again.
“I want you so bad,” he whispers in my mouth.
“I need you so bad,” I reply, my lips kissing his hard jaw.
A growl resonates from deep in his chest and my pussy tightens around his fingers. The fire leaving from my lower belly and spreading to my whole body makes me shiver in pleasure. He grabs my ass with one hand to lift me up slightly and positions his tip at my entrance before slamming me back down. He buries himself deep inside me and my mouth falls slack, but no sound comes out for a second, just a hitched breath. He starts moving slowly and I put both my hands on his shoulders to follow the movement.
“This is mine,” he breathes as he grabs both my breasts. He rips open my uniform shirt and buttons fly everywhere in the car but right now I couldn’t care less. I keep the rhythm going as he sucks at my breasts and my head falls back.
The moans coming out of my mouth are uncontrollable. I realize the music is still playing on the car radio and Best Years from 5 Seconds of Summer fills the car, barely audible behind our breaths and me screaming Jake’s name as I come undone at the same time as him.
After a few minutes of just listening to each other breathe, I lift up and awkwardly sit back in my seat trying to put my pants back on without any underwear.
Jake gets rid of the condom and starts the car after zipping up his pants. He puts his right hand on my thigh as he drives us back to Stoneview. I let 5 Seconds of Summer lull me to sleep, deciding that Best Years is officially my favorite song.
“Wake up, Angel.” Jake’s soft voice brings me out of my heavy sleep.
“Are we there already?”
He nods, “I drove you back home. There’s not much point showing up for last period only, is there?”
“What about our stuff?”
He smiles and points at the back seat. “Got them back from Chris.”
“Do you want to come in?” I ask as I grab my bag.
He shakes his head, “Chris’s parents are in town this week. I’m gonna have dinner with them. Are you okay being on your own here?”
“Of course I am,” I smile. I don’t really know but there’s only one way to find out and I’m not about to keep Jake away from his family dinner. My phone beeps in my pocket but I ignore it.
“It’s been going off the whole drive back. You should probably check what it is,” he suggests.
I give him a shy smile because I’m not sure what to say. I won’t check because there’s only one person that has been texting me non-stop since yesterday and the last thing I want is for Jake to find out Nathan hasn’t given me a break since I had called him.
My phone beeps again and I can’t help a short huff.
“Is anyone bothering you?” he asks, concerned.
“No, don’t worry.”
I should have known he’d read right through me. Nothing escapes him, especially not if it has to do with his brother. It’s like he can sense it.
“Is he texting you, Jamie?”
I hesitate before replying. I don’t want to fuel the fire, but I don’t want to lie to him either. Unfortunately, my hesitation lasts too long for his liking.
“Let me see,” he orders, holding his hand out.
“Jake,” I sigh. “Didn’t we just agree you’d drop the caveman behavior?”
I just know how he gets when Nathan is mentioned, and I don’t want the peaceful afternoon we had to be ruined so quickly.
“Don’t fucking drop this on me. I want to see what he’s saying to you.”
“Nothing! He just wants to apologize for lying, but I don’t care. I don’t want his apology anyway. I don’t want anything from him.”
“Give me the fucking phone, Jamie!” he shouts in rage and I jump at the violence in his voice. He loses all sense of control when it comes to Nathan.
“Don’t be like this,” I beg in disbelief. “I need you to trust me.”
He huffs and runs a hand in his hair, slightly pulling at it. I can see him grinding his teeth and I’ve come to know the bad habit he gets when he’s stressed.
“I trust you,” he finally says. “But I sure as fuck don’t trust him. Promise me you’ll tell me if he gets out of line.”
Hasn’t Nathan been out of line from the beginning? The whole time he lied to me about his identity? All the times he let me open myself to him while feeding me lies in return? The whole thing still makes my chest tighten but I can’t admit this to anyone, especially not Jake.
“I will,” I conclude as I open the door. Jake grabs my wrist and pulls me back close to him.
“I think you’re forgetting something,” he growls as he pushes his lips onto mine.
My phone beeps again and he freezes mid-kiss. “Just let me see,” he insists in a huff. He hovers his lips over mine. “Please, Jamie.”
I pull away and grab my phone from my pocket. I overlook the countless texts, scrolling through my locked screen to check there’s nothing I wouldn’t want him to see.
“I don’t think this is a good idea,” I rasp, my throat suddenly dry at the sight of the messages.
One of them makes my heart skip.
Nathan: We’re in love with each other, don’t let this ruin us. I’m begging you.
“Jamie?” Jake’s voice makes me jump.
“I–” I don’t know what to say or what to think.
I can’t deny what I’m feeling at seeing this text. It’s not love, but I can’t just flush Nathan out of my system when he’s been in my veins for the last few months. While Jake was occupying my every thought, Nathan was keeping me safe and worshipping me.
I scroll to another text where he apologizes for losing his control on Rose and I struggle to swallow the lump in my throat. It reminds me of all the reasons I can’t feel anything for him anymore. It’s like a cold shower and hatred for him overtakes anything else.
Jake’s spellbinding scent becomes more intense before I realize I’ve zoned out again and he’s looking at my screen. He’s reading the text and when he looks up his eyes are burning with an animosity I’ve never seen before. He sits back in his seat and grips the steering wheel so hard it’s bound to break.
“Did he hit her?” he asks through gritted teeth. He’s not even looking at me. Just looking ahead at the road in front of us. He’s calm. Too calm to be genuine.
“What did she say to you?” For some reason, I know Rose wouldn’t want me to repeat anything that happened without her prior approval and I don’t want to be on her wrong side. She should be able to trust me.
“It doesn’t fucking matter!” he explodes as he brings a hard fist on the steering wheel. He stops, takes a deep breath, and clearly tries to calm himself. “Look, Jamie, it doesn’t matter what Rose says because half of what comes out of her mouth is a fucking lie anyway. She’s so fucking used to the abuse she doesn’t realize when it smacks her across the face. Do you understand that?”
I don’t think either of the twins will ever tell me everything that truly happened at Bianco’s but seeing him so worried over her is making it hard to keep what Nathan did to myself.
“So you need to tell me. Did he hit her?” He turns to face me and grabs both my hands gently. “It’s important. I need to know.”
I nod, incapable of explaining in detail the moment he punched her in the stomach for standing up to him. He nods back, clearly thankful for my honesty.
“Thank you,” he says as he cups both my cheeks. He kisses my lips one last time and turns on the car. “So, am I allowed to drive you to school tomorrow or is that on the no-no list?”
I chuckle as I open the door. “No-no. But we can hang out after school.”
“And in empty classrooms, empty locker rooms, my car at lunch…”
“You’re incorrigible,” I laugh as I close the door. He winks at me and revs the engine before leaving at a speed that’s certainly not allowed in the neighborhood.
I find it strange that he suddenly dropped the Rose and Nathan topic and I’m scared his sudden disinterest was only pretend. All I can do is hope he’s not about to do something incredibly stupid.